兔哥

22 - 中文/eng - it/its

[k4mvi]

welcome to my page

hi my name is tax you might know me as tuge elsewhere

i draw and this is like a place for me to post art  my interests change frequently so please dont follow if you expect only one type of media from me

feel free to ask me anything im very nosy

my work isnt explicit but please be 17+ to interact with me tyy 

you can find my art here  👈   

[k4mvi]

your art is SO GOOOOOD

thank youu ^_^^ i rarely go on tumblr anymore but if you are interested in seeing more art, i am somewhat (not really) active on twitter @ txvdr :^))

[cleveradjacent]

FFD #2: Justice

ao3 link (comm'd by @k4mvi. donate and get your own!)

1.1k words | Koito Otonoshin & Tsukishima Hajime | The gang gets tried for treason | Deeply Unwell Tsukishima | more tags on AO3

“It’s common sense, sir.” “You think I don’t know common sense?” Koito got up. Tsukishima watched as he paced off his indignation. “If you think my name can't get me out of this, it's your right. If you think my defense as the dumb helpless boy won't outweigh my rank, so be it. But your attempts to shield me from whatever it is you're thinking — I don't allow them. They’re careless. And you will stop.”

Fics for donations, entry 2: Post-canon Koito and Tsukishima await their trial for treason. Tsukishima makes a questionable choice.

[cleveradjacent]

Golden Kamuy Fics For Donations!

what you do: donate any amount to either or both of these charities

Голоси Дітей (Voices Of Children) - a Ukranian organisation that provides psychological and humanitarian aid to affected Ukranian children and their families

Palestine Children's Relief Fund (PCRF) - a Palestinian organisation providing medical relief and humanitarian care for Gazan children

what you get:

one charity: i write a short fic at your request, about 600-800 words. here's my ao3 for a sample

both charities: i throw in a thank you doodle featuring a character from the fic

DM to participate. shares welcome. Q&A below (read all before DMing)

Q: why the doodles?

A: i want to motivate you to give to ukraine as well as to palestine without imposing a choice. palestine needs all the help it can get, and so does ukraine.

i am ukranian, though not living there, and i haven't witnessed war myself. still, much of my family has been displaced or forced to live through horrific cruelty; the places that raised them and me have seen destruction i can't bring myself to imagine. for the virtue of commissioning work from me, a ukranian affected by the conflict, please consider ukraine in your donations.

Q: why these charities? why (only) two?

A: this is a very small-scale endeavor, so i picked one per country to focus the efforts and simplify your choice. the charities were picked based on their reputation, credibility, and similar goals.

Q: does it matter how much i donate?

A: not at all. i'd say donate however much you'd tip me for my writing, but i know how broke most of the planet is, so the amount is not important.

Q: what exactly happens?

A: you DM me, telling what kind of fic you'd want to read. i OK the idea. you donate and send me the receipt (black out personal info if you want). i write the fic

Q: what do you need to know about my fic idea?

A: basic gist of the scene, the characters, the indended purpose (pwp, gen, romance, etc). example: i wanna read koito suck tsukishima so hard he makes progress in therapy. or: modern AU usami and ogata smoking weed in a college dorm, and i want it to be funny but also have weird unresolved sexual tension. be as specific as you want. mind the short format - that much is enough for one self-contained scene. we'll workshop it in DMs!

Q: what will/won't you write?

A: i will enthusiastically write gore and unhealthy porn. i will enthusiastically write gen. i will write dead doves on a case-by-case basis. i will write OCs or romance or AUs or what have you. basically, go nuts, as the drawing says, and if you're unsure, just ask! i won't judge even if i end up declining. my universal no's are x reader (self-insert OCs are fine) and yuuo. not my cup of tea

Q: how long will it take you?

A: i write this much in an evening, but when that evening happens is highly dependent on my energy levels and available time. pinky promise to try my best and not be long

Q: how many fics are you willing to do?

A: idk yet. i don't expect a lot of requests, so i'll just close up shop when i feel like it or when they stop coming

Q: will you publish these?

A: yes, i plan to publish the fics in a single work on AO3! with your consent, i'll mention you as the commissioner

this is my first time doing commissioned writing, so i may edit these terms as i figure out the process. thanks for reading!

[cleveradjacent]

fics for donations: yay or nay?

thinking of doing short gk fic requests (~500 words) for ukraine/palestine donations. can't donate myself so yeah

please vote yes only if you 100% know you'll participate! you can even ask me to tag you when i get around to this to make sure you don't forget!

would you request a short fic from me for proof of donation (any amount)

yes

probably

no

bald button (for me)

Voting ended onJun 20, 2024

this community is very small but i am a mildly popular blog within it, so i hope this can get a few people, which is better than none. this would require some research and setup and pose minor but non-zero safety concerns so i need to know for sure that there will be participants.

my ao3 is linked in my intro if you need a sample to decide. shares appreciated

[k4mvi]

please consider checking this out, op writes incredible fics and i promise you wont regret it

[k4mvi]

ok thats it for my monthly art quota find me again in another 2 months im done with drawing

[k4mvi]

reasons for my inactivity for the past few months. im really about to quit art for rhythm games full time

[k4mvi]

im still alive (?) sorry there hasnt been any art lately no kidding i have been playing iidx a bit too much

[andrewmaxedon]

Ai Weiwei, “Dropping a Han Dynasty Urn,” 1995

An astonishingly irreverent piece of work.  This triptych features the artist dropping a Han Dynasty (206 BC - 220 AD) in three photographs.  

When questioned about the work, he suggested that the piece was about industry: “[The urn] was industry then and is industry now.”  His statement, therefore, was that the urn was just a cheap pot two thousand years ago, and the reverence we feel toward it is artificial.  One critic wrote: “In other words, for all the aura of preciousness acquired by the accretion of time (and skillful marketing), this vessel is the Iron Age equivalent of a flower pot from K-Mart and if one were to smash the latter a few millennia from now, would it be an occasion for tears?”

However, the not-so-subtle political undertone is clear.  This piece was about destroying the notion that everything that is old is good…including the traditions and cultures of China.  For Ai Weiwei, this triptych represents a moment in which culture suddenly shifts (sometimes violently), shattering the old and outdated to make room for the new.  

[radiowithnohead]

ive thought about this piece daily since first seeing it

[cleveradjacent]

mundane horror

[cleveradjacent]

Would love a cat kirawus pretty please <3

your wish is my command

[cleveradjacent]

lunchtime

[saphirdevil]

its never boring here

[k4mvi]

sorry i died and came back iidx pilled.

[k4mvi]

my funny dog guy

[blackheartbiohazards]

People used to comment on web comics.

People used to comment on fanfiction.

People used to comment on fanart.

People used to comment on OCs.

I hate "content" culture.

I hate "consuming content" and scrolling immediately to the next thing.

People used to be excited about the art that other people created.

People used to want to share that excitement with creators.

I hate this future.

[depodraws]

Once someone tagged art that I made with "woah" and I think about it at least once a week. Someone else said "oh neat" once. Someone else WROTE A WHOLE DAMN POEM IN THE COMMENTS. Anyways even just one word can change how someone sees their art. You don't even have to think about it too hard. You could put a keyboard smash and I'd probably cry from joy.

I'm also trying hard to interact more, I understand that it's hard to break away from opening your phone and being in Content Consumption Mode.

[bite-my-grimy-fleshy-ass]

A cute guy likes me on a dating app. After chatting with them for weeks, we decide to go on a date. They are very flirtatious and forward over the app, but not when we meet in person. He admits he thought I was transmasc like him, we laugh about it because his mistake is funny and means I'm not passing but in a silly backwards way. I think his sudden awkwardness in person may be nervousness and flirt with him in ways less forward and aggressive than he'd been flirting with me earlier, and they become cold and distant for the rest of the date. By the time I get home they've blocked me on the app we met on. This case of being mistaken as a transmasc on a dating app will happen 3 more times, and in 2/3 times it results in a similar sudden lack of interest where once they were coming on to me. None of these people will be cis.

I am in a self defense class for queer people, learning hand to hand combat as a community. I have been here months. I notice I'm the only transfem in the classes but there are other trans people there so I don't think much of it. Today I have some stubble as I did not have time to shave before the early morning class. When discussing unrealistic action movie and anime fight scenes I describe on of my favorites, quoting the lines as I pantomime the goofy moves. They smile and laugh along until the word bitch leaves my lips in one quote, then the bisexual woman who only ever they/thems me glares at me like I've committed a grevious crime, and the rest of the class looks at me like a freak in awkward silence for a moment before moving on. I learn bitch is not a word a clocky bitch can "reclaim". I am quiet in classes now, and when I go I focus primarily on the training, when I see other trans women try it out they often give me a sad look and do not return for a second class. I get a sinking feeling that if I ever use this training to save my life one day I'd be branded a violent man instead of a strong woman.

I am texting with a good friend of years who was one of the people who helped me realize I was trans like them and even the one who helped pick out my name loves talking about our shared interests and sharing their favorite smut with me. We bond over favorite stories, artists, characters, and kinks as well as our trans experience. Yet they constantly tell me they could never date someone who's AMAB because of the trauma of being "female socialized" and their genital preferences for vulvas. Every compliment they have ever given me on my appearance or outfit is followed up by "but in a non-sexual way, I could never date you". Today I finally have the courage tell them they don't need to say that every time. They ignore this response. We keep talking for awhile, but they start taking months to respond to my messages and respond with a short sentence at most. They no longer share details about their life and shut me out when I ask or share details about mine, even the most mundane and chaste details. I stop talking to them. A birthday gift I bought them months before this falling out happened looms at me in my closet. I cannot use it as it doesn't fit me but can't bring myself to throw it away, just in case we reconcile one day. I feel pathetic for craving friendship with someone who sees me as "abuser-bodied", that so much of my early stages would've been impossible without their help. I feel a little more lost without them.

I am at a queer/trans/enby kink dance party with some friends. I am scantily clad and wearing a skirt and high heeled boots. I do not pass well so this space is one of the few places I feel safe and free dressing like this. It is packed with queer and trans people just like me engaged in delightful debauchery and wearing very little. The music hurts my ears but I'm happy to be here, I feel overstimulated but alive and authentic. I am approached by a beautiful stranger from across the dance floor, she is graceful and stylish, like some modern Galadriel clad in leather, white lace, and industrial piercings with impeccable voice training. She compliments my outfit, I compliment hers. She tells me I need to shave my armpits if I want to look like a real woman. My two friends stand up for me and yell at her. They assure me she was just being an asshole, that women were supposed to be hairy, but I can't help but notice how both of them have hairy armpits and yet the "advice" targeted me. The wide range of bodies that people here tonight find desirable on cis women don't seem to apply to the women like me. I am the only one of us that doesn't go home with a hookup at the end of the night. I realize now she likely spoke from experience. I am still hurt by her words, but realizing the kinds of experiences she must have had herself to feel her words were kind advice hurts far worse.

A local queer photographer who's work I follow is looking for women & non-binary models for a photoshoot. I have become comfortable with getting photos taken of me for the first time in my life since my egg cracked, and had a few small time modeling gigs under my belt. With something like this I could actually have the beginnings of a portfolio. I reach and am told that they are not looking for trans women models, "only women and AFABs". Getting the same line I get from agencies from an independent queer photographer repackaged in "woke" terminology stings. I see many queer and nonbinary models I looked up to take part in the shoot. I have to wonder if they knew that the photographer's definition of woman didn't include trans women, or if like me in my martial arts class they noticed no transfems were there but didn't think much of it because there were other trans people there.

It is years ago and I am still an egg. I am with my partner of 4 years. I am exhausted after a long day. She asks me for sex in the voice that I know means saying no will hurt her. I learned from her long ago men have high and insatiable sex drives, therefore saying no meant I wanted to have sex, just not with her. So I say yes. The sex is painful and unsatisfying, and I simply do my best to thrust through the discomfort until she cums. I feel numb and hurt. She enjoys herself but seems sad I did not cum. I assure her I love her. When we hold eachother after my obligation has been met and I finally feel comfortable and safe. We begin talking. She talks about the trashy women she saw on the street today, describing their cringe outfits and ugly styles and bad hair. All the styles and clothes and hair I yearn to try myself in my deepest and most repressed desires. I change the subject and ask her about work and family. She asks if I'd still love her if she were a man and I say yes. She says she would still love me if I were a woman. Something in that statement feels like a lie. It is months later when we break up and I move out. Now that I am a woman I look back and know from our years together that if I were a woman then she'd hate the kind of woman I'd become. That if I were a woman she'd still have the same expectations of me as a man, that her refusal of sex equated an impersonal not being in the mood but my refusal of sex equated a cruel refusal of love.

A lesbian group begins organizing a queer woman's strip night event. A safe place for amateur performers to shine and women to perform and enjoy sexuality away from the male gaze. I see no transfems in the promotional material or leadership team, and I've learned not to think nothing of it just because there are other trans people there. I do not go.

I am talking with my therapist. They are trans too and an amazing therapist, often providing insights and advice only someone else with the lived experience of being trans can. I express distress and suicidal ideation at the fact I feel like I need to pass before I can dress the way I want. That until I get expensive hair removal procedures and FFS I can never feel safe and welcome presenting authentically. I lament how these things are expensive and may never be accessible to me. They tell me I need to deal with my "internalized transphobia", as if these feelings aren't a result of constant rejection and othering by external forces even within queer spaces. As if the scrap of womanhood others sometimes acknowledge in me does not rely on their perceptions of me.

There is a publication accepting works from trans people of all stripes to document trans experiences. It gets flamed for not having a single transfem as a contributor. The people behind it apologize profusely, they say didn't notice no transfems had sent work in and would do a sequel publication that was transfem-centric. I wonder if anyone had noticed there were no transfems but didn't think much of it because there were other trans people there. I think about the kinds of spaces I've seen like that, and the implications it has about how they treat transfems, and I am unsurprised no transfems submitted.

One of my closest friends for years is very supportive of me when I first begin crossdressing and experimenting with they/them pronouns. She gives me suggestions on cute clothes to wear and takes me shopping as well as asks for pictures. We had helped eachother discover we were both queer as young teens, come to terms with it, and navigate it in a hostile environment, so I have complete trust. We are close enough we are frequently asking eachother advice on serious life choices & relationships, sending nudes for critique + tips before sending them to our partners, and sharing our most secret and vulnerable moments. She often asks me for tips on getting her straight boyfriends into pegging and crossdressing that make me slightly uncomfortable but I don't mind, she is a loyal friend I would endure a great many discomforts for. I host a lunch for us one day, and come out to her as a trans woman. I tell her my new name, say I no longer use he/him pronouns, and thank her for her support on my journey thus far. She launches into a monologue about how by changing my name I am throwing away all our memories together and spitting in the face of my family. Taken aback by her sudden heel turn after being so supportive of me being nonbinary and GNC, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom to get a break and give her some time to process. When I am in the bathroom trying not to cry, she is on the phone. I overhear her misgendering me as she is talking about me being bisexual in a frightened voice. She sounds truly afraid that I intend to be sexually violent towards her. When I leave the bathroom and sit back down I pretend not to have heard. She gets off the phone, saying she was just chatting with her boyfriend. We talk a bit longer, she explains how "the surgery" is dangerous and experimental and she hopes I won't get it. I assure her I won't and do my best to change the subject and hope she comes around after some time to process things, hurt and shocked that what I saw as a natural shift in the path I was already on marked me as frightening in her eyes after knowing eachother for over a decade. That a fellow bisexual suddenly saw my bisexuality as dangerous now that I was asserting myself as a trans woman. I say goodbye to her, and she says goodbye to me using my deadname, I do not risk an argument to correct her. It is months after the meeting we have not seen eachother since and she has not responded to any messages I sent. After reflecting on her reaction further I decide that I don't really want to spend time with someone who thinks these things about me for my own safety and mental health, regardless of our history. A friend of 14 years who supported my queerness and transness gone the instant I crossed an intangible woman-shaped line that marked me as a predator and invader in her eyes.

I log online and day after day see trans women getting banned and harassed. Seeing baseless callout posts calling them groomers and abusers getting taken seriously by other queer and trans people. Seeing proof that deep down so many people I consider kindred spirits see me and people like me as worthy of intense scrutiny and policing to keep "the queer community" safe and united. The blocklist grows but everything stays the same. I treasure the people in my life who don't take part in this and would do anything for them, but it seems they get fewer each time.

I'm not making this post to seek sympathy, I am used to this kind of shit and far worse has happened to myself and others. I just make this to illustrate transmisogyny is not some "online-only" issue like people claim. Even if online issues weren't "real" (as healed is fond of saying, "online is real") this has tangible effects in the way trans women are treated offline as well. By communities, friends, partners, colleagues, systems, etc. That's why we talk about it.

So much of the discussions people have paint transmisogyny as some online oppression olympics maliciously trying to divide the community, smear transmascs, and "reinvent bioessentialism". That is not what it is about. Discussions about transmisogyny is about how we are treated for being what we are, and while related to transphobia and misogyny it is seperate because it often represents doors other trans people and women can walk through that transfems cannot. It has affected me in my most intimate moments when I was with other trans and queer people I felt safe around, and taught me that I need to carefully manage my persona and presentation at all times lest my authenticity be branded "male socialization". I am even terrified to express attraction to people who express attraction towards me because I'm so used to being treated like a predator upon reciprocating or being used and abandoned by people I trusted. I am terrified to be too excited about shared interests with friends lest I be too loud or talkative about it and branded with aggressive male socialization. So I make myself quiet and small, and shrink from the community and people I care about, and become more and more isolated.

Anyways, stop platforming anons who spread lies about trans women, stop hopping on TERF harassment campaigns because the trans gal they're smearing "gave you bad vibes", and maybe consider carefully if in your own life where you draw the line for a transfem's behavior is any different from where you'd draw the line for anyone who's not one.