kandi ✿

18 | it/its | i talk sometimes | song recs -> #kandis song recs | art blog: @crowdotexe

[kandigutzz]

i need to stop using this blog as my diary man

[kandigutzz]

ohhhhhh i need to draw a vision i have . but im working on an art challenge with a friend. but this vision has been plaguing me for genuine weeks. its so clear at this point. i need to get it out oooooouggh

[ps2boogaloo]

twitter didn't deserve this one

[possessable]

aspec identities aren't identities i guess. a lack of attraction isn't an identity in itself, it's an absence that can be filled, i guess. aspec identities and interpretations are the lowest tier of importance, like a blank canvas that can be painted over with something more valuable: romance and sex. did you know that you can complain about anyone who thinks of characters as "just" friends and it's well within your right, to say that platonic interpretations are boring, but if you complain about the way that shipping is frequently posited as the only valuable lens through which to interpret a relationship because "just" friendship isn't enough, or if you complain about how romantic/sexual relationships are considered automatically more deep and meaningful than "mere" friendship, then that's annoying. did you know that several times i've tried to propose aspec headcanons and i've been dismissed because there's no such thing as "proof" that a character is aspec because an absence doesn't count as an identity. but here's proof that they're in love: they looked at each other once. an absence can be filled. did you know every conversation is about romance and sex and i can never participate. did you know romance and sex are the heart of the human experience. did you know it's all just for fun, why are you complaining? did you know it's just for fun, but not for you, because you don't count, because you aren't anything, because what you propose is a blank canvas that can be painted over, an absence that can be filled

[kandigutzz]

becoming increasingly convinced that i may have (minor) moral ocd (if its possible to have it minorly) (i dunno im honestly just not trying to claim anything)

i very very often worry about being a good person and about if im truly a good person at heart, which my insanely frequent catastrophizing doesnt help at all with, and often spiral into believing im the worst person to ever exist and that i should be punished or isolated for my transgressions (which, half the time, turn out to either not even be real or not be as big a deal as i make them out to be), or that im not worthy or deserving of anything, or that ive tricked people into believing im good, which could qualify as obsessions

and as a result of it sometimes i over compensate, apologize an insane amount, isolate myself, or worst case scenario punish myself through withholding things (i.e. food, something that brings me joy, etc), which could qualify as compulsions resulting from aforemention obsessions

i also very frequently tell my friends that if i mess up they have full permission to beat me to death or kill me or yell and scream at me (literally just did this tonight lmao) and at first i thought i was doing it as a joke but now the more i think about it the more im starting to wonder if this, too, could be a compulsion

sorry its the kandi rambling show again im just. thinking about a lot right now

moral ocd havers if you have input it would be ! appreciated for sure !!

[toast-star]

something i think a lot of white people don't understand is that saying racist antiblack things 'ironically' 'as a joke' 'satirically' or 'as bait' is still... just being racist. as if saying 'bait used to be believable' somehow undoes the disrespect? as if pointing out that its probably a bot or a psyop nullifies the slurs? as if informing me that its a meme/copypasta/reference means you're not at fault for repeating them? as if any of this is okay? it doesn't work like that. why is the hatred and disrespect of black people acceptable background noise for you? why do you find it funny?

[the-bitter-ocean]

While we are at it I need nonblack people to stop saying “YN” and “🥷🏾” just to get around saying antiblack racial slurs. Yes that includes that stupid shit where white people go “ooh but I said nega not-“ I don’t give a shit. You know damn well what you meant. Fuck off. It’s a insta block from me for anyone who does this shit and think it’s funny or whatever don’t pmo.

And before someone fucking says “erm are you referring to the fanfic / shipping term? How is your name offen-“ obviously no I’m not referring to that and anyone who is using it to mean “your name” types it with a slash -> (y/n) *NOT* “yn”. Like. I need nonblacks to stop randomly regurgitating aave they see or hear without knowing what it fucking means and misusing it to hell and back thinking it’s cool/ trendy/ or something worthy of mockery. It means young nigga. Stop fucking using it if you’re not black lol

[dogpuppy]

I wish I could have heard you sing this… I bet you have a beautiful voice

[azspot]

“Because the truth is, tech doesn’t have an image problem. It doesn’t have a message problem. It has an intention problem. What’s wrong with the axe murderer who broke into my house is not that he hasn’t successfully persuaded me to buy into his narrative. What’s wrong is that he’s trying to kill me with an axe. Similarly, when you launch a product that’s designed to put millions of people out of work, block access to sources of verifiable truth, replace human creativity with slop, and lower the barriers to every sort of atrocity, the problem isn’t that you haven’t told the public a good story about those things. The problem is that you are trying to do them.”

— The 40 Most Rage-Inducing Problems in Tech

[santhipoma]

[glasshomewrecker]

Everyone should be aware of nitter.net

for any address to twitter you can replace the “x.com” with “nitter.net” and you will be able to browse as if you have an account. Lifesaver.

Similarly, imginn.com works for most Instagram addresses. I still haven’t found one for Facebook.

[kandigutzz]

the only bad part about getting chewing gum to stop me from chewing on the inside of my mouth is now my jaw hurts cus ive been chewing 3 pieces of gum at the same time for around 4 hours

[stuffed-bilby]

We all need floor time sometimes

[fakeassfriends]

deltarune fans are a really good example of a primarily queer fanbase about an explicitly queer game who somehow STILL manage to completely forget nonbinary people exist and are, in fact, nonbinary

[fakeassfriends]

deltarune fans when a nonbinary character exists: uhhhhh actually this character is going to be a binary gender

BEING NONBINARY IS NOT A FUCKING STEPPING STONE TO REACHING A "REAL" GENDER. SOME PEOPLE ARE NONBINARY.

[fakeassfriends]

i love both undertale And deltarune as games. there is a reason, however, that i will never. Ever. interact with the wider fanbase. and its because the fanbase sucks

[the-distortionworld]

bringing your og tags into this actually:

[Image ID: Tags in the Cybernetic Tumblr theme that reads " #"transfem kris" "transmasc kris" how about NONBINARY kris. because they are NONBINARY. #applies to the knight also. i dont care who you theorise the knight "really" is. it uses they/it in the text. RESPECT THAT. " /END ID]

[kosmogrl]

[fucking-relax]

this is helpful to getting started on anything regardless of what you call it (from this post)

problem solving steps

IMPROVE distress tolerance skill

[kandigutzz]

storytime !

i tend to have somewhat good memory of my dreams like a day or two after i dream them, enough to recall basic events and characters that may have appeared a but anyway. but i remember after recieving the Book of Bill for a christmas present (i actually got 2 at first, fun fact!) and reading it in its entirety in one night, i suddenly could not remember any of my dreams for the next 2 or so weeks, other than him being a...recurring motif in some them. i have shelves on my headboard that i have a few books on, and that's where my Book of Bill copy has resided since i got it. the book was on the shelf right above the ride side of my bed's pillow, the side i normally sleep on.

i laughed like oh haha funny coincidence, probably just my revitalized love for this show seeping into my brain again haha ^^ silly how it all lined up like that! i should tell my friends!! we'll all have a good laugh

until i re-read it and it happened again. couldn't remember my dreams aside from Mr Cipher being a recurring motif in them

(and by motif, i mean i frequently recalled seeing shapes that resembled him in these dreams)

OBVIOUSLY i dont think it means anything but like. its an "if i had a nickel" situation for sure LMAO.

anyway i thought that would be fun to share

might re-read it again to see if lightning will strike a third time

[kandigutzz]

for the record i dont think me getting two copies of the book was an omen either, because that same christmas i also got two copies of Blood Meridian. it's actually simply a symptom of divorced parents not communicating about gifts SOBS

[kandigutzz]

storytime !

i tend to have somewhat good memory of my dreams like a day or two after i dream them, enough to recall basic events and characters that may have appeared a but anyway. but i remember after recieving the Book of Bill for a christmas present (i actually got 2 at first, fun fact!) and reading it in its entirety in one night, i suddenly could not remember any of my dreams for the next 2 or so weeks, other than him being a...recurring motif in some them. i have shelves on my headboard that i have a few books on, and that's where my Book of Bill copy has resided since i got it. the book was on the shelf right above the ride side of my bed's pillow, the side i normally sleep on.

i laughed like oh haha funny coincidence, probably just my revitalized love for this show seeping into my brain again haha ^^ silly how it all lined up like that! i should tell my friends!! we'll all have a good laugh

until i re-read it and it happened again. couldn't remember my dreams aside from Mr Cipher being a recurring motif in them

(and by motif, i mean i frequently recalled seeing shapes that resembled him in these dreams)

OBVIOUSLY i dont think it means anything but like. its an "if i had a nickel" situation for sure LMAO.

anyway i thought that would be fun to share

might re-read it again to see if lightning will strike a third time

[arctasy]

when the character is obsessive and desperate and guilty and scared and ashamed and traumatized and repressed

[spamtonhater1997]

the hedgehog?