When you cry your brain releases an endorphin to reduce pain and better your mood. This is like the chemical equivalent of your own brain patting you on the back and saying “everything’s gonna be okay.”

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@karma1503
When you cry your brain releases an endorphin to reduce pain and better your mood. This is like the chemical equivalent of your own brain patting you on the back and saying “everything’s gonna be okay.”
If I choose you over sleep, you must be very very special.
Love yourself as much as you want your soulmate to love you.
Elizabeth Daniels (via extramadness)
🤯🤯🤯🤯
🦋🦋🦋🦋
Can you tell.
Every time....
I don’t remember when did it start, it’s been a good while... and ever since then my whole life has turned into this vicious cycle, I fall for you and you treat me like anyone else so I step back, and I convince myself that it’s over, and then you look at me or talk to me or any stupid thing like that and bam I fall again... and again you treat me like anyone else, and you take no steps towards me, and again I take a step back and convince myself that it’s over... it has to be... how long is this supposed to last... crushes are meant to either evolve into something else or to just fade away... what is it about this crush that just won’t go away... it embarrasses me how much I’m crushing on you and you just don’t seem to even not, or maybe you do and couldn’t careless, or you just don’t feel the same... so stop calling me beautiful, or unjustifiably touch me whenever you see me, I know it might not mean much to you but it keeps me up all night the idea of you me... I hate you so much because I love you so much and I don’t know how to get rid of it...
It's both exciting and sad to feel this heart beating hard again... bursting with joy and love...breaking for something/someone again... it's been a while and I've forgotten how it feels... the rush... the happiness...the love... the sense of loss... it's been a while since anything/anyone has gotten me falling ... Now I can surely say, NYC is the city I want to live in...
Sonrisa5 Sayings
Triggers
Yesterday I was walking home from the train and my ipod was on shuffle, it started playing Lana Del Rey and I thought about him. He used to play her all the time at the office and dance around making funny faces. When we were bored he would just pretend to type and say ‘I can’t even’ jokingly. There were just so many little moments like those that formed the whole picture, it was just us, a world of our own.
Today while I was training the new person to take over his position at work, we found a pair of sneakers under his desk, I remembered he had gotten a new pair of shoes that last week he was alive. There are so many things left behind, and the feeling of wanting to see them again, never goes away.
It has been eight years since my first major loss - the loss of my girlfriend to suicide. She remains eighteen on my mind, her blonde hair now looks golden and her blue eyes pop a lot more than before as she smiles at me in my memory. However during that last year before her death, I remember her looking opaque, as if she was fading already due to her drug problem. He doesn’t feel nowhere dead, it has only been a little over six months. That’s half a year and I still find that mind-blowing. But I understand now that is the way that it works. There are no shortcuts when it comes to grief.
The combination of these events, listening to one of his favorite artists and finding his shoes, got me thinking a lot about grief. Sometimes I feel selfish that I have transformed my experiences with them as my own as I often write and talk about the impact their losses has had in my own life. They were so much more than that, I think. Perhaps it is because I’m an atheist, that I think of them as a life that stopped, there was a jarring end and my grief is a continuation of them. It’s frustrating how I cannot talk about them as I used to, all those conversations I used to have with other friends about him, about funny stories or trips we made together are now attached to the pity in their eyes knowing that he is gone. I may be smiling remembering a story that before they would’ve enjoyed, now it doesn’t matter what I say, it makes them sad and uncomfortable. In my experience, this is part of what happens when someone you love dies.
And what is grief? Is grief love? A therapist once told me it is a reflection of the love we have for that person. I’ve also heard grief is what we hold on to when there’s nothing else. Most of the time, I don’t have words to explain it. I’ve done crazy things while grieving. Not too long ago I grabbed his sweater and threw it on my bed to see the size of his body again. When I found his shoes, I was glad to see he had switched the old pair with the new ones, meaning he was wearing his new shoes and in the box I saw the other pair he used to wear very often. I was glad to see the dirt on them, it gave me a sense of closeness and proof that he was once here. Sometimes, I miss him so badly that I feel like I’m going mad, then I find these kind of things and I realize it makes sense because we were that close.
In the end, I guess I’m fine, I understand now that he is gone even though he feels alive, and the more I move forward the more it will sink in. I no longer feel like he will be coming back or that it can’t be right. The unfairness will never go away and neither will my love for him but he once existed, he existed in my world and had a major impact in my life. I’m sure, as time goes on, he will help me realize other things, death always brings so much awareness that it is impossible not to grow as a person while grieving.
Deformed scenarios
I can't sleep, no... I refuse to sleep, although I need to... I know I do... I mean another day is about to start, a new day... I need to be ready for it... I know I do... but I just refuse to... this conversation is not over... I can't end the day, today, while I still haven't had my closure... I need to have something to say to my heart, to my mind... I need to have answers... I need to find solutions...why is this heart so broken, why is this mind so messed up... who am I? I owe it to myself to figure it out... and I've been trying and trying... and it feels like a vicious cycle, I always end up where I started, not a single progress has been made... except for may be that I got used to the mess and the heartache... kinda... yes I got used to it, but it doesn't mean that's every now and then I don't forget to carry my painkiller with me, and only remember when the pain hits hard... when life becomes so blurry through the black lenses that is pain... when regret takes over... why did you leave in the first place, what where you expecting? And why am I so insignificant to the others, I mean why am I so insignificant to you? Don't you see, you take my breath away... how can that not be enough... what do I need to do to make you see me? What do I need to do to make me not see you... why am I feeling like this? What has gotten to me? You see all these questions need answers, how are you expecting me to sleep?
I have spent my whole life alone, loving you
Nayyirah Waheed
I am not sorry for who I had to become in order to survive.
Schuyler Peck (via wordsnquotes)
Who am I? Do you mean where I'm from? What I one day might become? What I do? What I've done? What I dream? Do you mean what you see? What I've seen? What I fear or what I dream? Do you mean who I love? What I've lost? Who am I? I guess who I am is exactly the same as who you are. Not better than. Not less than. Because there is no one who has been or will ever be exactly the same as either you or me.
Sense8
Me gusta cómo te vistes, me gusta cómo hablas, me gusta cómo andas, me gusta tu manera de pensar, y me gusta tu manera de vivir… en breve me gustas!
Sonrisa5 Sayings
تحرقني، تغرقني، تشعلني، تطفأني، تكسرني نصفين كالهلال، تحتل نفسي أطول احتلال، و أجمل احتلال، أشهد
I was thinking today, why people that I like don't seem to like me back , and then I was like it doesn't matter, it shouldn't matter, cause I'm keeping my feelings for myself anyways so there will be no rejection in the process
Sonrisa5 Sayings