Thea, the cosmic dancer

These are the confessions and thoughts of an emotional earthling

[kalopsiastonehearted]

Crecer

El tiempo pasa.

Los animales desaparecen.

Los casquetes se derriten.

La tecnología no espera.

Los papás comienzan a morir.

La frente se pliega

y el pelo se pinta de gris.

El planeta explota.

(suspiro)

[kalopsiastonehearted]

Masquerade Ball

Here i am, one more time awaking with the sun, opening my eyes to get up and start the day. 

So here i am getting my make up right; but most important of all, getting ready to wear my mask and get into the masquerade ball. 

Have you heard of this magnificent dance? 

Everybody goes, but if you wanna go, you need to choose your mask and always wear it. 

You’ll meet a lot of people and you will be chosen by others depending on the kind of mask your wearing. But I must warn you, when this happen you will never shall take your mask off, otherwise you may be expel for not being what your mask was standing for. 

Ironic, isn’t it? 

Well, that’s how tha ball works, i mean, it’s a masquerade ball after all. Mask are important, that’s how you introduce yourself and how you will act and how you will take your decissions. 

I know, it could be really exhausting and demanding but after all this is  LIFE right? i mean... this is a Ball.

[glowieofficial]

Cruel - An Open Letter from Glowie

People are Cruel

I’ve been Cruel to people people have been Cruel to me but mostly I’ve been Cruel to myself.

I’m so hard on myself I’m a perfectionist. If I don’t do things perfectly instantly I start beating myself up mentally.

I don’t know how to receive a compliment, to be honest..compliments piss me off because I don’t think I deserve them. That’s a lot of pressure I put on myself. It’s a difficult situation. It’s Cruel.

Even now as I’m writing this I’m thinking ‘this is all crap and I’m never gonna be a good writer’. But I’m used to that, I’m used to feeling unsatisfied with everything I do. As sad as that sounds, having this judging version of me always by my side, it makes me do the best I can in everything I do and I’m always trying to find ways to do things even better.

I’m not struggling, I’m just constantly competing with myself and it excites me, it keeps me moving forward.

Cruelty is all around everywhere. There’s no way of escaping it. I’m always gonna see it hear it feel it.

What I decide to do with it changes everything.

It’s always gonna affect me in some way. But I can either  let it break me down or I can let it make me stronger.

The cruelty I got from other people, it changed me, I took it so personally.

When I was 5 years old in kindergarten, all the girls were scared of the boys, they would run after us.

So every time the boys came, the girls screamed. 

I remember I was terrified of the boys, they would pull my hair and push me over. Nobody did anything about it. What an odd game to play at 5 years old.

When I was 10 years old kids made fun of me. They called me names. I was different, had big curly hair, body so skinny I was called ‘skeleton’. I didn’t feel like I was allowed to be myself.

I had to fit in. Be like everybody else.

When I was 12 years old the girls ignored me. I wasn’t there, I didn’t exist, I wasn’t welcome, I wasn’t good enough. I thought I was a total loser. Nobody wanted to talk to me or spend time with me.

I thought, nobody wanted me there or anywhere.

When I was 16 years old I felt pressure to start dating. I met a guy online he seemed nice I wasn’t ready for a relationship I wasn’t ready for anything I just wanted something innocent but that didn’t exist in his mind.

Cuz on the second date 

he raped me.

For a few years I felt broken, I was shy, insecure, scared, depressed, unsure.

Because I didn’t understand humans

behavior feelings thoughts.

All of a sudden the world seemed like such a complicated place. All this cruelty, I felt surprised. Being a young girl living in a country that was usually so safe so quiet.

I started to build up these walls around me, to protect me from everyone and everything. The walls were sadness cold attitude straight face no smile eye contact that made you feel unwelcome. I didn’t trust anyone, if someone got too close I pushed them away, I pushed them so far away from me. I thought it would protect me but it didn’t, it only hurt the people around me.

But then someone reminded me of that person I was trying to protect with these walls I had built. The person I used to be, the happy little girl. I had been so focused on protecting her. I forgot to let her breathe see hear sing dance laugh smile shine.

She had been back there this whole time hiding suffocating.

Now I’m slowly letting her out. I’m letting her shine through my eyes my voice my attitude my fingers.

For the last couple of months for the first time ever, I feel strong, I feel like I’m enough. I don’t have to be anything but myself. I’ve found balance, I feel comfortable, I’m not scared anymore.

I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.

But people are Cruel I’ve been Cruel to people people have been Cruel to me and mostly I’ve been Cruel to myself.

There’s no way of escaping it but we can decide to not let it break us down. We can use it as a tool to make us stronger. But it’s not gonna be easy, it’s never easy. From time to time we’ll have to let our emotions out. Some might think it’s not necessary but to me it is necessary.

I think it’s important to let ourselves be vulnerable angry hurt confused.

Cuz these are the emotions we usually don’t let out, the ones we keep locked away the ones that we’re ashamed of the ones that make us look crazy but are the ones that need freedom.

That’s the purpose of my song ‘Cruel’ it’s your chance to let go.

Cuz afterwards you’ll feel so much better, you can even listen to my other song ‘Body’ dance a little bit have some cake and you’ll be fine

[music]

💕

[kalopsiastonehearted]

Platica verspertina con el tio lobo

[15:00, 17/4/2019] Tio 🐺: Obvio ahorita no lo va a aceptar. [15:00, 17/4/2019] Tio 🐺: Solo es un juego ahorita [15:00, 17/4/2019] Tio 🐺: Pero jugar con eso, es jugar con fuego. [15:00, 17/4/2019] Tio 🐺: Y tu no quieres ningún novio, acuérdate! [15:00, 17/4/2019] Tio 🐺: Entonces amor para ti, por el momento no. [15:00, 17/4/2019] Tio 🐺: Solo te queda aceptar tu derrota y hacerte a un lado. [15:00, 17/4/2019] Tio 🐺: A partir de hoy no volvemos a hablar de ese hombre. [15:02, 17/4/2019] ~ Thea✨: Esque.. haber perdido en mi propio campo de batalla                                                                                                                  [15:02, 17/4/2019] ~ Thea✨: por alguien que ni siquiera se esforzó.                    [15:02, 17/4/2019] ~ Thea✨: O quizá sí se esforzó y jamás me di cuenta, quizá fue sigilosa e inteligente.                                                                                        [15:03, 17/4/2019] ~ Thea✨: quizá, siempre fue discreta pero asertiva

[15:04, 17/4/2019] ~ Thea✨: quizá la batalla siempre estuvo en mi mente [15:05, 17/4/2019] ~ Thea✨: quizá ni siquiera fui gladiadora en pelea [15:05, 17/4/2019] ~ Thea✨: siempre fui una simple espectadora [15:05, 17/4/2019] ~ Thea✨: y es que esto es tan típico, [15:06, 17/4/2019] ~ Thea✨: saber como terminaría esto desde el principio, y aún así jugar

[tjnightpoet]

all i do

[kalopsiastonehearted]

<3

[kalopsiastonehearted]

Accept what you can’t change

We have absolut no control of anything in this world. Not our date of birth nor the family we grow up not even our feelings and the people we get to meet.

People we get to meet... maybe this is one of the most frightening experiences we have to deal with. Through life, good people come along the way, some others not quite good. But one thing I do know, every single one of them has a lesson to teach us. 

Life is sad, that´s a fact. Life’s difficult and very demanding. Perhaps if we define life as multiple circunstances, we could try to figure out where to stand. Those circunstances are full of emotional catalyst, situations that deploys the best or the worst in us. 

It’s so difficult to control every emotion, it’s almost impossible to stop feeling sad, or avoid falling in love. Nevertheless i’ve learned that “feeling” is actually the best that can happen to us. Feelings are the reason we are humans, they make us feel alive. And for this, i mean that we always discover a new way to feel, and that, my friends, is what makes life interesting, amazing and so much fun. Even when they’re negative and life sucks, there’s always this time, like a epiphany, when we get courage and no matter what, we accept our reality, our feelings (good or bad) and keep it going. 

You know, every new beggining comes from some other beggining’s end. As i first said, we can’t control how we feel, but sometimes we do have the opportunity to decide and do what we need, maybe not what we want, but definitely what we must. 

Accept there are things we can’t change, we can’t control, embrace your pain, feel sad, heal your wounds and always get on your high heels again.

Do it for your future self, she’ll be proud of you in so many ways, 

With love,

Just one more broken happy heart