[just-shower-thoughts]

So I just learned ejaculation comes out at 27mph. That makes it illegal in a School zone.

[cunt-inent]

there are other reasons ejaculation isn’t generally accepted in school zones, but sure

[childmagazine]

[lvd2]

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[boota]

[browsedankmemes]

[internethistory]

[smmamm]

friend: are you okay? me: *trying out coffins* why do you ask?

[malkiewicz]

Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest that just sounds nice and cozy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods you’re going to die.

[istudypirates]

My favourite is explaining the difference between a butt dial and a booty call

[antiuwuaction-deactivated201804]

It’s called connotations.

[leggyboyjohnson]

Try this one on for size:

“Forgive me, Father, I have sinned”

“Sorry, Daddy, I’ve been naughty”

[tugoslavija-deactivated20161215]

Goethe-Institut did a web series a while back aimed at new arrivals in Germany and I like how it make sure to teach people that a lot of Germans are rude af

like, this is a genuine scene from an ep:

[involverad]

#Ok but for a second there I was like #this is a bit exaggerated #it’s not that rude to say hi to strangers #just a bit weird #but then I realised #the rude person is probably meant to be the one ignoring the ‘hi' 

[langernameohnebedeutung]

Well she’s obviously doing it wrong. You got to mumble “Guten Tag” in no one’s actual direction upon entering the waiting room. Then you don’t speak a word (you gotta grab a magazine though, because if you’re on your mobile people will find that asocial) until the doctor calls you and when you get back to retrieve your jacket you mumble “Auf Wiedersehen”.

If you say “Guten Tag” while sitting down it’s either because you’re passive-aggressively shaming the person you’re talking to for not saying “Guten Tag” (which is of course highly respectable, but weird if they did say it) or worse: 

You’re trying to make small-talk.

[relyabittooheavily]

See also: when entering a crowded bus, tram, subway or train, you do not say a single word. You look for an empty bench. If there are none, you will have a neighbour. You stop at an empty spot and mumble something like “tschulli-ng” or “s-nch-frei?” to the person occupying the other spot on the bench. You nod in an upward direction. They reply a mumbled “türlich” while vaguely looking somewhere near your face and moving their bag if neccessary. You sit down, nod gratefully, and keep your mouth shut for the rest of the ride. Neither of you wanted this. You wanted freedom. Don’t bother each other.

If an entire bench in front of you becomes available at the next stop, though, it is not the polite thing to free your neighbour and yourself up. No, you stay right where you are. The silent stranger next to you is your silent stranger now.

Welcome to Germany. This is how we express love.

[rohamburger]

None of these people are joking.

[thornhands]

@lordviridis

[octopuscato]

I’m super rude and jump for the free bench as soon as possible xD But yes, all of this is 100% true.

[vaysh11]

100% confirmed. 

[magicalgirlmindcrank]

I never understood the thigh gap thing everyone has a thigh gap if youre fucking stance is wide enough 

[sonofkrabkrab]

But they’re talking about a thigh gap when your legs are together

[magicalgirlmindcrank]

The Fuck Who would wanna date someone who isnt in a power stance all the time

[hbunot]

breathe if you think im cute 

[bundyspooks]

The first ever “champion” of a pie eating contest was an unnamed 6-year-old boy. In 1916, he managed to scoff a 10-inch pie in 15 seconds.

[honeyfox777]

[wakeners]

[synqra]

[catrulez]