we post bullshit here, sir

They/them or ae/aem/aers | Ace in Space Fanfic on AO3 at kenisle Black Lives Matter | White Ally

[crowsourced]

made something extremely important today

[jewishseraph]

bumper sticker idea

[jewishseraph]

sequel

[my-castles-crumbling]

cutie - hollanov - @hollanovmicrofic - word count: 411 - click here to see my microfic archive!

As soon as he entered the house, Ilya made a beeline for the kitchen, giving both Yuna and David a hug and greeting them with his customary kiss on the cheek. Shane, of course, recognized the new addition to the living room right away, as he had lived in the house almost his entire life. He decided, however, to keep quiet, eager to see his boyfriend’s reaction. 

It took Ilya until after dinner to notice.

"What–what the fuck is this?" Ilya asked, eyes wide and a small smile appearing on his face as he saw the pictures Yuna had hung in the living room. 

Shane smirked as Yuna grinned, both of them amused by Ilya's reaction. 

“I just updated some of the pictures,” Yuna answered, grinning. “What do you think?” 

“Is…is me?” Ilya asked, as if it wasn't obvious. He stood up from the couch and moved closer to the frame where a picture of five-year-old Ilya playing in the snow was displayed. 

“And so is this cutie over here,” Yuna added, gesturing to another picture hung on the wall a few feet away. 

Beaming, Ilya looked over and saw another photo of him at about middle school age, with his arm slung around a young Svetlana. Ilya turned to Shane, eyes glittering. "You give these to her?" he asked Shane, nearly vibrating with joy. 

"No, it wasn't me. Where would I have gotten them?" Shane replied, though he wished he was the cause of his boyfriend’s huge smile.

"You Hollanders are magic," Ilya replied, his voice almost accusatory as he narrowed his eyes. "You could do anything when you are being stubborn." 

David, who had been sitting on the couch, laughed in agreement. "Absolutely right."

Yuna, however, was too eager to blame the actual source. “Your friend Svetlana stole my number out of Shane’s phone,” she revealed, grinning a little. “She and I have become fast friends.” 

This only made Ilya light up more. "You have been talking to Sveta?" he asked, absolutely beaming. 

Yuna grinned as well. “Yes, she's an absolute delight. She sent me these pictures because I decided I wanted to have both of my sons on the wall.”

At this, Ilya's eyes filled with tears, and Shane felt warmth wash over his body. "Thank you," he mouthed to his mother as Ilya pulled Yuna into a hug. Yuna just beamed. 

"We're inviting Svetlana for Christmas," she announced, and Ilya let out a little whoop of joy. 

[penandinkprincess]

I think my favorite throwaway detail in Hit or Miss so far has got to be "Madonna & Co-Critic." I can see it so clearly. It's the best picture ever taken. It's David's favorite picture. It's Ilya's favorite picture. Shane & Yuna will never not complain about it, they were just watching hockey, and that's what their faces look like.

After Shane & Ilya's first joint Cup win a picture of them kissing on the ice ends up on the cover of Time and Ilya posts online like "yes yes it was a very nice photo @/unnamedphotographer but have any of you seen this one my father-in-law took named Madonna & Co-Critic" and Shane threatens bodily harm in his comments

I also can't help imagining someday in the future when Shane is the Centaurs' assistant GM or coach or consultant or whatever, Ilya comes by during an open practice and 20 minutes later he's blowing up the Hollander Fam groupchat like-

Ilya: DAVID DAVID DAVID DAVID Ilya: DAVID YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE THIS Ilya: [photo attached] [picture of Shane holding their two-year-old daughter, both of them watching the rink with identical judgmental expressions] Ilya: DAVID THIS IS THE BEST PICTURE I HAVE EVER TAKEN WHAT SHOULD I NAME IT

David is thrilled, Shane is unimpressed, Yuna maybe finally gets the hype because that's adorable

I'M SO GLAD OTHER PEOPLE LIKED IT BECAUSE IT'S TRULY ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS I'VE EVER WRITTEN

and oh my GOD THE IDEA!!! OF A SECOND ONE HAPPENING!! WITH SHANE AND THEIR DAUGHTER!!

I AM SCREAMING AND WAILING AND SHRIEKING!!

THE JUDGEMENT FACE PASSED DOWN!! WOW! GENETIC!!

[yorgen-sh]

[jimmysownworld]

i love the “hollanov has a crush on carter vaughn” take not necessarily in a “i think they would invite him to watch” way but more in a “ilya would accidentally let it slip while chirping at shane to fluster him that vaughn is at the top of their ‘would’ list and vaughn is a little thrown off and straight so he’s like “are you guys asking?” and ilya laughs and pats his shoulder and assures him “absolutely not, i do not share my shane, we just think you are good looking man, i like that you are pretty and fun and my shane likes that you are serious about hockey and have good grooming habits. is not serious, do not worry vaughny we will not be asking you to witness me and my beautiful husband ever” and vaughn low key is overjoyed about it, his teammates who are around and hear the exchange are sometimes like “that doesnt bother you? you dont find that a bit weird?” but vaugh genuinely is just like “rozanov just called me pretty and fun enough to hang out with and hollander thinks im good at hockey and clean enough for him, you could hand me a nobel peace prize and it wouldnt come close to this achievement” and eventually it gets out to the general public so vaughn is captioning his instagram posts shit like “#1 contender for being the hockey husbands third goes fishing” despite shanes mortification about this getting out and vaughns clear delight with it” way

[jimmysownworld]

carter vaughn laying on his stomach near the center of the ice on the admirals side kicking his feet and holding his head in his hands while he blows kisses to hollanov during warmups.

shane is horrifically embarrassed by this and can not meet vaughns eyes or even his body, he refuses to look at him period.

ilya laughed for damn near 5 minutes and was doubled over coughing at one point fully crying, he is delighted by this and once hes through his warmups that shane wont let him skip he skates to center ice and does the exact same thing, kicking his feet in the air, blowing kisses, little finger waves, winking at vaughn. they dont say a word the whole time they just do these actions like flirting cartoon characters stuck on loop.

the centaurs are also delighted by this, despite the knowledge that vaughn is at the top of the couples “would” list this is the incident that earns vaughnny the nickname “boyfriend” among the team. they’re playing new york? will you guys be seeing your boyfriend? new york lost the game last night? hows your boyfriend taking it? someones family member is taking a trip to new york city? hey can you guys text your boyfriend and ask for recommendations for places to eat?

the admirals give vaughn as many opportunities to drag this bit up as possible because they find it hilarious, with the exception of scott who regards this whole thing like a curse cast upon him that will last long after his death. media days are the worst for scott especially because ever since the media learn about this stupid joke they’ll get questions about it. scott any comments on the rumors that your alternative captain carter vaughn is getting between the marriage of shane hollander and ilya rozanov? he is not, vaughn does not like men. scott is there any expected tension between the admirals and the centaurs at your game next week because of carter vaughns public flirting with the couple? should the media be expecting a fight between your alternate captain and the hockey husbands? i personally dont think you should be expecting a fight if he’s flirting with both of them, but this might become a thing for hollander and rozanov and i think vaughn wouldnt mind egging it on. scott do you think your co captain has a chance of entering a relationship with shane hollander and ilya rozanov and if so how would this effect the team dynamics within the admirals? i dont think vaughnny could handle all that even if he did like men.

carter vaughn starts getting chirped at about it, if its in a homophobic way he’ll note down the name and ask for a placement from hollander and roz, and the next game he plays against that player when they inevitably bring it up again he’ll look them dead in the eyes, give them their ranking, and why hollanov wouldnt touch them with a hazmat suit on. its his second favorite thing to do, and ilya is a strong fan of this game too. this gets added to the list of reasons why vaughn is hollanovs #1 choice because ilya enjoys it so much, and privately shane delights in someone else delivering his genuine thoughts on bad hockey players with awful habits so he doesnt have to be the one to say it.

[dream-about-dancing]

[purplesaline]

Melon collies

[sahonithereadwolf]

I can no longer feel the infinite sadness

[animentality]

[opossum-mypossum]

[isawken]

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

[bluelois]

Blue Lois

[isawken]

can i help you

[redmarge]

Red Marge

[isawken]

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[isawken]

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

[anti-parent]

teamwork makes the dream work. and dreamwork. makes shrek

[anti-parent]

fantastic. i love it. i posted this after my wife said it yesterday and as i was doing it i was like "this can't be an original thought. as soon as i hit post someone's going to say 'you stole this from a tweet from 2014' and i'll say 'no, i stole it from my beautiful wife.'"

[thisfeebleheart]

the my moon my man kisses but slower

[josephinecarttanneur]

Heated Rivalry studies

[deletiaclementine]

Imagine if Shane had a side order of auditory processing disorder with his autism. He wouldn’t have heard 1221 if his life depended on it. Instead he’d be triangulating Scott Hunter’s movements all night and making an educated guess from there

[shaneswetbrowneyes]

i actually think that what's being missed in the 'why does everyone love heated rivalry' conversation is just that it's good

it's well made, well shot, well directed, the music is interesting, the costumes are both thoughtful and subtly period accurate, the sex scenes are intentional and, again, accurate to what hooking up when you're like 18 actually feels like...the actors are of course attractive but they look like real people. the characters are varied and well fleshed out, the acting is really, really strong

so many shows and films shoot and then slot in whatever music kind of fits or could be licenced in the budget after time, but you can tell that the scenes in hr were shot with that specific music in mind. and the same intentional approach runs through the whole thing

it feels...so nice to watch a show that cares about itself

[raincitygirl76]

Nobody knew in advance that this show would become a massive international phenomenon. It was a mid-budget Canadian show (which means low budget by US standards) adapted from a Harlequin romance novel. The deal with HBO for US distribution rights was only signed a few weeks before it began to air.

But everybody involved treated it as if it was serious art anyway. Not just some little Canadian streaming show that might well disappear after airing. Based on a book from a genre that is usually ridiculed by people who consider themselves serious film people. The cast, the crew, the writer/director, the music supervisor, everybody. They all did their best work for love of the game.

[penny-anna]

okay, for those interested, here is a full timeline of how we got to Count Binface:

1977: Star Wars is released, featuring, of course, Darth Vader

(Pictured: Darth Vader)

1984: Director Todd Durham releases his Star Wars parody movie, Hyperspace, featuring Darth Vader inspired villain Lord Buckethead.

(Pictured: Hyperspace poster featuring two Jawa-esque aliens flying through space in a shopping trolley.)

1987: Hyperspace is released on video in the UK, under the new title Gremloids.

(Pictured: Gremloids cover in the style of the original Star Wars poster, featuring Lord Buckethead.)

To promote the film, Mike Lee, the owner of the distributing company, ran for parliament as Lord Buckethead. He ran in Margaret Thatcher's constituency, Finchley, in order to get on TV. Lord Buckethead was representing the Gremloids party.

(Pictured: Lord Buckethead on TV with Margaret Thatcher.)

1992: Gremloids is re-released. Lord Buckethead rides again, this time against prime minister John Major in Huntingdon. (Here's a fun fact about Huntingdon: I was born there! :D) 87/92 Buckethead seems to have leaned pretty hard into the space supervillain thing, with campaign promises including 'demolish Birmingham to build a spaceport'.

(Pictured: Lord Buckethead on TV with John Major. Other notable candidates include Screaming Lord Sutch of the Monster Raving Loony Party.)

2017: comedian Jon Harvey, having recently watched Gremloids and learned of Lord Buckethead's candidacy for parliament, decides it's a great bit. He runs against Theresa May in Maidenhead. 2017 Buckethead seems to have a wackier and also more political approach, with campaign promises ranging from nonsense like 'nationalise Adele' to gesturing at actually sensible policies with stuff like 'lower the voting age to 16 and restrict voting after age 80'.

He also made an appearance on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. As with his previous incarnation, he was a member of the Gremloids party.

(Pictured: Lord Buckethead dabbing on stage with Theresa May.)

2018: Director Todd Durham asserts his legal ownership of Lord Buckethead. Jon Harvey opted not to go to court over Buckethead and handed over the reins. Todd Durham extended an invitation to anyone who wanted to be the 'authorised' Lord Buckethead.

(Pictured: the new Lord Buckethead.)

2019: Lord Buckethead, now played by journalist David Hughes, stood against Boris Johnson in Uxbridge and South Ruislip. He ran for the Monster Raving Loony Party, the UK's pre-existing gag candidate party. He ran with a similarly silly manifesto as the 2017 incarnation, but with a bit less of a political edge. His promises included 'All doorways to be increased by 1 foot (30 cm) in height' and 'Nigel Farage to be sold for parts'.

(Pictured: Lord Buckethead and Count Binface square up.)

Meanwhile, Jon Harvey in his new persona Count Binface, also ran against Boris Johnson. Buckethead and Binface face off! Binface ran as an independent with a manifesto once again blending silly and semi-serious promises such as 'nationalising model railways' and 'giving £1 trillion a week to the NHS'. This was also I believe the debut of his promise to 'move the hand dryer in the men's toilet at Uxbridge's Crown and Treaty pub to a more sensible position'.

(Pictured: Count Binface presenting the offending hand dryer, inconveniently close to both the sink and the urinals.)

He has a point.

2021: Count Binface runs for the position of Mayor of London for the first time, with promises such as 'London to join the European Union'. He notably finished ahead of far right party UKIP.

2023: Count Binface runs in the Uxbridge and South Ruislip by-election following Boris Johnson's resignation. He once again gets more votes than UKIP.

May 2024: Count Binface once again runs to be Mayor of London, debuting his now iconic 'build at least one affordable house' promise. Notably, he finished ahead of far right party Britain First.

(Pictured: Count Binface with Rishi Sunak. Also pictured: Monster Raving Loony Party candidate Sir Archibald Stanton with a ventriloquist's dummy.)

July 2024: Count Binface stands in the general election, running in Richmond and Northallerton against prime minister Rishi Sunak. He debuts his promise to cap the price of 99p flakes at 99p. This is his most successful election to date with 308 votes.

(Pictured: Count Binface with Andy Burnham. Also pictured: independent candidate Robert Pownell, dressed as a fox for his own reasons.)

June 2026: Count Binface stands in the Makerfield by-election against Andy Burnham, (recently) former Mayor of Manchester running for parliament with the intention of standing in the Labour Party leadership contest.

(Pictured: Count Binface on BBC's Newsnight.)

July 2026 (this week): Count Binface announces his intention to run against Nigel Farage in the upcoming Clacton by-election. He is briefly the only other candidate in the race and by the time other candidates announce themselves the narrative of 'Nigel Farage vs Count Binface' has already bedded in. And then it was now, and then I don't know what happened.

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

For clarity's sake, Robert Pownall is dressed as a fox because he's an anti-fox hunting campaigner, and also he will be standing in the Farage Vs Binface election. So that's fun

[penandinkprincess]

sorry I’m headcanoning a universe where #Yuna is an even more avid snake person, her and Shane bond over it and so everything is the same as the HR timeline except during the parent meet up after the cottage and Shane is explaining things to his parents by the door Ilya jumps a foot in the fucking air because SHANE WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A SEVEN FOOT SNAKE ON YOUR PARENTS COUCH WHAT THE FUCK and Shane is like oh that’s just Alfredo she likes the feeling of the couch on her belly

and Ilya has to make a choice if he’s going to marry into a clearly INSANE family (Yuna has like 13 ongoing habitats)

retribution for ilya calling them all boring for so long lmao

[junkdrawertales]

also all of the Hollander pasta snakes want nothing more than to climb on Ilya, who is so tall and warm and squishy. He considers that perhaps the only thing worse than a giant snake that hates you is a giant snake that likes you

[penandinkprincess]

the snakes are collectively referred to as "the pasta," which is for sure not confusing at all and didn't take ilya two times of interacting with them to understand that saying yes to, "are you cool with the pasta?" did not mean yummy dinner.

it meant. snakes. coming out. and existing around him. so much around him.

shane just has spaghetti, but yuna has alfredo, ragu, and pesto.

alfredo, ragu, and pesto LOVE ilya.

ilya wishes. they did not.

[penandinkprincess]

ilya trying to make smalltalk and also distracted himself from the way ragu REALLY seems interested in trying to climb inside his sweater with him: david, no snakes for you?

david, having a lovely time doing this puzzle: no, none for me. i don't mind them, but snakes are just yuna's thing.

ilya, thanking a god he hasn't spoken to in years that at least there are not more snakes he doesn't know about inside this house with him: oh, that's-

david: no, for me it's just my lizards.

ilya:

[fiercestpurpose]

There’s a quality that certain books/movies/TV shows have that leads me to say, “Yeah, I can see people making fanfiction of that.” It’s something to do, I think, with how tight the story is, how much feels open-ended or like it could be elaborated on.

Something like Breaking Bad, for example, has low squiggability (that’s what I’m calling this quality). It’s tightly written, the characters are consistent, there’s little left to interpolate or extrapolate. Obviously, people DO write fanfic of Breaking Bad, but it still has a low squiggability score. Whereas something like Supernatural has a high squiggability score. Fantasy and science fiction often have high squiggability scores. This suggests squiggability could also be related to worldbuilding and potential for people to borrow a premise or setting.

And sometimes you’ll read or watch something and you’ll say, “Ah, low squiggability,” and then you’ll open tumblr and find out that everyone else seem to think its squiggability was very high indeed.

[seraph5]

Then there will be shows that you'll be like the squiggability is off the charts on this one imma go look at what everyones cooking' and find crickets. Its like the dichotomomy of squiggability you know.