As usual, sharing the redraw 💪🏽 I like taking old art I’ve drawn and trying again. It’s really fun to see what skills I’ve learned and what has generally stayed the same.
I do wish I went with a more pinkier tone in the 2026 version like how I did back in 2022, but the gold seems to work fine enough 🙂
Cannot put this down even tho I tried this earlier, and after looking through the MV, VD and report again, Mikoto seriously needs a major overhaul because he and everyone deserved better.
Report/Backstory
Changes to Mikoto's backstory isn't as happy as the original as it made out to be. He was told his father chose work over his family, but really Mikoto was put under stress from a young age to be successful instead of finding joy in hobbies and playing with friends. This led to abuse, both physically and emotionally and while Mikoto tried to be good because he loved his family and tried to be positive, this caused him to snap and hurt his dad back (possibly pushing him down the stairs or actually grabbing his baseball bat to hit him back and wouldn't stop). His dad was severely injured, and while questioning Mikoto, John manifested and took the blame as Mikoto couldn't believe he just tried to hurt his dad with the intent to kill. Since Mikoto was very young and there were signs of abuse on him and also Mikoto's mother, the divorce happened. Mikoto doesn't remember anything about the incident and the police interrogation, so he just took his mother's answer that his father left because he chose work over family as the truth. John remains dormant as Mikoto starts to live a stress free life and is friendly to everyone with his carefree and optimistic personality.
Eventually he gets into the design company he aimed for, and things just don't go well with him. Not just because he's slower to finish the work and keep making mistakes like the original report says, but the boss keeps expecting more from him, slowly reminding Mikoto of his dad as John starts to front for him. One night while getting home from work, Mikoto sees his boss coming out of a bar, laughing without a care in the world and declaring that everyone basically works for him. Seeing how he forced Mikoto to stay back at work every night while the boss went out to get plastered, he snapped again, grabbing a nearby bat or some sort of metal pipe to stalk his boss and bash him to death.
From then on, any irritations Mikoto felt made John come forth and deal with the problems for him, mistakenly thinking this was what Mikoto wanted and his need to not break apart from the stress he's going through. This is a nightly or once in a while thing after work instead of it all happening within 48 hours, but soon he's caught by the police, but was quickly whisked away to Milgram to be part of the project.
Third trial interrogation
(Please bear with me on my writing here as I try to be as accurate as I can)
At first it was believed John did disappear as promised if Mikoto is forgiven, but as it turned out...no, he fronted again as Mikoto starts to become distressed over what he could recall what John did. Since Es knows that LGBTQ is more accepted in 2025 while talking to Kazui, they also explain to Mikoto/John how their case of DID, despite still being a mystery, is more understood now. Like for example, John can't just disappear whenever he wishes, and that Es deduce John's origin must have come from Mikoto's childhood, thus explaining the murders must be to avoid trauma so Es was more forgiving this time after researching about Mikoto's case, while also explaining to Mikoto didn't do anything wrong and had no control over what John did.
However, John still doesn't want to front, but can feel Mikoto being in distress, while Mikoto, this time co-conscious with John, demands to know why John did all this now that he is kind of aware of his presence. Es tries to reassure the two that despite what John did, he did it to protect Mikoto, as that's what alters do - to protect themselves so then Mikoto could function normally in his life. How he did it made Mikoto get into the worse troubles, but John wanted to help because that's why he's here. John, not believing he's here to help Mikoto anymore, tries to disappear again (closest he could manage might be to be dormant maybe), and Mikoto then ask Es if he's really not a murderer, even though he now recalls this body was the one to deliver the fatal blows despite whoever was in control then. Es then ask if Mikoto wants to forgive himself if he is a murderer, and in extension, forgive John for it too. With that, Mikoto decides to think about it, but knew they're both responsible and will face whatever happens once they leave. Although he does wish to be able to meet John again properly if he's ever given the chance.
Requiem MV
Since the song keeps mentioning hide-and-seek and feeling like he's missing something, the MV starts with little Mikoto, bruised up and crying, feeling like he notice a presence but never finds him. He keeps looking around, but never finds that presence, who is John as he appears behind him to handle the threat who is Mikoto's father.
Mikoto wakes up on the train, confused about how he got on here before looking out the window, seeing his past life playing. It's of his childhood, but he notice another presence there, "himself," always watching but never interacting, yet looked like ready to pounce when needed. Mikoto has a happier life now, but as he continue to explore the train, each cart reveals the next part of his life and he sees himself when he got his job at the graphics design company. When he was getting home, he sees his boss coming out of the bar, laughing, causing Mikoto to snap and John fronted to deal with the stress for him, literally. The Mikoto on the train is appalled by what himself, or really John did, and how he meticulously took care of the body and any traces that could lead to him too, all to protect Mikoto as this continued on from time to time.
Mikoto is sickened, but as the lines play:
Just so I can make Me into Me
Oh my Me, please stay the same
Here’s to Me, just so I can make Me into Me
No one’s here, just forget about Me
Mikoto learns that John was trying to keep Mikoto safe and be his happy and optimistic self, while John is the one who carries all the negativity he couldn't handle, but now wishes for Mikoto to forget about him after causing him this much trouble. This is when Mikoto finally finds John, who quickly tries to run and hide in the train. John manages to lock himself away in the next compartment, separating himself from Mikoto even as he desperately tries to open the door separating them.
Hide-and-seek without you
It will never reach you, this good night
It’s not just for anyone, this requiem for someone
How is it that I can sing it
The train is nearing their final stop, and Mikoto, deciding he can't talk to John now, leaves to get off the train to face whatever is to come. The final shot is of Mikoto's back as he faces the police stranding before him, and the camera gets closer - leaving the viewers to interpret that as John joining him to take responsibility, face this together, or not.
Hear me out, but if Mikoto's writing is supposed to focus on the stress caused by toxic Japanese work culture instead of DID cases, then maybe DID shouldn't be added in at all.
but is it not a social commentary on toxic Japanese work culture as an extension of (and one of the final steps within) Japanese culture as a whole? the Japanese culture that would allow a single mother to raise two children, whereupon the eldest grows up in a way that he believes he has never experienced anger because of the negative impact it would have on people [S1Q10]? the Japanese culture wherein child neglect and relational stress (such as in cases of divorce [S1Q16], high social and achievement expectations [S2Q1], enmeshed families [S1Q16], etc.) are both considered especially common causes of DID? the Japanese culture that would reward a baseline of dissociative compartmentalisation (aforementioned lack of awareness/tolerance towards one's own social missteps and what are deemed unacceptable personality traits), as it helps a person keep up with and succeed under grueling social and occupational demands? the Japanese culture where in spite of everything, pushing yourself so far that you drink straight from a bottle of vodka on your way home, to cope with the abusive job that you may eventually die doing, is a relative, non-pathologised norm?
the Japanese culture where, if someone – that hit all these low-profile risk factors and therefore experienced DID on a subclinical level (on account of maintained functioning, doing what is expected of him, because drinking and working himself to death, is not considered 'disorder') – were to suffer 100+ days of sleep deprivation while abusing substances, and then go on a murder spree in his cognitively impaired haze, may retroactively compartmentalise and dissociate from that too, and only then – as a result of the scrutiny placed on criminals and antisocials – have his dissociative internal structure drawn attention to?
i think he makes for a really interesting fictional case study, about how much suffering and abuse we sweep under the rug, up until someone explodes, and how it is often only when the person has made disorder onto society (through violence, or not being able to work) that any sort of diagnosis (and thus acknowledgement of 'some issue') is made. and especially how, in response to 'some issue' that has been indicated, we always look at the person in question as an individual and isolated problem, who – on account of the diagnosis we then apply to them –must have been dysfunctional from the start, and done what he did, because of his innate 'disorder'.
and i think DID was an especially good choice for this thought experiment, because of how clearly it encourages a common debate, around to what extent someone's behaviour is 'theirs' and to what extent it is their 'mental illness'. and it also makes me very very happy, as a pwDID, to see mikoto overcoming his lifetime of dissociation, suppression, and self-hatred that brought him to the current moment, and acknowledge that yes, at the end of the day, he did not do what he did because he was irrational or possessed, and that the parts of him that identify with his awful acts still deserve sympathy and collaboration. because while he perpetrated horrible things, it was as a whole person, for reasons that were understandable, and never should have come to be.
Fair point, but I think why a lot of people are angry with Mikoto's case is because of how it was presented, along with minor frustrations from other prisoners before him. With other prisoners, it was more straightforward and it all came together in the end - Yuno's about how we view girls with abortions, Fuuta who unintentionally caused the victim to commit suicide from cyberbullying, Muu being the imperfect victim from bullying, Kazui using his wife to save himself to look normal, and Amane raised to follow what the cult taught her and to carry out. Even for cases that got cut short, it was still obvious if we should forgive someone like Haruka who's neglected and killed those weaker than him for attention, Shidou for killing others so easily despite being a doctor, and Mahiru being oblivious about her boyfriend's feelings that led to his death. Even though some cases had some misses with how it was represented (Yuno, Shidou and Mahiru), the question they represent clearly linked to their crimes from beginning to end.
Problem with Mikoto is that his case was presented more as "Should we forgive those who had DID?" for two trials instead of "Should we forgive those who worked under stressful working environment and then snapping?" as intended. Putting aside how DID is formed, Mikoto's MVs from Trial 1 and Trial 2 were focused on his DID instead of how work caused him to develop DID. DOUBLE actually showed a hint of it, but it was only shown for maybe 5 seconds before the rest of the MV showed John killing random people for Mikoto's sanity, making fans believe it was the trigger for John to front. Also, it was suddenly revealed at the end of Requiem that John killed 12 people within 48 hours instead of it being a nightly event, like everyone thought it was. And along with the interrogations given to us, fans ofc would make speculations that Mikoto had a traumatic childhood that led him to develop DID since he doesn't even know why his parents divorced (S2Q4) and believe he just recalled being nice to everyone and never being negative because John fronted during those times (S1Q10).
If Mikoto is supposed to represent "forgiving people working in toxic work culture", then making him have DID wasn't necessary. As I keep hearing online, that's not how it's developed and having John suddenly form to kill random people to relieve Mikoto's stress felt a bit like half-baked writing. When I re-watched him drink that bottle of alcohol before his 48 hour black out and John killed 12 people offscreen, I thought "They could have made Mikoto snapping and killing random people under the influence of alcohol before crashing for 48 hours." Or they could have had Mikoto did snap and kill people, but refuse to acknowledge it or keep on making excuses like a coward. But in the end, it felt more like the fans were lead on this was about forgiving someone with DID that they're not aware of, when it's not really about that.
All in all, Mikoto's case was a huge miss compared to other prisoners and I can understand why fans are angry at this point. As for me, I still love Mikoto and John, but I think whatever they're supposed to represent could have been done better. Granted, toxic work culture with John forced to front for Mikoto's sake could have worked, but again, could have been better.
This might be a minor detail but, I made a transcript and translation of Mikoto's messages in Requiem MV! Spoilers undercut
(1 day ago)
Senior:
What’s happening to the meeting with Kayano?!
The others are already waiting for you!!!
(1 day ago)
Client:
[ASAP] Please review the ad delivery as soon as possible.
(1 day ago)
Producer:
Re: [ASAP] Please review the ad delivery as soon as possible.
(1 day ago)
Producer:
Kayano-kun, are you ok? If you read this message, can you call me immediately?
(4 hours ago)
Senior:
Are you ok? Just to let you know, the meeting was cancelled
(Everyone’s really angry, so you absolutely have to buy boxes of sweets for them!!!)
(1 hour ago)
Chief:
Hey
(1 hour ago)
Chief:
(Missed call)
(30 minutes ago)
Chief:
No need for you to come back here tomorrow. Thank you for your hard work.
Google Doc version (with transcript + translation)
I basically flipped the image and got the text, some parts are covered so I had to do some guesswork, feel free to correct me if I miss something!
I might start doing a proper transcript and translation of his victims' profiles, though I'm gonna have an upcoming vacation, so I'm gonna do it a bit later if possible (unless somebody make one first haha)
Alright, I sorted out my gripes with the MV while also reading why everyone is pissed on how DID is represented in this, so I'm taking a shot in trying to "fixing it" by writing out how I would have made the MV based on Requiem.
Keep in mind, singlet here, so this is my own shot from my brief understanding on how DID, and I'm honestly fueled more on how the song is literally a requiem for John but just showed Mikoto's everyday life from how he remembered it until his arrest.
First of all, I would have used the train from Double as the setting instead for the MV. I see the train as the "meeting point" of where John and Mikoto meet, but only John ever know Mikoto being here and looking exhausted before fronting for him as Mikoto sleeps/not knowing what John did. Mikoto would wake up on the train alone in the Requiem MV, like he did in Double (1:35) but notice no one is here and everything is neat and tidy instead of being bloody (John removed himself completely).
This is based on the 3rd VD and I'm not 100% sure if systems can suddenly remember stuff from what their alter did (let me know?), but gonna use this for the majority of the song where Mikoto looks out the train window and sees his life before he got into Milgram, but it also have scenes of what John did that caused them to be in Milgram in the first place. The shock and horror of seeing/remembering killing the 12 victims happens, but also Mikoto gets to see the care John tries to cater for Mikoto, like making sure he gets home afterwards, ate something, gets washed up before resting in bed while all tucked in for a well earned rest instead of crashing on the couch without taking care of himself. Saying this because Requiem feels more like Mikoto is recognizing John's absence is off to him, like there's this presence that always looked after him but now it's gone. Keep in mind John did do the killing for Mikoto, but he truly thought this was what Mikoto needed.
Maybe there's a scene where we see John looking out the window all the time to see Mikoto's struggles, getting frustrated that he's so stressed out and wanted to do something for him, and all he knew was to kill because that's what he thought Mikoto needed. Mikoto is kind and always laughs with others, but never knew how to be angry, so John thinks being angry by lashing out was the correct answer. Mikoto is then able to see John's memory of regretting what he did that put Mikoto in Milgram, and his apology in Double too. Mikoto starts to understand John, despite the one who caused all this, meant well...
And before the final chorus, maybe an actual hint that John was always there for Mikoto since childhood, like the trauma of what really caused John to be and he fronted then, showing he was there and was always watching Mikoto from childhood to who became today. And after Mikoto reaches the end of the train, he finds John, "sleeping "the train seat, like how the dead rests in a coffin.
Final chorus plays as the train announces its final stop. Mikoto sees this, and decides to pay his respect to John, now dormant within their shared mind and body, but he made up his mind to take on their sins before he gets off, hinting he's back in the real world and facing the cops before he entered Milgram.
~~
And yep, this is my attempt to fix this. I apologise if this is still isn't how DID works still, but it's an attempt while also trying to make the MV actually acknowledge John's part in Mikoto's life instead of not showing him at all. I accept whatever criticism since I still don't think I understand DID well enough yet. This is an attempt to fix and to put aside my annoyance with how Requiem came out.
Hear me out, but if Mikoto's writing is supposed to focus on the stress caused by toxic Japanese work culture instead of DID cases, then maybe DID shouldn't be added in at all.
One of the first bits of information that you can find on Dissociative Identity Disorder is that it is a disorder founded in childhood trauma, usually causing polyfragmentation of the self. A single fragmentation of the self caused in FULL ADULTHOOD may as well be psychologically impossible. I’m a college student with one psychology course under my belt and I know that. Yamanaka has a fucking psych degree and somehow put less research into writing Mikoto’s disorder than I did writing fanfiction about him. IN HIGH SCHOOL. Because he didn’t want to let go of his ableist narrative.
Because let’s be frank, it is absolutely an ableist narrative. I can see that the intention is to critique the intense stress of Japanese workplace culture on the mentally ill, which is a noble idea, but the fact remains that the narrative of people with disorders like schizophrenia and DID being habitually violent and dangerous is rooted in the idea that mentally ill people are to be othered and shunned instead of helped and empathized with. All this time, I thought the intention with Mikoto was to employ the trappings of this harmful trope as a framing device that the writers then intended to deconstruct. Clearly, that was too much to hope for.
How do we go from Camouflage and Non-Denominum, two of the most intelligent and empathetic episodes in the entire series, to sensationalist trash like this? I’ve been a MILGRAM fan for five years now. It’s been one of my greatest creative inspirations. I have never been so close to dropping the series as I have been today. I won’t - there’s only one episode left, I may as well see how it ends - and even though I don’t think I could ever hate the series, this, along with the handling of Mahiru’s case, is a massive black stain upon a series and a case with so much potential. Shame on you, Yamanaka. Do better.
Song wise I love it because it's a song to say good bye to John, but I really wish the MV showed Mikoto saying good bye to John and he will take the sins he/they committed, kinda like how the main character in Pocket Mirror says sorry and acknowledge one of her alters who is considered the bad one while she lives on without knowing what she did.
The lyrics, the mood and the MV just didn't match, I feel?
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