s n a k e s

kendall monroe | 23

[kendall-monroe]

“Yeah, uh, I think so,” Jonah answered. How she was going about telling him? She had no clue. She recited lines over and over, but nothing seemed to fit. Should she go around it? Hint at it? Or bluntly telling him? “I– I have to be honest with you… I don’t think there’s no easy way to say this…” Jonah added. Her heart was beating ten times faster than before. It’s fine. He’ll understand. But understand what exactly? That they were both careless and drunk? She had always thought her first child was going to be thought out and well planned. To have Kendall in the mixed of all this was the last thing she expected. Yet, happy that he of all people was the one that this was happening with.

A part of regretted not continuing the pill. At the same time though there was no need. She wasn’t dating anyone or planning on it anytime soon. As sad as that sounded. And the whole thing with Kendall, meeting up with him, getting drunk was the last thing that she had expected to happen last month. “Okay, so remember a month ago? When you and I, um, y’know… I visited you in New York? We got drunk? I don’t think I need to explain the other stuff, right?” her fingers fiddled around with the ends of her hair as her eyes were fixated on the other’s in front of her. “I– I’m– I’m need you to promise me that no matter what I tell you, you won’t be mad, okay? Swear?” Of course there was no way that Jonah was going to tell him that she lied and was actually pregnant without him being mad, but she could hope, right? She needed some form of positive thing going on for in the midst of all this.

When she mentioned New York and his graduation night, Kendall felt his shoulders tighten, the tension immediately back in his posture. Of course he remembered. He’d been unable to forget since the morning after that night, when he sleepily worked through a hangover to recall what had happened between them. His roommates had been no help-- they were still out bar hopping in celebration when Kendall and Jonah sneaked back to the apartment, but soon enough the memory came back, along with a twinge of guilt. “Yeah, I remember.”

There was a certain worried tone to Jonah’s voice that made Kendall’s brow crease. He never really got mad at her, so for her to make him promise not to seemed almost like a red flag. “Jonah,” he said, looking up to her face, studying her expression. “I won’t get mad. You can tell me anything, anytime, okay? I promise.”

[justlarried]

Getchup (Gucci Ketchup)

[kendall-monroe]

“It’s avocado, mint, honey, and lemon.” Ivy informed. “Okay - you won’t be laughing when you see my invisible pores on TV.” 

“It smells like a Whole Foods exploded in here. I usually just eat my avocados.”

[kendall-monroe]

“Gosh da- Watch out! Careful, shoot! Sorry!”

“Natalie, geez--” Kendall quickly hopped to the side, one hand reaching down towards his leg where the bike had gone crashing into. “Are you drunk driving that thing right now?”

[kendall-monroe]

As much as Jonah was trying to lessen the pace of how quick her heart was beating, nothing was working. It’s okay. It’ll be okay. Or at least that’s what she liked to believe. Lately, hiding the fact that she switched her usual atttire of crop tops and some type of jeans to baggy shirts and leggings was difficult. At the moment, that’s what was most comfortable. Every day was something new for her. A new sickness or her body changing in some way, shape, or form. It was time to tell Kendall the truth. She couldn’t keep hiding or lying to him anymore. Whether he wanted to be a part of her unborn’s child life was completely up to him. She wasn’t going to force him or bribe him. She was going to take care of her future son or daughter either way. Whether he was helping her out or not. After all, being alone and doing things alone wasn’t something new for her.

As soon as she heard the knock on her door, her heart froze. She could easily lie and not answer, then text him saying she wasn’t home yet. It would later on result on coming up with some excuse of her pretending that she was doing something important. After a while, coming up with lies upon lies, making sure they connect to one another would’ve became way too exhausting. When she opened the door, Jonah moved to the side, so Kendall could step through. “Thanks for the taking the time to come. I’ve been meaning to talk to you…”

@kendall-monroe

Over the last few days, Kendall had been purposefully busying himself with whatever he could; work, exercise, his new apartment-- anything to take his mind off of Jonah and the worries he’d been having regarding her. It was difficult to convince himself that the idea of her being pregnant was all in his head, especially when he’d gotten no hint at all from her. Despite it all, he felt like, finally, he was starting to let go of the anxiety. If something was up, he knew Jonah would’ve told him regardless of their relationship status.

But then she called him, asked him to come over, and his nerves were piqued all over again. The whole way over he was running through possible scenarios in his head (ever the over-thinker, Kendall had never quite been able to shake that habit). When he got to the door and Jonah appeared on the other side, he still smiled as he walked in, trying to play it cool. “Yeah, y’know, anytime,” he assured her, hands slipping into his back pockets. “What’s going on? Is, uh, is everything okay?”

[kendall-monroe]

“Nah, it probably wasn’t you in high school. If I remember correctly, I think you hated me back then? And let me keep my lingo. I know it sounds weird hearing Valley Girl come out of a fully grown Southern man, but just let me live.” 

“I hated a lot of things back then. It’s hard to recall,” Kendall said somewhat vaguely, shrugging. “Where do you even pick these words up? Where were you actually raised?”

[kendall-monroe]

“Right? I don’t even like fireworks, they’re way too loud, and for what!? They’ve been doing this since like June 20th, too. Don’t they have any other way to find something exciting to do!?”

“They’ll be done by, what, the first of August? Then we’ll have a few months before they start doing the same routine for New Year’s. It’s almost like a never-ending cycle.”

[kendall-monroe]

“Look, I understand it’s the Fourth of July and everything, but if you’re going to shoot off fireworks, you should at least wait until it’s dark out. Not to mention you’re only shooting them off one per every fifteen minutes. Come on, do you want a show or not?”

“You’re speaking my language. People start settin’ that shit off before July even starts.” He sighed, shrugging. “I guess they have to get their kicks somehow, right?”

[kendall-monroe]

It was weird to think that at some point of their life they never got along. They both had changed so much and she got to know him so well over the years. His slight smile made her own show up upon her features. “Well,” Jonah began with a shrug of her shoulders. Truthfully, seeing someone was the last thing on her mind. She hadn’t been with anyone since him. It wasn’t because she couldn’t or that nobody wanted to be with her. After her body had physically, drastically changed that year had guys all over her. However, she wasn’t going to tell her ex that her dating life was nonexistent. “I mean— I’ve been on dates, yeah, but I’ll be honest when saying that they all suck. Assholes who want nothing but to get in bed someone.”

A part of her wanted to know what he was up to. Whether he had someone in his life too. At the same time, Jonah also didn’t want to know about his social life whatsoever, but that wasn’t enough of a reason to not ask. Her curiosity peaked way more. “What about you?” Jonah asked curiously. She had accepted the fact that the two of them didn’t work out during their college careers. That didn’t mean that she let him go though. Or at least not fully. He was pretty much her first everything. First boyfriend, first kiss, first time. That meant something to her. He meant something to her. “Am I allowed to ask that?”

Kendall spent a lot of time after their breakup actively trying to not imagine Jonah being with anyone else. It still felt like she was his, even though he knew it wasn’t the truth, and that she had every right to find someone else. Maybe, somewhere deep beneath the surface, he had hoped she had moved on to a new man, as even though it would have hurt, it would’ve made letting go a little easier. 

“Sorry to hear that,” Kendall said, though he hardly even believed his own words. When she asked if he’d been seeing anyone, he paused, clenching his jaw as he considered what to tell her. Kendall’s past was no secret to anyone-- he’d been with plenty of girls and took no shame in it, and though he swore he was a different person now, the breakup with Jonah had messed him up. “Yeah, there was a girl, just for a little while. She was in one of my classes,” he admitted. Better to get the truth out, right? “But it was really short-lived. I just went back to focusing on school after it ended. Not a big deal.”

[kendall-monroe]

“Are you sure that was a girl and not me? Because I definitely feel like I made someone buy me a boberry biscuit while completely sloshed in high school.”

“I mean, this girl was in New York while I was in college, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the same shit happened to me in high school. And since you were sloshed I won’t judge you for liking those fuckin’ biscuits.”

[kendall-monroe]

Yeah, I believe you. A sense of relief mixed with guilt filled her body at his words. Jonah bit down on the inside of her lower lip as he spoke about being used to checking up on her. “I get it, really, I haven’t let go of that either.” Of course she would feel guilty. It wasn’t easy hiding something as big as being pregnant. Especially when the father of the child was right in front of her. Even though Kendall was back in New Quinton that didn’t mean that he didn’t have other things to worry about. She knew that wasn’t a justified enough reason to keep things hidden from him, but her nerves and different variations of what his reaction might be was still replaying all in her mind. It would’ve been easier had he still lived in New York. However, that wasn’t the case. She had to tell him soon. He was already growing suspicious and soon she would start showing. 

“Yeah, right, your graduation… that seems so long ago,” Jonah remembered bits and pieces of that night. It was all half blurry and half vivid. It would be a lie had she told him that night meant nothing to her or that she regretted it. She didn’t. But those thoughts were still going to be kept to herself for now. “I’m alright just trying to keep busy with music. How’s working at Happy Faces again?”

“Happy Faces is good, yeah. I’m just glad they wanted me back,” he said, scratching the back of his neck somewhat awkwardly. It felt strange now, to think about going to work with all those kids when he couldn’t totally shake the idea that maybe he-- no, Kendall quickly dismissed the notion. He had to believe her, but it was hard. The memory of waking up the morning after his graduation was groggy and unclear; it was the memory of slowing coming to the realization of what had happened the night before that made him stress. 

Exhaling softly, Kendall took a quick glance around before landing back on Jonah. The only things he wanted to say to her were things he couldn’t-- he was at a loss for words. “So,” he finally prompted, searching for anything to say. “You seeing anyone? Can I ask that?” He tried a little smile, hoping she would take the question as lighthearted, even though lighthearted was the last thing he felt.

[kendall-monroe]

Listen, I know shit about my neighbors that I never wanted to know, all because people get tipsy and blurt their troubles to me like I’m fucking Sam or some shit. 

“Shit, people get weird when you add alcohol. There was this girl back in school who got wasted and then just perfectly recited her entire credit card info so that I’d buy her a cheeseburger.”

[kendall-monroe]

Having long hair again is the weirdest feeling. But the great thing about it is that it confuses the hell out of people because they don’t recognize me anymore.

“That’s why I cut my hair. Less people to recognize me,” Kendall said, not entirely joking. “It’s not really the same as it was long, though. I mean, it’s just hair, but I... miss it? It’s fuckin’ weird.”

[kendall-monroe]

Ivy chuckled and nodded. “Exactly that, you proved my point for me. I’d like to keep my place clean of puke, especially from the easter bunny.” She smirked, moving through the different home good options. “Of course a pillow can be chic, come on, it could make or break the whole decorative dynamic.” Ivy huffed, pausing and resting her hands on her hips, looking at her feet before grinning slightly back up towards him. “I suppose I might be going a little over-board on how anal I am about this.” She admitted, laughing a bit and raking her fingers through her hair. “You should pick some things out as well, I’m sure your place could use something. Perhaps the product of some festive bunny morning sickness?” 

“The decorative dynamic, huh?” Kendall said, chuckling softly. It was like a foreign language to the boy, whose focus had never exactly been on home aesthetics. With all the anxiety he’d been experiencing over the possible situation with Jonah, however, it was admittedly nice to have something like pillow shopping to take his mind off of it. “My place... I mean, yeah, I guess. I’m not so sure decorative pillows are on the top of my list, though. Maybe curtains? I have no idea. I had roommates in New York so the place was already decorated when I moved in. I’m starting fresh here.”

[kendall-monroe]

“Anything else like what?” Jonah asked curiously. Her heart began beating rapidly. Yet, no matter how nervous she became or how scared she was about his suspicions, Jonah remained calm. “Kendall, I’m just sick, okay? It’s easy for your body to become out of wack when you start eating differently,“ as much as she wanted to make herself believe what she was saying was true, she knew her words were nothing but fabrication. She also knew that her dedication was strong enough for her diet to still remain the same. At least for now.

There was still hope that he wouldn’t notice anything different about her. “You believe me don’t you?”

“Yeah, I believe you,” Kendall said, backing down as quickly as he had started building the courage to ask. It was all in his head, right? It must have been-- Jonah surely would’ve told him if something so serious was going on. Still, though, the doubt stayed there, simmering in the back of his mind.

He sighed, looking away from her for a beat before meeting her eyes again. “Sorry. I guess I’m just used to checking on you. Old habits die hard,” he admitted. It wasn’t a total lie, at least. “So, uh, how are you? Haven’t really seen you since graduation.” 

He couldn’t believe he was trying to make small talk with Jonah of all people, but he felt desperate for a change of subject; for anything to make his worries stop running a million miles a minute.

[andhetakesandhetakesandhetakes]

i love ignoring things….. people…. problems …. responsibilities……feelings…..

[kendall-monroe]

“Excuse me can I not want to shop for decorative home items with my good friend?” Ivy replied, shooting him a look that mimicked his. “God, you and me both.” The brunette quietly groaned, almost under her breath. “If not tassels then..- think cool tones. Blues, grays, something chic.” She looked over at his hand on the sequins, “something not like that.” She joked. 

“You can want to do whatever you want, but it doesn’t mean I’m ever gonna make a good shopping partner. Especially for home goods,” Kendall said, chuckling. He was renting a modest apartment now that he was back in New Quinton, and so far it was sparse of furniture except for a table, a couch, and his bed. “Wh-- you don’t like this one? It looks like the Easter bunny threw up on it. But, yeah, sure, I’ll keep my eye out for cool tones. I don’t know how a pillow could be chic, though. It’s just a pillow.”