Alec was walking back from his meeting with Asmodeus on shaky legs. The adrenaline was wearing off and the reality of the situation was becoming clearer with every step.
He agreed to break up with Magnus, he agreed to an impossible deal and now he didn't know if he can go through with it.
Is he strong enough to put his own feelings aside and save his boyfriend, the love of his life from this suffering? A small part of his brain, the one which was usually right and which he often ignored was telling him that breaking Magnus' heart was the worst possible way out of this situation, that his boyfriend already lost too much because of Alec himself. But the part that was being consumed by guilt was quickly winning the battle. Because Alec felt guilt more than anything else. It was his fault that Magnus was without magic, his fault that he almost died, his fault that Magnus was sinking deeper and deeper into depression, because Alec was selfish and to cought up in his own wishes and desires to actually see his boyfriend see his pain and sacrifice.
That's over now. Gaining more steadiness in his step Alec makes a decision, he will sacrifice his heart, he will make sure that Magnus is happy again, that he feels like himself again. And despite the pain at the admission Alec is also sure Magnus will recover their relationship ending. He knows Magnus loves him, probably more than he loved his other lovers, he also knows that for the duration of their relationship Magnus had time to get used to the fact that he will lose Alec sooner or later, and if it's sooner but brings his magic back than who is Alec to argue with that logic.
He finds Magnus in the library, using one of the computers, his boyfriend for the time being looks haggard and bleak, words that no one would ever use to describe the great Magnus Bane, yet here they are. Alec waits for a beat, stopping in the doorway to drink in the sight of Magnus, of the most precious thing that ever happened to him, before bracing his heart for the impact. He clears his throat and slides on a mask of indifference. Magnus whippes his head around a tired and reserved smile on his face.
'Hello Alexander, I haven't seen you all day. I have news'
'Hello Magnus' he says, voice as steady as he can muster. 'What kind of news?'
Magnus tilt's his head to the side, studying his boyfriend for a second before continuing.
'I found an apartment, not far from here, so close enough for you to walk to work, hitting all of our criteria, I already went over whilst you where gone, as there was a chance to see it in person. And of course if you don't like it we can back out but I've placed an offer and we can start moving in even tomorrow!'
Magnus was mastering as much excitement as possible at this time, after his breakdown yesterday he felt enough shame at showing his weakness, but it was harder and harder to keep his walls up around Alexander who proved to be excellent at getting him to open up, almost against his will. But now gazing at his boyfriends stormy face he couldn't help but recoil, did he make a mistake and Alec wasn't willing to live with him anymore, did he push him away to far to the point of no return?
' That's great. I would say just in time, because you can't stay here any longer'
'Why? Has someone said anything?'
'Nothing like that, it's just.... Magnus I don't think us being together is right at the minute.... I think it's best if we don't see each other anymore.'
'What? I don't... Alexander what are you saying?' Magnus was lost for words, how come this man, who just 24 hours ago was cradling him in his arms whispering reassurance of love suddenly decided that he is not worth it?
Stumbling backwards Magnus kept an eye on Alec, on his stormy face and clenched fists, on his angry posture. Was this his doing? Has he been such a disappointing partner, it wouldn't be the first time, he thought bitterly.
'I think we should break up, without your magic, and with you being so... different. We just don't work anymore.' Alec was speaking through gritted teeth, each word that left his mouth was like a stabbing wound. All he was aching to do was to grab Magnus and never let him go. But that's not what Magnus deserves, he deserves his power, his magic, to live forever, not some pathetic excuse of a boyfriend who can't even bring him happiness.
Magnus was breathing hard, not fully comprehending the fact that after all of what happened in the last weeks he's now also loosing Alec, a reason for his sacrifice. He lost his magic to save his boyfriend from a tragic loss. He took that burden away from him and that's how this ends for him. Without a support he needs so desperately at this awful time. No one treats Magnus Bane this way, not even a person he loves.
Alec can see the exact moment Magnus is hit with the realisation of what is happening. He can see the walls going up, he can almost feel how betrayed Magnus feels. So he's bracing himself cause he knows how good his boyfriend is with words and how much he can hurt him.
'You, you made me believe that I can have love after so many centuries, you took away a part of me, you made me sacrifice myself time and again! You're a pathetic little boy who thinks he can play with people, you're no leader. I wish I never loved you, I wish I left you a long time ago when the chance presented itself! Goodbye Alec'
With that he was gone. Izzy found Alec on the floor of the library an hour later. Her brother in nearly catatonic state, clutching Lightwoods family ring.
Magnus was running, running away from that toxic place, form Alec, from this reality. He didn't know where he was going but when he finally looked up he was just a block away from Catarina's apartment. Apparently his brain still worked, in the contrary to his broken heart.
But before he could take another step, he felt a pull of power, some kind of electricity buzzing around him. Looking around he saw a twirling blue and red energy appearing right in front of him. Magnus had no time to react when the energy suddenly started entering his body.
Someone was slapping his cheek, it felt cold and strange against his face. He blinked his eyes open to see a young girl with a skateboard under her pit.
Magnus blinked a few times after remembering the weird energy, he must've passed out after it entered his body. He was suddenly glad he somehow found himself near Catarina's apartment.
'Yes, yes I'm ok thank you. Must be low on sugar or something' with a quick wave he disappeared as fast as he could.
'Your magic is back! When? How did this happen?' were the first words that left Cat's mouth as soon as she opened her door.
'I...' in all his distress Magnus didn't even question the way his body felt. He wasn't expecting his magic to return henceforth he hasn't tried to channel it in any way. But now he could feel it pulsing through him, like a roaring beast it was ready to be unleashed at any time, ready to be wielded. And it was his. It was familiar, felt like coming home after years of separation, it didn't not compare with Lorenzo's magic which did the trick but never felt like his own.
He got rid of his glamour and with glossy eyes looked at Cat, she stood before him tears streaming down her face.
'Wait, you don't know?' When did this happen?' she asked suspicion in her voice.
'Literally just now, I was coming to you, I had to leave the Institute, and suddenly this power entered me and bam here I am' he explained not being able to hide his hurt when talking about the Institute.
'What happened at the Institute?' Cat pressed gently, knowing the fragile state her friend has been in the last weeks.
'He, Alec... Alexander broke up with me'
'That's impossible! I know I had my doubts but that boy loves you, he was devastated when you got sick he wouldn't just toss you aside just a few days later'
'Well he did, he said we don't work anymore because I don't have my magic and I'm not myself anymore'
Cat was still looking at him sceptically, she got to know Alec a lot better recently and what Magnus was saying seemed very far away from the Shadowhunters character, but there were more pressing matters at hand.
'So what do you think happened? Asmodeus got bored and decided to just give you your magic back?'
'I doubt that, nothing comes free with my father, but how? I can think of only one way he would agree to giving my magic back to me and that's getting something in return. But I can't think of anyone that would willingly deal with my father... No person other than maybe you or Alexander......oh god.'
'Magnus what is it? Didn't you say he just broke up with you out of nowhere...ohhh'
They shared a look of understanding, a look full of dread.
'No he wouldn't. Why would he do that? Didn't he know I rather die with him than live for eternity without him.?'
'I guess he loves you enough to sacrifice his happiness'
'I told him I'm not happy, I told him there might never be a time when I'm happy again but I didn't tell him that he's the only reason I'm still here, still holding on. What if breaking up with me is not everything he had to offer to my father I have to see him now.'
'Go but don't do anything stupid. Asmodeus can still take your magic back.'
'I ..' he almost said he doesn't care but the words wouldn't leave his mouth because no matter what, Magnus is not being striped of his magic ever again. With the last nod towards Catarina he lets his magic wash over him, his hands start to dance in a manner that could be described as excessive but he doesn't care. He hasn't felt this alive in what feels like years. Soon enough he's walking through a portal straight into Alec's office.
He's not surprised to see it empty. If he wasn't trying to fix this mess he would probably be sitting on Cat's couch sobbing right now, so he understands. He spend the last week living in Alec's room at the Institute but nevertheless he decided to knock on the door, when he gets there. His heart nearly breaks at Alec's rough and sad voice coming from inside. 'Izzy please, leave me alone!'
The newly recharged Warlock hesitates only for a second before softly slipping into the room.
'I'm not going anywhere you silly silly Nephilim' he says quietly, but not without passion, it's almost like his voice send electricity towards Alec's body. Next second the Shadowhunter is up on his feet, hands wiping down his face of any fluids.
'Magnus what are you doing here? Haven't I made myself clear that I don't want to see you anymore?' he says and it would be much more convincing if Alec didn't look ready to be sick at having to repeat those words.
'What is clear to me, is that I have my magic back and that my boyfriend decided to make a deal with my father behind my back.'
Alec's eyes widen just for a second before he's moving, stepping closer to Magnus. Magnus who doesn't expect to be manhandled towards the door.
'I don't know what you're talking about. Please just leave I can't ..we can't'.'
'Yes we can, Alexander we will figure this out, please'
'Magnus no, he only agreed to this if we're not together anymore, he will take it back otherwise, you can't ...I just want you to be happy, please let me help you be happy'
'I am happy, when I wake next you, when I see your smile, when you speak sweet nothings into my ear, when I hold your hand, when I know that I have the love of my life by my side, that's when I'm happy.'
' But you said, that without your magic...I wanted you to be whole again, to fix my mistakes.'
'First of all it was my choice and second of all I said I wasn't happy, and that was true, my magic means the world to me but you darling you are my world. I can survive loosing my magic it would take time, but loosing you, the pain I was in was unimaginable. I love you Alexander Lightwood, and I'm not letting you go, even if it means I have to face my father again.'
'I love you too Magnus Bane and I'm so so sorry.'
And they cried softly together until they both felt like they are strong enough to face the world after this turmoil of emotions
