Sovereignty

ig: sacred.flows When the moon passes

[killedemfortheurl]

Oh I’m absolutely depressed. But extremely self aware and high functioning. I tell myself I have no choice but to keep going. My family has lost too many, hurt too much for me to add to that. I had my chances.. two of them. Failed.

13.

This is why I had abandonment issues.

Ha, trying having your dad and stepdad pass.

Don’t.

Don’t try.

Your niece and nephew follow too.

Living is harder than death.

To bear the pain and to see your family carry it everyday.

I wish I could pull it all from them and carry it myself.

I hurts. But I know how to hope. In the worst of ways.

Dad, you should be proud i didn’t inherit addiction to drugs.

But pain is just as bad. I know what it does to the soul. To the insides.

I have to transmute.

[killedemfortheurl]

In my body there are multiple characters. And I do not fear the one that leaves ouchies. He’s the Don Juan that “takes care of it”.

When my body is maxed out. When the pain is too much to bear. He’s takes care of it.

Quickly.

Stingily.

And I thank him for bringing it all to a halt. Silence. Euphoria.

[cinnamondoll23]

[killedemfortheurl]

In reverse order for me

[remanence-of-love]

[remanence-of-love]

[killedemfortheurl]

This pattern is familiar. All my past stripes have turned a shiny tan. And now they’re adorned by red and dark brown raised stripes.

My sick mind has missed this.

And the image of the deepest I have ever gone. My mother screaming in the bathroom. Me crying and all so numb.

What a peculiar was to end up in handcuffs just for the officer taking you to the hospital to try to recruit you for the military.

What a time.

[killedemfortheurl]

I should be too old for this. I should be healed from this.

Alas a terrible day that continues to get worse.

-not hitting any moves in pole class, even the simplest that I’ve done for 3 years

-sacred pendants falling from my handmade keychain that took me a WEEK to figure out

-A/C in my car isn’t cool enough

-A/C at the studio goes out and it’s 85 degrees inside with a heat advisory outside

-texting landlord past 10pm and has me running inside and out to check if the units are on. IN THE HEAT

-migraine

-A boyfriend residing in another country that says “call me” and doesn’t answer.

How interesting that the same arms I massage people with for comfort and relaxation are the same ones I try to filet from my body.

[springsaddness]

[awkwardbrunettegirl]

who tf calling my phone lol 😂😂

[lesbogini]

More Fallout by Ellen Hopkins 📖 #poem #memories #bookworm

[anxietyproblem]

[starwarsgrl77]

A part of me is missing

[killedemfortheurl]

I miss it here.

[killedemfortheurl]

I don’t understand. How I’ve told you every way to love me. Shown you. For 12 years. And you still don’t care. You don’t care to get it. To show me any importance. I don’t think you realize that I do love myself. You make me hate me. But I don’t want to let you go. Is it because I see the potential or am I so delusional with the idea that it will eventually change? Is that insanity? I hate this hurt

[killedemfortheurl]

If I am your afterthought

Then it’s apparent.

The hours of silence knowing you see me text you.

It’s disrespectful.

It’s obvious you don’t care.

You do this ever. Single. Day.

You are telling me that I am not of importance to you.

You hurt me.

And all I do, is beg for you.

Every. Time.

Why Elijah.

When all I do is provide for you.

For you to succeed.

But you give me barely words.

For I am your afterthought.

[skeletomez]

[feefal]

Did you guys know that the heart can be unrolled? It’s really just a muscly tube once you fold it open. (Seriously it’s true and it’s gnarly as hell)

Try this at home with this nifty step-by-step guide!