do not interact if:
you are in the employ of her majesty’s royal navy on a mission of discovery and scientific advancement, you are irish, middle bred, the church of england gives you hives, you have no ear or taste for politics, you are deaf in one ear, you have ever unethically experimented on innocent monkeys, your name is john, james, henry, thomas, or william, you accepted a marriage proposal from your ex AFTER he shit in your bed, you’ve made yourself miserable, distant, and hard to love, and you blame the world for it, you were born out of an affair and you’re not even fully english, you wear your officer’s coat outside of your slops, you stole 16 bottles of spirits, you’re charles dickens, you didn’t even bother trying to put together a nice costume for carnivale and just wore a stupid paper hat and called it a day, you eat goldner’s veal cutlet tomato straight out of the can, you’ve got holes in you, you have suggested, participated in, or even considered contributing to a mutiny, you are a hungarian or croatian who cannot understand what is going on at all, you’ve consumed human meat, you were promoted to lieutenant over the heads of far more qualified men and think just because you’re hauntingly beautiful you can get away with it, you’re like christ with more nails, you’re NOT christ, you have a sexy ice mummy for a brother, or if you’ve participated in the culturally appropriative rite of trying to bind a native spirit to your will through violent self-mutilation.
