the way moon taeil became my bias was an unexpected coincidence.
i had always found him to be charming, endearing. the nct life series gave me such a vivid idea of him. in the past six years, he was the image of a kind older brother who loved his younger sister, a filial son, a hardworking idol, and a talented singer.
everyone loved him. everyone adored him. he had the air of someone who you could easily love.
i used to write for kpop rpf with him as my muse. i wrote fanfics, with him placing the idea of stability and comfort in the troubled seas of today. back then he gave me the idea of how i want to love everyone around me. as an aroace who suffered from negative experiences with men, i have given up the idea that i can always assume the good in others.
he restored my idea of being kind just because. although college life is still difficult to me, i happily followed his side for years.
if i thought i walked on a flower path beside him, i will continue to walk on the flower path i followed him on.
grief cannot bring back the six years worth of time, money, and effort spent. it can't magically undo the damage he has caused. in the six years i looked up to him, he was looking down and making someone's life a living hell. while he flashed the brightest of smiles to the crowd, someone endured the pain for six years.
i will grieve for the rest of my life, knowing i looked up to a monster. i already experienced death of a fav once. i think this is fate worse than death.
if i turned back time, i know that i will do the same thing all over again. because i will have no idea what was in store for me. i will do it again because i believe that fate will run its course. i would still hang up stars so he will never walk alone in the dark, even if it meant that he left us in the dark.
may his future be filled with regrets and guilt. but i doubt he has one. i doubt he has feelings, thinking he will always get away with it. if thats the case, then i wish his future would be a lonely, empty one.
all i wish for now is for the victim's safety and justice. in time, i also hope me and my fellow ex-fans would find peace.
theartofmadeline
snowghoul
titsay
izzy806
jacobvanloon
romaincrisis
areudirty
annaxmalina
origamiaround
