REQUESTS ARE OPEN - CURRENT FANDOMS ACCEPTING ARE:
‣ MARVEL/MCU (TV SERIES & FILMS)
‣ YUNGI (SONG MINGI/JEONG YUNHO)
‣ ATEEZ OT8 (ANY PAIRING AS WELL)
‣ SUPERNATURAL (CW TV SERIES)
‣ MLB/PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL PLAYERS
PLEASE NOTE: OTHER FANDOM REQUESTS ARE WELCOMED, BUT THEY MAY BE TURNED DOWN DUE TO LACK OF KNOWLEDGE BEHIND THE CHARACTERS/FANDOM.
PLEASE NOTE: I DON'T TEND TO HAVE RESTRICTIONS ON WHAT I WILL OR WILL NOT WRITE. IT IS COMPLETELY UP TO MY DISCRETION ON WHETHER I WILL FULFILL A REQUEST OR NOT
As always, please be kind, patient, and respectful. I love to write, and I especially would love to write your requests. I work full-time and am a full-time single mom, writing is my only hobby, and I can write when I have the time.
Thank you, all🫶
Please check out my personal tag #kayoticalfics for easier access to my works🫶🏻
What Does Emotion Mean To You?
Aren't You Still Tormented By The Pain From The Past?
Have You Ever Panicked And Felt Broken By Sadness?
Have You Ever Lost Yourself In Overwhelming Fear?
Have You Ever Felt So Down That You Wanted To Be Alone In This World?
What Does Emotion Mean To You?
Have Memories Of Happiness Ever Lifted You Up?
Have You Ever Been Inspired By A Dream That Felt Both Far And Clear?
Have You Ever Found Comfort In The Laughter Of Children?
Have You Ever Fallen In Love?
What Does Emotion Mean To You?
- - - * - - - * - - -
Mingi has been hopelessly in love with Yunho for as long as he can remember. Yunho doesn't know. With time running out for Mingi to tell Yunho how he feels before his wedding day, the question of the hour rings out loud and clear.
|What Does Emotion Mean To You, Song Mingi?|
Words: 4.8k
Warnings: swearing, depictions of anxiety disorder, drinking
A/N: This fic was inspired by The World EP.Fin : WILL - Track: Fin : WILL
WHAT DOES EMOTION MEAN TO YOU?
Mingi watched the rain cascade down the window beside him. His head propped up by his hand, his chin digging into his palm, he eyed the rivulets of rainwater as they descended the window. They were pretty, he thought. Pure and purposeful, so much unlike him he couldn’t help but think.
Mingi let that common thought invade his mind again, nearly routine at this point. The onslaught of negatively pressing back onto his consciousness, and he could feel himself begin to clench his jaw again. Taking a sharp breath in, he forced himself to focus on another droplet as it made its slow descent down the glass. But as it passed down, he caught his own reflection in the glass.
Red rimmed eyes, puffy skin. His hair looked a wreck, unkempt and strands sticking up at odd ends. His lips were slightly swollen from crying, his normal pout placing them on full display for judgement.
‘Fucking pathetic,’ Mingi chastised himself internally, grimacing at his own reflection like it offended him.
He sniffled slightly and sat up, deciding he didn’t care to see his depressing reflection staring back at him. Looking down onto his lap, he fidgeted with the rings that adorned his fingers. Well, no, only one ring really. The ring that he and Yunho had picked out together. When they were in university together, they got drunk one night and impulsively bought friendship rings. The gesture meant so much to Mingi, and looking back on it he realized it was just another moment, another heavy memory, where he had an opportunity and never took it.
There were so many moments like that across the decades he and Yunho had known each other. And those moments all pressed down on him every single day of his lonely and miserable existence.
“Mingi?”
The voice was patient but sharp, and it caused Mingi to abandon his focus on his fingers.
“Huh?” Mingi responded, noticing his therapist was sitting across from him with a look on her face like she was waiting for a response from him.
She sighed, resigned and unsurprised. She closed her notebook, tucking the pen that she had been tapping against it to the side and placed the book on the coffee table that separated her and Mingi. She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward slightly, maintaining eye contact with Mingi as she did.
“We were just talking about the gravity of your emotions and how they affect you,” she stated. “Where are you right now? You’re so distant right now that you didn’t even hear a word I said,” his therapist, Lena, said to him. Not maliciously, just matter-of-fact.
Lena was short, barely over 5 feet, but had the attitude and presence of someone who intimidated everyone, even Mingi. She always wore a slick back ponytail, perfectly manicured nails, and dressed business casual. But Mingi never saw her in heels, remembering how she had once mentioned they weren’t worth wearing when you spend all day sitting down and talking to people.
But Lena had been Mingi’s therapist for 5 years now, and she could read him like a book. She knew when her words weren’t landing, and she knew when she’d made a breakthrough with Mingi. And she especially knew when Mingi was spiraling. And right now, that’s what was happening.
She watched as Mingi opened and closed his mouth, seemingly debating with himself internally whether he should tell her or not.
“I know that look. If you aren’t honest with me, then I can’t help you, Mingi. You know this,” Lena cut into Mingi’s internal war.
He sighed heavily and hung his head again, a sign of his defeat. He knew he wasn’t going to win the battle, yet he still fought every time.
“It’s just…” his voice cracked with emotion, “It’s the same thoughts I always have. They creep in when I least expect them and they just drag me into the bad place. Telling me that I’m pathetic for feeling this way and I’m pathetic for reacting this way,” Mingi told her, a fresh tear slipping from his waterline and falling onto his hands in his lap.
Lena shook her head, “Mingi, you are not pathetic for falling in love. Unrequited love is hard to deal with, but it isn’t your fault. It’s also not Yunho’s fault. Life is not kind, it’s a game of survival. Though I don’t need to keep telling you this, I know that you know, but it’s the choices we make and have to live with that are the hardest to overcome sometimes. But…”
Lena’s words died on her tongue and Mingi looked up at her.
“But what?” Mingi asked, already knowing what she was going to say.
Lena breathed heavily out of her nose before she spoke, “You could tell Yunho how you feel, Mingi. You could alleviate this gigantic weight from your shoulders and tell him how you feel.”
Mingi scoffed, “You always say that.”
“And I always will, Mingi,” Lena said pointedly, “I’ll say it as many times as I need to until you understand it. Telling Yunho that you’re in love with, that you have been in love with him since you were kids in 9th grade, is 100% an option on the table. You wouldn’t have to burden those feelings alone, and you could have the closure you need. Or-“
“Or I could lose him forever, Lena,” Mingi shot back.
“Or,” Lena ignored Mingi’s retort, “he could reciprocate your feelings. You refuse to even acknowledge that possibility, you know.”
Mingi blinked. Once, twice, a third time, “Impossible, I know Yunho like the back of my own hand. If there was even a chance he reciprocated my feelings I would not be sitting in this seat right now,” Mingi stated matter-of-factly, fully convinced on the matter.
But Lena wasn’t so convinced, “How do you know Yunho doesn’t hide his feelings like you hide yours? Yunho has no idea how you feel. That’s because you spend all your energy hiding any inkling of a feeling from him. How do you know he doesn’t do the same in regard to his feelings for you, hmm?”
It wasn’t the first time Lena has said this to Mingi. He hated that it was a well made point every time he did hear it, actually. He never put much stock into it, however. He refused to give himself hope. He refused to let himself think for even a moment that Yunho could actually harbor some sort of feeling towards Mingi that left the platonic field. If he did, if he let himself feel that hope, the belief that it was possible, then the devastation that would come from Yunho shooting down his feelings and shutting that door in his face would be felt worse than just keeping it all to himself.
Can’t have your heart ripped from your chest and stomped on if you never give it to someone else to hold.
“He doesn’t have feelings for me, okay? He’s engaged. To be married. His heart belongs to someone else. And that someone isn’t me, Lena. I’m just “Song Mingi: Jeong Yunho’s best friend,”” Mingi spat out, instantly feeling the guilt rise in him for his tone that he used against Lena.
Lena opened her mouth to argue back, but a sharp “ding” echoed through the silence, indicating the end of their session. She closed her mouth and leaned back in her chair, this time taking her own turn looking out at the falling rain that trickled against the glass window.
“I know you’re scared, Mingi,” she started, returning her gaze to him, “It’s scary entering a world of unknowns when the world of knowns is filled with so much stability and, most importantly, answers. But you’re not just scared of telling Yunho how you feel. You’re scared that you’re running out of time to tell Yunho. And that’s a legitimate fear, Mingi,” Lena spoke gently as she tried to get her words to resonate somewhere in him.
But Mingi brushed her words off like they were dust on his sleeve, “I’m not scared. I’m not telling him.”
His words convinced no one.
“You are scared, Mingi. Because when Yunho gets married, you won’t have the chance to tell him, ever. Unless you’re morally okay with being a mistress?” Lena asked, already knowing the answer to the question.
But Mingi still shook his head, slow and curt, a grimace passing his face at the insinuation.
“Right, like I said,” Lena leaned forward now, making sure Mingi’s attention was fully on her, “You are scared you will run out of time and you will go to your grave with this secret. I’m telling you, urging you even, not only as your therapist but as a friend, to tell him. Tell him before it’s too late. Even if you don’t know how he feels. Because I know you, Mingi. I know you will live your life with regret lodged in your heart if you don’t. And you will be miserable because of it,” Lena urged, watching tears fall silently down Mingi’s already wet cheeks.
“But, what if I do lose him forever?” Mingi asked, his voice cracking under emotion, hot tears rushing down his face now.
Lena took a long breath, “Then he never deserved you in his life to begin with, Mingi. But for what it’s worth, after everything you’ve told me about Yunho, I don’t think he’d ever remove you from his life for being honest with him about your feelings,” Lena anecdotes. “Do I think it would be a difficult scenario for the both of you to navigate? Absolutely, I do. But do I think he’d abandon you, cast you out and not look back? Absolutely not.”
Her words landed this time, she saw it in the way Mingi remained open to her words instead of bracing himself, in the desense to deflect. Mingi absorbed her reasoning this time, not letting himself scoff it off and walk out of the session with no progress. He rubbed at his eyes with his sleeve, being careful not to disturb his contacts, drying his face as he stood from his seat and collected his coat and umbrella.
“Thank you, Lena,” Mingle sniffled, dragging his coat on, “I’ll…” The words died on his tongue.
“It’s okay, I know. You’ll try,” Lena finished for him, “I’ll see you next week, Mingi. Just…keep your head up. And think about what I said. Really think about it. It could help you finally stop feeling this way all the time.”
Mingi only nodded in understanding before exiting her office, heading towards the exit with little fanfare. He looked like hell, and all he wanted was to get home and sit under scalding hot water and pretend he didn’t exist. Pushing the door open with his shoulder, he popped open his umbrella and was hit with a misted breeze as he hurried towards his car, his long coat getting picked up by the wind as he fled. When he reached his car, he flung the door open and sat down with no grace, shaking his umbrella off aggressively before closing it and chucking it to the floor of his passenger seat. He yanked the door close and gripped the steering wheel, white-knuckling it, and tried his hardest to swallow the bubbling rage, shame, and overwhelming despair that was threatening to take him over.
Just as tears were threatening to spill over again, his phone began to buzz in his coat pocket. He put his forehead to the steering wheel for a short moment, taking a deep breath to ground himself before fishing in his pocket to retrieve his cell.
“Jongho - Choi #2” displayed on his screen with a silly photo of the two posing together at a nearby amusement park. He huffed a breath, bracing himself before picking up the call and putting Jongho on speaker.
“Yeah?” Mingi croaked out, raw emotion still scorching his vocal cords.
“Jesus, that bad?” Was all Jongho said back and Mingi’s fragile facade collapsed.
His sobs wracked through his body, a horrific, almost primal cry ripped from his lips. He dropped his phone to his lap and buried his face in his hands as he cried, faintly hearing Jongho’s desperate attempts at calming him down.
“JJong, what’s going on? Is Mingi okay?” Mingi could make out Yeosang’s gentle voice on the other end of the line. “Mingi, darling?” Yeosang’s voice was louder now, presumably from being put on speaker on the other end.
Mingi sucked in a sharp breath and tried his best to clear his throat, “Yeah, Yeo, I’m okay.”
“You’re a horrible liar, Min,” Yeosang stated, his voice still as gentle as before. “We’re going to meet you at your place, okay? We’ll bring food, too,” Yeosang told him. “You don’t need to be alone right now while you process this session. We’re here for you, okay?”
Yeosang, as soft spoken and gentle as he was, left little-to-no room for argument when it came to moments like these. In fact, it was Yeosang who made it a routine for their friends, less Yunho of course, to call Mingi after his sessions and check in with him to make sure he was okay or if he needed a friend. More often-than-not, Mingi needed someone to be there for him. And he was always thankful, though he couldn’t help the guilt that nestled in his chest whenever his anxiety and self-hatred told him he was just being a burden to his friends, even if they specifically assured him he never could be.
Another choked sob escaped Mingi, “You guys don’t have to do that, I-I’ll be okay-”
“Mingi, with all due respect, you’re falling apart right now and we know you. We aren’t going to let you fold in on yourself, okay?” Jongho’s firm voice, a stark difference from Yeosang’s, rang out over the phone, and all energy to fight them on their decision fell flat inside Mingi.
“Min, take a minute to collect yourself and drive safely,” Yeosang piped in, “We will be on our way shortly but we will wait as long as we need until you get there okay? Take your time.”
Mingi nodded even though they couldn’t see him, “I love you guys. Thank you, I don’t…”
“We love you, too. Now take some deep breaths, and be careful in the rain. We will see you soon, Mingi,” Jongho said before hanging up the phone.
Mingi brought his forehead back to the steering wheel after the line went dead and resumed crying, though this time it was much softer and quieter. He remained like that for a little over 10 minutes before he felt the wave of despair pass him and his tears dried up to a mere sniffling. He cleared his vision and buckled himself in before finally feeling like he could drive his car and not be a hazard on the road.
Mingi pulled away from his therapist’s office with the same feeling balled in his chest he always left with. The feeling that she was right, that he was a coward, and that he was scared. Lena was correct— he was running out of time. Still, that terrifying and very true thought did very little to move Mingi to actually confess his feelings to Yunho. Because he couldn’t quiet his mind, the very evil part of his mind, that played the scenarios of if he did. “The worst he could say is no” was child's play compared to the horrific concoctions Mingi’s mind displayed for him whenever he day dreamed of telling Yunho. And it was because of those made up scenarios that kept Mingi from speaking up. Regret and guilt was easier than the devastation of being laughed at and kicked while he was already down.
***
Mingi sat on his couch, bundled in blankets and a sweat set that Jongho and Yeosang had practically demanded he change into the moment he stepped into his home. He was wearing his glasses now, his contacts being taken out because of how irritated they had become from his crying earlier. He sat in his spot on the couch as he watched Yeosang and Jongho operate like a well oiled machine.
Having a spare key, the couple had let themselves into Mingi’s condo well before he arrived home, making themselves at home and started to lay out the spread of food they had brought him. And Jongho made sure they brought a couple bottles of soju with them, too. Yeosang had complained about it of course, but when Jongho reminded him of just how broken Mingi had sounded over the phone, he caved and helped Jongho pack the bottles so they wouldn’t break during transport.
“Mingi, drink,” Jongho demanded, handing Mingi the shot he poured.
And Mingi obeyed, silently and quickly. With a shaky hand, he took the offered shot from Jongho and downed it immediately. Feeling the warmth of the alcohol spread throughout his nervous system, he handed the shot glass back out to Jongho who understood the gesture and filled it to the top again. Tossing the second shot back, he placed the glass on his coffee table and closed his eyes, allowing the warmth to settle into his body, bringing him a sense of calm he hadn’t felt in a while.
“Mingi, hun,” Yeosang’s soothing voice interrupted Mingi’s chase for warmth and calm, “Please eat. You look dreadful.”
Mingi cracked open an eye and looked at Yeosang, “Rude,” Mingi huffed out.
“It’s not rude if it’s true,” Yeosang countered, shoving a bowl that held an array of food into Mingi’s hands.
Mingi grumbled incoherent complaints as he accepted the food and began to dig in. He knew Yeosang was right, but it didn’t make him feel any better to hear it. He had caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror while changing into the sweat set and he was almost embarrassed to show his face in front of the couple. And if it wasn’t for Yeosang’s pestering that he was going to have Jongho tear down the door and drag him out, he wouldn’t have.
Mingi ate slowly, his appetite not quite recovered from the aftermath of his session today, but he enjoyed it nonetheless. Jongho continued to feed him shots of soju until they had emptied two whole bottles, which caused Yeosang to dramatically confiscate the remaining bottles when he saw how tinted Mingi’s face had become from the alcohol. But, boy, did it help to relieve Mingi from his sorrow state. The remainder of dinner passed with little fanfare— just small conversation, mostly Yeosang talking about his new development in his project at work that Jongho had been helping to fund.
After the impromptu dinner passed, and the couple had helped to clean up the mess, telling Mingi he wasn’t allowed to get up, did they return their residence to Mingi’s living room and began to help him unpack what had happened during his session. Yeosang handed Mingi a cup of tea with ginger and honey as he sat back down. He always knew him well enough— that he’d need it after the emotional day he had and trying to chase it away with alcohol. Not to mention being caught in freezing rain in late fall. He was always grateful for little moments like these.
“What happened this time, Mingi?” Yeosang asked him after settling back in, “You haven’t broken-down this badly in a while after a session.”
“Yeah,” Jongho chimed in agreement, “Did something trigger you?”
Mingi looked down into his tea mug, seeing his own pouting reflection staring back at him. It was eerily similar to his reflection from earlier in Lena’s office, the same pout and look of sorrow marred in his features. He released a deep sigh, “Lena asked me what my emotions meant to me. And it caused me to disassociate and spiral, I guess.”
Yeosang and Jongho shared a mutual look of confusion before returning their focus back onto Mingi. “What does that mean?” Jongho asked.
“It means… the emotions that I feel when I think about Yunho. What do they mean to me? How do they make me feel? When I think about the love I have for him, when I think about him not loving me. When I think about him loving Taeyang,” Mingi spat as he referred to Yunho’s fiance, “What do those emotions that I feel mean to me? Are they worth the ache I feel everyday?” Mingi explained
Yeosang and Jongho looked intently at Mingi, Yeosang urging Mingi to continue. So he did.
“When I started to talk about it, I told her that they meant suffering to me. That my emotions meant that I have to live my life everyday in anguish because the man I love doesn’t reciprocate my feelings…I just broke down. They make me feel so pathetic,” a tear escaped from Mingi before he could blink it back, landing with an unceremonious splash in his tea. He looked back up to Jongho and Yeosang who looked at him with a mixture of worry and empathy, “I love him so much, and he has no idea. He doesn’t live his life with this secret harbored inside of him, living a lie every single day of his life. He doesn’t even know I go to therapy! Because if he did, I’d have to tell him about my feelings. It’s all I talk about in therapy, and you know I can’t lie to save my life. And I guess that makes me feel angry, almost resentful at times. But I don’t resent him, I-I never could. I resent the freedom he has, the peace he gets to feel. He loves Taeyang, they are happy together. I should be happy for them. But all I feel is anguish and it’s a Hell I made for myself,” Mingi ranted, hanging his head again after he finished.
He took a small sip of his tea, hoping the scalding hot liquid would help him feel anything but the sadness that tried effortlessly to take over him. He saw Yeosang get up and make his way to sit next to Mingi, feeling his arms around him in a side embrace for comfort. Jongho brought his firm hand to Mingi’s knee and squeezed gently.
“Hyung, did Lena tell you that you should tell him how you feel?” Jongho asked.
Mingi scoffed like he did in Lena’s office, “Of course she did. She always does.”
“She does make a point, Mingi,” Yeosang added.
“She, uh,” Mingi cleared his throat, “She reminded me that I don’t have much time to tell him…if I decided I was going to tell him. That was like the nail in the coffin, I totally freaked out. That was when you called me,” Mingi’s eyes flicked to Jongho, “I was trying to keep it together. To pretend it didn’t affect me but-”
“But she was right. And you’re terrified you’ll never get the chance. But you’re terrified to tell him at the same time,” Yeosang cuts in, reading Mingi like a book.
Mingi nodded his head solemnly, “Yeah. Pathetic, I know.”
Jongho pinched Mingi’s knee, earning a yelp from him, “Watch it! I have hot tea, JJong!”
“Shut up,” Jongho said, ignoring Mingi’s yelling, “You are not pathetic. I wish you’d stop saying that about yourself, Min.”
“I, a grown man, am afraid to tell Yunho, someone I’ve known for over a decade, that I’m in love with them. Not only that I’m in love with them, but that I have been in love with them since the moment we met. All due to fear of rejection. If that isn’t the definition of pathetic, then I don’t know what is, Jongho,” Mingi said, earning an eyeroll from Jongho.
“You are not pathetic for being afraid, Mingi,” Yeosang cut in again, “Loads of people are afraid for reasons a lot more ridiculous than yours, you know. Like how Jongho was afr-”
“This isn’t about me, sweetheart,” Jongho shut Yeosang down, not missing the little smirk on his face as he did. He turned his attention back to Mingi, ignoring his snarky boyfriend, “What my lovely second half is trying to say is that you are not pathetic for being afraid. You are not pathetic for feeling fear. But, if you are suffering because of your feelings for Yunho, then don’t you think it’s time you tell him? Don’t you think this feeling, this suffering, will only get worse the longer you go without telling him?”
Mingi sat with Jongho’s words. He had heard something similar from Lena, but hearing it from multiple people kind of solidified that it was a reasonable thought process. That maybe their proposed course of action was the best way to go even if he was scared shitless of the aftermath.
“Maybe you’re right,” Mingi huffed in defeat, “Lena said the same thing to me. Maybe you’re all right. Maybe it’s time I told him…”
Yeosang squeezed Mingi’s shoulders, “Only if that’s what you want to do, Min. We are here for support, not to tell you what to do. Just know, if you choose to tell him, we will be here for you. All of us— Woo, Sannie, Hwa, Jjoong, us. We will all be here for you, okay?”
Jongho squeezed his knee again in a silent agreement with Yeosang, offering the same comfort.
Another tear glided down Mingi’s cheek, “I really do love you guys,” his words broke softly as he struggled not to cry. “All of you, I don’t think I’d have survived this long if I didn’t have you all.”
“You’re stronger than you think, hyung. You have to give yourself more credit,” Jongho told him.
Mingi only laughed softly, nodding his head timidly. He really was overwhelmed by the love and support his friends gave him. Leaning his head on Yeosang’s shoulder, he let out a stifled yawn and gently closed his eyes. Yeosang took the tea mug from Mingi’s hands and placed it on the table as Jongho stood from his seat on the floor.
“We should head home, Yeo,” Jongho stated, checking his watch. The time read 11:17PM.
Looking down at Mingi, he gently lifted Mingi up, “Min, want us to bring you to bed? We have to head home now.”
Mingi leaned back against the couch, “No, it’s okay. I wanted to finish my tea you made me first,” he gestured to the mug on the table.
Yeosang nodded and stood up, walking to meet Jongho at the door to grab his coat. Jongho helped him into his coat before putting his own on and turning back towards Mingi. “Are you going to be okay tonight, Min?”
Mingi nodded, grabbing his mug again and raising it to his lips to take a sip. “I’ll be okay, JJong, thank you,” Mingi assured.
“You call us if you need us, okay?” Yeosang told him, no room for argument in his tone.
“Of course, Sangie. Please make it home safely you two,” he said as they opened the door to leave.
“Good night, Mingi,” they both said as they pulled the door shut behind them, leaving Mingi alone again with his thoughts.
He lasted a whole 5 minutes before he slammed the mug of tea on the table and flung the blankets from him. He trudged to the kitchen and flung his fridge door open and rummaged for the bottles of soju Yeosang had tried to hide from him and Jongho earlier. At the back of the fridge, tucked behind a gallon of milk, were the final bottles of soju. Mingi grabbed all 3 of them and brought them back to the couch, snapping open one of them and beginning to chug it. The burn felt blissful to Mingi, believing it was better than the feelings of dread and panic creeping into him from the idea of telling Yunho his true feelings.
He hadn’t exactly reached the conclusion that he needed to tell Yunho, but it was becoming more and more inevitable that he was going to have to tell him. He was on a countdown afterall, just as Lena had reminded him. Yunho would be a married man soon, and to tell him his feelings after he exchanged vows would be unacceptable. Ethically, it was a horrific idea. But that only meant Mingi essentially had a due date to tell Yunho, and that thought made him want to drink faster.
And so he did. He drank and drank. The soju drained into his system with surprising ease. He had completely abandoned his mug of tea by now, completely overtaken by the effects of the alcohol coursing through his system.
And the last thing he remembered before blacking out was grabbing his phone and opening it to Yunho’s contact.
Thank you for reading and I hoped you enjoyed!
I am always open to requests in my inbox, so If you enjoyed and wanna read more like this, PLEASE just send me a message to my inbox and I'd be happy to commission something for you! Writing is better than doomscrolling, afterall.
In a world where everyone is born with a countdown to meeting their soulmate, Y/N's timer hits zero during a showcase and she locks eyes with none other than ATEEZ's Yunho. The moment freezes them both... literally. Their timers stop, time halts, and everything changes.
But there's a cruel catch: after meeting, the bond demands time. Real, physical presence. The more time they spend together, the more time they earn apart-but the buffer is short. Just hours. If they're separated too long, the sickness begins. And in the cutthroat world of idols, being constantly together isn't just difficult-it's forbidden.
Y/N is just a trainee, weeks away from debut. But the agency sees her as a liability now, a threat to Yunho's rising success. When she's asked to step back from her dream to "protect" his career, she's faced with a brutal choice: sacrifice everything she's worked for, or risk the health of the one person fate has bound her to.
But Yunho? He's not giving up without a fight.
masterlist
1) Twenty-Two Seconds
2) Seconds from Impact
3) Zero
4) Aisle 4
5) my soulmate doesn’t even go here
6) Temporary Arrangements
7) Building the Blueprint
8) Tamagotchis
9) Lights Out
10) Sanity Bar Loading
11) Business Casual Soulmate Crisis
12) Soulmate Way™
13) Strawberry Parfait
14) What Are We?
15) Not in Love (Right?)
16) Don’t Make It Weird
17) Packets of Gum
18) Debut
19) Soap Suds
20) Three Apples
21) Three-Second Scandal
22) Truth or Tour
23) BANG.
24) tomato tomato
25) Radiant
26) The leak
27) Paris
28) Sorry We Lied (not really)
29) Forever and Always
note: if it’s not linked, it has not been posted yet! All chapters coming soon!
Pairing: Engineer!Jeong Yunho x Android!Song Mingi
Summary:
Jeong Yunho had dedicated the past decade of his life to creating the future of AI androids. But what happens when the unit he created begins to feel?
Words: 4.5k
Warnings: swearing/kissing
A/N: This fic was inspired by the Dinero MV!
MINGI sat in a semi-circle chamber, a helmet with micro electrodes prickling the surface of their synthetic scalp. They had a few bigger electrodes stuck to their forehead and neck, supposedly at the interface centers. At least that's what Yunho had told them. MINGI had calmed down when they saw they weren't going to be placed in an enclosed cell again like the one they woke up in. Their interface had identified the reaction as a minor panic attack, and had evaluated that they, meaning MINGI, could have actual phobias.
“Curious.” MINGI had thought to themself. “What else am I afraid of?”
Yunho stood a few feet from MINGI, placed behind a desk with what looked to MINGI to be very expensive equipment. Further scans of it led their interface to conclude it was man-made equipment that mirrored what researchers in neurology departments across the world would use to map the human brain. But this set-up was tweaked, ideally to map AI interfaces and their intricacies.
“You built that yourself?” MINGI asked Yunho.
Yunho stopped fidgeting with the settings of the machinery before him and looked up at MINGI, “Yeah. Yeah I did. It’s one of a kind, actually. And by one of a kind, I mean-”
“Super illegal.” MINGI finished for him.
MINGI watched as Yunho froze, yet a small smile took over his features, something akin to warmth and a surprise wrapped into one expression taking form within his eyes. MINGI, once again, cataloged the visual, feeling something like warmth, or what their interface could only explain to be as warmth, in this android form. Essentially, if they could blush, they would be right now.
“Of course you’d know that,” Yunho teased MINGI, not noticing the way it affected MINGI to be teased by him. “Yes, ‘super illegal’is the best way to put it. It’s barely sanctioned by most progressive governments around the world. So, definitely not supposed to have this lying around in my hidden lab.”
Yunho flipped a switch then, and the machinery whirred to life seamlessly. It glowed a cool blue, just like the cell MINGI had been stored in when they came to being, and immediately MINGI could feel electrical pulsing from the electrodes surrounding his head and neck.
“Woah…” MINGI whispered, not really knowing what to make of the sensation.
They were so enraptured by the sensation that they didn’t notice Yunho staring at them. Staring at their parted lips as they whispered, bright blue irises looking up towards the electrodes, watching as their eyes slowly lulled closed as MINGI finally came to the conclusion they quite liked the pulsing sensation and found it, in fact, to be soothing. MINGI did not see the look on Yunho’s face, completely betraying his emotions with one look of devastation.
Because that's what Yunho felt: devastation. The way he had designed MINGI, he should’ve stayed less biased. Because the android, this being, he created…
They were beautiful.
Yunho had to, rather aggressively, shake himself from his trance and force himself to focus back on the equipment before him, analyzing the particles on the screen beginning to form.
MINGI’s interface.
It was pulsing, like a wave with ripple effects. “What are you thinking right now? What are you feeling?” Yunho asked MINGI, whose eyes opened again and found Yunho’s curious gaze.
The particles glowed a little then when MINGI landed eye contact with Yunho’s own brown irises.
“I was thinking about how nice this sensation is. It feels warm,” MINGI answered.
Yunho tilted his head slightly, eyes narrowing, “What do you mean ‘sensation’?”
MINGI thought for a second, analyzing and searching for the right words to describe the sensation. “It’s like a massage, I guess. That would be the closest equivalent. But the electrodes on my head, they are emitting a low electronic pulse. And with each pulse, it feels soothing. Relaxing. Warm. I quite like it, really,” MINGI explained with a soft smile on his lips as he spoke.
“Beauitful.” Yunho’s thoughts betrayed him again.
Yunho blinked. Hard.
“You know what warmth feels like?” Yunho asked, his voice slightly raspy from his throat running dry.
MINGI nodded slightly, “Yes, after a brief search through the databases available, I learned what warmth feels like.” MINGI leaned forward slightly, their hands in their lap, playing with their fingers, “Like a blanket on a cold winter’s night. Homemade food from a loving mother. The embrace of a lover who never wants to let you go…” MINGI’s words died on their lips.
The particles on the screen were glowing intensely now, but all MINGI was doing was staring at Yunho.
Neither moved. Neither disturbed the silence that had crept its way into the room. Both seemingly afraid to approach the territory that the conversation had diverted towards. MINGI looked ethereal in his seat, Yunho thought. Even with that ridiculous contraption covering his head, Yunho thought he was annoyingly gorgeous, and he was beginning to hate himself for feeling any sort of way in this specific capacity towards an android. But what Yunho didn’t know was that MINGI had those exact same thoughts. MINGI believed Yunho was effortlessly handsome, devastatingly so. It may be their first day on Earth, but they had surfed the global databases of what the human race looks like, and Yunho’s face, his eyes, they didn’t compare to any search result that populated in MINGI’s interface. MINGI had learned what feelings were, what it was like to think and express, and in doing so, they had learned that they could harbor feelings for humans. Specifically, for Yunho. And, unlike Yunho, MINGI had no surface indications like blush or sweat to give themself away. Meaning, they could hide their attraction if they choose.
Because how could MINGI be attracted to a human? And not just any human, the man who had created them. There was no way Yunho could ever be attracted to a fucking machine. Yunho hadn’t even displayed any human indications, like an accidental blush, a flustered stutter. Nothing.
The only constant reaction they’d witnessed from Yunho was of him clenching his jaw, just like he was now. MINGI watched the way his muscle feathered with the grinding of his teeth, and it almost excited MINGI. What was worse was that he learned from his interface that that was simply just another form of attraction, which only scared MINGI even more.
That fear relayed to the particles on the screen, causing Yunho to furrow his brows as he took his eyes off MINGI and watched the screen. The glowing changed, turning a muddled black and red.
“What’s going on? The screen completely shifted,” Yunho said, eyes lifting to MINGI with concern pooled in his irises.
“I, uh-” MINGI stuttered over their words. They took a second to compose themselves, looking down at their hands before continuing, “I’m just overwhelmed, I think. Feelings, emotions…they’re intense. And when they all happen at once-”
“What specific ones are you feeling?” Yunho asked, cutting MINGI off.
MINGI faltered slightly then, physically warring with their interface if they should tell the truth or not. “I-” they stuttered, clenching their eyes shut.
Yunho stood up from the desk and leaned over his equipment, “MINGI, are you okay?” His voice was thick with concern and fear.
MINGI physically shook their head, trying to knock the anxiety out of them, “Yes…Yeah, I’m okay. I’m just…” MINGI looked up into Yunho’s eyes, feeling that terrifying warmth all over again, “I’m just scared, Yunho.”
MINGI decided to tell the truth.
“Scared? MINGI, why are you scared?” Yunho questioned gently, leaning back slightly to monitor the particle waves once more. He noticed the glowing pulse again, but now it was mixing with what Yunho had determined was the fear representation of their interface.
“Of the feelings,” MINGI started, “They’re so strong. Is this what it’s like to be human?”
Yunho laughed under his breath, “I’m afraid so, MINGI. You’ll get used to it. Eventually, it becomes like second nature. Right now you’re in what can only be described as a ‘toddler phase,’ and as you learn more and grow, these feelings won’t feel so scary. They’ll just be,” Yunho explained, not missing the way MINGI clung onto his every word.
With a gentle nod of understanding, MINGI seemed to visibly relax. The crease in between their eyebrows dissipated, the fidgeting of their fingers lessened significantly, and the strain in their lips loosened completely, revealing the pout that Yunho was beginning to love. Yunho watched as the fear aspect of MINGI’s interface molecules reduced to nearly nothing, being heavily replaced by the warm pulsing glow of particles from before.
“Fascinating…” Yunho breathed out, bringing his focus back to MINGI. “MINGI, what are you feeling or thinking about right now?”
The pulsing balked, just like MINGI.
“Should I tell the truth?” MINGI warred with themselves again, their interface becoming flustered from the mere idea that the only thing they could think about right now was Yunho. And that feeling, the feeling of blinding warmth and serenity? How on Earth could they even-
“Min?” Yunho’s voice was like the silkiest honey in the tempest cup of tea, and MINGI folded immediately at the use of the nickname.
“You,” MINGI blurted out. “I’m thinking about you.”
The confession shattered the atmosphere. Yunho stood completely still, scared to even blink. MINGI’s lips went strained again, taught in a thin line and the fear particles made their way back into the interface mapping. Their irises searched Yunho’s unwavering gaze, analyzing his features and understanding he was in complete shock at the moment. The hitched breath, quickened heart rate, slack jaw with his lips slightly parted, eyes wide but not vacant. No, his eyes were quite heavy with emotion that MINGI’s interface couldn’t quite decipher from this distance.
“Yunho,” MINGI practically choked out, “Please say something.”
The begging snapped Yunho out of his trance. “You’re thinking about me?”
MINGI nodded a bit more aggressively this time, “Yes, you Yunho.”
Yunho tilted his head and looked at MINGI in pure disbelief, “Why me? What about me?”
But at the question, MINGI began to really think about Yunho, and the monitor at Yunho’s station lit up like a fucking christmas tree. Looking down at the monitor in almost horror, Yunho shut the equipment down and practically charged around his desk and up to MINGI. MINGI flinched at the rapid movement, learning then what a fight-or-flight complex was and that they chose flight. But they didn’t have time to find any fascination in the realization when there was a very large, very tall, slightly crazed looking mad scientist approaching them at break-fast speed.
MINGI clenched their eyes shut and braced for impact, but none ever came. Peering out from one of their eyes, they saw that Yunho had stopped before them. Yunho had dropped to a knee before them, both hands at either side of MINGI, completely boxing them in their seat. Funny enough, MINGI didn’t feel even a little bit claustrophobic this time. Instead, they were certain they were exactly where they wanted to be. MINGI also thought then that if they had a real heart, they were certain it would be beating out of their chest at this point.
“MINGI, look at me,” Yunho demanded, with no hint of malice or anger in his voice.
MINGI obeyed the demand, opening their eyes and shifting themselves to face Yunho completely. The receptors in MINGI’s nose picked up Yunho’s scent for the first time, and they were certain that if Yunho hadn't turned his equipment off, that his screens would be blindingly pulsing from their interface’s mapping. He smelt like vanilla and spice, mixed with his own natural musk and it nearly sent MINGI into overdrive.
Yunho looked MINGI in the eyes, really looking and watching as their irises contracted. Then he remembered the equipment still attached to MINGI and reached up to remove it. He noticed the way MINGI flinched at the sudden movement, and stopped mid reach.
“Hey, I’m not going to hurt you,” Yunho reassured, bringing his hand to MINGI’s face. “I’m going to remove the headpiece and electrodes. Is that okay?” He asked, the pad of his thumb brushing against MINGI’s cheek as he spoke.
MINGI’s eyes fluttered slightly from the sensation of Yunho’s warm hand against their face. They could only manage a faint nod, words seemingly failing them in that exact moment from the overload of emotions and feelings flooding MINGI’s system.
With the confirmation he needed, Yunho moved his hand from MINGI’s face and reached to remove the headpiece. Gently detaching it from their head, Yunho placed it on the floor beside him and began to detach the electrodes that stuck to MINGI’s neck. He could feel the way MINGI was reacting to his touch, the close proximity making it so that MINGI couldn’t hide anything from Yunho, and Yunho vice versa. But Yunho, at the same time, thought it was fascinating that MINGI’s interface was choosing a more human approach to existing. Normally, AI’s try to remain unbiased in all sense of their operations, but it seems the coding that Yunho had spent endless years perfecting has, in a way, corrupted the interface's ability to be unbiased.
No, Yunho’s coding had instead welcomed the idea of bias into the interface’s operation, and in turn created its own personality. With each passing second, MINGI’s characteristics and personality personified and grew, and seeing the way MINGI was so timid and shy with Yunho only made Yunho’s own mind scream louder.
It was impossible for Yunho to not have feelings for MINGI. For over a decade he gave MINGI everything he had within him to bring them to life. His heart was a part of MINGI in a way, maybe even his own soul, and it was hard to ignore those feelings when the finished product sat before him. Sitting in a way that made them look like they were trying to shy away from Yunho, their lips pushed out in a slight pout, irises watching every little movement Yunho made. MINGI took in every part of Yunho and decided he felt some type of way towards Yunho. A way that wasn’t fear or repulsion, but the exact opposite, if the particle array gave Yunho the correct assumption.
MINGI liked him. They were attracted to him.
And that was the worst possible thing Yunho could’ve learned. Because all day he had been fighting his mind against the stupid little thoughts that popped in his head towards MINGI. He knew he was insane. Fucking delusional even. He was allowing himself to feel things for a being that was quite literally born today. Granted, MINGI would never age and he was already maturing at lightspeed, but still. He ought to have himself committed just for even thinking of MINGI that way. MINGI wasn’t a human.
“He’s pretty fucking close though, asshole,” Yunho crudely thought to himself.
Forcing himself to push through his thoughts with a clenched jaw, he carefully removed the final electrodes and tossed them to the side. Returning his gaze back to MINGI, he saw the enamored look plastered on their features and nearly melted into the fucking floor. He clenched his jaw harder, his teeth grinding down on each other to try and maintain his composure.
But it was MINGI’s turn to bring their hand to Yunho’s face, the temperature regulation settings inside their body mirroring that of human warmth. MINGI stroked the muscle in Yunho’s jaw, “You’re going to hurt yourself if you keep clenching your jaw like that, Yunho.”
Like a silent command, Yunho released the tension in his jaw. His lips parted slightly, disbelief taking over his features. He couldn’t even help himself, though, and he leaned into MINGI’s touch. Not much, but enough that they both noticed, and MINGI smiled softly at the gesture.
Yunho couldn’t even believe the visual before him: MINGI’s perfectly straight smile that creased the synthetic skin around blue eyes that seem to glow like a human’s would when admiring someone they adored.
Like a human’s…
Not human…
Yunho blinked once, prolonged and hard, before pushing away from MINGI. Not aggressively, just enough to put distance between them. He regretted looking back at MINGI, the look of hurt and disappointment mixed in his features stung Yunho so deep that he almost closed the distance again.
Almost.
Clearing his throat, Yunho stood and brushed the imaginary dust from his pants, trying to find focus anywhere that wasn’t MINGI’s face.
“I-I think we’re good on t-testing for now,” Yunho stumbled over his words. “Your array was clean for the most part, n-no red flags,” Yunho explained.
“No red flags, my ass,” Yunho couldn’t help the thought.
“Oh,” was all MINGI could say in response, and that one word devastated Yunho more than it should’ve.
MINGI pushed up out of the testing seat and stood before Yunho, eye-to-eye. Yunho tried, he really did, to look away, to look anywhere, that wasn’t MINGI’s eyes. But he was hypnotized almost by the sadness that reflected in MINGI’s ocean-blue eyes. They opened their mouth and closed it a couple times, words failing them. Yunho knew the feeling- having a million things to say but nothing at the same time. Not knowing if saying anything would make the situation better or worse. And Yunho knew MINGI was experiencing that feeling for the first time and knew how stressed they must be. But Yunho didn’t know how to make the situation better either. He was just as lost. Maybe MINGI had the same conflicting thoughts that Yunho was having. Or maybe he didn’t see the harm in having feelings for a human when they themselves were anything but.
Yunho watched as MINGI closed their eyes, the same serene look taking over their complexion just like before when MINGI had learned how to dress themself. He was searching the databases, but for what Yunho had no fucking idea.
“MINGI, what are y-”
Yunho’s words were cut off immediately when MINGI’s eyes snapped open and immediately they advanced on Yunho. Yunho didn’t even have a second to register what the fuck was happening before MINGI’s lips were on his. Both of their fists had Yunho’s lab coat balled in them, yanking him down, close enough to be chest to chest. Yunho was stunned, frozen under MINGI’s brazen actions, and his brain couldn’t catch up fast enough. MINGI pulled away abruptly, immediately releasing Yunho’s coat and taking a step back, a look of horror on their face.
“Oh, my God. I’m sorry. Oh, God, I didn’t even stop to think. I just saw it and-” MINGI’s panicked rambling echoed off the walls, but none of it reached Yunho.
He was still very much frozen in time, completely oblivious to MINGI’s downward spiral. His lips felt like they were on fire. The lack of MINGI’s warmth on his lips was alarming, and he darted his tongue out slightly to try and savor the feeling, his brain finally responding to the events of what just happened. Yunho looked down at his lap coat, noticing the two distinct places where MINGI had clung to him to drag him into the impromptu kiss.
MINGI noticed Yunho was looking down at himself and abandoned his ramblings, “Yunho?”
Yunho looked up to MINGI then and really saw him. His brain no longer delayed, he saw MINGI for what they truly were. And the box full of every reason why he shouldn’t act on his rapidly growing feelings was subsequently chucked out of his brain and out of the window. Swallowing his pride and prejudice, his shame and fear, he closed the distance between him and MINGI. One arm snaking around MINGI’s waist, pulling them flush to his body, the other finding residency at the side of their face. Fingers fanned purposely, the pad of his thumb dragging softly across MINGI’s cheek. Yunho could see the shock and fear in MINGI’s irises, their features betraying the emotions like a flashing neon sign, but it only endeared Yunho more.
“W-what are you doing?” MINGI asked Yunho, their voice timid and unsure.
Yunho tilted his head slightly, releasing a soft breath that fluttered against MINGI’s face. Their receptors could pick up the scent of faint fluoride and mint from what MINGI could only conclude to be Yunho’s toothpaste.
“I’m just…” Yunho let the words die on his tongue as he fell further and further into MINGI’s ocean eyes. His lips drew up in a soft smile, and he warmed when he saw MINGI’s features soften significantly, curiosity more prominent now than anything else.
With a deep breath, letting clarity wash over him for the first time all night, Yunho allowed himself, finally, to let go.
“Fuck it,” was all Yunho said before bringing his lips to MINGI’s.
The reaction was instant. MINGI brought their hands to Yunho’s chest, running them up and over his shoulders before interlocking them behind his neck. Yunho led the kiss, gentle and tender, and MINGI was reactionary every step of the way. The little sounds of contentness and pleasure that escaped MINGI were eagerly swallowed by Yunho as he deepened the kiss.
Running his tongue over MINGI’s bottom lip, they happily let Yunho in. His tongue explored MINGI’s mouth, trying his hardest to suppress his own satisfaction in choosing to construct MINGI to generate moisture, saliva, and warmth. He could only describe the taste as sweet and artificial and deliciously sinful. When his tongue began to dance against MINGI’s, he almost buckled to the floor at the moan they let out from the sensation. They began to let their hands roam Yunho’s body, starting with pushing his lab coat from his shoulders and letting it fall to the floor, the sound of his name tag clattering when it hit the floor. MINGI raked his fingers down Yunho’s back through the fabric of his shirt and the tremble that ran through his body was aggressive. And MINGI loved it, smiling into the kiss, a hum of satisfaction emanating from them that Yunho happily swallowed.
Loving the reaction he got from Yunho, MINGI hiked up his shirt this time before repeating the action, dragging his nails down Yunho’s back. They knew they were going to leave a mark behind, but that idea sent their interface wild, buzzing in what MINGI could only understand to be blissful euphoria.
And Yunho reacted immediately, growling into the kiss which was now hungrier and greedier. He pushed MINGI back until their hips hit the table where his coding setup resided. Pushing the equipment back without breaking the kiss, Yunho lifted MINGI onto the table and nipped at their bottom lip. MINGI let out a yelp, pouting slightly at the break in kiss, but was immediately rewarded when Yunho began to attack their jaw with kisses and teeth, sucking at the synthetic skin. And MINGI felt it all, their receptors across their skin felt like they were on fire.
“Arghh,” MINGI moaned out, “More, Yunho. Please.”
Yunho growled against his skin, the vibration of it sending a shiver through MINGI’s body, a new sensation they didn’t realize they were capable of. But Yunho obeyed, dragging his lips down MINGI’s neck, kissing and sucking, using his teeth against skin he had no idea would have marks after he was done, but he didn’t care. The moans of pleasure and ecstasy that MINGI choked out were enough to prove to him he was doing something right, and he wasn’t going to let an unknown stop him from giving MINGI what they wanted.
But then he felt MINGI’s fingertips on his abdomen, pulling his shirt up, and Yunho knew what MINGI was trying to do. And because of that realization, he had to force himself to stop. MINGI immediately felt the loss, whimpering even from the absence of Yunho’s lips on him.
“MINGI, sweetheart,” Yunho put his forehead against theirs, “You can’t. We can’t.”
The pout that formed on MINGI’s face almost made Yunho backtrack completely, but he couldn’t. Because he was right.
Physically they couldn’t have sex.
“Princess…” The nickname dripped like velvet from Yunho’s tongue and wrapped around MINGI like the warmest blanket, “I’m not saying I don’t want to.”
Taking one of MINGI’s hands, he placed it against his hardened member that was pressed tight against the fabric of his pants, “I want to. Fuck, I want to so badly. But…”
Yunho trailed off, and MINGI faltered. They knew what Yunho meant. They saw what sex was, poured over it while searching through the databases on what people did with people they were attracted to before fatefully deciding to kiss Yunho. But the tent in Yunho’s pants was confirmation for MINGI, whose interface had been blinded by pleasure and attraction to see the problem.
MINGI didn’t have the anatomy to physically go any further.
“We can’t,” MINGI repeated back to Yunho, their pout deepening.
Yunho brought his hand to MINGI’s chin and lifted their face to look him in the eyes. “Don’t pout, princess,” Yunho told them, placing a soft kiss on their lips. “I never thought to…I didn’t think that…”
“You didn’t think I’d need it. You didn’t think I’d even be capable of emotions, nevermind using sexual-organs,” MINGI finished for him, and Yunho confirmed by nodding.
“Clearly, I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing considering the position we’re in right now,” Yunho joked at his own expense, earning a sympathetic smile from MINGI.
They stroked his hair, finding a new way to comfort Yunho, “It’s okay, love. You didn’t know.”
Yunho’s eyebrows shot up, “So, you give pet names now?”
“Hey, you started it. I just wanted to join in,” MINGI shot back, smiling brilliantly now.
Yunho chuckled, “Yes, well. When you pout like that and give me those ocean eyes, how could I not think you looked like anything but a spoiled princess?” Yunho asked.
“That’s rich coming from the mad scientist who had to build himself a boyfriend,” MINGI teased back.
“To be fair,” Yunho leaned back with wide eyes, “I built you with the intent of changing the future.” Yunho leaned back in and looked pointedly at MINGI, “This?” He gestured between the two of them, “This was purely accidental. A good accident. But an accident, nonetheless.”
MINGI only looked up into Yunho’s eyes with pure adoration. And Yunho loved the way they looked at him, he loved the way it made him feel. Like he really was the only person alive on Earth that mattered to MINGI.
Yunho let out a content sigh, “I guess I’ll have to make some adjustments.”
MINGI only huffed incredulously, “Fucking right you’re making adjustments. Because I can feel every part of you, and every touch you leave on my skin is excruciatingly painful without any release. And Yunho?”
“Yeah, princess?” Yunho asked back, clearly pleased with this newfound voice and attitude that MINGI had adopted towards him.
“I will turn into a murder bot if I never get to fuck you or be fucked by you,” MINGI joked.
Kind of…
Thank you for reading and I hoped you enjoyed!
I am always open to requests in my inbox, so If you enjoyed and wanna read more like this, PLEASE just send me a message to my inbox and I'd be happy to commission something for you! Writing is better than doomscrolling, afterall.
I think it’s easy to find good fic in this fandom no matter your preference, but I am here to provide recs for underrated, perhaps under-appreciated stories that really clicked with me.
About Me: I have been in fandom and reading fic for YEARS. YEARS!! My tastes are wide-ranging and omnivorous, so I will try anything and everything before I develop certain preferences. I enjoy some ships more than others, but I love a rare pair and I especially love when an author has a non-traditional vision and commits. So you’ll certainly see the government ships, but maybe not always in the ways you’re anticipating.
Canon-Compliant/Adjacent/Divergent
Here are fics that really capture the angst, thrill, struggles, and joys of finding your soulmate in a fellow idol.
In Mars, There’s Stars by jonnijoongi [Hongjoong/Seonghwa, 140k, Rated M]
Seonghwa thought that Hongjoong hated him. And well, he might as well hate him back. Except, he didn't hate Hongjoong. He could never hate Hongjoong. And maybe, just maybe, Hongjoong didn't hate him either.
This was one of the first fics I read when I got into the fandom, and it remains one of the best canon Matz fics we have. Just reminding us of our roots!
You're My Iron Man by jonnijoong [San/Wooyoung, 78k, Rated M]
Wooyoung was curious about San: the boy who was a shadow. Who liked to act like a duck. And was far too polite. But maybe was actually pretty cool? And cute?
The companion/prequel fic to In Mars, There's Stars, focusing on WooSan from 2017-2018. Delightful and sweet, featuring our boys being confused and falling in love.
Loyalty series by Yeonni [San/Wooyoung, 559k, Rated E]
Part 1: Follows Woo and San through 2018-2020 and their friendship developing into something else, but what?
Part 2 Woosan is a top tier ship, unbeatable. After a difficult 2020, San confessed he's in love, and Woosan enters 2021 trying to figure out what they are now.
Part 3 Woosan is a top tier ship, unbeatable. After San confesses, and Woo deals with some trauma over the first half of 2021, Woosan have struggled from friends to lovers and had 100 days of relationship drama.
This is, hands-down, the best WooSan story I’ve ever read. However, this story is not an easy read and the author will not spoon-feed you romance. Mind the tags. I've never been more stressed out about the success of a fictional relationship based on real people, but I've also never rooted harder for two crazy kids to make it work. Their happy ending is hard-earned, and by the end of this series I felt like I had completed a marathon.
I'll quote the author: "I [have] a special interest in human psychology and group dynamics, and that's my secret juice. I overthink a bit but not terribly, rather, I love to analyze behavior I see between other people, down to every flick of the wrist." If you want compelling drama, complicated and sometimes toxic relationship dynamics, unreliable narrators and unsympathetic characterizations, and for a story to rewire your brain, then please enjoy!
Sleep Paralysis by idrilka [Hongjoong/Seonghwa, 77k, Rated M]
After they split dorms, Hongjoong starts sleeping in Seonghwa's bed from time to time. Neither of them ever mentions it in the light of day.
There is no better Matz writer than idrilka. Their fics are grounded in realism and filled to the brim with the tension, angst, and restraint that comes with YEARS of pining over your best friend and fellow idol. Thankfully, there are multiple installments in this series, each one based on actual canon Matz events that seem almost lifted from the mind of a fujoshi.
camera obscura by idrilka [Hongjoong/Seonghwa, 29k, Rated M]
Given very little say in the matter, Hongjoong accompanies Seonghwa to Jinju for an impromptu vacation. The four days they spend there prove particularly illuminating.
Another banger from my favorite Matz writer, who puts us in Hongjoong's shoes as he pathetically yearns for Seonghwa in this sweat-drenched, hazy summer vacation of a fic.
Tell them I'm Yours series by Anonymous [Yunho/Mingi, 23k, E]
It's just sex, it doesn't really mean anything. And Yunho's straight anyway.
Hi, do you want to feel super depressed? The thing about canon!Yungi is that nothing is more compelling than their actual IRL story. By the same token, when I read canon!yungi fic, I often gravitate towards the more angsty end of the plausible scenarios for two people who obviously love each other but will probably never get it together (because of the Yunho of it all). Enjoy this heaping spoonful of bittersweet angst and know that there is a sequel and another installment on the way that promises more heartbreak.
Can I Keep You by jasperKjones [Hongjoong/Seonghwa, 62k, M]
They chat lightly for a little while more before Maddox gets around to his real reason for calling; he wants to see if Joong is still doing okay, and to be updated on what he terms the ‘Seonghwa Situation’. “I’ll be honest, dude, when you didn’t call me begging me to break you out of there by day three, I started thinking maybe you’d tossed yourself in the lake.” He pauses. “Or that maybe Hwa tossed you in and you just… sort of let him, like a lovelorn assclown.”
“That’s a good album name,” Hongjoong replies dryly. “You should write that down.”
“Avoidance,” Maddox notes, “and attitude. You’re down bad. You’re not fucking him again, are you?”
Hongjoong winces guiltily. “No.”
“But you’re gonna.” It’s not a question.
A great scenario where Hongjoong and Seonghwa start the story as somewhat bitter exes (but can you be an ex if you never had a relationship?) who rekindle their feelings during a KQ songwriting bootcamp in the woods.
Let me also recommend the Wooyoung/Mingi sequel
Genre Fic
While I appreciate and enjoy all the pirate/mafia/royalty AUs that populate this fandom, here are some stories that really felt inspired by genre fiction and feature excellent world-building and prose.
Place Your Heart On the Scales by Yeonni [Yunho/Mingi, 41k, M]
Something is stalking Yunho.
Yunho and Mingi have a casual friends with benefits thing, going two years. Lately, Yunho has felt like something watches him from the shadows. Silly, right? But when Mingi discovers what is hunting Yunho, his efforts to protect him opens Pandora's box on the supernatural – and Yunho and Mingi's relationship.
A thrilling, suspenseful romance set in the urban fantasy genre. Yunho and Mingi find out their love transcends death, and it may be the one thing that will save both their lives. Part of a larger series that is followed by:
In Every Life by Yeonni [Jongho/Yeosang & Yunho/Mingi, 127k]
Yeosang is finishing up his police training when he runs into dropouts Yunho and Mingi, and their friend Jongho, a musician. Very soon Yeosang discovers that not only do werewolves exist, but they also in rare cases have soulmates, and he's apparently Jongho's.
Together they're flung headfirst into the city's supernatural politics, while figuring out their relationship and the complicated balance between wolf and human. Yunho and Mingi's presence has stirred up the longstanding peace between werewolves and vampires, and the tension is set to blow.
"There's a million ways to live, but the only one I have any fucking interest in, is the one with you."
Fantastic world-building, complicated relationships, morally-gray characters, thrilling action set-pieces, and ROMANCE!! I bought into the soulmate bond as easily as Yeosang did in those first couple of chapters. And the YUNGI of it all!! As with their canon-compliant WooSan series, Yeonni has the powerful ability as a writer to make me shift between anger and defense of a character within one scene. Everyone fucks up, but they all have clear motivations and characterizations that make you understand WHY they do the things they do, even when you want to scream at them. I think about this fic constantly.
Complete, with a WooSan sequel in the works!
The Aurora Society for Paranormal Investigation by quickfixon (obarad) [Hongjoong/Seonghwa, San/Wooyoung, Yunho/Mingi, Jongho/Yeosang, 276k, Rated M]
Yunho is between writing gigs. His mother offers him a killer deal: move into the house she recently inherited and renovate it to sell. It'll bring in some money, if he can get the electricity to stop flickering. Or the heater to actually warm the place up. Or silence whatever is making that scratching noise in the walls.
Meanwhile, a small group of men in town have gotten bored enough to begin a project, one they don’t want folks in town to know about. It’s a dead town, people say, one that will disappear in another generation, since everyone who’s anyone moves away the first chance they get. These leftover boys, though, the ones that stayed - they think the “dead town” name has more to it.
They think there are ghosts. And they are determined to prove it.
With a little luck, Yunho meets The Aurora Society for Paranormal Investigation. Before he knows it, his life gets tied in with all seven of theirs, and tied into the town itself. Will they ever catch proof? Who knows. But they’ll have each other to scream with along the way.
Or:
The one where Ateez is a group of small town guys turned ghost hunters and have absolutely no clue what they have gotten themselves into.
This fic feels like a Stephen King novel. Small town, childhood friendships, hauntings and horror, second-chance romance, family trauma...everything you could ask for. I had to read parts of this fic with my hands over my eyes, it got so spooky.
vibrant, violent purple by lackadaisycalb [Yunho/Mingi, 20k, M]
Mingi stands frozen at the threshold of the bathroom, eyes unblinking as he watches the bright purple petals swirling in the toilet bowl, disappearing from sight like the secret it was meant to be. Yunho is looking at him with something like disdain in his teary eyes as he slowly reaches up to wipe at the corner of his mouth.
"Knock next time," he says, voice thick and wavering and then goes to wash his hands in the sink. Mingi still doesn't move, just tracks the others movements with his eyes.
Yunho washes out his mouth with water and splashes some on his face. Then he grabs the towel that's hanging just a few inches to the left of Mingi's arm and buries his face into it, leaning on the bathroom counter with his hip and groaning.
I love a good Hanahaki disease fic, it's such an underrated trope. This one gets extra praise because it's somewhat non-traditional: Yunho starts the fic suffering from the disease because he loves someone else and not Mingi, the guy he hooks up with occasionally.
ATEEZ in Christmasland (Krampus Night) by KaderinHall [Yunho/Mingi, Wooyoung/San/Yeosang, Hongjoong/Seonghwa, 154k, Rated M]
ATEEZ jet-set to Germany for what they believe will be an easy gig – shooting promotional content inside a brand-new amusement park, “Christmasland.” But after the sun sets, the once-cheerful park transforms into a place of nightmares. Their group was lured to Christmasland under false pretenses by a mysterious man who intends on using them as part of a pagan ritual, offering them up as sacrifices to the demon Krampus.
Krampus, leading a motley crew of mythical monsters, embarks on his annual Wild Hunt with a singular mission – to capture the naughty members of ATEEZ and drag them down to hell. However, one lone member has managed to earn a place on Santa’s Nice List this year, making him the only one whom Krampus and the other creatures can't touch. As the last hope for his imperiled group, it's up to him to rescue them all before it's too late.
Get ready for a rollercoaster ride of fear as ATEEZ fights to survive a terrifying Christmas tale like no other!
I am so glad I gave this fic a try. I can't believe it actually works. I love that this author committed to the the most bonkers premise and wrote something legitimately thrilling, engaging, and - yes -romantic. I have yet to try their Cabin in The Woods fic, but that's on my list.
And who's gonna be standing at the end? (No one knows) by gvvdlilboy [Yunho/Mingi, Hongjoong/Seongha, 211k, Rated M]
“Come to my gym.” Seonghwa blurted out, “Let me train you properly and show you what boxing is all about, you have the right spirit and the right mindset. This is a golden opportunity.”
Mingi’s eyes widened, his mouth fell open and his eyebrows arched before the same confused, “Huh?” He let out when Seonghwa first approached him found its way out of his lips, “Excuse me, what?” He added and rushed to stuff his mouth with chips once again, “Am I already wrecked to the point of hearing things?”
Seonghwa snorted, leaving the chips to the younger and leaning to snatch a Pepero from the small pack Hongjoong was holding, “Come to my gym and I’ll turn you into a pro boxer, I’ll give you all the fame and the money you deserve, you’ll climb the ranks.” He promised, Pepero between his lips, “And you know who stands above those ranks?”
“The Captain.” Mingi whispered, eyes fixed on Hongjoong who was placidly listening to the conversation.
Or: Mingi was an underground boxer until he wasn't anymore. All he needed was for retired boxer, Park Seonghwa, and current middleweight champion, Kim Hongjoong, to spot his abilities and offer him a golden opportunity.
This Boxer AU really rewards your time and attention. The prose may throw you off initially; it's written in a very mannerist style that (imo) elevated this story about rookie boxer Mingi finding his place in the world into something almost Shakespearian. As his journey unfolds, you get fantastic world-building for this boxer universe and really excellent backstories and characterization for the other members. I love Ming in this fic, who is naturally gifted but struggles with anxiety and doubt; I also love his slowly-developing relationship with Yunho and how their progress and setbacks mirror the more action-focused boxer plot. They have one of the more compelling dynamics I've seen in a Yungi-centric fic.
Is it Hot in Here?? 🔥🔥
Smut with plot, smut without plot, kinks, lemons, limes, etc...
HONDA BABY by sugamins [Yunho/Mingi, 121k]
Yunho has a thing for cars.
Mingi has plenty of toys to play with.
HONDA BABYYYYY!!!! THE FIC OF ALL TIME!! This fic gets referenced every other day on atiny twt and for good reason. It will rewire your brain. I can't go into detail; you have to experience it for yourself.
Soda Pop Soda Pop by dryad [Yunho/Mingi, OT8, 14k, Rated E]
Mingi just thinks that when one of your boyfriends stares at you in a schoolboy outfit constantly, the very rational, logical conclusion is a uniform kink that requires you to shove yourself into a skirt and thigh highs. Wooyoung makes things better-worse, and Yunho would really like his princess to understand something called real Yearning.
Obsessed with Yunho being obsessed with Mingi in a uniform, which Mingi completely misunderstands to sexy and comedic effect. The smut is so good in this fic, but the ending packed a really sweet and tender wallop to my emotions. This is also my favorite kind of polyteez scenario, where they all love and screw each other but Yungi are in love and everyone is cool with that.
Demystification (San And Mingi Make A Polycule) by ImNotSorryImThirsty [San/Mingi, Yunho/Mingi, OT8, 8k, Rated E]
While rooming with San on tour, Mingi finds out that San and Wooyoung are in an open relationship. San is happy to share his experience with Mingi, and Mingi is an enthusiastic learner. And since San is in love with Wooyoung, he doesn't mind that Mingi's in love with someone else, too.
Another great polyteez fic that leads with the understanding that they're all kind of horny for each other but respect that some members are in love with each other. Part of a larger series, but this is my fave.
I know you ain’t a drug (but you get me so high) by milkocaine [Seonghwa/Hongjoong/Mingi/Yunho/San, 15k, Rated ]
“I can help you.” Hongjoong’s hands rest on top of his, but they don’t move otherwise.
Seonghwa’s laugh is strained. “I’m—I’m okay. I still don’t know if this is a good idea.”
Hongjoong chuckles, but there’s an edge to it that raises alarm bells in Seonghwa’s head, skin prickling with goosebumps.
“That’s not the kind of help I’m offering.”
“T-then…?”
It takes Seonghwa a few seconds to realize that maybe he shouldn’t have asked for clarification. Hongjoong’s eyes darken, head tilting just a bit, hands constricting down on his own just a little bit harder. “I’m asking if you want us to help you get off, Seonghwa.”
Nothing to see here, just raunchy, canon-compliant polyteez smut but with an undercurrent of something genuine and loving in the way Hoongjoong pays attention to Seonghwa's needs and gives him exactly what he wants. I'm a sucker for dom!HJ and this fic delivers.
Pleats and Thank you by size8font [Yunho/Wooyoung, 22k]
It’s just practice, Yunho tells himself from where he’s sat white-knucking his seat at the top of the tiered seating of the university gymnasium. It’s just practice. Routine. It’s raining outside, they have a game soon, so they’re practising. Yunho’s sure Wooyoung’s also mentioned something about a competition in the not-too distant future too, so it really all makes sense, but Yunho’s brain is currently working at about five percent capacity. If that.
It’s drawing snickers from next to him where Mingi is sitting, or, more accurately, folded in half because he has weak core muscles, or finds Yunho’s current predicament hilarious. That is, Yunho suffering from ‘sudden-onsent can’t close his fucking mouth because the new cheer uniforms came in and Wooyoung obviously chose violence insomuch as he’s wearing a skirt.’
AKA:
The Wooyoung in a skirt fic that spiralled into 22k of Horny Yunwoo.
YunWoo is an underrated pairing and inspires some of the filthiest smut, so please enjoy.
Honey, Look Who's Talking! by Syster [Yunho/Mingi, 8k]
“We need to fuck,” Yunho says, eloquently, his tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth once he gets the last word out.
Mingi just stares at him, his lips pursing, and Yunho continues before Mingi can say no, or worse, say yes.
“Because of my dick,” he motions towards his crotch and, then, realizing what it sounds like, clarifies, “My talking dick. It’s, uh, a metaphor, or something.”
“For us fucking?” Mingi says, brow furrowing.
or: in a world full of magic, yunho wakes up one morning with a talking dick. he has to go on a quest to figure out how to make it stop before it ruins his career, or worse, his friendship with Mingi.
I LOVE crack treated seriously, and this story actually got me emotional over Yunho's talking dick. Just trust me.
(touch) starved by thanks_its_versace [San/Yeosang, 5k words]
Yeosang peels off his damp clothing and finds that at some point in the night his body has turned to gasoline.
And the look in San’s eyes that meet his somewhere in the back of the changerooms, as he strips off his own clothing and Yeosang forces himself to look away, to not take anything that hasn’t first been offered -
The look in San’s eyes is a housefire.
This writer gets what makes me so feral about SanSang. It's canon-compliant too, and knowing what we know now about Yeosang's struggles with receiving physical affection from the boys (San in particular) despite welcoming their advances...just enhances the flavor.
Omegaverse (with a twist)
I don't typically read omegaverse as I don't always enjoy how reductive the stories sometimes are about gender and sexuality; HOWEVER, I really do love non-traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics in fic. To be blunt, it feels more queer!
ricochet, misfired, but the bullet hit me anyway by pixiegold [Yunho/Mingi, 23k]
Yunho gets sent into rut early, and Mingi, unprepared and fighting with his unrequited feelings, helps him.
It goes about as well as expected.
A/B/O alpha x alpha AU
Pixiegold is my favorite Yungi author. They just nail the co-dependent, mutually obsessed, emotionally-stunted dynamic that draws me to this pairing IRL but also writes the filthiest, raunchiest smut for them (mind the tags). Has a sequel!
i never blamed you for loving me the way that you did by pixiegold [Yunho/Mingi, 26k]
Mingi wakes up disgustingly hungover. He squints at the body lying in the unfamiliar bed next to him, taking in the long limbs and sliver of naked back.
OR:
Mingi, a beta, tries to navigate having feelings for an alpha that was supposed to just be a one-night stand whilst battling his own insecurities.
Another fave by pixiegold, who has a real knack for writing sex scenes that add to the emotional storyline.
i'd walk into these flames if it's for you by pixiegold [Yunho/Mingi, OT8, 17k]
When Mingi finally presents as an alpha, he is twenty-one years old. Not only is his presentation over three years late, but it's also excruciatingly, horrifically painful.
He sweats into the bedsheets, crying in pain and Yunho smells strongly like distress and worry, which only makes him sob harder. All he wants is to lie down and never get up again, hating every second of the horrible, itchy, hot feeling that his rut causes, hating what he’s presented as, hating being an alpha.
OR:
Using bitching as an allegory for transness. (It's fluffier than it sounds).
I LOVE the concept of this fic, which uses the established structures of the omegaverse to delivery a story about trans!Mingi and the lengths Yunho will go to help the man he loves.
a comprehensive guide to unrequited love by Vitexy [San/Yunho, 35k]
San can’t think of a more disappointing moment in his life than the moment he presented as a beta. Betas don't release pheromones. Betas can't imprint. Betas can't even properly mate. Basically life is stacked against San from day one until he meets an alpha who changes his mind.
Another great story that probes at the systemic restrictions and biases that emerge from the omegaverse. San and Yunho make for such a sweet couple!
flora in your lungs by honeyl [Yunho/Wooyoung, Hongjoong/Seonghwa, San/Mingi, Jongho/Yeosang, 101k]
“Move in with me,” Yeosang says carefully, and Wooyoung’s world screeches to a halt.
“What?” Wooyoung feels his mouth mumble out.
“Just until you can get a new apartment,” Yeosang hurries to say, but he’s kind and there's a note of desperation in his voice that makes Wooyoung’s head spin, “Move in with me and my pack,” it's insistent but not pushy, as if Yeosang is trying to gently coax a stray kitten into safety.
or Wooyoung sees kindness' extended hand and takes a leap of faith
This is a fantastic found-family (pack) narrative that centers several interesting romantic, sexual, and platonic dynamics between different pairings. It was really rewarding to see Hongjoong and Wooyoung grow to trust their new pack and form deep attachments. Yunho makes me swoon!!
Hard to Categorize
Like Sun to the Darkest Days by Marauderette [Gen, 305k]
Seonghwa and Hongjoong are already proudly parenting their five foster/adoptive children when their social worker calls. They can't possibly take in another boy, can they?
Or: the foster kid AU that stars Seonghwa and Hongjoong as super parents and Wooyoung as their newest ('temporary') arrival.
Deals with some really heavy topics, please heed the tags.
Romanticisation of fostercare
I really wasn't sure about this fic at first, but it turned out to be one of the highlights of my year. This is a deeply empathetic and beautifully-written story about a family. Hongjoong and Seonghwa's relationship and parenting is so full of love, trust, and care, which allows them to navigate some truly upsetting plot beats surrounding Wooyoung and the circumstances that led him to their home. The author does a terrific job making the other members recognizable and their dynamics feel familiar, even transposed into this new setting.
That's it for now! Happy Reading! Feel free to let me know your thoughts on any of the fics I recc'ed!
