Skylines & mountain views
I was born in a city where roads can both be impressive and dreadful in construction. I was born where cruelty and greed prevails, but I’ve seen them here too. I saw people live a life that was strange in many ways, but also much the same as anywhere else.
While Japan will always, I think, feel foreign to me, places where I lived here like Misawa and Morioka have been my home. This is where I was able to freely construct my own identity and learn things on my own, things I like and don’t like not only about food, people, seasons, but most importantly, about myself.
I thought to myself, there is truly a beauty in being surrounded by the foreign-seeing things from a new perspective, with new eyes. Things I used to watch in anime and J-dramas, phrases and music I used to hear from a screen but now get to live with every day.
It was a very ordinary day, the day I realized that I don't have to do anything but trust the process, trust my story and enjoy the journey. It doesn't really matter who I've become by the finish line, the important things are the changes from this morning to when I fall asleep again, and how they happened, and who they happened with. An hour watching the stars or two hours of a dumb movie; a coffee in the morning with someone beautiful and funny; deep and intelligent conversations at 5am while sharing the last cigar. Taking trains to nowhere, walking hand in hand through foreign cities with someone you love. Skylines and mountain view. Contrasts and similarities.
It was all very ordinary until I found my identity appeared. The day I saw the flowers and learned how to turn my daily struggles into the most extraordinary moments. Moments worth writing about. For so long I let my life slip through my fingers, like water. I'm holding on to it now, and I'm not letting go.
When I arrived in 2016 of October, I felt for the first time in years, a deep sadness of exile, knowing that I was alone here, an outsider, and too alert to the ironies, the niceties, the manners, and indeed, the morals to be able to participate.
My 4 years in Japan truly was an amazing experience. I could not be anymore proud of myself and I think I should just take the time to acknowledge that. It was not easy but it was fun and it was worth it. All the people I met, the lessons I learned. All the heartaches I felt. It was all worth it. Even more so when I met the love of my life.
There is one way to understand another culture. Living it. Move into it, ask many questions and to be tolerated as a guest, learn the language. At some point, understanding may come. It will always be wordless. The moment you grasp what is foreign, you will lose the urge to explain it. To explain a phenomenon is to distance yourself from it. When I start talking about Japan, to myself or to others, I again start to lose what has never been truly mine.
おいらせ青森. Oirase, Aomori 10/13/2020
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