How To Be Brave [Thommy]
I don't know exactly what happened but I opened Word and this came out. I hardly ever write and this is my first Thommy fic so be gentle with me ;)
This is rated G and about 850 words long. Hope you enjoy!
How To Be Brave
Ever since the day at the fair, Thomas and Jimmy had slowly but surely reestablished their friendship until it had become a steady presence in both their lives. There was still a dull ache in Thomas’ heart, his love for Jimmy ever-present, but for him it was a comforting reminder of his ability to love so deeply. He was proud of it. It was part of him, part of who he was, and he cherished it, hopeless as it was.
They had acquired a habit of taking walks together, usually at the end of a long day, to clear their heads and complain about the other servants. One of their favorite paths was a mostly unused trail leading towards the woods, almost entirely out of sight, where there stood the remains of a fence which they used to rest against, sharing a smoke before heading back to the house. Thomas loved it when Jimmy leaned on the fence with his forearms, staring off into a field with his cap slightly askew on his head. He stole glances at his handsome profile, wishing he would be allowed to tuck a stray curl behind the footman’s ear. It hurt, and it would continue to hurt, but he would be happy to live with the pain for the rest of his life if it meant having Jimmy as his best friend.
Today had been a trying day, and they both agreed they could use a walk in the chilly autumn air. They chatted amicably, but Jimmy seemed tense, his mouth a tight line whenever he didn’t speak, his eyes distant, and his fists clenched in his pockets. Thomas knew better than to ask; Jimmy wasn’t the kind of person to share what was wrong, unless the pressure on his mind became too much and he initiated the conversation himself.
They were nearing the end of their trail and Thomas leaned back against the fence, ready to light a cigarette when Jimmy started pacing in front of him, face like thunder. Suddenly he stopped in front of Thomas, pointing at him angrily. “It’s all your fault, you know,” he said lowly.
Too stunned to say anything, Thomas tucked away his unlighted cigarette and focused all of his attention on Jimmy, his body thrumming with anticipation and dread. He had seen Jimmy display a whole range of emotions, but never like this. The intensity of it was unsettling.
Jimmy was breathing heavily through his nose, fists clenched at his sides. “I don’t know who I am anymore and it’s all because of you. How can you live like this?” The last sentence came out shakily, and Thomas saw Jimmy wince at the weakness of his own voice.
Thomas’ heart hurt. He thought they were good, that he had succeeded in being a good mate to Jimmy instead of a threat, but the way Jimmy was shaking with suppressed anger told him otherwise. He opened his mouth to say, he didn’t know what, anything to save this friendship he had worked so hard for, when he realized that Jimmy was crying. Without warning he grabbed Thomas by the lapels, dragging him towards him. Thinking Jimmy was going to punch him, Thomas flinched instinctively, but instead the footman collapsed against him with a groan, tightly clutching Thomas’ jacket while sobbing quietly into his chest.
Taken aback, Thomas awkwardly put his hands on Jimmy’s back. His outburst confused Thomas, and he tried to comfort him without seeming too intimate, gently patting his shoulder and trying not to enjoy too much the feeling of holding the man he loved in his arms.
Jimmy cleared his throat, face still hidden against Thomas’ shoulder. “How can you live like this?” he repeated hoarsely before another sob worked its way up his throat. “How do you deal with feeling like this? You’re the bravest man I’ve ever met and I almost ruined you, I’m so sorry,” he said miserably. “I’m so sorry, Thomas. I didn’t know. I didn’t know what to do. I was too bloody afraid.”
Thomas felt the sting of tears in his eyes and he squeezed them shut, quenching the small flutter of hope in his chest. This was not what his traitorous brain wanted him to think it was. He tried to hide his tears by looking away, but when the other man gently nuzzled his face he could do nothing but turn his startled eyes towards Jimmy’s.
“I’m so sorry Thomas,” he said quietly. He nosed Thomas’ cheek before softly kissing the corner of his mouth, a light brush of the lips that nearly broke Thomas.
“Jimmy,” he sighed, swallowing and trying to collect himself, still refusing to believe what was happening. He took a deep, shuddering breath, and his voice sounded just a bit too loud and panicked as he forced out, “Jimmy, what are you doing?”
Jimmy brought up his hand, cupping Thomas’ jaw and brushing his thumb along his lower lip as he kissed him again, with more confidence and on the mouth this time, smiling down at Thomas’ buttons before looking up at him with a look of sheer adoration and determination on his face.
“I think I’ve found my courage.”
