thinking about the repetition of "always an angel, never a god" in 'not strong enough' but with lena and the way the world (and her family) perceives her
she's good. but never great
she's smart. but not as smart as lex
she's not vicious enough to fit in with the Luthors. but she's too morally grey to not be associated with them
she can accomplish so much for humanity, but she'll never be supergirl
she's too far ahead to have any real friends her own age. but too young to befriend her peers
she's good enough for kara. but not for supergirl
she's essential to the DEO when she can be of use. but when she can't be taken advantage of, she's worthless
she isn't empathetic enough. but the minute she loves in a way that's her own, she's told she's doing it all wrong. the way she loves is a burden.
she's the true embodiment of always an angel, never a god
why are you googling pregnancy tests and abortions. Are you doing research for a scrampire mpr
The most humbling thing that's ever happened to me is someone thinking it's more likely that I am writing Sesame Street MPreg and than me having sex in real life.
“Come on, you won’t feel any better if you just sit and wallow alone in your loft.”
Lena pulls Kara through the bar by her hand, her grip tight so she doesn’t lose her through the crowd that seems to be getting thicker by the second.
“I won’t have to sit and wallow alone in my loft if you stay and hang out with me. I’d much prefer to be there than here. This isn’t my scene, Lena.”
“I know, but what better time to push yourself and enjoy everything life has to offer than when you’re feeling a bit shitty?”
Kara sighs and lets Lena pull her through the tightly packed space. She’s not a big fan of it, and people are standing too close for comfort. She keeps her grip on Lena’s hand tight, afraid that a single moment of distraction will cause them to be separated and then her buoy in this ocean of people will be lost.
Lena pulls her to the bar and wraps her arm around her waist to keep her close, the bare skin of her forearm pressing against the small of Kara’s back, the skin there deliciously exposed by the crop top Lena insisted she wear mainly for her selfish enjoyment but under the guise of making her look hot as hell to get back at her loser of an ex.
Kara watches Lena closely as she orders for the pair of them, her eyes lingering on the sharp curve of her jaw and the confidence held in the stiffness of her neck. She trails her gaze down that neck, and then she settles on her collarbones before flicking her gaze away abruptly when she realizes how much she wants to lick them. Totally not appropriate.
She shouldn’t be thinking about Lena like this, not when she’s being a good friend and getting her out of her loft and away from the pity party she’s been throwing herself since finding out her loser of an ex was cheating on her.
Mike was by no means a great boyfriend, but he was sweet, and he was someone Kara could always laugh with. There might not have been the greatest level of support, but she was always able to look past that because while he wasn’t there for her, he was more than she had without him, and somehow, that was enough.
It made it sting all the more when she found out what he was doing behind her back. He wasn’t even making up for being shitty behind her back when they were together. He was cheating on her with multiple women for the entirety of their relationship and still had the balls to complain when she made him pick his socks up off the floor or take his feet off the coffee table. It would have been nice to find out a different way though, because finding her boyfriend and a random woman getting steamy in her shower in the middle of the day was not fun, and she’ll never look at her bathroom the same way.
Mike admitted to what he did after a little pushing but it was probably just to hurt her after she kicked him out of her place and made it clear they were no longer together. She can’t even understand how he managed to get with so many girls though; he’s nothing special in the sack.
Lena touches her arm and it makes her jump. “Hey, you ok?”
“Yeah, just thinking.” Kara plasters a smile on her face, one that is faker than the one the bartender is currently giving a drunken patron down on the other side of the bar.
“About Mike?”
“Yeah, just thinking about how much of a douche he is,” Kara admits. “Mostly just wondering how he managed to find so many other women to sleep with when he was so mediocre. They must have all been one-night stands because there’s no way anyone was coming back for more.”
Lena snickers from her side. “Now that’s the attitude you should be having. You’ve gotten past the part where you’re just sad and missing him. I’m so proud of you.”
“Yeah, but it’s making me realize how pathetic I was to date him in the first place.” Kara shrugs, taking a large gulp of the drink Lena ordered for her. She winces when it reaches her throat. Whatever Lena got for her is strong.
A frown covers Lena’s face and she takes a second to look around the bar, her focus drawn to an empty booth across the room. She grabs Kara’s hand again and rushes them over to it before it gets snagged up. It’s still covered in empty glasses from the last group that was here, but she just pushes them into a little pile on one side of the table and tucks herself and Kara into the opposite side of the booth.
“Now that we’re not surrounded by a bunch of sweaty people, I can tell you that you’re the least pathetic person I know. I might not know what was going through your head when you decided to date the human embodiment of that one fork you always avoid in your cutlery drawer because it has weird vibes, but I do know you, and I know that you’re not pathetic.”
Kara shakes her head. “I think I was just using him.”
Lena’s eyebrows furrow. “I don’t think you could use someone if you tried, no offence. You’re too nice.”
“Not on purpose, I don’t think. Looking back at it though, I’m sort of realizing that I wasn’t with him for the right reasons.”
Lena covers Kara’s hand with her own and shuffles close to her side so their thighs touch and she can pull their joined hands into her lap. “How so?”
“I was only with him because it was better than being alone.” Kara’s voice is small but the words are so sure. “I don’t want to be alone, Lena.”
Kara hadn’t intended on being so direct, but there’s just something about the sudden onslaught of emotions, Lena’s caring face and her soft voice that draws it out of her like it’s the easiest thing on the planet.
Lena wraps her arms around her, pulling her close so Kara’s head rests against her shoulder. “You’re not alone, Kara. I’ll never leave you alone, I promise. “
Kara clings to Lena, her fingers digging into her back like she’s afraid Lena will pull back and make a break for it at any minute despite her being blocked in the booth.
The fingers in her back hurt, but Lena’s not letting go for anything. Not until Kara is secure enough to do so and believes every word she says. “I got you. I’m not going anywhere, I swear it. I’m right here and you’re not alone.”
“Lena,” Kara whispers, adjusting her grip but staying just as close. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry.”
“Am I a bad person for using him like that?” She whispers her question.
Lena just barely shrugs, but being so close to her, Kara feels the tiny movement. “I don’t think so. I think that people do silly things when they’re scared, and I think he’s enough of an ass that he deserved it anyway.”
Kara nods against her. “I’m sorry I’m ruining the night. We haven’t even got through one drink yet and I’m already a mess.”
“That’s ok. I brought you here to help you move on. It seems as though my idea of a boozy night isn’t what you need. It’s an emotional chat kind of day.” Lena cards her fingers through Kara’s hair, fully aware of the way Kara always relaxes when she does that.
“Can we get out of here?” Kara asks, her eyes begging until she spots their still full glasses. “After our drinks though.”
Lena sighs. “Yeah, sure.” She’s disappointed that her plan hasn’t worked and made Kara feel better, but she can see that Kara is getting uncomfortable being here when she’s so emotional and by the way she keeps turning her head towards the crowd, she must be self-conscious.
“Are you upset?”
“No, darling. I’m not upset. We can leave whenever you want.” Lena is quick to reassure her, so she doesn’t have time to filter out the pet name before it leaves her mouth.
Kara doesn’t mind it at all though, her cheeks flushing. Nobody has ever given her a pet name outside of her family before. Even past boyfriends only ever called her by her name. Her head ducks forward, her eyes closing as she follows through with the movement. She lifts it again after a moment, keenly aware of Lena’s gaze on the side of her face, probably focusing on her blushing cheeks.
“Ok.” Kara breathes, her fingers circling her glass before bringing it to her face for a healthy sip.
“Ok,” Lena repeats, following Kara’s lead and taking a sip of her drink. She scoots back to give her a little more space to breathe but stays close nonetheless, her knee resting against Kara’s.
There are several moments in which Lena thinks about starting up a conversation, but each time she opens her mouth, she sees the distant look in Kara’s eyes and the way she’s lost in thought. It’s better just to let her work out her feelings before pushing her to talk again.
Their glasses get steadily emptier and emptier as the minutes tick by, and once they are both empty, Lena pushes them across the table to join the other empty glasses over there. The movement breaks Kara out of her distant staring and she looks up to meet Lena’s eyes. “Sorry. I’m not exactly making this a fun night for you, am I?”
“That’s not what tonight was about. Tonight is about you; we can do whatever you want.” Lena bumps her shoulder into Kara’s gently. “If you want to sit and stare, we can sit and stare.”
“And if I want to dance instead?”
Lena rolls her eyes good-naturedly but is worried that Kara’s just saying that because she feels bad that all they’ve done for the past few minutes is sit in silence. “I suppose I can make that happen but I must warn you, I don’t know how to dance properly in a club.”
“Me neither. I don’t think I know how to dance outside of a club either, so we’re as bad as one another.” A smile sneaks its way onto Kara’s face, and Lena’s worry ebbs away with it.
Lena shakes her head, offended that Kara has no faith in her dancing skills. “Hey, I can dance outside of a club, just not in one.”
“Really?” Kara sounds genuinely surprised and Lena shoves her arm in response.
“Yes! Why is that so shocking?”
Kara shrugs. “I don’t know. You just don’t seem like the type. What kind of dancing do you do?”
“I can dance ballroom,” Lena says casually, although her cheeks flush. She’s just grateful the dim light hides it somewhat.
“Really?” Kara’s eyes light up. “Where did you learn to do that?”
Lena tilts her head, cracking her neck and making Kara wince before she answers. “I’m a Luthor. I didn’t get a choice. Lillian made sure I had the training she deemed necessary. Being a trained ballroom dancer was never a choice I would have made for myself.”
“So if you had professional training, does that mean that you’re good at it?” Kara’s grin is growing larger by the second, and her eyes are getting predatory in a way that shows her true intentions.
“When have I ever not been good at something, Kara? Of course I’m good at it.”
“Can you show me?”
There it is. Lena could see that coming. “Perhaps we should head out then, huh? I don’t think even my skills can work with club music. I’ll call my driver and get him to come and get us, and then we’ll go to my place.”
“Yes!” Kara hisses in celebration, her fist pumping in the air. “I’m so excited.”
“Whatever. You better get ready though because you’re about to have a ballroom lesson when we get back to my place. You might want to go and grab some water before we go so you’re not dancing on wobbly feet.”
“Ok.” Kara dives out of the booth with no more prompting necessary. “I’ll get you one too.”
Lena watches her go, her eyes pinned on her retreating form. She’s not a big fan of ball dancing. She wasn’t lying when she admitted to being good at it, but it’s never been a passion of hers. However, she needed a way to wipe the sad look off Kara’s face, and she succeeded. It’s insane what she’s willing to do with that woman.
She truly doesn’t understand how anyone could be as stupid as Mike. How could he cheat on Kara when he had the world’s most beautiful and wonderful woman to himself? Lena can only imagine what that would feel like.
Kara is leaning up against the bar, and it takes a moment for Lena to come to her senses and get in touch with her driver, Frank, so he can come and get them.
She tucks her phone away as Kara comes back with two glasses. “He’s not far away, only ten minutes.”
“We better hurry then. We’ll go and wait outside for him in a minute. Drink your water.” Kara instructs her, already chugging hers out of excitement to get out of here so she can see Lena dance. She hasn’t been as excited about anything in a while.
Lena sips her water, not particularly bothered about leaving it half-finished by the time Kara has finished hers and instead ushering Kara out of the booth once more and towards the door.
Together, they fight their way through the crowds, and Lena questions why she ever thought a club was a good idea since neither of them goes to clubs regularly and are much more inclined to stay in for a quiet night. She supposes she thought a change would get Kara out of her funk. It might have worked to an extent, but it’s not something she would do again.
They clamber into the back of the car in a mix of unruly limbs and Kara settles beside Lena without a care of how much she’s leaning into her, not that Lena minds. They spend the entire journey so entwined they might as well be playing Twister.
Kara almost pulls Lena’s arm out of its socket as she drags her up to her penthouse, the blonde impatient to see her dance.
“Slow down, slow down.” Lena chuckles as Kara taps her foot while she unlocks the door.
“Lena,” Kara whines when she makes a show of opening the door extra slowly.
Lena giggles to herself. “Come on. We’ll have to move some of the furniture out of the way.”
Kara nods quickly, following her inside before heading right to the middle of the room. “What do you want me to move?”
Kara’s impatience makes Lena shake her head again. “You do know that ballroom dancing is about grace and poise, right? Maybe a little bit of patience will get you in the right state of mind for learning. We have all night, Kara, just relax.”
The words hit Kara deeply, and she drops her head forward for a second while she takes a deep breath, making a conscious effort to let go of all the tension in her shoulders.
She looks back up at Lena afterwards with a much more relaxed expression, and Lena smiles at her. “Much better. Let’s move the couch and coffee table first.”
They each grab an end of each piece of furniture and shuffle it as far back as they can so there’s a large empty space in the middle of the living room. Lena crinkles her nose at the rug. “That thing is heavier than it looks, but if we want the true ballroom experience then we need the hardwood floors.”
“I got it.” Kara offers. “I’ll roll it, and then we can drag it away together.”
“Ok. I’ll set up the music while you do that.” Lena grabs her phone and connects it to her speakers. She has to find a decent playlist, so it takes her a few moments to set it up. The music rings out gently, all slow and delicate to start with.
Kara is waiting for her with the rolled rug, so she grabs the opposite end and they heave it out of the way and prop it against the nearest wall.
“Ready?”
Kara nods. “Show me what you’ve got.” She gestures to the empty space in the living room and takes a step back.
“Ah, ah. We’re in this together. You’re dancing with me, just follow my lead.” Lena pulls Kara into the middle of the room and guides her hands to where she wants them, one hand clasped in hers and the other on her shoulder while Lena places hers on Kara’s hip. “Follow my feet.”
Lena starts them off as slow as she can, not paying any mind to the rhythm of the music while she’s just showing her the basics, but as Kara gets the hang of it, she speeds them up to match it until they are turning and stepping in time with the melody.
A couple of songs in and Kara finally garners enough courage to look up rather than at her feet because she’s afraid she’ll step on Lena’s toes.
Their eyes meet and Kara’s mouth is split into a toothy grin that toothpaste commercial actresses would be jealous of.
Lena’s not focused on her smile though. Not when she’s got a close-up view of the blue eyes that haunt her dreams and nightmares alike, the ones she sees every time she closes her eyes and the ones that inspire the majority of decisions she makes.
Unbeknownst to her, Kara is having the exact same thoughts, her mind buffering because she can’t handle the emerald-green eyes staring back at her. She clears her throat when her brain decides to start functioning again. “You’re really good at this.” She whispers.
“I’ve had a lot of practice.” Lena continues guiding her, flicking her into a spin and then dipping her low, their faces so close they can feel the ghost of each other’s breaths against their lips.
Kara is pulled back up, and whether it’s the closeness, the heat of their bodies, Lena’s hand on her bare waist or a mixture of all of the above, she can’t stop herself. In a movement that is much more confident than any she’s made whilst dancing, Kara leans in and moves her hand off Lena’s shoulder to cradle the back of Lena’s head as she pushes her lips into Lena’s.
A gasp is released between their lips, but neither knows who it originated from. However, neither is about to start investigating, the kiss taking precedence over everything. Their lips move together and it’s getting rougher and more desperate by the second. Kara’s hand fists Lena’s hair, messing it up from her usual neat style, and Lena’s fingertips press into the small of Kara’s back, pinning her in place.
Their hands are still clasped together but are no longer held aloft, instead just swinging by their sides softly in time with the motion of their lips.
Oxygen becomes a problem though, and far too soon, Lena has to pull back for a breath, her forehead remaining pressed against Kara’s because she can’t bear to move away. Kara probably wouldn’t let her move away anyway though, because her hand is still in her hair and scratching softly. “What are we doing?”
“Something I’ve wanted to do for a while but never had the balls to admit,” Kara whispers. “Not even to myself.” She adds.
“Me too.” Lena smiles, pushing back in for another frantic kiss, her tongue making itself known as it slides between Kara’s lips.
Kara jumps. “You have a tongue piercing?” She leans her head back to look into Lena’s eyes.
Lena presses harder against Kara’s back, unhappy with the sudden distance. “Yeah, want to feel it?”
“Definitely.” Kara allows herself to be pulled back in, and Lena allows her to experience that piercing close-up. She gets lost in the sensations of it and the music that is still marching on in the background, and now that she’s tuned into the endless rhythm, she’s aware of the way Lena is dancing her tongue to the beat of the music, completely dominating her mouth and claiming it as her own with the poise and grace of a ballroom dancer.
Kara would have thought the next step would be obvious; they would head somewhere soft, and they would become considerably more naked, but instead Lena just lifts their dangling arms once more and begins pulling her around the room again in a slow, gentle wave, their dancing continuing with their lips pressed together.
There’s no escape from Lena. She’s all-encompassing and the only steady thing in the room despite being the thing moving the most. Kara doesn’t want to escape; she wants to be closer.
They somehow gravitate even closer, so close there’s no room for even the strongest of breezes between their bodies. Lena’s lips retreat for a moment, but only so kisses can trail across Kara’s cheek and then down her neck where those lips attack her vulnerable flesh.
Kara happily leans her head back to give Lena all the space she wants, and she’s made even happier when Lena presses a leg between her own, bringing them impossibly closer. The hand on her back slides down to grip her butt and push her hips into the thigh nestled between hers, and the sound that comes out of her mouth in response is nothing but guttural.
The moan breaks Lena out of her Kara-induced spell and she releases her neck to ask, “What about Mike? Is this a rebound thing?”
Kara peers at her through half-mast eyelids. “Who?”
“Good.” Lena smiles, forcibly rolling Kara’s hips into her thigh. “Very good.”
Check out the SG Fandom event Supergirl Mayhem here! It's for artists and writers!
areudirty
yousharknotpass
titsay
origamiaround
theartofmadeline
blakekathryn
