Certified Dad™

what's up, i'm key ✌ • she/they • 65 year old man in a 25 year old's body • chronically online • aspiring writer and pirate

[baggnshield]

passive aggressive bitch

[snoopylovessoup]

[demiboydemon]

[mashmouths]

can you take my white ass to margaritaville

[liberalsarecool]

Abolish Tesla.

[seymour-butz-stuff]

Elon uses his overvalued Tesla stock as collateral for all his loans.

If the stock price crashes, banks will ask for their money back.

The Twitter deal alone would break him - twitter has tanked in value, he couldn't sell it to pay off his loans.

[j-swin79]

[ultrareginarules]

Please, oh please. Not just well deserved karma, it would be so fucking funny.

[localgays2]

[gayvampyr]

adult friendships are so dumb like yeah i think i can find a time to hang. how’s february 17th at 4pm

[gayvampyr]

it’s time

[animeengineer]

Dang, missed it. Reschedule?

[faeberrywine]

ID credit: 631497946 on 小红书

(please like, reblog and give proper credit if you use any of my gifs!)

[malibuklaus]

goomba

[malibuklaus]

[dont-give-a-fuck-club]

my toxic trait is i expect people to have common sense and i get mad when they don’t.

[mjalti]

sometimes im like “tone down the Self to fit in” and other times, the voice of God comes to me in a dream and says “I didn’t make you crazy for no reason”

[wokefrogvirus]

elon musk did a nazi salute twice at the inauguration, and republicans are defending him.

trump revoked executive order 11246, which prohibited discrimination.

trump put all dei employees on leave to be fired.

trump banned all lgbtq+ flags from being hung in government buildings.

trump rolled back biden’s executive order to lower prescription drug costs for people using medicare and medicaid.

trump rescinded the $35 cap on insulin, and prices are expected to rise to $1500 a month.

trump ordered the national institutes of health to cancel their review panels on cancer research.

when sean hannity asked trump about the economy, he said “i don’t care”, after campaigning with the economy as his main talking point.

trump has withdrawn the us from the world health organization.

trump is ordering health agencies to stop reporting on bird flu and halt publications of scientific reports.

trump has pardoned over 1500 people who stormed the capitol on january 6th.

trump changed mount denali back to mount mckinley.

trump signed an executive order to rename the gulf of mexico to gulf of america.

trump shut down cbp one, an app which granted legal entry to 1 million+ immigrants.

trump is allowing ice raids at churches and elementary schools.

trump announced plans to declare a national emergency at the us-mexico border.

trump signed an executive order to expand the use of the death penalty.

trump withdrew from the paris climate act.

trump revoked all protections for transgender troops in the us military.

trump rescinded executive orders made by biden that benefited and protected women, lgbtq+ people, black americans, hispanic americans, asian americans, native hawaiians, and pacific islanders.

trump is attempting to make it legal to refuse to hire or fire pregnant women.

trump pardoned 23 individuals convicted under the freedom of access to clinic entrances (FACE) act for their anti-abortion activism, including oftentimes violent protests at abortion clinics.

trump announced that the us government will from here on out only recognize male and female as sexes. intersex is not legally recognized anymore.

andy ogles drafted a constitutional amendment to allow trump to be president for a third term.

georgia republican congressman mike collins called for the deportation of new jersey born mariann budde, the bishop who urged trump to “have mercy” on the lgbtq+ community and immigrants during a service at the national cathedral.

amazon revoked protections for lgbtq+ and black employees.

every single republican told us we were overreacting. trump swore he had nothing to do with project 2025 yet continues implementing details outlined in it. not a single person has the right to tell us we’re being dramatic anymore.

hope the possibility of cheaper eggs and gas was worth it.

[probablyasocialecologist]

“Why should a French or a German citizen be born with access to world-class services and well-protected rights (actual implementation on the basis of minority status may differ), while a Somalian citizen is not only denied those things, but also faces huge obstacles in becoming a citizen (or even a resident) of anywhere else? If you are born a citizen of Japan, there are 190 countries you can travel to freely without a visa; if you are a citizen of Afghanistan, there are only 25. If you are born a U.K. citizen, and feel like a change of scene, you can pay $7 for permission to go to Canada, hop on a flight, and stay for up to six months without anyone bothering you. If you are born in a refugee camp, it can take years before you even get a chance to live in a place like Canada. So how can we possibly consider ourselves to be people who care about freedom and autonomy, when thanks to borders our destinies are practically assigned to us at birth? Is it absurd to form your own state? Or is it more absurd to have states in the first place?”

— Aisling McCrea, No Man Is An Island?

[izzy-mccalla]

rip mythbusters you would've loved destroying cybertrucks

[pandemic-info]

5th person confirmed to be cured of HIV

Researchers are announcing that a 53-year-old man in Germany has been cured of HIV.

Referred to as “the Dusseldorf patient” to protect his privacy, researchers said he is the fifth confirmed case of an HIV cure. Although the details of his successful treatment were first announced at a conference in 2019, researchers could not confirm he had been officially cured at that time.

Today, researchers announced the Dusseldorf patient still has no detectable virus in his body, even after stopping his HIV medication four years ago.

[stereotype-embodier]

Unbelievably fucking cool

[carrieneuman]

A twice-yearly shot could help end AIDS, but only if it can get to everyone who needs it

A twice-yearly shot has shown to be 100 percent effective in preventing HIV infections in a study of women, and published results show it wo

Between that and new preventative shot, we might be able to eradicate HIV in the near future.

[jam-does-audio]

Do not forget this. No matter what happens do not forget we’re this close to finally ending this awful virus

[clearcutcasualty]

“Do you think seahorses write fpreg” and the many other riveting things my friend texts me right before I go to work

[modogoblin]

[butch-witches-deactivated202412]

ID: Nancy Reagans bitch husband saying, "mister gorbachev, whip out that cock" in black and white

[lunerabo-deactivated20250206]

“Get his ass” Is so unreasonably funny to me. A huge win for the English language. Today’s version of “seize him” imo