I gots a Tumblr

I have no idea what I'm doing.

[vanillish-deactivated20211102]

Do you think silent hill has a Claire’s

[goldday]

yes

[kaeflaith]

I live in the town that (at least part of) the Silent Hill movie was filmed in and we have both a Claire's and an Ardene's.

[worthyironman]

with all of these movie reboots i would like to pitch a mean girls reboot staring Chris Evans, Chris Pine, Chis Hemsworth, and Chris Pratt

[kaeflaith]

me: please, for the love of god, let me concentrate

my shit brain: taaaaake ooooon meeee, TAKE ON ME, TAAAAKE MEEE OOOOOON

[kaeflaith]

I bought a Batman mask last week and I think I've discovered a new coping mechanism.

[kaeflaith]

When you find a Trump mask and then Cindy Lauper comes on.

[fan-troll]

this pepper is way too small

[direhuman]

can you please put a little blanket or a tiny sweater on him

[direhuman]

because he’s a little chili

[kaeflaith]

When I was a kid

Everyone knows the game Wink Murder, right? The kids all sit in a circle facing each other, one kid is picked as the detective, another is picked as the murderer, they “kill” people by winking at them and the detective kid has to figure out who the murderer is.

So when I was a kid I noticed pretty early on (under 10) that most of the other kids couldn't wink yet. When they were the murderer, they'd just blink in an exaggerated manner at the other kids to kill them. Being the little shit that I am I decided to use this to mess with the other kids. When I was actually chosen as the murderer, I winked properly. But when someone else was the murderer, I would stare at another kid until I caught their attention and then just blink. Not in any special way, just normally, but it was enough to make the kid think I was the murderer and they'd die. It didn't always work but it worked pretty often. Then the detective kid would be guessing at who the murderer was, and they'd either guess correctly, or guess me and I'd say no, and the kids I'd murdered would all kind of look around like "wtf?" and try to figure out whether they were supposed to sit back up and be alive since they hadn't been killed by the murderer or just stay down.

Eventually the other kids caught on to me and didn’t believe me anymore, but for a while there I was killing like a third to half of the “victims” in nearly every game of Wink Murder. I was like 8 years old and I was using another murderer to cover my own kills.

I was the Wink Murder Copycat Killer.

[fowllanguagecomics]

The thought of this is all I got some days. Bonus Panel. Get a signed copy of my book here!

[kaeflaith]

This is the kind of parent I would be.

[kaeflaith]

Shoutout to:

my face, for getting its shit together enough that I could get away with a half-assed makeup job today.

[just-shower-thoughts]

One day Canada will rule the world, and our culture will be commonplace. Then you’ll all be sorry

[fuckyeahgreatplays]

There are but two forms of criminal justice in your town: capital punishment, or a public scolding from the Duke. It is so very difficult to tell who anyone is if it’s even the least bit dark, or if they are the least bit disguised or veiled, even if they are standing right next to you and you have known them all your life. You have at least one friend named Antonio. You know 46 different words for “boner.”

How to tell if you are in a Shakespearean comedy (via fuckyeahgreatplays)

[peterparker]

View this post on Instagram

WATCH THIS

[periru3]

I just went from having 0 feelings either negative or positive about Taylor Lautner and after watching this and with no other knowledge of him as a person I fully believe that he is a gift to humanity if for nothing other than this single contribution.

[kaeflaith]

This video singlehandedly made me like Taylor Lautner.

[archive95205-blog]

today at work i let someone into a dressing room and they said “thanks” and half of me tried to say “you’re welcome” and the other half tried to say “no problem” and i ended up saying “your problem”

[lemonbraid-deactivated20130415]

[missmephisto]

this post had me in tears

[ghost-plot]

I was hoping the notes would be full of similar stories, but they’re not, so I’ll add my story for anyone else looking for more laughs:

I had to go to a library to pay a fee and I was practicing in the car between “I have to pay a fine” and “I have to pay a fee” and I walked in and firmly stated “I have to pee” and slapped a five dollar bill on the counter (the fee was like ten cents), and walked out. This was like three years ago and I still haven’t been back,

[greatestgoth]

My friend was driving and we were almost past our turnoff so I tried to say “quick” and “fast” at the same time and I ended up screaming “QUACK” which ended up with him judging me very hard and missing the turn

[soldieronbarnes]

Recently someone in class asked me how I was doing and I started off saying I was good but switched to I’m okay in the middle and ended up saying “I’m gay.”

Which, while kind of accurate, was not what I meant to announce to my classmate.

[spankyhole]

This Halloween I was handing out candy and a child said “trick or treat” and I smiled gave them their candy and apparently my mouth betrayed me and I said “Merry Christmas” and proceeded to sit down and look up to the sky for answers while their mother laughed at me :)))))

[succlentwitch]

I was switching between “Bye Deanna” and “Goodbye” and I ended up saying “Go Die”

[stellaathena]

Sometimes I try to say “I fucking love you” but it comes out in the wrong order and then everyone’s uncomfortable.

[magebird-old]

When I first started my coffee shop job, I was still getting used to greeting customers as they came in the door. A man walked in, and in the jumble of trying to say, “How are you doing?” and “What’s up?” I ended up demanding “What are you doing here?!”

[ledamemangociana]

something really cool happened once at the office and i started to say “i’m so amazed” but halfway through my mind changed to “that’s really amazing” and i just ended up saying “i’m really so amazing”

[umbrellabonsai-deactivated20180]

one time i was out in the woods in the spring when the birds were just beginning to come out again and i went to say “i’m so pumped for the birds” and “i’m so hyped for the birds” and instead i said “i’m so humped for birds”

[muraqiba]

Once I was walking to school and there was a guy walking his dog and the dog came to me and started sniffing me and I was in such a good mood and when I passed by his owner I wanted to say like “hello” or “good morning” or “cute dog” or something like that and I ended up looking up at him, smiling real big, and saying “thank you”. 

[thegenderfluiddruid]

I was at the convenience store and I was going to buy a drink, but i dropped my keys and the drink when I got to the register so I got caught between “my drink!” and “my keys” and ended up screaming “MY KINK.”

[meme-of-lord-deactivated2016102]

I walked up to this register,in a target. When the cashier finished checking me out she said have a good day, and i wanted to say “You have a good day” and “You too” so it came out “You have a good do do”

[queenvalerie-replies-deactivate]

I FUCKIN H HIT MY HEAD ON A CHAIR FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD AT THIS FUCKING POS T

[honeybee-bi]

There’s so many new stories on this since the last time I saw it and fuck I am laughing so hard I think I’m annoying my roommate

[unicornempire]

These are too damn good to pass up reading!

[closetextrovert]

At my previous job there’s a narrow part behind the counter that we have to pass through, someone asked if they could scoot past and I tried to say “go ahead” and “scoot away” at the same time only for it to end up “go away”

[segolily]

I’m reblogging this because I finally have something to add.

So there’s been a sort of witch hunt at my work, a certain person looking around for any reason to go after someone. I was going to explain that I wasn’t worried, saying that I was pretty good at sucking up, or that I was pretty good at kissing ass. Instead it was ‘I’m pretty good at sucking ass.’

[kaeflaith]

germans: ok, so our country is called Deutschland

the french: got it. the country of Allemagne

germans: ...no? that doesn't even sound like it

the english: oh no, we got it, it's Germany

germans: not even close

the polish: it's Niemcy, right?

germans: how are you each getting it wrong in a completely different way

danes: Tyskland

lithuanians: Vokietija

germans: ...

germans: anyone else?

finns: Saksa

germans: you know what? sure. whatever

[fantasticcloaksandhowtolevitate]

All I’ve ever wanted was to have a tumblr post that got a supernatural gif and then someone comments like ‘how’d they get here so fast?’ Or ‘they have a gif for that?!?!?!’ And then my post gets super famous. It’s basically the reason I joined tumblr.

[effie-w-deactivated20190314]

[cherraybomb]

how’d they get here so fast???? 

[effie-w-deactivated20190314]

[martianmuggle]

We have gif for that?!?!??!?

[effie-w-deactivated20190314]

[solshiner]

One Day More with all the vocals replaced by kazoos - Les Miserables

Credit for the song goes to this post (please forgive my poor video-editing skills)

[thebabyanimals]

[queerist]

@.@