“I don’t want reparation.” It was a clipped response and he didn’t intend for it to sound as terse as it did. Truthfully, he appreciates her concern. There weren’t many people in his life who would go to bat for him the way she would or who at the very least, would give him the time of day. Honestly, he didn’t even know why Khair bothered with someone like him. It was no secret she was beautiful, talented, and worldly. Many would say she was way out of his league and Xavier couldn’t disagree. That didn’t stop him from craving her all the same though. Most of the time, it only made him crave her more. She was a forbidden fruit in his garden of Eden. The desire to have her was always present and never waning and yet, Xavier stopped himself from acting on it. Even now. Because maybe he wanted her to know who she was getting herself involved with first. Being associated with him wasn’t a bright idea. In each other’s absence, his world had grown incredibly darker. He hasn’t seen a flicker of light pass him by until the moment she walked through that door. She was definitely a beacon of light right now and he desperately wanted to return its gesture but first, he allowed her the chance to speak. To tell him everything he missed in her life. On the off chance, he decided last minute to spare her of his demons.
“First of all,” he cut in, after polishing off the rest of his drink and settling the nerves in his stomach. He leaned in to chase the smell of her perfume and found himself just mere inches from her lips. There was no hiding his body’s natural reaction to focusing on her mouth. It’s quite clear watching her speak where his desires lay and what precisely has him so aroused at the moment. But, even if it’s not obvious… he licks his lips to show her, while eying her carefully. “You’re beautiful. So, any of those arguments are invalid and a total load of bullshit. Second, I’m pretty sure even these teens and young twenty year olds don’t hold a torch to you. So, honestly? Let the bastards replace you. You’re better off without them anyway. Just as you’re better off without that little twat you used to call a husband. I’ve met a lot of stupid people in my life Khair, but believe me Daniel takes the fucking cake.” If he sounds jealous, it’s because he is. Despite having no reason to be because Daniel was no longer in the picture. And thank the fuckin’ lord for that. “Maybe,” he continues offhandedly about the treatment center being a lot of work, while maneuvering above his stool to dig a cigarette out from his pocket. He flicks his lighter open and lights it up, respectfully turning his head so he doesn’t have to blow a ring of smoke directly in her face. Afterwards, his gaze finds hers again. “But, if anyone can pull off it’s you. Besides, I’m willing to help you out if you need it. Because, my job isn’t remotely as glamorous as yours. I’ve been spending a majority of my time around the auto body shop. It’s the only place that would hire me after everything, believe it or not. My rap sheet’s not exactly the squeakiest and they don’t really give a fuck if you were framed for murder or you actually committed one so long as you can fix a damn engine. It’s alright, I guess. Not my passion but I’m good at it. Aside from that, since you asked, I’m getting my architecture’s license so, if you’re serious about starting a treatment center, you and I could work well together. We could even mix business with pleasure.” His lips curl at the corners in a tantalizing manner. He’s teasing her but, he’s also being dead serious too. Then pangs of guilt surface and his sexy smile is gone, replaced by a plethora of other thoughts.
He taps the butt of his cigarette against an ashtray laying out on the bar, then takes another long drag and turns inquisitive eyes over to her. She mentioned something earlier about how she didn’t know how he was managing his situation so well. Truth was? He wasn’t. And after circling back to a previous thought he had, in regards to him wanting her to know who he was now, he decided to share some personal information with her that he’s been gathering on his own ever since their time apart. Information that, he’s been wracking his brain trying to make sense of for months but there’s still a ton of pieces missing. “There’s something I should tell you before we get into that though. Something I’ve been meaning to tell you for awhile now but, was waiting until the right time came up or more pieces fit. But, none of them do.” He pauses to take a deep breath, not intentionally dragging out the suspense. “As pissed as I am about the way things unfolded, prison was sort of eye opening for me. Anything we ever wanted to know about Holly or the dark underbelly of New York, those guys knew all about. I shared a little of my case with one. Before I got out, he told me about this syndicate of narcos in the city. I mean fuck, I always knew New York City was crawling with rats but these guys are really heavy. What I couldn’t figure out though, was why they came after Holly? She might’ve snorted some coke here and there, or every once in awhile when we’d go out but she wasn’t hittin’ it hard. Then I thought, I don’t know, maybe she was hooking up with a dealer or something behind my back? I can’t confirm that’s true, although I highly doubt it. I think I would’ve known. She always had a terrible pokerface. Couldn’t lie for shit. Anyway, these questions have eaten away at me for years. The cops now, are so convinced there’s more to the story but, they won’t tell me what they know unless I agree to help them and I’m not doing that. I don’t trust them and quite frankly, if they did their job right the first time, this case would’ve been closed by now. Instead, it follows me around like a fuckin shadow everywhere I go.”
He took another breather to run his fingers through his dark, messy waves. “The past two years, I’ve gathered three things, Khair. One: this shit was related to drugs. Two: someone issued a hit on Holly. And three: this person is very high profile. Enough that, he gets to live his life like a king while his hands never get dirty because he’s got people on his roster to do the dirty job for him. And it’s only a matter of time before all hell breaks loose. I’m not stupid enough to think that my getting out means I’m scotch free. She was my girlfriend, was carrying my child. Whatever happened to her, there’s loose ends that need tying up. I’m one of those loose ends.” That realization alone causes a tightness in his chest. Mostly because now more than ever, he doesn’t want to let Khair go. In a way, he’d just gotten her back. Yet, once again, he couldn’t drag her into a mess she had no reason, much less desire to be a part of. Unlike him, she has the choice to walk away. And if that’s what she decided to do, he couldn’t even fault her for that. “All in all, I’m glad you came tonight. Because these days, I don’t know which one of them will be my last. I have to constantly look over my shoulder. Filter out any threats. Yet, I don’t even know what they look like. I haven’t figured out their names, I don’t know what they want. Other than to make sure whatever Holly knew, doesn’t come back to haunt them. So look, I guess I’m telling you this so you can decide if you want to stick around with me. You’ve been through hell and back and I’m not Daniel. I’d never put you through that. Because unlike him, I actually know your worth and I know for a damn fact, I can’t afford you.” He shrugs. “I can sit here and pretend seeing you doesn’t drudge up more shit but it does.” Feelings more specifically.
Khair resisted the urge to kiss him. It’d been so long since someone had made her feel beautiful. Not told her—- made her. Listening to Xavier, his lips close enough to touch and the heat of his body electrifying her skin, it was all she could do to keep her hands to herself. But it was so hard, so hard when he was looking at her like that. Of all the men in the world, Xavier was perhaps the only one who could make her feel anything good. It was a dismaying thought, but one she didn’t fight off. He made her feel seen—- like she was a person with thoughts, emotions, and something to offer. Someone who mattered. Daniel had never made her feel like that. He’d made her feel pretty and wanted and valuable, but not alive. For years, she’d felt somewhere between a person and a portrait, spending an inordinate amount of time wondering if she was even real at all. Xavier validated her existence, his sincerity tapping into her primal need for acceptance. Her hardened, inky exterior was nothing, but a suit of armor. The insecurities that riddled her body still howled, welded inside for fear of being weaponized. Khair was a strong, intense woman but she’d been bleeding out for a long time. Slowly, quietly, and surely. However, for those few seconds that he spoke, assuring her that she was more than a coat hanger, he’d stopped the oozing like a piece of gauze over a deep cut. So, if they’d been in another place, having another conversation, she would’ve pressed roseate lips against his because as articulate as she was, the knot in her throat prevented her from speaking.
Unfortunately, as Xavier continued, want soon turned to confusion as her eyebrows knitted together. What he was saying sounded completely insane. She wasn’t sure she’d believe it if it was coming from anyone but him. After all, the wealthy taking out hits, a drug scandal, threats, and murder—- it was something straight out of a Scorsese movie. Yet, watching his expression contort with emotion, Khair found she believed every impossible word he spoke. For a moment, she felt an intense need to protect him from the world—- to save him from any drop of pain or harm that could come his way. The thing about Khair was that her difficulty to open her heart meant that her love for those who weaseled their way in was practically limitless. A heart shielded in ice was bound to care too much. It was why Daniel had wielded such power over her—- Khair didn’t care often but she did care hard. Perhaps to the point of martyrdom. Such was her cross to bear. Thus, as he poured his secrets onto the counter of the bar—- warning her of the demons which plagued him—- she wished for the power to take it all away. In the end, it didn’t matter if he had the whole world after him. Khair wouldn’t leave his side. She owed it to him and she owed it to Holly. The abyss they were looking into was a harrowing one. There was no guarantee they’d reach the end they wanted or even live to tell it, him especially. But the gun was already loaded, it was simply a matter of pulling the trigger. If she walked away, Khair would spend a lifetime regretting it. In the days following Holly’s death, she’d promised her ghost she’d take care of Xavier, make sure he was alright in whatever form that may be. It was an oath that’d been something of an apology for the betrayal of desiring him. She liked to think that through the past few years she’d done well to keep that vow. At least she hoped so. There’d been some missteps, but she’d tried. Khair had spent what felt like a lifetime double-crossing her friend even if she hadn’t suspected it. Now, she’d spend a lifetime trying to right it by helping and protecting the one thing Holly loved most in the world—- Xavier.
Hands reached out slowly, fingers twitching with indescribable emotion as she cupped his face. “If you think you can scare me off that easily,” Khair began, thumb lightly stroking his cheek. “I’m afraid you’re going to be sorely disappointed. I didn’t stick with you all these years to walk away now and it’s gonna take a lot more than murderers with money to send me running for the hills. You’re all I’ve got left and Holly was my best friend. I won’t let you face the wolves on your own. I’m with you ‘til the end, Xavier.” A soft smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “Besides—- need I remind you I’m really good at righting wrongs.” Khair held his gaze as she withdrew her hold. “Although, just so we’re clear, I’ll be holding you to that offer. When this is all said and done and you’ve got your license, I expect an epic treatment center.” She lifted her drink and took a sip, forcing the liquid down her throat. Everything he’d said weighed heavy on her heart and she wouldn’t lie and say that a sense of fear wasn’t a part of the equation. Taking down an ex-husband was child’s play in comparison to going after a murderous syndicate. Yet, she wouldn’t back down, not only because Xavier deserved to see it through, but because Holly did. Holly, of everyone involved, had paid the biggest price. She merited justice. “So,” she sighed. “What’s your plan? We’ve got a powerful New York boss, his executioners, drugs, and Holly. Who, by the way, loved you far too much to even think about cheating. I may have struck out with Daniel, but you were Holly’s whole heart. She looked at you the way I wished Daniel would look at me and who could blame her. Plus, someone’s got to look after you, right?”
