It’s so irritating and insulting and invalidating to me to keep seeing all these people attacking demisexuality (while sometimes still embracing gray-asexuality, like, huh?!?!?) by saying that even IF asexuality is a real thing, demisexuality definitely isn’t. These bigots are so damn SURE it’s not real they make big long rants on their tumblr blogs claiming we all just need to stop pretending we’re special snowflakes or some jazz, unironically parroting anti-SJ jerkoffs.
But of course, none of them have a fucking clue and they’re just speaking OVER actual demisexuals like myself.
As I’ve explained NUMEROUS times, I do not experience primary sexual attraction (based on physical attraction). It’s just not something that happens for me. And this actually affects me all day every day because it’s highly related to the fact that I do not see people as sexual beings AT ALL. I don’t care how pretty, handsome, or how “sexy” they’re posing or their clothing is; people are Asexual to me. Kinda Disney-esque if you will.
I mean, I totally DO have a libido and i think it’s fairly normal in terms of it being “active,” but it just turns on at random. There’s no rhyme or reason for it, it just happens. And I almost never fantasize about people in sexual ways though (more on that later). When I masturbate, it is literally to the idea of disembodied parts because any faces that show up while I’m at it just shuts it all down so goddamn fast. It’s super disappointing tbh. And I have spent much of my young life asking myself why tf that happens, what’s wrong with me, am i broken, why am I not sexually attracted to people when it’s what everyone does/feels, etc etc
This is my life, this is how I see the world and it affects me constantly. I have what I like to call “ace moments” all the fucking time like when people talk about wanting sex with someone they don’t know, how hot someone is, who their celebrity crush is, what their “type” is physically, etc etc. There’s just so damn much about this world that I DO NOT GET because of my demisexuality.
Now, i bet you’re asking yourself why I don’t ID as fully ace if I don’t experience primary sexual attraction ever. WELL, there’s this thing called “secondary attraction” that most people also feel to varying degrees in conjunction with primary sexual attraction that is based on emotional connection/attraction. And do you know what? I didn’t even experience THAT until my most recent ex that I met at like 28. It’s liberating and wonderful to finally learn that I can have both, I just have to find the right person (this is not so easy).
Before that, I was never even emotionally sexually attracted to any of my BFs, I was just in love with them and wanted to be with them. And since I was taught that “sex is what you do when you are in love with someone, and if you have no sex life you are a broken social reject”, so I did it to make them happy and be “normal”.
But with my most recent ex, I actually really enjoyed it for the first time. He wasn’t particularly good at it or anything, I was just SO IN LOVE with him that I guess my libido and my emotional attraction kinda met in the middle? For the first time in my life I was horny on my own in a sexual situation and didn’t need “help” with physical stimulation to get there. I still never initiated or whatever (bc I don’t tend to do this), but I actually enjoyed it and I was mostly happy to do it whenever he wanted to. That’s unusual given my rather asexual history. For example, many of my exes have also complained over the years about my lack of interest in sex and that I never initiate (which some have even said was insulting/hurtful - which still makes me sad).
Anyway, demisexuality doesn’t just look one way, but this is definitely a small glimpse at what it’s like living as a demisexual. There’s so much more, but honestly, I have nothing to prove to the aphobes and this post is not FOR them.
I wrote this post for myself, my fellow demisexuals, aspecs in general, and other open minded followers/mutuals/whatever that might come across this. The fact is that allosexual/alloromantic people/society NEED(s) to understand that being aspec is so much more than just about the degree to which we do or do not experience sexual/romantic attraction, and it’s most certainly NOT about our sex lives or “TMI”.
As I said, this affects my life in incalculable ways and I would really appreciate it if people who DON’T experience this STOP speaking over us.
titsay
izzy806
gracieabrams
dailybridgerton
theartofmadeline
2087
