spread joy

and burn the patriarchy to the ground

[kalscattergood]

"The Sheep Detectives" is like Disney threw "Babe" and "The Lion King" in a blender and made a delicious smoothie of nostalgia I cried and I'm not sorry.

[kalscattergood]

"I Brennan Lee Mulligan'd myself."

[kalscattergood]

Ryan Blaney is the Nathan Fillion of NASCAR. Fite me.

[kalscattergood]

"Either she's gonna have to go back to therapy or maybe I'm just an asshole."

[kalscattergood]

Himbo: (reading a prompt from a board game): Which popstar are you convinced is an industry plant?

Me: The second Avril Lavigne!

Himbo: Goddammit.

[kalscattergood]

"tumblr took its pants off and I'm okay with it."

[kalscattergood]

"My mother would be so proud of me."

[kalscattergood]

"I grew up as the youngest kid on the block."

Me: Don't you have a younger sister?

"Yeah, but she didn't hang out with us."

[kalscattergood]

"Chainsaws and ladders is where I draw the line. I will stack wheelie chairs and tables in ways that would make your tummy hurt just to change a light bulb, but I'm not THAT stupid."

[kalscattergood]

Spider-Noir, S1E05, 02:44

[kalscattergood]

"Ty Gibbs looks like he'd be a good professional Tag player."

[kalscattergood]

Someone who listened to something Himbo said: Wait, *what's* the difference between dick and soda?!

Himbo (with absolutely no forethought): I don't choke on soda.

[kalscattergood]

"My mouth is saying stoned things but my brain doesn't have the weed to back it up. Which means I don't have an excuse."

[kalscattergood]

"I'm Ozempic."

"And I'm a PC."

the fucking nostalgia bait

[kalscattergood]

"I feel naughty when I cut bacon with scissors."

[kalscattergood]

Himbo's review:

"Oh wow, these chips have great flavor. It really tastes like steak and potatoes! I wonder how they got the potato flavor in there..."

He stares at the front of the bag, taking in the brand name, the flavor name, and, finally, the text within the gold seal bring new facts to the case.

MADE WITH REAL POTATOES

[kalscattergood]

"This song makes me feel like I'm in 7th grade weight lifting class and any second a football player is gonna come in and deck me. But not, like, in a bad way."