Floccinaucinihilipilificatious

Just another fancy way of saying useless

[kenjenningsnemisis]

Kidnapping is just forced found family

[kenjenningsnemisis]

I found this and I feel like I must share this with the world

[sovietpostcards]

Cat at the orbital station from “The Road to the Stars” (USSR, 1957)

[kenjenningsnemisis]

Expectations vs reality

[kenjenningsnemisis]

All y’all be simping on Valentine’s Day but I be celebrating day-after-valentines-day, where I go to the store and buy everything off of clearance

[kenjenningsnemisis]

I say the biggest disappointment of the super bowl was the lack of a Tom Holland lip-syncing to Rhianna’s umbrella

[kenjenningsnemisis]

Why did Dabi have to have white hair

There is no way his soulless ass wouldn’t be a ginger

[kenjenningsnemisis]

Here me out, Sakuna as Colonel Sanders. Why?

Cause it’s finger lickin good

[kenjenningsnemisis]

What if your tongue had arms? Like, you could tie so many knots

[kenjenningsnemisis]

I have created a new sexuality. It is where I am attracted to everything and nothing all at once.

What am I attracted to?

That’s for who knows what to know and me to find out. And until I find someone to observe this spectacle that is the superposition state of my sexuality, I shall remain in my little corner being unobserved hoping that someone will chuck a vial of poison at me so I don’t have to deal with anymore sexuality crisis.

I have dubbed this spectacle as Schrodinger's Sexuality

[kenjenningsnemisis]

My family is now investigating the gay porn on the car stereo incident

[kenjenningsnemisis]

So I was sitting on the bus, causally minding my business when this guy sits next to me and looks at my phone.

“You know, it’s pretty Risky playing minesweeper on a bus, what if you set off a bomb?”

So without skipping a beat, I reply, “I heard that minesweeper was the top game in Ukraine right now, so I just wanted to see what all the hype was about.”

This is reason 1 as to why I shouldn’t be allowed to interact with the human species

[kenjenningsnemisis]

Whenever my old coworkers text me, it’s never “How are you?” Or “ How have you been?” It’s always “How many jelly beans did you say could fit inside a human ass?”

[kenjenningsnemisis]

Ken Jennings, I’m coming for your soul.

You rejected my offering of snacks to host my AP US history class’s jeopardy game in a passive aggressive manor. You shall pay for your sins of disappointing my teacher, and I will be your punisher. I will dethrone your regime as the top jeopardy player one game at a time. I have been training, and will continue to train until you have to watch as some random college girl whom you’ve angered steals your title, and all you can do is sit there and watch hopelessly as you feed me the questions that will lead to your demise.

I’m coming for you Ken, but it will not be today, for while I am full of resolve for my revenge, I acknowledge your strength as a foe. Which is why I wait, absorbing information like the sponge I am, saving every little fact as something that can be used as a fated final jeopardy to further my gains. I have already been training for two years while you sit complacently on your pedestal as a host handing out questions like the god you think you are.

Your arrogance will be your downfall, but I will push you over the edge.

[kenjenningsnemisis]

Brother trying to get me to drink pre-workout: You know, straight people drink this, so if you don’t drink this you must be gay

Me: So?

*insert silence turning to realization*

Brother: w-well n-not that being gays a bad thing or anything

[kenjenningsnemisis]

Update: my brother made me sniff the straight powder, and it smells fruity

[kenjenningsnemisis]

Brother trying to get me to drink pre-workout: You know, straight people drink this, so if you don’t drink this you must be gay

Me: So?

*insert silence turning to realization*

Brother: w-well n-not that being gays a bad thing or anything

[kenjenningsnemisis]

You ever just go to McDonald’s and sit down eating a happy meal as a grown adult, only for a fly to touch that little dangly thing that swings in the back of your throat, and proceed to choke on said fly as children stare at you?