Queen of the Dead

[porterr-robinson]

[neverthere12345]

[wisperr]

[misbehavingmaiar]

Update: Sauron is not afraid of hobbits. He was unaware that hobbits existed up until very recently.  he literally did not have time to be afraid of them, they went from a 0 to 100 threat level in twenty seconds. There he was, minding his own business worrying about the usual Elves and Men when suddenly these kids are on his lawn and now he’s dead, like just; 

What did— who– 

did I just get one-shotted by an infant how is this occurring 

[val-ritz]

Honestly I have to love this whole thought process that the Fellowship must have cultivated in Sauron, like…

“These children have found the Ring! But they’re taking it to the elves, of course. I will simply have to catch them on the way.”

“Well, the elves are still not to be trifled with, it seems. It looks as though they have a group of intrepid heroes, how cute! Wait, who’s leading them? Aw, hell.”

“OKAY! Olorin’s out of the way, and now I can finally kill them all and reclaim the- OH DAMMIT, IT’S IN LOTHLORIEN.”

“Well, okay. They’ve taken it onward. Curunir says one of the halflings is still carrying the ring, so he’s going to capture them and we’ll see how this develops. Thankfully Olorin’s still out of the picture and their little group just shattered into pieces, so that’s one less thing to worry about.”

“Aaaaaand Curunir shat the bed. Excellent. Trees, who would have thought? Okay, so we’re back to plan A: conquer Gondor, because if the Ring’s going to be anywhere, it’ll be there.”

“Wait, who’s on the– Isildur’s WHAT? Ohhhh. Ohohoho. Oh now everything makes sense. Isildur’s Heir is back, and he’s here being all prideful again. That’s fine. Really. I’ll just crush him and his kingdom, and then nobody can stop me!”

“WHAT? FUCKING WHAT? THEY SENT HIM BACK? Ugh, alright, alright, I’m cool, I’m fine. He’s still got that stupid wizard costume on, and I’m still stronger than he ever was. It’s not like he can come toe to toe with me, even if he does have an army behind him. This’ll be fine.”

“They’re… actually marching on the Black Gate? Sweet lord, I didn’t think they’d actually do it! This is perfect, everyone’s right here! Olorin, the human princeling, most of the remaining fighting forces of Men, all I have to do is kill them now and– Wait. Someone just put on the Ring. Someone just– That’s a halfling. They’re inside the mouNTAIN OH GOD NAZGUL GO GO G–”

[misbehavingmaiar]

…aaaaaand curtain.

[absynthe--minded]

you can laugh but that is literally what happened

[arty-ari]

This is the single best brief summary I have ever seen of the entire point of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

[sameatschildren-deactivated2018]

DO IT NOW: Guide to Proper Bra Fit and Measuring because Victoria Secret and La Senza and whatever are full of shit and you are definitely wearing the wrong size ok? ok

Hi guys I’m obsessed with this shit lately because I don’t want anyone to have unhappy, unsupported boobs like I did. Even if you think your boobs and bras are fine, try it. It will make a big difference in comfort, support, and shape, even if you have small boobs or big boobs. A proper fitting bra can fix back, shoulder, and neck pain, along with breast soreness - and it can help you look 10lbs lighter, and your breasts a hell of a lot perkier. This guide also works for proper-sized bikinis and bathing suits (many online stores linked to below sell both- sometimes for as low as 10$!)

Don’t just like this, REBLOG IT. EVERYBODY WITH BOOBS DESERVES A PROPER FIT. Even if you don’t wear bras yourself, spread it around to tumblr or with your friends or family.

Grab a soft tape measurer (use inches) and get nekkid - don’t wear a bra or shirt please, you don’t wear a bra or shirt underneath your bra, do you? This part is fast and easy, and will help you find your ‘Starting Point’ bra size - you may not end up in this exact size, but it will get you in the right ballpark.

How to Measure:

Measure your underbust - go right underneath the root of your breasts, but make sure the tape is straight/parallel to the floor. Take a firm, snug measurement - if you have chub, take it tighter.

Measure your bust bent over - bend forward so your back is parallel to the  floor and your boobs are hanging so you have access to all that beautiful breast tissue that is now brought forward. Measure very loosely around the nipples, keeping tape straight/horizontal/perpendicular to the floor.

If your breasts are kind of empty and/or have a lot of sag, this method may overestimate your cup size. Instead, take your bust measurement bent over, standing, and lying flat on your back, and take an average of those three measurements and use that for your calculations.

How to Use These Measurements to find your ‘Starting Size’:

Round up your underbust measurement to the nearest even number. If you are only half an inch or less away from being a lower size, use that instead (unless you have a bony ribcage). This is automatically your band size. No BS. There is no adding imaginary inches here.

The difference between your underbust measurement and your bust measurement dictates your cup size. Every 1 inch in difference represents a cup size, so 1 inch = A, 2 = B, 3 = C, 4 = D. As you can see here, a true D or DD cup is actually pretty fucking small. 

CUP SIZES ARE NOT STANDARD, UNLIKE COMMONLY THOUGHT (AND TOLD TO US BY ASSHOLES LIKE VS). They are TOTALLY relative to band size. The cup on a 30D has 4 inches less volume than the cup on a 34D. A 30D is actually the same cup size as a 34B! 

No one has their shit together on the lettering for each cup size, so here’s a handy dandy chart. Remember to go with UK measurement as they somewhat have their shit together (and because American companies do not make much above DD, so there’s literally no point in knowing it, but the European sizing may come in handy)

I DON’T CARE IF YOU LIVE IN THE USA, DO NOT USE THE AMERICAN MEASUREMENTS, FFS. YOU’LL ONLY MAKE THINGS HARDER AND MORE CONFUSING FOR YOURSELF. ANY BOUTIQUE IN NORTH AMERICA WORTH GOING TO, AND 99% OF ONLINE STORES, IS GOING TO SELL PRIMARILY BRITISH OR EUROPEAN BRANDS AND WILL GO BY THEIR SIZING. THERE IS LITERALLY NO POINT IN KNOWING AMERICAN SIZING

DO NOT USE AMERICAN SIZING

DO NOT USE AMERICAN FUCKING SIZING

EVEN IF YOU ARE AMERICAN

AND LIVE IN THE US

USE THE BRITISH SIZING

For example, I have a 29.5 inch underbust and a 38 inch bust when bent over. So, I should take a 30 band and then there’s an 8 inch difference. So I am a 30FF in UK sizing. This is just my starting point when looking for bras, and I may not always end up with this exact size

Do not pull the ‘omg no I’m not a G cup my boobs aren’t that big you’re more stupid that the idea of vegetable bread’ shit with me ok? You drank the Kool-Aid and now you need to piss it out. CUP SIZES ARE NOT STANDARD. A 34D IS BIGGER IN THE CUPS THAN A 30E. Here, take a look at a chart of cup volumes and see what I mean.

Also… not all ‘big cup’ bras are ugly and granny-like. Just check out brands like Freya or Gossard or Gorteks or Panache or Cleo! They are gorgeous!

Trying it on: What a proper fit is like

ALWAYS SCOOP AND SWOOP BEFORE ASSESSING WHETHER IT FITS OR NOT. What does this mean? This means bend over, hike up your bra so that it sits right under the root of your breasts. Then, start smooshing all your back fat and armpit rolls or any loose tissue thats underneath or to the side of the cup, INTO the cup. All that stuff is breast tissue that got pushed around from your shitty bras, no I am not bullshitting - after a few months of wearing better bras, many people end up having to get a bigger cup and sometimes even a smaller band too, as all the smooshed breast tissue migrates back to the boob, where it should be. Not kidding. So get everything in there and make sure the wire is positioned perfectly under your boobs. Then stand up and assess the fit. If it seemed to fit before scooping, it won’t fit now.

THIS IS JUST A STARTING POINT. Try on your starting size and work from there. You may need to go up or down a band size, or up or down many cup sizes. Not all brands or even models in that brand are made the same way, and the shape of your boobs also helps determine the size and fit, so don’t try on JUST the size you calculated, say “it doesn’t fit”, and then give up and go back to your 36Cs. You aren’t doing yourself any favours. If you don’t feel comfortable in your ‘starting point size’, go ahead and try a size up or down in bands and/or a size or two or even three up or down in cups as needed.

ALWAYS start on the loosest hook. If you need to start on the tightest hook, go down a band size. The point of hooks is simple - as your bra gets used, it gradually loses its elasticity and gets loose. So, you use your hooks to bring it in, and when you reach the last hook, well, be prepared to get rid of your bra in a few months (unless you invest in a band tightener like the Rixie Clip)

A proper fit means the bra band is straight and parallel to the floor. If it isn’t, and seems to be getting pulled up, its too big and isn’t supporting you. Get a smaller band. You shouldn’t be able to stretch it more than a couple inches off your back. It may feel tight at first, but bras do need ‘breaking in’ and you are used to wearing things that do not fit correctly, so give it a chance. Of course, it should not hurt either!

A proper fit means your bra straps are not digging in. 

A proper fit means the gore (the little centerpiece of the bra where the wires sort of meet) MUST tack/sit firmly against your chest. If it doesn’t, then the wires are not truly fully underneath your boobs and so are not giving you the proper support. 

A proper fit means your boobs must fit smoothly into the entire cup (after scooping and swooping). The wire should totally encase all your breast tissue (this includes armpit fat and stuff). There should be no empty space at the bottom or top of the cup. Your boobs should not be overflowing from the top of the cup. If there’s overflowing or uncontained tissue after scooping, or of it feels tight, get a bigger cup.

A proper fit means you should be able to lift your arms over your head and jump around without the band or underwire budging or exposing underboob.

Size Tweaks/Troubleshooting (make sure you scoop and swoop first):

The band feels tight: Is the gore tacking or not? If not, go up a cup size or two (or maybe even three or four). Even if the gore is tacking, try this first. The band may be tight because the cups are too small, so your boobs are stretching the band out too much to overcompensate for lack of cup depth, making it feel tighter. If after trying larger cups, it still feels uncomfortably tight, go up a band size (and down a cup size if the first size fit well in the cups - remember, cup is relative to band, a 32DD is the same in the cups as a 34D). Remember though that it takes a few days to break a bra in, so it may feel tight or perfect at first, and then comfortable or too loose later.

The band feels loose/band is riding up and not remaining parallel to the floor: Go down a band size (and up a cup size or two because blablah relativity). 

The gore is not tacking, but band is not tight: Band size is too big, or maybe fits just right - but the cups are too small. You know what to do.

Boobs spilling over: Go up a cup size. Check first though that the bottom of the cup is not empty, and hike it up if it is!

Empty space at bottom of cup: Hike that shit up so it gets right to the roots of your breasts. This may fix bulging/spillage. If you can’t get it higher, then you need a smaller cup or this make of bra is just not suited to your shape.

Empty space at top of cup: You need a smaller cup, or this shape of bra just does not suit you your breasts, especially if your breasts are not very full on top. Or you need to scoop and swoop!

Straps digging in: Loosen them. If your boobs suddenly sag, then the band is not supportive enough, and you need a tighter band.

Armpit rolls: Bigger cup and/or scoop and swoop that shit. The cut of bra may also just not be for you (for now anyway - your armpit rolls may migrate back into the boobs and disappear eventually!)

They don’t even make my size!!: If you’re in a 28-48 D-KK (UK sizing) cup, you will find your size online easily enough. however, if you have a smaller band than that or need smaller cups, they are hard to find - message me and I’ll try to help you with a solution!

So, for example, my starting size may be 30FF, but I may end up wearing a 28G or H if the band of that model is too loose and the gore not tacking. Or the band may be fine and I may need a bigger cup so I’ll get a 30G. Or The band may be good but the cups too big, so I’ll get a 30F or E. Or the band may be too small to be comfortable and I’ll wear a 32F or E (same cupsize-ish as 30FF!). 

 What Not to Do:

NEVER PUT YOUR BRA IN THE DRYER. AND PREFERABLY, WASH IT BY HAND. The heat and twisting ruins the elasticity of the bra and reduces its life! This is the best way to ruin bras, don’t do it.

Do not add 3 or 4 or 5 inches or whatever to your band measurement. That is BS that American companies use so that they don’t have to manufacture a larger range of sizes - they use it to fit you into their stock, not their stock onto you. The band will be too big and unsupportive. Those 4 inches they add to the band are 4 inches that should be in the cup size, so no wonder people think anything over DD should be huge.

Do not measure your ‘overbust’ cause really what the fuck does that have to do with how large you are underneath your boobs, come on

Do not do the above because 80% of the support comes from the band, which needs to be firm against you and not be sliding or moving around.Would you wear underwear 4 inches bigger than your hips? No, so why would you wear a bra band 4 inches bigger than your ribcage that gets pulled up and stuff and would fall off if not for the straps, while expecting it to support the boobies at the same time?

Do not go down a band size and then forget to go up a cup size or two. Again, cup sizes are not static. A 30FF is the same cup volume as a 32F or E. If you don’t do this, no shit the bra will fit badly or feel tight.

Do not go straight to Victoria’s Secret or La Senza or whatever, even if you are lucky enough to fit in their small range of sizes - they don’t seem to follow sizing very well. Still, try, by all means, but be aware that their bras may be odd compared to others.

 "But where do I get these Bras? I’ve never even seen these sizes!“

Luckily, the internet makes this shit really easy. Buying bras online is nearly always way cheaper, even with shipping, and even if coming from somewhere in Europe! But of course, its best to try on stuff first, to avoid the hassle of return shipping (even though its still not that expensive - just annoying). So what I advise is to find a store near you, try stuff on there, note down the Brand, Model, and Size, and then buy it online for up to a quarter of of the in-store price.

If you can’t find a store near you, online ordering is still extremely cheap, even with return shipping. Instead of getting a whole bunch of bras in only 1 size each, pick out a few models and order a few sizes of each. Ex: one with a bigger or smaller band if your measurements are close to needing a bigger or smaller band size, and then some up or down a couple cup sizes so you can compare the fit. When you have the perfect fit in one bra, it will be easier to go on Bratabase or r/ABraThatFits and have them suggest bras that give similar shape or suggest a different size to you as a model you’re interested in may run large or small.

So, Where to Find:

Note: You can find proper-sized bras as low as 10$ US online (particularly from ebay or brastop.com) and most average 30-45$.

List of Online Retailers from BustyResourcesWiki: A complete list of online retailers around da world. Many ship internationally so take a look at all of them (particularly the UK ones)

Ebay, Etsy, and Amazon all have bras inexpensively.

List of Offline Retailers from BustyResourcesWiki: List of chain-stores (not of privately owned stores)

If in Canada, look for a Change Lingerie near you to try on bras. Note that they only carry their own brand.

If in the USA, look for a Nordstrom or Nordstrom Rack near you to try on bras. They carry all sorts of brands and have an online store as well (and also ship to Canada!)

Use a store locator from the webpage of a bra brand company to find non-chain, privately owned stores - if they have one of these brands, they’ll have others. Here’s the locator for Freya, Curvy Kate, Fantasie, Chantelle, Panache, and Affinitas. There are more than just these of course.

If you are small in the band AND in the cup (under a D cup) look at the Little Bra Company.

Ask around on Bratabase or r/ABraThatFits for stores near you.

WOMAN, YOU HAVE THE INTERNET! GOOGLE! YELP!

WARNING: There are many chain stores (Nordstrom, Lane Bryant, Mark and Spencer, Change etc) that do bra fittings and have a good reputation. However, each store is different - some measure correctly, and some use the stupid VS method. Every store has a different team of employees and knowledge. DO NOT GO IN WITHOUT HAVING MEASURED YOURSELF FIRST, JUST IN CASE THEY ARE ONE OF THE BAD STORES. DO NOT TRUST ALL BRA FITTERS, EVEN IF SOMEONE RECOMMENDED THEM TO YOU. If your fitter gives you a measurement different from this one, be mentally prepared to have a difficult time getting them to help you find the right bra.

I had the fitter at Change help me, and when I mentioned that the gore did not tack, she said “Oh, the gore never touches the chest with these bras”. I was like HAHA NOPE BRING ME A LARGER CUP WOMAN. And lo and behold, 2 extra cup sizes later, the gore tacked (and my boobs stopped spilling out). She was very nice otherwise but if I hadn’t known better that could have been bad.

Resources:

r/ABraThatFits: forum for bras, they will help you with sizing, fitting, and finding the right model for your breast shape - they have links to a lot of resources, such as online stores, used bra listings, etc.

Busty Resources Wiki: Great resource for fitting tips, diagrams, explanations, styles.

Bra Band Project: an online gallery of what various sizes look like! Dump your disbelief!

List of Online Retailers: Online is MUCH cheaper and shipping is usually cheap too, even from Europe. Try bras in a store near you , pick out what you like, and order them online instead.

Bratabase: Database of bras, with user inputted measurements of each bra model in its size - bras may be marked the same size, but with this you can see which may have bigger or smaller bands or cups, or what style may suit what shape of breast, all of which helps find the perfect fit for you! 

Great Youtube Video on Bra Fitting: This is one of the few people on Youtube who knows their shit about bras. Great for the visuals to help you understand what a bad fit and proper fit look like.

Venusian Glow is a great bra blog - SO MUCH INFO. Suggests bras based on your boob shape amongst other things.

[victorious]

Reblog this and money will be entering your life this week

[atl-definedbody]

Just doing what i was told

[captainfaygeleh]

okay i have a loki question

how the fuck did odin sneak him into asgard?

like, heimdall saw that shit right? odin comes back through the bifrost and heimdall is just “…………….”

heimdall: that’s a baby

odin: yes! he’s my son! ………..loki. i’m going to dress him in green and black, because that worked great last time

or odin comes back and is trying to figure out, how to play it, and heimdall and frigga are just waiting for him and completely deadpan

frigga: ah, husband! you have returned from war in time to meet your newborn son. who i had. after being pregnant. secretly.

odin: what

frigga:

heimdall:

loki: *baby noises*

odin: right

honestly, i just need heimdall going up to frigga like “you won’t believe what your husband just did”

[matchgirl42]

odin: he’s a replacement for the child I had to lock away in the shadow realm.

heimdall:

odin: I’ll do better by this one.  I know I will.

heimdall:

heimdall: You mean Frigga will.

[langernameohnebedeutung]

Odin: Please can we keep it? It’s cute and changes colours and smiles at my empty eye socket. I promise I’ll take care of it I’ll feed it every week and I’ll dress it in green and black and I’ll teach it to throw knives and it will be great!

Heimdall: Frigga, he stole a baby. Say something.

[rebelmeg]

THIS IS THE BEST THING

[gingersnapwolves]

Funny as this is, I think it gives Odin way too much compassion and fatherly skills. I picture it more like this:

Odin: I return to Asgard with the abandoned son of Laufey, who is now our political prisoner.

Heimdall: ……that’s a baby.

Odin: ……..well, yes, technically.

Frigga: …….he’s my son now. 

Odin: I’m not sure if - 

Frigga: don’t talk to me or my son ever again

[kamikaze-kumquat]

Odin: But, Frigga…

Frigga walking away with the baby: You know, for a guy who gave up an eye to have the ability to foresee the future and all that, you really are pretty blind.

Odin: So, I have no depth perception. Sue me.

Heimdall: they wonder why I don’t go to family dinners…

[elfwreck]

I know a great many followers of Norse religions who believe Odin should’ve gotten his eye back.

ODIN: I have returned victorious! See, I have brought–

FRIGGA: My child.

ODIN: What?

FRIGGA: I’m your wife; if you’re bringing a baby into my bedchamber, it had damn well better be mine.

ODIN: …but this is…

FRIGGA: The next words out of your mouth had better not be, “an innocent baby that I’m going to keep imprisoned for political gain.”

ODIN: …

FRIGGA: Give me my son.

ODIN: …o…kay?

FRIGGA: Better start telling people this is your son, because I assure you I will have no problems telling people this is Laufey’s son.

ODIN: Heimdall! Please announce to the realm that I have a new son!

[albertothechihuahua]

this is the money dog, repost in the next 24 hours and money will come your way!!

[jaxblade]

ehh what the hell

[jaxblade]

OH MY GOD SO NO FUCKIN BULLSHIT I SWEAR To GOD. I reblogged this an hour ago and IM NOT Lying My Tax Refund which I did in late march popped into my Bank Account, and it was a Decent sized amount……

WHAT THE FUCK Is THIS MAGIC!??!?!?! Im trying this again IM NOT BSing hahahaha thats actually pretty cool xD

[jaxblade]

yooooo

yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

FUCKIN YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

no BULLSHIT I KID YOU NOT! Look what I found while walking Home…..

OH MY GOD

OH MY F*CKIN GOD

THIS POST FUCKIN WORKS?!?!?! THIS IS PAST A COINCIDENCE NO WAY!??! NO FRIGGIN WAY!!! 

Im Going to reblog this every day to test this, its MAGIC ITS FRIGGIN MAGIC 

[que-pasadena]

I need to believe in the heart of the post…

[perlexnoire-deactivated20150716]

Oh? Well… *reblag*

[zer0will2live]

i reblogged this and now my uncle is giving me 250 to dye my hair nani the fucko

[qslay]

I have nothing to lose

[stoicdaydreamer]

my palm was itchin today not riskin it

[astripperstory]

I always reblog the money posts cause I can’t afford not too lol

[brownsugarempress]

It works. I just got $300 for no reason.

[thecrybabbles-deactivated201605]

Money dog is my friend

[yeaimcoollikethat-deactivated20]

Money dog is the shit

[anttom2016-blog]

I believe in the money dog😀

[princedhunglow-deactivated20181]

I believe in the money 🐶

[cosmic-noir]

Bless me pls money pup 🙏🐕

[crip-jesus-deactivated20190301]

Just woke up 🙌🏿

[totheonedegree]

Pplease😭🙏🏽

[liveeduzit-deactivated20180618]

Love me money dog! 🤣

[xmknightbuster]

Money dog. Hook a brother up please

[inkdot-deactivated20200219]

This weekend I was told a story which, although I’m kind of ashamed to admit it, because holy shit is it ever obvious, is kind of blowing my mind.

A friend of a friend won a free consultation with Clinton Kelly of What Not To Wear, and she was very excited, because she has a plus-size body, and wanted some tips on how to make the most of her wardrobe in a fashion culture which deliberately puts her body at a disadvantage.

Her first question for him was this: how do celebrities make a plain white t-shirt and a pair of weekend jeans look chic?  She always assumed it was because so many celebrities have, by nature or by design, very slender frames, and because they can afford very expensive clothing.  But when she watched What Not To Wear, she noticed that women of all sizes ended up in cute clothes that really fit their bodies and looked great.  She had tried to apply some guidelines from the show into her own wardrobe, but with only mixed success.  So - what gives?

His answer was that everything you will ever see on a celebrity’s body, including their outfits when they’re out and about and they just get caught by a paparazzo, has been tailored, and the same goes for everything on What Not To Wear.  Jeans, blazers, dresses - everything right down to plain t-shirts and camisoles.  He pointed out that historically, up until the last few generations, the vast majority of people either made their own clothing or had their clothing made by tailors and seamstresses.  You had your clothing made to accommodate the measurements of your individual body, and then you moved the fuck on.  Nothing on the show or in People magazine is off the rack and unaltered.  He said that what they do is ignore the actual size numbers on the tags, find something that fits an individual’s widest place, and then have it completely altered to fit.  That’s how celebrities have jeans that magically fit them all over, and the rest of us chumps can’t ever find a pair that doesn’t gape here or ride up or slouch down or have about four yards of extra fabric here and there.

I knew that having dresses and blazers altered was probably something they were doing, but to me, having alterations done generally means having my jeans hemmed and then simply living with the fact that I will always be adjusting my clothing while I’m wearing it because I have curves from here to ya-ya, some things don’t fit right, and the world is just unfair that way.  I didn’t think that having everything tailored was something that people did. 

It’s so obvious, I can’t believe I didn’t know this.  But no one ever told me.  I was told about bikini season and dieting and targeting your “problem areas” and avoiding horizontal stripes.  No one told me that Jennifer Aniston is out there wearing a bigger size of Ralph Lauren t-shirt and having it altered to fit her.

I sat there after I was told this story, and I really thought about how hard I have worked not to care about the number or the letter on the tag of my clothes, how hard I have tried to just love my body the way it is, and where I’ve succeeded and failed.  I thought about all the times I’ve stood in a fitting room and stared up at the lights and bit my lip so hard it bled, just to keep myself from crying about how nothing fits the way it’s supposed to.  No one told me that it wasn’t supposed to.  I guess I just didn’t know.  I was too busy thinking that I was the one that didn’t fit.

I thought about that, and about all the other girls and women out there whose proportions are “wrong,” who can’t find a good pair of work trousers, who can’t fill a sweater, who feel excluded and freakish and sad and frustrated because they have to go up a size, when really the size doesn’t mean anything and it never, ever did, and this is just another bullshit thing thrown in your path to make you feel shitty about yourself.

I thought about all of that, and then I thought that in elementary school, there should be a class for girls where they sit you down and tell you this stuff before you waste years of your life feeling like someone put you together wrong.

So, I have to take that and sit with it for a while.  But in the meantime, I thought perhaps I should post this, because maybe my friend, her friend, and I are the only clueless people who did not realise this, but maybe we’re not.  Maybe some of you have tried to embrace the arbitrary size you are, but still couldn’t find a cute pair of jeans, and didn’t know why.

[hungrylikethewolfie]

This post is one of those things that I will reblog every time it appears on my dash.  This is so important, and no one ever tells you about it.

[skeletree-blog]

I almost didn’t read this but then I did and I’m really glad that I did.

[theopinionatedartist]

Super important

[deafinatlyme]

Tldr: The reason clothes never “looked right on you” is because models and celebrities always had their clothes tailored to fit them perfectly.

[reotheleo]

Can I just say, uh, I’m pretty sure noticing you’re asexual is harder than noticing you’re gay, straight, pan or otherwise. Like, I just read someone’s desciption of hitting puberty and, like, there’s nothing like that. There’s no sudden ‘boob’ moment, no sudden ‘fuck, I’d fuck that’ moment, not sudden anything. You just, like, plod on through life as usual going ‘oooh, that’s pretty, I’d like that hair’ or ‘oooooh, they’re nice, I’d like to be close to them’ but there’s no like, ‘oh, someone would want to fuck that but I don’t’, you know? You just- you don’t notice, you don’t realise everyone else has ‘had a moment’ but you haven’t, you just- keep going as you always have.

And then, much much later, you start to wonder why people are getting so caught up in drama for romance or sex, like, why bother? It’s not worth it, they’re not worth it, why are you doing stupid things for something that’s so- and then you wonder if there’s something wrong with you, start mentally over compensating. Like ‘uh, okay, um, who should I date? Who can I stand to date? Who could I stand to fuck?’ like- it’s not, it’s not something you want, but you want to fit it, to be normal.

Sometimes you don’t even know that you’re doing it.

Sometimes you don’t even know asexual’s a thing.

I dunno, I guess, I just feel like, uh, people should understand more?

idk sorry thank you for listening to me

[demiblocked]

Thank you for perfectly describing it.

[qteacat-deactivated20180730]

There it is. Y'all better read it

[incaseoface]

And this is it in a nutshell

[otherwindow]

This is how the golden age of piracy ended.

[otherwindow]

The first mermaid to get tattoos :)

[dragonsateyourtoast]

“we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?”

“kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.

“we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.”

“i know.”

x

“daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.”

her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.

“daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.

“don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.

x

“father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?”

“your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.”

she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says.

x

“why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.

“we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.”

she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family.

“it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.”

x

her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.”

the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass.

“why not?” the mermaid asks.

“he’ll win,” the first mate says.

the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks.

x

the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.

“don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.”

x

the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape.

“let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.”

they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.

she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.

the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.

x

she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.

x

“you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her.

she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.

“i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.”

the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time.

“we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.

“i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.

“guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.”

“without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?”

“i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?”

“of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.”

x

the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.

“you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.

the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.

“they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.”

“and now?”

“they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?”

the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.”

[curlicuecal]

Pirates and their stolen treasure. <3

[froscan]

[internetgf]

so seductive

[satanatural]

THIS GETS ME EVERY FUCKING TIME

[oldfilmsflicker]

[ladykate63]

Great scene, and based on an actual historical incident in medieval Germany:

When King Conrad III defeated the Duke of Welf (in the year 1140) and placed Weinsberg under siege, the wives of the besieged castle negotiated a surrender which granted them the right to leave with whatever they could carry on their shoulders. The king allowed them that much. Leaving everything else aside, each woman took her own husband on her shoulders and carried him out. When the king’s people saw what was happening, many of them said that that was not what had been meant and wanted to put a stop to it. But the king laughed and accepted the women’s clever trick. “A king” he said, “should always stand by his word.”

Medieval women were BAMFs.

[imamandanelson]

This movie scene is where I learned the true survival value of being a smart-ass.

[norisus]

A Tutorial Masterpost

[kasai-mayonaka]

norisus:

norisus:

Some tutorials that I’ve come across, organized both for my own viewing pleasure and to hopefully assist others as well. I update this list whenever I come across new, helpful pieces.

A lot of these are hosted on my personal Tumblr, but I don’t change my url so it’s pretty safe to bookmark them there (and not have to worry about the url changing) if you don’t wish to reblog them yourself for whatever reason.

Feline tutorials:

Basic domesticated cat tutorial

The domestic cat body

Improving upon (lion) anatomy

Realistic lion faces tips

Big cat paw tips

Canine vs. feline - paws and legs

Beginner feline tutorial

Guide to big cats

Feline comparison

Canine vs. feline - facial anatomy

Canine vs. feline - chest anatomy

Guide to little cats

Big cat eyes (could work for other eyes)

Spot variation in big cats

Big cat studies

Feline feet

Extremely helpful big cat references

Domestic cat references

Canine tutorials:

Basic wolf anatomy

Skeleton notes on wolf legs

The wolf skeleton as a whole

The wolf skull and teeth

Wolf paw tips

Basic canine poses

Canine ears and chest

Drawing realistic wolves

Basic wolf tutorial

Wolf paw tutorial

Paw pad tips

Wolf skeleton and muscles

Wolf fur direction

Canine vs. feline - paws and legs

Canine vs. feline - facial anatomy

Canine vs. feline - chest anatomy

And this is just an excellent DA for wolf reference images

Fluid greyhound studies

Avian tutorials:

Bird wing anatomy applied on humanoids

Bird wing tutorial (lots of underrated tips)

Varying bird wing structure

Basic owl anatomy

Bird wing vs. bat wing vs. pterodactyl wing vs. human arm

Bird wings and flight

Various bird wings

Eagle facts sheet

Bird muscular and skeletal anatomy

Some great photograph bird (wing) references

Dorsal anatomy of a bird wing

Winged people anatomy

Human(oid) tutorials:

Facial features:

Excellent expressions tut

Altalamatox face tutorial

Profile proportions

Expression tutorial

Virtual lighting studio

Various facial and body shapes reference

Drawing the nose

Human mouths

Breaking down the human nose

How to draw the ear

Jawline and kissing tip

The human head at various angles

Advice on eyes

Nose shapes

The human skull and face

Facial features

Portrait lighting cheat sheet

Animating dialogue (mouth movement)

A kissing tutorial

Expressions photo references

Semi-realistic eye tutorial

Painting a realistic eye

The face in profile

The human head at various angles

Muscles in the neck and face

Breakdown of lips

Blocked out human faces

Average female faces of the world

Expressive eye reference

Excellent ear anatomy tutorial

Constraining the face

The face at various angles

Human faces

Skull to face tutorial

Excellent teeth tutorial. Animalistic, but it works

Tips on teeth

Colours of the face

Photographic mouth/teeth reference

Neck, shoulders, arms, back, and torso:

A male shoulder study

Muscles in the neck and face

Neck and torso tut

Male torso anatomy in use

Arm shape and muscles

Breaking up the male torso

Female anatomy patterns

Male torso photo reference

Over the shoulder poses

Shoulder structure (male)

Male torso in motion

A neat arm trick

Detailed arm muscle drawings

Male muscle reference

Human back tips

Movement and muscles of the neck, torso, and arms

Simplifying a muscular male torso

Drawing boobs

Female vs male arms and shoulders

Making sure ladies have room for organs and realistic boobs

Shoulders vs hips

Hands on hips poses

Muscles of the arms and shoulders (in motion)

Varied male and female torso references

Legs, hips, and feet:

Male vs. female waist

Female anatomy patterns

The human hips

Male legs reference

A beginner’s guide to knees

Feet and shoes tutorial

Simplifying the human foot

Feet reference drawings

Feet, ankles, and shoes

Shoulders vs hips

Bent legs yes and no’s (female)

Hands and feet from cone shapes

Hands:

Hand tips and reference

Simplifying hands

More simplified hands

The human hand

More hand(y) tips

Yet another hands tutorial

The fist

The hand in motion

Hand and feet tips

Excellent hand and feet studies

How hands grip a sword

Hand poses

Boxing out the hand

Hello more hand refs

Hand angle references

Correct grip on a pistol

Various hand references (with object holding poses)

Simple hands, fingers, and nails

Hands and feet from cone shapes

Full body and poses:

Simplifying human anatomy

Understanding anatomy part 1 (follow desc. links for more)

A guide to movement: flexibility

Pose tutorial

Varying the female figure

Excellent action and couple references

Various athletic builds

Proportional height of different positions

The human body in perspective

Body type diversity

Another ladies tutorial

Fullbody proportions tutorial

Guide to human types

Couple pose photo references

Practice figure drawing (animals as well)

How weight sits on different (female) bodies

Kneeling and sitting stock references

Constructing poses and the line of action

Varying your body types (female)

Large source of female anatomy references

Hair and skin:

Various types of hair

Drawing hair

Skintone palettes

Variation of colour throughout the skin

Painting skin

Skin tutorial

Skin undertones (men)

Drawing freckles

Drawing different types of hair

Other:

Bird wing anatomy applied on humanoids

Animal feet on a human figure

Various human bone studies

Interesting mythical creature skeletons with humanoid anatomy

Winged people anatomy

Dragon tutorials (and bat wings):

Anatomy of the Western dragon

Dragon wing tips

Dragon wing tutorial

Dragon anatomy

Dragon tutorial

Bat wing anatomy tutorial

Equine tutorials:

Basic horse (back) reference

The equine skeleton

Horse anatomy and pointers

A good, large collection of horse stock references

Skeleton of a horse and its rider

Horse hooves

Skeletal and fluid horse studies

Cervine tutorials:

Basic deer anatomy

Deer skeleton drawing

Deer skull reference

Deer musculature

Deer skeleton

Fluid deer studies

The Big Book of Drawing: deer

Ursine tutorials:

Fantastic bear anatomy/poses references

Basic bear structure

Bear anatomy tutorial

Miscellaneous animal tutorials:

Sheep vs. goats

Anteater studies

Chimp studies

Asian elephant skeletal drawing

Animating four legged creatures

Various animal studies from an animation aspect

Goat skull/eye tips

Drawing rats

A tutorial on creature design

Snake mouths

Amazing teeth tutorial

Background and objects tutorials:

Griffsnuff background tut part 1 (second in desc.)

Tree tutorial

Realistic gems tut

Water tutorial

General water tutorial

Drawing crystals

Drawing bows

Painting rocks

Parts of a saber (other swords linked in desc.)

Analyzing key and contrast/time of day/etc

Corner-pin perspective distortion

Using three cubes to make a street view

Cloud tutorial

A beautiful flower tutorial

A simple but effective tree tutorial

Drawing mechanical objects

Multiple tree tutorials

Perspective tricks

Weapon and shield accessory tutorial

Clothing tutorials:

Fabric tutorial

Clothing folds part 1 (second in desc.)

Drawing hoods

Drawing jeans

Hat on human figure reference

Armor

More hat on figure references

Different shirt collars

Collars, sport backs, vests, and pants

Draperies and costumes

Making colourful fabric patterns

Baseball cap reference

A ton of clothing references

A boatload of well-organized clothing refs

Feet and shoes tutorial

Dressing Rosalind Lutece (older female clothing)

Feet, ankles, and shoes

Hats and how to draw them

Clothing folds tutorial

Drawing clothing wrinkles

A breakdown of medieval armor

Drawing hoods

General painting, drawing, and style tips:

Altalamatox digital painting walkthrough

Simple fur tutorial

Realism painting tutorial (human subject)

Excellent colour tutorial

Painting a wolf (good fur painting visual)

Photoshop brushes tut

Basics of Photoshop tutorial

Another digital painting tutorial

Common digital painting mistakes

Colour and light

Soft cel-shading tutorial

Various types of hair

Colour tips and the mood it expresses

Composition tips

Lighting and colour tips

Shadows

Another composition tut

Simple colouring via overlay

From paper to digital

Painting gold

Colour palette turtles

Excellent fur painting tutorial

Skin painting tips

Colouring black and white pictures

Creating a colour palette with MS Paint

Obeying screen direction

Analyzing key and contrast/time of day/etc

The coil technique

Colour adjustment tips

Making flat colour pieces look gorgeous

Blending with hard brushes

Outlining in SAI

Uncommon information regarding colours

Compositional balance

Visual algorithms

Gesture over anatomy

Disney Chris Sanders’ style tips

Design, colour, and value

Decent art without lining or shading

Varied shots of the human figure

Cinematography of the Incredibles

Giving characters personality with poses and expressions

The main shapes of character design

Hand and wrist health:

Carpal tunnel syndrome information

Carpal tunnel syndrome exercises

Wrist, hand, and finger stretches video

Another video with good hand exercises

Hope these help!

I just went through and added like 20+ more tutorials

If you ever find a link that doesn’t work, or one that leads to the wrong page, please inform me so that I can either fix or remove it!

[memewhore]

[thisarenotarealblog]

chaotic neutral

[percyhoneybee]

THERE MUST BE A PARAGRAPH BREAK EVERY TIME A NEW CHARACTER SPEAKS

THIS IS NOT OPTIONAL

NO ONE WANTS TO READ ONE BIG BLOCK OF TEXT JESUS CHRIST

[bloated-butch]

REMEMBER TIP TOP OK:

Make a paragraph every time that any of these things change!

Ti me

P lace

To pic

P erson

[writeworld-blog]

[smallbookthings]

reblogging again because this is IMPORTANT

[khaleesiofthewolves]

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT, PEOPLE! REBLOG TO SAVE A WRITER’S LIFE!

[meantfortheshore]

[moremetalthanyourmom]

Okay but after seeing this I started doing it too and it’s amazing how many men I’ve run into bc they expected me to move

[youcangofindatree-deactivated20]

Gotta try it

[clevermanka]

I work (and walk) on a college campus. I’ve lost count of how many men I’ve smacked shoulders with.

[emmagrant01]

Recently, I was standing outside my son’s classroom waiting to talk to his teacher. I stood on one side of the hallway, not even close to the center. At some point, a man came walking along. I was standing right in his path, but the hallway was empty, so I logically expected him to swerve around me. Instead he kept walking right toward me, got to me, and stopped, as if waiting for me to get out of his way. I didn’t; I just smiled politely at him. He finally walked around me, clearly annoyed that I hadn’t leapt out of his manly path.

Now I’m wishing I’d leapt aside, taken off my jacket and laid it on the floor before him, then bowed deeply and said, “My Liege!”

[mercurialkitty]

I also work at a college campus. I smack shoulders sometimes, but I find that if I stare straight ahead and follow the advice below, people get the heck out of the way.

[songbirde108]

Honestly this post changed how I carry myself when walking alone in public, or in a situation where I’m the one leading. People definitely move for the murder gaze.

[onethingconstant]

Confirmed. I once had to rush back inside a convention hall as the con was closing in order to a retrieve a sick friend’s medication, and I didn’t understand why people in the crowd were jumping out of my way (literally—one guy vaulted a table) until I realized I was dressed as the Winter Soldier and doing the Murder Walk because that’s just how I walk in those boots. I got the meds, got out, and made a mental note.

I repeated the experiment later, wearing the boots but otherwise my usual clothing and mimicking the expression I thought I’d had at that moment. People parted like I was Charlton Heston.

I now wear that style of boots whenever possible. I recently had a man do a double-take as I walked by and ask me, politely, where I had served because I “looked like a soldier.” I’m not current or former military. I was wearing a flowy purple peasant top and looked as un-soldierlike as possible.

Moral of the story: wear comfortable shoes, square your shoulders, and walk like you’ve been sent to murder Captain America.

[naeonnoir]

WALK LIKE YOU’VE BEEN SENT TO MURDER CAPTAIN AMERICA

[fenland-witch-deactivated202005]

I will always reblog this post, because it works!! Even when coming up to a large group of teenage lads, who are taking up the entire pathway and had not moved for adult males let alone anyone else, got the HELL out of the way for the murder walk!!!

[breelandwalker]

Always reblog for the Murder Walk.

[archer-wise-deactivated20190912]

Question, will the murder walk work for people under the height of 5′5″?

[actualmermaid]

The murder walk does work if you’re under 5'5"! Having resting bitchface and wearing a lot of black helps.

I’m a small 5'3" and have been called intimidating by multiple people. I’m actually a marshmallow, but my face and the way I walk and talk say “intimidating” somehow

[whoopsrobots]

Even just the solid posture and flat expression- something about the, ‘too busy for your shit, would gladly sell your kidneys’ aura keeps the drunk creeps on the train from trying to chat

[smgoetter]

“Lady Tilda and the Dragon”

Or “Mom Knight” which is what I kept calling it for most of the time I worked on this. This was my story for Valor, a fairy tale anthology I was in last year! It’s a really great book, and I’m so glad I got to be a part of it. You can purchase a copy here.