5 years(?)
been a while everybody. hello to the ghosts that are no longer on this side of tumblr but i have a few things to say, to explain all that went down a while back.
so i’m going to go ahead and say this, i think it’s better for this account to stay dead, which it will, after i maybe post this. but a few years ago i was struggling pretty bad ages 15-16 with mental health, family problems, etc etc.
so about the situation with my ex girlfriend: we started talking when i was 13 and she was 12, as a kind of human diary type relationship. it was never healthy to begin with, if i”m honest. we ended up dating a few months into it, on the basis that we were in love and we’d move in together, start a family, all that. but then it would be a daily occurance of her being suicidal and having to talk her down from either ending her life or seriously hurting herself. she ended up going into the hospital a dozen times at least over the year and a half we dated. there were also multiple occurances where she would go radio silent for a few days, only for me to find out she tried to kill herself and was on life support. we had almost daily arguments because i couldn’t handle being in contstant care for someone like that and not have any way to vent myself and my anger would get the better of me. we ended up breaking up around julyish of 2019, which would have happened sooner, but she had told me if i broke up with her she’d kill herself. she tried to, and i once again was the only one to deal with it, alone. i won’t say she abused me, but i do think we both needed serious help back then (probably still do) and the worst thing to do was be in that kind of relationship. all that said, we still vent to each other every few months, talk a little, and then nothing. we’re both doing better, which is all i can hope for for her. (reminder: this was a purely online relationship. we never met in person or came close to it). either way, we’re both out of that situation for the better.
now, about my anger issues w people on here. that happening with her ^ was the main reason why i was constantly so angry/upset. i was in a very dark place with all that going on, to then find out my best friend had cancer, and i get sa’d by a family member within the same year. i realize that those are excuses, but it’s the best way i can explain it. i’m truly sorry to those people i took that out on when i was hurting, and i hope this does something to make up for it. i”m sorry that i didn’t control myself better and went straight to blasting anyone i didn’t like.
i might be logged into this account for a few days if anyone at all has a few questions, or if anyone wants to talk. if anyone is still active in this circle (lol its been a good while). i hope this post does something to explain, and i hope anyone reading this ends up getting the help they need. also, anyone from that original group, my messages will be open, i”d like to apologize directly. thank you for the friends i made on this blog and the people who listened when i needed an ear.
-knox (i go by devon now, cool new name)
