100% Stressed | 500% Dad

100% Stressed | 500% Dad Craig Cahn RP Blog from DDADDS _______________________ Tracking: kegmastercraig ✧✧✧✧ᕙʕಠᴥಠʔᕗ✧✧✧✧ Disclaimer: Art used belongs to their respective owners

[feredir]

i love them both equally

[bottomlessperdition-archive-blog]

Non-romantic fluff starters

“Here, I saved some for you. Try it?”

“I just really need a hug right now…”

“You. Me. Movie marathon. Get all the snacks you can carry.”

“Join me in the blanket fort. We play until dawn.”

“It’s cake, how difficult can it be?”

“Sure, it *looks* safe, but watch what happens when I do this.”

“I had a nightmare… can you stay up with me?”

“We’re going to have to raid the neighbors if you want more pillows to turn this into a Pillow Fortress Castle.”

“This would look so cute on you!”

“Okay, but if you turn the lights off for this playthrough, I’m not being held accountable for anything I do when spooked.”

“I said we could share a blanket, but if you put your cold feet on me *one more time*…”

“You’ve been working too hard and I’m calling a Netflix intervention. Not taking no for an answer.”

“I’ve got a gallon of ice cream and if you don’t get a spoon my tummyache will be all your fault.”

“Fight me. Pillow fight. And by fight I mean cuddle.”

“My hand is cold. Unless we find somewhere to stop soon, it’s going up your back.”

“Oh my god, just pet my hair already.”

“After that movie you’re staying for a sleepover. I know you don’t want to go home and sleep alone anyway.”

“Is there a reason you’re gnawing on me?”

“C'mon, I need a Player 2.”

“I bet you can’t make it all the way through the movie without screaming at it.”

“If you put that in the microwave uncovered I swear I will beat you to death with a plastic spoon.”

“What was that flavor of cake you liked? I need to know because reasons.”

“When we get that house you’re handling the spiders.”

“Going to the mall alone is boring. Besides, I need someone to tell me how great I look in all the clothes I try on.”

“It’s not MY fault you scream like a schoolgirl on a rollercoaster.”

“It’s an arcade, do you need more reasons to go?”

“Please tell me why you were napping in my freshly dried blankets *while they’re still in the dryer*.”

“Can we please take cheesy best friend pictures in that photo booth? I promise to keep silly faces to a minimum.”

“I’m singing along to this song and you can’t stop me, so either deal with it or join me.”

“C'mon, with anyone else this would be too weird.”

“I hate this game so much. Here’s a link, you should totally play it.”

“I take no responsibility for any smells you may or may not encounter from this point forward.”

“HELP I HAVE A SPLINTER”

“Okay, but consider that if you don’t watch this show with me, I’ll still rant to you just as much about the feels it gives me.”

“If anyone turns that fan off again I swear someone’s going to bleed.”

“Help me, the computer’s making sad beeps again. Make it happy, please.”

“THIS MOVIE MAKES ME CRY EVERY TIME WHY DID YOU LET ME CHOOSE IT?!”

“I have in front of me: One DVD, seven remote controls, and an entertainment center. This will be a voyage of discovery.”

“If I die, you get my cat. So make sure I live through this.”

“I need someone to cling to in the haunted house, and you’re it.”

“Yeah, but you’re *my* nerd.”

“The remote is two feet thataway and I don’t feel like moving. We’re stuck with this.”

“You are aware this was the worst idea ever and you’re lucky you’re my best friend, or else I’d leave you alone to deal with this.”

“I’d say sorry my mom tried to adopt you again, but it was kind of my idea.”

“There is a perfectly good reason I’m eating these mini marshmallows right out of the package, I’m certain of it. Probably.”

“Okay but hear me out: Fluffy. Sharks.”

“Please keep your sick away from me and get better soon. I made you soup.”

“That sounds like a bad idea. I’m in.”

“If you don’t come up and sing with me, I will sing and point at you. The entire. Time.”

“We made a pact based on SpongeBob jokes, you can’t back out now.”

[octoberinspo]

SENTENCE STARTERS. Flirty/Suggestive/NSFW Edition.

Feel free to add your own.

“You’re really hot.”

“Oh, don’t mind me. Just enjoying the view.”

“You know, those/that ______ of yours are/is pretty distracting.”

“Hot damn.”

“So, you come here often?”

“Well, well. My night just got better.”

“Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

“You have got a great ass.”

“Hey, I’m open minded.”

“You enjoying the view over there?”

“Keep sweet-talking and this could go a whole new direction.”

“Don’t be bashful. You know you want to.”

“You can have me any way you’d like, baby.”

“You wanna move this conversation someplace more private?”

“I’m off in a few minutes, you know.”

“It’s been a long day. Why don’t we help each other unwind?”

“I think it’s about time we stop avoiding the obvious.”

“I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m really horny, and you’re really hot. Can we fuck? Like, now?”

“I wanna see you get naked.”

“You like how I bend over for you, huh?”

“You’re getting me all worked up.”

“What do we have here?”

“I see someone’s happy to see me.”

“Play your cards right, and I just might have to put you on speed dial.”

“You like that, don’t you?”

“How do you want me?”

“I’m sure we can put those lips to better use.”

“I want you. Right here. Right now.”

“God, you’re perfect.”

“I really like a man who’s good with his hands.”

“I’d be more than happy to show you a good time, if you’re looking for one.”

“I saw that. You just checked me out.”

“You look real good in that suit/dress/skirt/outfit.”

“You wanna help me out of this ___?” (Insert article clothing here.)

“Can I keep you?”

“You’re such a tease.”

“Oh my, looks like I/you dropped something.”

“I love it when you talk dirty.”

“I can’t stop thinking about your hands on me.”

“I think you’ll be happy to know that I’m not wearing any underwear.”

“I really want to take you home and get you out of all those clothes.”

“It’s like you want to ruin men/women for me.”

[niklisson]

They are now travel-sized for our convenience 

[kegmastercraig-blog]

Robert: I turned out perfectly fine!

Brian: Just this morning you thought a ghost made your toast.

Robert: I DIDN'T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN'T PUT THE BREAD IN!

[moosopp-art]

Dream Daddy kids PT1

(Free to use, pls cred me if u do!)

[goingloco]

2nd date with Robert. (X)

[kegmastercraig-blog]

@somedad

[kegmastercraig-blog]

somedad:

“SURE  bro,  and  my  name’s  Channing  Tatum.”  Gaze  follows.  Up,  and  up  and  UP.  Well,  climbing  trees  didn’t  startle  him.  Heights  were  tricky,  sure,  but  he  could  survive  this  one.  He  hoped.  “I  can  try.  Or  we  can  keep  throwin’  shoes,  we’ll  get  it  down  eventually.”

“Channing Tatum has nothing on those guns.” Craig says laughing before a gust of wind reminds him that he is currently a buffed up Cinderella. Although, Cinderella never needed to knock her shoe off a tree, did she? He shrugs, “Hey man, I ain’t stopping you but we could cushion the ground just in case.”

[kegmastercraig-blog]

@periodiic

[kegmastercraig-blog]

periodiic:

                       ‘ craig !! dude… ? ‘ no, he probably should try saying that again.                          nonetheless, knowing his tomato soup was good enough for the                         kids. lord knows it was difficult to deal with children and their                          sensitive palates. at the mention of the infant even enjoying such                         a simple gift of a recipe, he can’t help but lean a bit to poke the                         child on the nose. ‘ you, my dear, are quite welcome ! ‘ 

River’s eyes opened wide in shock before bursting into giggles. Craig gives a thumbs up to Damien for saying dude ___ he appreciated the effort. “Actually I wanted to ask you if you have any other recipes.” His hand scratches the back of his neck, “The twins have been really __ well __ pushy about eating fast food or junk in general, you see.” No daughter of his is going to eat deep fried chicken nuggets of all things.

[bloodandtaxidermy-blog]

“ I would never deliberately harm anyone, it just… For me to live, others must sacrifice, but I only take enough to keep me going, I wouldn’t kill human being, especially a friend. ” Damien set the towel he had down, grabbing some water for his friend to drink, “ If I could I would eat normal food, but it would make me sick. Kinda like food poisoning, I suppose. ”

“ Lucien feeds too, but I think his friend Ernest helps him. I am so terribly sorry, I am so terribly sorry, what could I ever to do make this up to you? I could make you dinner, something. ”

“ I understand if you do not wish to be friends with me anymore, I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone either if they just drank my blood too. Sorry, my ’ coming out ’ scared you half to death. ” Damien left the room for a moment before coming back with what seemed to be one of those large Band-Aids, two of them in fact. “ I didn’t cut you too deep, just enough though, if you don’t pick at it it won’t scar. ” Damien opened the medical supplies and placed them on Craig’s shoulder where he had been cut. “ Next time I will try to ask for permission. ”

[kegmastercraig-blog]

“I thought you were VEGAN.” Craig said in disbelief as he starred at the cup of water in his hands. This was way different from donating blood to the needed at Hazel and Briar’s school when they hold those medical-something-for-charity whatever. Still, finding out your friend and fellow neighbor was a vampire never even crossed his mind. Sure he knew Robert believed in cryptids but Craig would laugh it off every time. It seems Robert would be the one laughing if he found out.

“I can’t believe this means Robert is right.” He says as a joke to lighten the mood when he notices how downcast Damien was. True enough his trust in him took a toll, friends don’t normally jump on the other and suck their blood, but it was something they could both work out. Right now, though, Craig was hungry.

“Dude, you definitely owe me for this.” He pauses at the words next time and thinks. A few minutes later he nods to himself, “How about we make a deal then?” He leans forward, as he would when he does business, “You can... drink my blood __ “ It still felt strange coming out of his mouth, “But you have to take me out for a meal. No matter how expensive.” He supposes it’s fair enough, Damien was a good person, albeit one that terrified Craig enough to piss his pants with the stunt he pulled a moment ago, and being unable to eat is one of the hardest things ever.

[kegmastercraig-blog]

. . .

{ don’t chug a bottle of alcohol under 3 minutes if you don’t want a stomach ache next morning even if u want to impress your friends. Will do replies once my stomach and head stop hurting!! }

[rpmemesyo]

Send 🌸 to put a flower crown on my muse!

[fruittreemarie-deactivated20180]

no i didnt just photoshop craig onto a jar of marinara sauce what u mean

[kegmastercraig-blog]

Craig: Just a couple of dudes being guys.

Dad: Just a couple of guys being dudes.

Craig: Just a couple of dudes being gay.

Dad: Show me your dick, Craig.

[kegmastercraig-blog]

bloodandtaxidermy:

“ Relax. ” He whispered and lapped up the blood oozing from he wounds he had made, “ Please don’t mention this to Robert, it will only increase his security on me, he already throws garlic into my yard, with is disgusting. ”

His lips pressed against the uncut skin on his neck, leaving a bloody trail of his own fluids on his skin, almost as if they were kisses, “ You know, I didn’t mean for you to find out, I was simply weak, hazy, dizzy feint. Someone like you must have healthy blood, which you do, not fatty or loaded with anything it shouldn’t have, I simply…snapped…forgive me. ”

“ If you actually want dinner, ” Damien walked in front of him and rubbed a soft cloth against his shoulder, dabbing up the blood and spit there before moving to his lip, wiping off the blood dripping from his lips. It was so tempting to use the blood there as an excuse but he restrained himself from lustful urges, Craig probably didn’t even enjoy that kind of thing, “ You are handsome you know, if I could take you out to eat I would but it would be awkward to sit there and me not eat anything. ”

Craig isn’t sure if he should be laughing at that comment or downright furious. Then again, he isn’t sure what he feels at all. He felt __ literally and figuratively  __ drained. So it holds very little wonder as to why he remains in a daze, his attention neither here nor there. Sensing that any adrenaline has left and the fear gone, he cranes his head back and closes his eyes. He listens to Damian. Silently absorbing what he was saying, on any other occasion he would just laugh and pass it off as a joke but what happened just now __ to him, was enough confirmation. 

He cracks open an eye when Damien wipes off the blood on his lips. That’s going to leave a mark, he thought . Once the blood has been wiped off he sits up slowly and scratches the back of his head. With a sigh, he finally opens his mouth.

“Shit. Damien, you scared the living crap out of me. I thought I was going to die, dude.” He rubbed his temples slowly, “This is one hell of a coming out.”

[lilboreddev-blog]

REBLOG IF YOU WANT ANONS

[sp0il-ed]

Every time I do this I get weird af anons n I love it 🐝🐝🐝

[kegmastercraig-blog]

@somedad

[kegmastercraig-blog]

somedad:

A  bark  of  a  laugh.  He  didn’t  mean  to  laugh  so  loudly  –  but  it  seemed  so  TYPICAL  of  Craig  to  get  his  damn  shoe  stuck  up  there.  “Dude,  I  expected  more  out  of  that  aim.”  A  playful  nudge,  a  snort.  “I  can  climb  up – ?”

“Dude, I swear it usually works. It’s just a, uh ___ an off day for me, I guess.” So much for impressing his amazing pitching skills, at least he gets a good laugh out of it. Hands on hips, he looks at the tree and whistles, “You sure about that bro? Looks pretty tall.”