If you were to ask Fern what show they were watching, she would have no idea. Her eyes weren’t even remotely focused in that direction, staring instead at the pictures hanging on Kai’s wall. Normally, they brought a smile to her lips when she saw them, thinking about Kai surprising her with flowers or that spontaneous camping trip, but now she just looked at them despondently. She was dating her best friend’s ex.
… Former best friend. She was quick to remind herself of that. Luca disowned her when she found out that they had slept together. What had only been going on two months felt like ages ago to Fern. She couldn’t help but feel bad. You’re the reason Luca left. And then a voice that sounded suspiciously like her father’s echoed around inside her head, asking, Can you do anything right? “No,” she responded, both to Kai and her father, not sitting up.
Luca didn’t love him. Fern knew that. She used him, made someone so kind and so trusting fall for her and then ruined him. It made her so angry that but she couldn’t say anything. The secret about the tape was sure to come out sooner or later, especially now that Luca had packed up and left without a word to any of them. Fern just didn’t want to risk losing Kai. So she would play dumb and act like it was a surprise to her too.
When he spoke again, she sat up. “What do you mean?” She knew what he meant. She just didn’t want to believe it. Kai was one of the only people she had grown close to in the four years since she ran away, she refused to lose him.
What did he mean? Kai wasn’t even sure himself. Pulling away, Kai bit his lip, looking at her closely. Her face had become so familiar and now - now he felt he was risking losing her with questions. “This,” Kai answered simply, gesturing to her, the wall full of pictures. In many ways, the same things about Fern were what had attracted him to Luca, but they were so different. Things with Luca were short-lived, mostly in his head, yet she seemed to hover like a ghost around them. Were they even alone, with the uninvited guests named Guilt and Denial lurking?
If Kai could sing it, he’d be able to voice how he felt, but instead words failed him. He stuttered, rubbing his jaw anxiously. “Are we- are we dating? We never talked about it. Her. She just- took off. We just keep pretending it’s fine and this isn’t...” Kai hesitated. Was it wrong? Were they wrong? His nerves increased, and he avoided this word. “Complicated. Shouldn’t we make a decision, someday? Like - it’s not just in the lap of the Gods now, you know, girl. We have- we have...”
He was stumbling. He wanted to kiss her so badly, his fingers itched to touch her. But Luca’s hurt face after she’d found out... haunted him. Kai withdrew more, shrinking into himself. He hated this. He hated himself. “I think we have to stop.”
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