in a reasonable canon, shane would simply have THEE most dependent and intimate relationship with the montreal team nutritionist. like, he has her on speed dial. they text multiple times per day. she spends 60% of her work hours adjusting meal plans for his texture issues and aversions. nobody else really sees how intense their connection is.
when he was crashing out about trading to ottawa, he said, "You know, it's just gonna be really hard to leave melissa," and hayden was sitting right there like. "melissa?? it's gonna be hard to leave MELISSA??"
but i think we can probably convince melissa to move to ottawa with him, don't worry.
#heated rivalry#cackling about shallergies verse#melissa getting a text that's just 'melissa they put fucking treenuts in my protein bar'#he does not need to specify which one#melissa sighs and puts on her glasses and gets to work#GOD melissa goes on vacation and hears the news that shane had an allergic reaction and is FURIOUS#WHO FUCKED WITH HER RECORD#NOT A SINGLE FUCKING TIME ON HER WATCH HAS SHANE HOLLANDER HAD A REACTION DURING THE SEASON#WHO WANTS TO DIE
via @penandinkprincess
melissa barging into ottawa's offices and just handing over a contract for her employment.
"um, excuse me, ma'am, who ar-"
"i have kept shane hollander alive and fed his for almost his entire nhl career, and i have invested too much time to stop now."
"but ma'am, we-"
"no more questions. sign."
obviously she's a dietician with a specialty in athletes which means the primary concerns of her patients are 1. need All The Fucking Calories and 2. need All The Fucking Protein, but in my heart, she is the flavor of dietician who focuses also on enjoyment and satiety (fun fact: you actually digest food better and get more nutrition out of food you like eating). like you're going to eventually get sick of how much you have to eat by the time you're 3/4 of the way through the season, but by GOD WILL SHE TRY TO MAKE THINGS ENJOYABLE AS LONG AS SHE CAN.
so she meets 20 year old shane who already comes into this meeting apologetic because he KNOWS this is all specific and it's a pain to have aversions when he already has allergies to work around, so he doesn't mind a lot of repetition when-
and melissa is just ✋ i did not put in the work to get this degree only to suck at this job. let's talk texture preferences.
(melissa does NOT know about mango time) (shane is kind of afraid of what she would do to him if she found out) (he cannot have melissa being mad at him it would actually send him into a nervous breakdown)
shane the day melissa finds out her dietetic magnum opus is out here RECREATIONALLY POISONING HIMSELF like she doesn't have a fucking DOSSIER on his ass crafted over YEARS of trial and error and research and innovation
SHE HAND-SELECTS MENUS BASED ON HOW STRESSED YOU ARE AT ANY GIVEN POINT IN THE SEASON AND BASED ON THE WIN/LOSS BALANCE OF THE TEAM BECAUSE ANXIETY MAKES YOU NAUSEOUS SO YOU NEED ADJUSTED FLAVOR PROFILES AND THE SECOND YOU'RE OUT OF HER DIRECT SUPERVISION, YOU FUCK AROUND????
SQUARE THE FUCK UP, HOLLANDER
















