Polygamy and Objectification
Madness. I've only just written the title and yet I can already feel the tension building up. Being the wimp that I am, I'm already questioning whether I should carry on writing, or whether I should just call it quits out of fear of being labelled, mocked, or being perceived in a not so good light. I know what many of you must be thinking – especially the girls – “is she seriously going to put herself in the firing line like that?”
Well the answer is yes, yes I am.
Before I properly get started though I want to put something out there, not for a second am I denying that polygamy has been prescribed for men in Gods law, and nor am I arguing against it – not at all. I am fully aware that polygamy is lawful for men in the religion that is Islam, so please bare that in mind but please also bare in mind that just because that is so, doesn't mean that I have to like it and accept that for myself, surely? Secondly, I'm not talking from an Islamic perspective, I'm talking merely from the heart, you know, like humans do?
So now I've gotten that out of the way, in all honesty, the issue of, and talk surrounding polygamy has bothered me so very deeply for a long long time – especially recent talk – but by nature, I'm one of those who keeps thoughts and feelings cooped up inside. Just for a second, picture a chicken with shackles attached to its fragile little legs, caged inside a suffocatingly small metal container of some sort, that's how I feel when the topic of polygamy comes up and I curb my tongue – I feel like that chicken. Maybe that wasn't the best of analogies, but you get the picture.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for open discussions on pretty much anything, including polygamy, but when discussions (and by discussions I'm talking about the action or process of talking about something maturely in order to reach a decision or to exchange ideas) spiral into pure folly, immature conversation, as well as impolite and unmannerly jokes, that's a problem.
Wherever I go and wherever I look, all I see, hear, and read, are impolite jokes and conversations on polygamy – on Facebook, Twitter, in lectures and at islamic events, so much so, that it makes me as an individual, as a woman – with feelings might I add – objectified. I, being from amongst the female species you are referring to and as one of your possible second, third, or fourth wives apparently, feel as though I'm being looked at as but an object to be acquired – a mere commodity. That's right. Clothes aren't the only things that objectify women.
“It's alright bro, you can always find yourself another one”
“I don't need to tell her I'm taking a second or third or fourth wife”
“Marry one for beauty, the other for piety, and the other just because why not?”
It may not appear to be much of a big deal but it's the principle of it. I enjoy a good joke, I really do. Believe it or not I have a sense of humour and I crack jokes though they may be cheesy and contrary to your taste. Often I make fun of myself and am also quite often made fun of but just like with most things, there are certain lines that shouldn't be crossed, or at least certain boundaries that people should be mindful of. Joke but joke in good taste, laugh but laugh in good taste. It is not but from sincerity that I fear joking about serious matters such as polygamy (and all other serious things for that matter), is a means of establishing offensive and loathsome norms, which in this case are the likes of objectification – though it may be unintentional – 'women are commodities to be acquired,' gradual but legitimised acting upon outright carnal desire without any attempt to control it, discipline it, channel it, or master it, as well as making a mockery of His law.
Without a doubt I've always thought that regularly making fun of, or joking about serious matters, facilitates for society to become passive, apathetic, involuntarily acceptive, accustomed to and lax in approach concerning a thing which shouldn't be treated in such a manner. What I'm trying to say is, we should be more mindful about the way in which we approach things, especially where it concerns women and especially where it concerns His law. Women are humans just like the male species – though sometimes it seems not – we have hearts emotions and feelings, we feel pain, we feel sorrow and we weep too.
I'm thoroughly tired of being the butt of what seems to be a universal joke amongst men. I'm thoroughly tired of being perceived as a commodity – another option and I'm thoroughly tired of those trying to push and establish the norm of polygamy in places that polygamy isn't the norm. Likewise, I'm tired of those trying to legitimise their participation in polygamy under the pretext and guise of some incredibly noble reason, when in reality, we all know deep down inside, that that isn’t the case. Let's not beat around the bush and sugarcoat the situation now.
I'd be telling a lie if I was to say that we as women have no part or blame to share in this whole thing though. Women it seems, have allowed for this apathetic, passive, and acceptive approach towards distasteful talk of polygamy and just sheer distasteful talk concerning women. What has become most apparent over the past couple of months, is that women allow for themselves to be walked over and disrespected, and that's not okay. If you hear or see something distasteful concerning you, pull it up and question it – nip that stuff in the bud! I'm not advocating the questioning of polygamy or God's law for heavens sake, I'm simply advocating the use of concern, inquisitiveness and astuteness where things concern you.
I guess I've said what it is that I wanted to say in the shortest way possible. Am I the only one who feels like this? I can't be surely? Anyway, I'll bring this post to an end by saying: I hope to God that I don't get inundated with hate! I don't think I will though considering I have about 50 followers, half of which are ghost accounts anyway. Any-who, till next time!
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