Shitpost Central

Baby animals alongside writing prompts and posts specifically designed to make you question humanity because I’m too lazy to make a seperate blog

[everythingfox]

A rare moment caught on camera

[hobolunchbox]

Inventing ways to deliver whoop-ass.

[silksieve]

Omg this cat. That was pre-meditated!!

[everythingfox]

peP

[scretladyspider]

Sound ON

[daetachment1-deactivated2015012]

[zooophagous]

oh my FUCKING GOODNESS LOOK AT YOU

[hungrylikethewolfie]

Oh my god it just looks so proud of itself.

[thecatlurker-deactivated2016010]

i am leopard. 

[insomniac-arrest]

tumblr: on languages

[alias-milamber]

The thai for “5″ is pronounced roughly “Ha”, and so where english internets would generally put “lol” or something, they put “555555555″.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

Croatian has “c”, “č” and “ć” and all of them are different letters. Both č and ć are pronounced like “ch” is pronounced in English, except č is pronounced in a stronger way, while ć is pronounced softer. So make sense of that.

[somecutething]

The dog’s owner was sad, so they tried to comfort them. ♥️

[richirou-deactivated20140123]

my kitten says hello

[imnotreallyhome]

WHAT

WAS

THAT

SOUND

[xmasqueradeangelx]

I was not ready for this today…This is too much cuteness. I just..I can’t even..

[nerdii-panda-deactivated2016083]

i just got kissed by a cat. through a screen. and i love it.

[jumpingjacktrash]

you really need to hit play you just really do

[aurordream]

I was browsing the nintendo store and was kind of saddened to see that they are dividing their gift ideas by gender.

So out of curiosity I decided to see what they were marketing to me, as a woman. Is it just going to be cutesy games like nintendogs or something?

The signs are not good. Is this going to be a ‘men play consoles women play handhelds’ stereotype or something? Lets scroll down…

Huh. Well Pokemon is the next big handheld release. So lets see what they’re marketing to men?

…the same thing…? 

…literally the exact same thing.

They posted the same page twice, and just changed the pronouns in the captions.

Nintendo doesn’t care what gender you are.

They just really, really want you to buy Pokemon.

[brunhiddensmusings]

this is like 90% of the way to being an actual statement about cultural norms

[shitposting-hobbits-to-gallifrey]

There is one gender and it is POKEMON

[catsofinstagram]

‪From @little.foster.family: “We’re getting bigger, stronger, and chunkier everyday! In no time we will become little predators. 🦁” #twitterweek #catsofinstagram ‬ [source: https://ift.tt/2XeAtot ]

[ripe]

woofwoof on facebook

[silvysartfulness]

This is very important.

[spongebob-autisticquestions]

Auditory processing disorder is like YouTube’s auto-generated subtitles. It hears words but cannot process them into an understandable sentence

[mugwomps]

Oh

[charlesoberonn]

People in badly written fantasy stories will usually talk about the major historical events of their world and how magic has affected the lives of everyone, but ask a person in the real world to describe the effects of WWI and the invention of the combustion engine on modern life and they’d probably couldn’t tell you.

[bone-us-zone]

Broke: every character seems to know everything about the history and lore of the world

Woke: most characters can’t tell you much besides the basics but there are some that can tell you more complete but specific parts

H Y P E R W O K E: Every character tells you a wildly different version of the past and what effects it has on the present, ranging from the government is an imperialist, colonizing body obsessed with power to the one true ruler was sent by the gods and has smote down anyone who got in his way to “Oh you mean Jeff, the quote unquote tyrant of the west? I knew that guy! He was alright, never did anything wrong really just wanted some soup.” And there’s no way to tell what actually happened

[charlesoberonn]

I like your thinking

[disimba]

[neoitalodance]

This is my favourite baroque painting

[vintar]

hello i have learnt more spider facts

spiders will pull their own legs clean off if they get damaged because most of them can regrow legs during molting, which explains why you often see spiders missing a leg but never any missing half a leg?

some remarkably distressing scientists proved this by getting a spider to pull off all of its legs and then feeding its limbless torso for months until it sprouted a full complement of legs again and then hopefully used them to get the fuck out of dodge

baby spiders don’t get lenses until their first molt and before that they just have baby eyes and while this ought not to be any weirder than the concept of baby teeth, welp,

there are so many spiders floating around thousands of metres up in the air that they’re described as “aerial plankton”

The Sky Is Full Of Spiders

there are spider-parasitising spiders but instead of laying eggs in organs or stealing blood or anything like that they just ride on top of bigger spiders and steal snacks when their mighty steed is eating

there are ant-mimicking spiders that use their disguises to raid ant nests and w/e but there are also ant mimics that just. hang out. they make fake ant colonies full of fake ants. sometimes the actual ants that they’re mimicking find their house and live with them. stealth 100

some mother spiders live in communal family nests, where multiple mothers can work together to bring down bigger prey while all their collected babies are cared for by the babysitters

some mother spiders feed their babies mouth to mouth like birds

some mother spiders carry their babies around and i was aware of this but not the fact that if you steal their eggsac they’ll freak out and search for it for hours and sometimes end up adopting anything that’s vaguely the right size, they will carry around empty snail shells for weeks and lovingly dote on them…

guys i am literally about to cry over spider moms

[interadulation]

I am terribly afraid of spiders and most of this list makes me want to hide in the shower forever but that bit about the spider mom’s adopting anything vaguely egg-sack shaped makes me terribly sad so please give the spider moms their egg sacks back.

[notanandalitebandit]

@glumshoe

[ginger-ale-official]

God I really want this to be a fighting game where you press the Punch Button to immediately win each fight

[mamoru]

you load the game, watch the hour long back story, press the punch button and your television immediately explodes

[exigencelost]

Okay look. Stephanie Meyer contributed four (4) cool things to the contemporary fantasy genre, which I shall now list here in the hopes of getting it out of my system. In descending order of importance:

1. Writing a story about a girl who wants something. Plot driven by a woman’s (non-vilified) desire. Truly dreadful execution but still a good idea, sort of a literary incarnation of the “he a little confused but he got the spirit” meme.

2. The fact that when Bella becomes a vampire she can still breathe but “there’s no relief tied to the action” which I remember verbatim because it fucking slapped. The idea of human physical sensations being partially defined by our mortality and the sensations still exist after you become undead but your experience of them is fundamentally different because you no longer need any of it? Extremely cool. The closest Meyer came to taking an interesting stance on vampires being dead.

3. Werewolves are immortal but they can literally stop whenever they want. That shit’s hilarious. Curse of immortality who.

4. The fact that vampires don’t sleep or get tired so their communally-raised baby doesn’t have a crib because she is always in someone’s arms. That was extremely cute and there’s a different, better book contained somewhere in that specific concept.

[hugintheraven]

5. Depression being represented by like 6 blank chapters titled with months.

[tanoraqui]

6. A twist on classic vampire legends wherein they are unharmed by sunlight, but the light makes it completely obvious that they aren’t human, so they avoid it in order to stay incognito