kaleidoscopelady

lina - she/her - eng/cat/esp/ru/fr misc blog (not active v often) pfp by @sankttealeaf!! writing on my ao3 (kaleidoscopelady)

[kaleido-scope-lady]

hello!! i thought I'd link my letterboxd and goodreads here if you want to connect on other platforms and see my takes on the movies and books i read and watch. would love to see what my mutuals are doing on there so pls add me if you'd like to!!!

[valend]

When the guitar solo is so good it shoots you in the head and fucks you through the hole

[kaleido-scope-lady]

protip: if you spend the better part of a year working at your local Chinese and befriending its owner she will eventually make you the secret soup from her home province that's not on the menu and it will be one of the nicest things you've ever eaten

[kaleido-scope-lady]

this morning i got railed to within an inch of my life, then i went into work and i don't have to shovel rice into portions, AND my boss is making me authentic chinese noodle soup :D AND AND when i get back the plan i didn't want to do has been cancelled so i can just sit about and nap and watch movies #winning

[sinisterhomosexual]

i have hired these things to stare at you

[recoveredcombatsister]

yk i think the fundamental problem is that transmascs dont believe that they belong to a different demographic than us transfems. i think its that they still believe in a Trans Community of one demographic - the Trans Demographic, with one unified Trans Experience, rather than that of women and men who share a marginalization

this shows up when transfems make posts for and about other transfems, and invariably transmascs will come along to try and make it about them as well. they dont see it as a womens post, they see it as a Trans post that hasnt mentioned transmascs yet

this also shows up in discussions of transmisogyny. transfems discuss the intersectional bigotry we face and transmascs will get defensive that the conversation centres us and not the Trans Demographic as a whole. this is where "transandrophobia" theory comes in, from transmascs misconstruing transmisogyny as just "transphobia for girls" and insisting there must be a transphobia for boys in return, and to deny "transandrophobia" legitimacy is to deny that transmascs face any transphobia. its morphed into its own transmisogynist violence at this point but its inception was very clearly fueled by the transmasc insecurity over there not being one Trans Experience. transmascs think there has to be a blue version, because they dont conceive of transfems belonging to a different demographic than them

i think no small part of this is that transmasculine transition doesnt force them to reckon with transmisogyny the same way transfeminine transition does. of course, it would be wrong to claim no transfem falls victim to this, but far more transfems do have that reckoning because we are forcibly subjected to transmisogyny. and because transmascs flatten the demographic to just Trans, they believe themselves to have a postion of authority to speak on trans issues without ever being forced to interrogate their inherent transmisogynist biases from living in a transmisogynist society and understand the misogyny within the demographic, and any pushback against them is pushback against the Trans Demographic as a whole

my problem with all of this is that nobody who needs to hear it is going to listen to me, because ultimately were dealing with men, moreover: marginalized men, and men prefer to revel in their power to speak over women and take up space and assume they know best rather than listen to the women in their "community" when we tell them theyre wrong. after all, what reason do transmascs have to think otherwise? i mean, were all faggots in the eyes of the state, right?

[kaleido-scope-lady]

i got an email from residency today asking for my criminal record and given how there are a few different documents that could mean i eventually made a reddit post to see if anybody who had been in my situation could help out. immediate first comment is "not to be rude but you could google it and not clog up the subreddit" (i had spent two hours googling and emailing authorities). then him and some other fucker proceed to extemporate about how stupid and selfish people like me are because we expect to be spoonfed information instead of looking for it ourselves. my blood is boiling i think i should be able to hunt men for sport.

[kaleido-scope-lady]

shoutout to the wotr fic i never got round to writing where ophelia would have expressed some REALLY problematic opinions in regard to strap ons. im glad i didn't write that in hindsight but it would have been very In Character i think lol

[vonlipvig]

i'm actually curious, what trinkets do you guys have on your keychains? 🗝️

[kaleido-scope-lady]

do you think the chibnall era design team took into account that the delgado master's tissue compression eliminator looked like a cigar when they made the dhawan master's variant look like a vape

[morganitism]

I'm really sick of all "lesbian inclusion" discourse centering around TME lesbians tbh

[morganitism]

Like I don't actually care if you're transmasc or taking T or using he/him or using masc terms while being a lesbian because I don't think any of those things necessarily equate to being a man. But I'm sick and tired of people pretending that lesbian spaces are more hostile to TME butches or enbies than they are to trans women when that's so blatantly not fucking true if you've ever actually looked at a lesbian space

[morganitism]

Every lesbian space, even those that self-describe as "trans inclusive", seems to be centered around the comfort and self-expression of TMEs regardless of gender identity without giving even a modicum of consideration to trans woman or anyone else TMA

[mousidy]

we've all seen the pattern where a trans woman comes out and then some kind of accusation arrives to absolve everyone of the need to examine why they've suddenly started hating her. it's relieving to feel like you have a justified reason to have already hated the tranny

it occurred to me that the bizarre and nonsensical idea that trans women transition to escape accountability, as if such a gambit could ever work, serves to offer a convenient explanation for this pattern that allows us to continue hating the tranny guilt-free even after we notice the pattern. the reason the transition and the accusation arrive around the same time is because her entire transition is a disingenuous gambit to escape the accusation! now, not only do we have permission to misgender her, we can take her transition itself as further proof of her guilt!

in fact, maybe every trans woman is hiding something. maybe I'm not transmisogynistic at all, I'm a Good Person after all! when I have a bad feeling about a trans woman, it's because she's a bad person, and I'm just really good at sniffing out Bad People!

[mousidy]

I think the truth is, most people know deep down that they're transmisogynistic (we all live in this world and we all absorb its messages), and they feel guilty about it. they want to be Good People who Aren't transphobic, and they will go to great lengths to convince themselves they already are

so if they can't place why they hate trannies without admitting to themselves that it's just transmisogyny, they need to construct a reason. when an excuse is offered to them it's a life raft. it doesn't even need to be a good excuse. to borrow from another transfeminist on here, something as flimsy as "she said this route wouldn't be very traversible in a wheelchair and I interpreted this as her saying she was glad we didn't have a wheelchair user with us" will suffice

[guelwaar]

whose definition of "graphic violence and torture" ? do we think maybe those conceptual boundaries depend on factors like the speaker's prior ideological commitments? have we ever read a censorship policy?

at what age does a child cross from innocent pre-exposed object to sullied brain adult? what is the normal age to experience or witness violence? where does that leave those who experience and witness violence at younger ages? who may never have lived a 'violence-free' existence?

do we actually think that children are ontologically incapable of being interested in violence, or are we merely so threatened by the idea they could be that we refuse to even speak the possibility?

is it the worst thing in the world to pick up a book and then decide its subject matter is unappealing, frightening, or overwhelming? is that such a foreign fucking concept? did anything scary ever happen to you as an 8 year old? did it have an instant off-switch as effective as 'close the cover and pick up something else'?

what kind of violence? is all violence the same? do all depictions of violence have the same literary merit, political meaning, or emotional effect?

[kaleido-scope-lady]

i promise that no matter what i do or write i will NEVER NEVER write a fucking fruit metaphor. I'm so sick of them it's all pomegranates this and oranges that NO!!! MY WRITING WILL NEVER BE A BLOODY FRUIT BOWL!!!

[nicijones]

Ao3 version that lets you open the 'director's cut' where I, the author, explain every detail in excruciating detail to you and what it is in reference to.

[liesmyth]

#it’s called sending me an ask and I tell you way more info than you actually wanted @newbromantics

[normalest-lux-ever]

Fun fact for anyone who does this, being a misogynistic man isn't funny just because you're trans or you think the idea of treating trans women like women is inherently funny, how funny do you think she finds your "ironic" misogyny when you punch down on the women that don't have cis privilege over you

[kaleido-scope-lady]

slowly coming to the realisation that a lot of my mental health issues are likely the result of body dysmorphic disorder rather than gender dysphoria which is frightening. the two have blended in my head and it's hard to separate what is irrational bodychecking and what is genuine concern regarding features that will get me clocked. this is horrible

[kaleido-scope-lady]

i fully and entirely blame the spanish trans healthcare system for this by the way. they fed me placebo pills for three and a half years and told me my body was unfit for transition. if i actually looked like i had been on hrt for four years and not a few months i doubt my body image issues would be as extreme as they currently are. i cannot not bodycheck when im in the mirror. i cannot see cis girls wearing clothes i cant or with normal bodily proportions without feeling miserable and jealous and also horrible about myself for feeling those things. and i can't even talk about these things in common online bdd communities out of fear some transphobe will use my words as proof all trannies are evil and want to appropriate women's bodies. i hate it i hate it i hate it