Banjos and biscuits @kingmango-turtle-sanctuary - Tumblr Blog

love island should introduce a "scheming eunuch" islander who is like a smart and completely asexual islander exempt from being kicked off or being made to participate in any challenges and they're just there to provide advice and be a sort of sounding board for the other islanders when they need a disinterested party to talk things through with. but the scheming eunuch has secret goals unbeknownst to anyone e.g. a cash prize for talking a certain couple into breaking up etc.

#my wife would love this

snickerpuffs

call me ʔ the way i make her glottal stop. this is nothing. this post is fucking nothing.

piglii

hey real quick can anybody help me find this image that I’ve seen before here on tumblr. it looks like this

the button doesn’t necessarily say “Elucidate the Rapture” but it does say something that’s kind of lengthy and has religious connotations. the woman pushing the button has an expression of indescribable smugness. there might be other buttons on the machine (?) she is pressing.

piglii

FOUND IT

andmaybegayer

Oh this is only the first image in the Eschatron 9000 Series

andmaybegayer

and the finale, because of the Tumblr image limit

piglii

thanks this is part of an even grander incomprehensibleness than I could have expected

a-third-attempt

I cannot believe that this is a website where you can ask “hey i think i saw a weird image once” and put a bad stick figure drawing of it and someone will be like “oh yeah that’s the first installment of a 12-part post-ironic apocalypse fever dream photoshop series” and just hand you a dozen of the most unhinged images you’ve ever seen in your life, that still have a better three act structure than most modern cinema

flurgerbla

I dont think thats the whole photoset…. I found one more

But from what i can gather thats Crystal Thierry, also known as page73girl. Who seems to have been a model for the now defunct biggestletdown.com…

But i have no idea when the eschatron 9000 pictures were made or for that matter the original photos that were used to make it

mckitterick

this is far more than “random person in 2005ish creates surreal visual narrative” - let’s go deeper down the rabbit hole, shall we?

to Immanentize the Eschaton means to bring about utopian conditions and create heaven on Earth

the phrase is first cited in the Discordian religious text, Principia Discordia (1963), for whom Discord (aka Eris) is goddess:

the first line of Robert Anton Wilson and Robert Shea’s 1975 The Illuminatus! trilogy: “It was the year when they finally immanentized the Eschaton.”

in Frederik Pohl’s The Eschaton Sequence (1997 - 1999), the human race is caught up in a galactic war between two alien races attempting to immanentize the eschaton

in Ken Macleod's The Stone Canal (1997), one of the chapters is “Another crack at Immanentising the Eschaton”

Crystal Thierry’s (aka the modern Discordia / Eris) narrative lives in esteemed company

dectech

here’s what the warning in the image says btw because i wanted to read it but it was too blurry so i had to spend several minutes hunting for a version with better resolution, so I’m posting it here so nobody else has to make that same journey

“DO NOT OPERATE THE ESCHATRON 9000 UNLESS YOU’RE REALLY, REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT DESTROYING THE WORLD”

mckitterick

also just noticed the labels on the dials on the left side of the device’s control panel:

“MAYHEM” and “DESTRUCTION” are both turned all the way up

dee-the-red-witch

As they should be. Can’t make paradise without scrambling a few universes.

ominous-signs

Official ominous sign(s)

under-the-arch

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/eschatron-9000-immanentize-the-eschaton

sandmandaddy69

bwaah

young man. what is that you have found.

I said young man. you picked it up off the ground.

I said young man. you should put that thing down.

I don't think! that! you! should! eat that!

the-davest-of-uncles

it's fun to stay at the

slunch

sandmandaddy69

the-big-mood

These two giant turtles have been fighting each other for more than 120 years.

According to the zoo, one turtle stole the other’s food 120 years ago, and since that day they became enemies.

There hasn’t been a single day where they don’t fight for 2–3 minutes😂

agnesmontague

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

shabbytigers

in other developments re german/anglo cultural exchange on breadstuffs, this image was posted to a facebook group yesterday

the following events ensued:

1. predictable lively discussion on the preparation of Wienerschnitzel, in which natives and wurstaboos are pro-puff and everybody else is like *confused dog head tilt* why wouldn’t you want the crust to stay ~attached to the thing you put it on? as with other fried foods?

2. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my band name” jokes

3. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my stripper name” jokes

4. one “ah yes, Bad Schnitzel! a lovely spa town” joke

5. this absolute masterpiece: