Hello

I can't think of a witty caption to put here

[adteachings-deactivated20220125]

LET GOOGLE PREDICT YOUR FUTURE

It’s a brilliant thing you’ll find by clicking here.

[yesbloodismyink]

YOU MUST DO THIS

[votedami]

Google is getting way too good at their jobs.

[mrbulian]

lol @ everyone who isn’t a fan of one direction i’m in hell but i’m having the best fucking time

[mhysa-daenerystargaryen]

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

[genuinelygabby]

Shit!

[1sa2]

OH HELL NAH.

[thebestestablished-deactivated2]

I’m screaming ! Lmao

[igotsthebassthatboomboombooms]

Ooooooooooooo! Lol

[gang0fwolves-deactivated2018120]

IT TOOK ME A MINUTE

[lesteslayss]

Lmaoo

[1stworldproblemchild]

Staahhhhpppp

[creepyscritches]

i…i just got linked to an anatomy video for the pelvis and the teacher starts explaining the differences between the male and female structures and he demonstrated how easy childbirth is with wide hips as compared to narrow male hips by…uh…slam dunking a baby through skeleton crotches

[stuffinspace-deactivated2017100]

not sure who’s face i love more

[intensional]

[04tf3h84h0g384gh08h-deactivated]

drug dealer? no man. hug dealer. come here

[inkskinned]

it always really bothered me when wait staff ignored me + my friends just because we were young bc we are all really respectful people but the assumption was that we wouldn’t tip

anyway so fast fowards to when i became a waitress and one day this group of scrubbyass kids came in and i had 8 other tables with other people to look to but i overheard that one kid wanted a milkshake but he couldn’t afford it and the other kids offered to pay but he was like “nonono it’s fine” and i looked over and he just looked real run down and sad and stuff —- later it just so happened that our kitchen had a mixup so we had an extra shake and since it would just be dumped otherwise, i snuck it out to their table and gave it to him for free

and his friends were so fucking impressed by this they pooled every fucking cent they had i got a $50 tip and later his friend’s mom came in and said “i heard what you did for that boy” and gave me another 20 and offered me a better job working with her

and meanwhile at my other table a rich white guy i was serving complained bc he didn’t want to pay the 15% tip on a $8.90 bill and when his wife said “she’s been a good waitress, though,” he said, “but just plain good isn’t worth 15%”

[confused-yet-amused-deactivated]

damn

[bluehope2013]

DANG

[kingofhearts709]

This is still one of my favorite stories

[mochibeam-deactivated20170328]

finishing a series but still being attached to the story and its characters

[alluka]

i love being tight with teachers because you get to hear them talk shit about other teachers its so funny they all act like highschoolers except they get paid 

[gilkenansmonsterhouse2006-deact]

do u ever form emotional attachments to tabs u have had open for a long time

[james-p-sullivan]

what the fuck is wrong with this movie

[officialunitedstates]

FACT OF THE DAY:  the reason why you can’t dig a hole through the earth and come up on the other side is because your shovel would melt. that’s it.  that’s the only reason.

[basicallybeesus]

what if you bring a second shovel that you put in the fridge beforehand to make it cold

[officialunitedstates]

yeah that’ll work

[jakemalik]

me when i’m not ok but I don’t want people to worry about me

[bellamybake-deactivated20150605]

Reblog if one of your favorite characters has ever died.

[macklemorehentai-deactivated201]

Rest in peace, Mongo from Shrek 2. Your life was fleeting but you will never be forgotten.

[lmportant]

[mcdolans]

ha?

every single person who reblogs this

every

single

person

will get “doot doot” in their ask box

[semememes-blog]

HOW

[lexiwestiiee]

I WANT TO KNOW YOUR SECRET

[takemewherethewildthingsare]

SERIOUSLY THOUGH WHAT ARE YOU

[clariphonete-deactivated2014111]

I GOT THIS AND I WAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

[wrappingpaper]

there are over 128,000 notes and i still got one

how

[bbassam-deactivated20151227]

i reblogged this less than 2 minutes ago

how the actual fuck

[iamsensitive]

well

do not question

[too-hilarious]

I want a doot doot

[froscan]

in my senior drama class i had to play gordon ramsay for a film project but we could only film in school so we had to try to find a closed off room to use. the thing is the room wasn’t exactly soundproof and apparently someone heard us and that’s the story of how the vice principal and four freshmen walked in on me wearing a chef’s hat and yelling at my friend because her squid was so raw i could still hear it telling spongebob to fuck off

[deathbymorning]

did you get an A