Hi, appreciate you taking the time to make a comment about specific points you disagree with. Fair and valid. I’m more than willing to listen and learn from other people’s opinions.
However, I think you’re misconstruing my intentions and certain points I brought up in my post, and I would like to clarify them and would really appreciate if anyone who reads this post takes the time to read the entire thing, I know it’s long but I need to clarify because you’re saying some things that are word-for-word NOT what I said.
Before that though, I do want to sincerely apologize if what I said came off as centering white ace feelings. You’re right, that is the perspective I come from. I am a writer and what I can offer to the ace community as a whole is discussions and summaries from different perspectives, it is important to note that all of criticisms I discuss also have been echoed by various commenters, posts, and organizations made by non-white people. I very specifically looked at a variety of statements to come to the conclusions I did and paraphrase them in my original instagram comment. Those are NOT my personal opinions, but those reflected by others. I’ll go into this further in another point. Anyway, this doesn’t excuse my post coming off in that manner, and I sincerely apologize for causing any offense on that topic.
I want to address this specifically that I said:
This wasn’t fair and was too personal. I am sorry to the ace community and to Ashabi herself. I was upset by the behavior, not any of the people directly. That was a reactionary statement, and I take full responsibility for that.
That aside, let’s go through the rest:
First off, I genuinely want to know what about my comment was insulting. I quoted the very comments she posted to her instagram story. I asked people on a different platform if they came across as offensive. I didn’t get a single comment saying that they were. She conveniently left out that my comments were in response to another commenter, NOT in response what she said directly, and also, were NOT my personal opinions or the opinions that everyone shared, as I literally said in the comment that she decided to post. I was having a conversation with two other commenters about the meaning of the word “universal”. I would love to show them, but they got deleted. Here is the comment I made that was archived (ignore the O, that is a typo):
Now let’s talk about this point.
You are taking this statement entirely of our context. I said two sentences later “My ENTIRE life revolves around literature, research, nuance, and critical thinking. You chose the wrong person to throw that accusation at because I know it's factually untrue.” I brought it up as an example, not as a “gotcha”. I brought it that entire paragraph because I’m not just pulling statements out of my ass. I’ve done the research. I’ve taken the time to analyze and put it together. I brought it up because of the insinuation that people outside her community, which she herself said, don’t read. I know she was talking about critical thinking. But that’s still an insulting and huge generalization to make.
I didn’t say this. My original comment mentioned it as a discussion other people were having. Also, the inclusion of the white stripe in this specific discussion is because of the response from the Nepali Aspec community. One thing they highlight is that allies are NECESSARY for their survival. ONCE AGAIN, IT IS NOT WHITE PEOPLE SAYING THIS.
Here’s the link: https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/s/wSvlvZLB2O
I don’t agree with everything on the ace reddit, but they’ve done a great job archiving, translating, and putting these in a place that is easy to access.
I’m having some confusion here over what was the purpose of making a new flag in the first place then. My understanding was that the flag was made BECAUSE people were excluded ten years ago. It was to fix that issue, but then ended up doing to the same thing. And it doesn’t seem fair (in my personal opinion, I’m willing to see what other people think about this) to say this was a community-voted flag when portions of the community had no say. I understand that her original was suppressed. I think AVEN massively fucked up, and I have said that in other posts.
What I don’t understand is now that it is getting more attention and feedback from a larger audience, why is none of that is being taken into account? Why are comments that even mention criticism, even if not being directed at her but just for providing context to other commenters, being deleted?
This is from her substack:
It doesn’t make a lot of sense to emphasize multiculturalism and intersectionality in the flag’s very design while also not considering making any changes or even addressing concerns from other cultures directly. I know she’s done some “clearing the air” type videos, but this seems hypocritical. Once again, this is definitely leaning more into my opinion, and I’m more than willing to hear what other people have to say about it and adjust it if there’s something I’m missing.
Also about that point: “a handful of Spanish-speaking organizations” is factually incorrect.
Here is the list of organizations that co-signed the first major statement made. These countries are not primarily made up of white or white-adjacent people. These are Latino people or mixed-race people.
And their main issue wasn’t about race, it was specifically about centering USA perspectives in what was presented as a worldwide discussion.
The second statement was made by Carrodibuoi Asexual Collective essentially agreeing with the first one.
The third was made by the Nepali Aspec community and is presented as two in-depth videos on their culture and history of the ace community in their country.
The fourth was made by Black Ace Culture, a group for Black asexuals in response to the other statements being made. Their specific post is more recent and before I made my original post, but echoes the same sentiments that were shared by others online and that I referred to in my original comment, just in a more organized statement. It makes a point to discuss both the pros and cons from their perspective.
I know there were some others made but these are the main ones I’ve seen brought up. My research was not only from these groups, but also various ace-focused instagram account, reddit pages, and tumblr blogs.
I DIDNT SAY THIS. My opinion changed because of the research I did and how other people were reacting, and this was just the last straw in terms of making a full post about it NOT about my opinion as a whole. I will post again what I said originally:
I will say that I shouldn’t have put that “however” in there, as I see how it can come off as dismissive. I stand by these as separate and unrelated points, I shouldn’t have to put them together like that because it makes the first part sound like it’s less important. That’s my bad.
I criticized the people being hateful and AVEN specifically in a vent post I made a few weeks ago. It less fact-based as it is a vent about the situation as a whole, but those opinions specifically I still hold.
This was why I made a post in the first place:
I have the right to respond if called out by name. I wouldn’t have made this post otherwise. I am a part of the ace community. I’m not going to apologize or stand down for speaking up for other parts of my community. Multiple criticisms can exist at the same time. Its fair to point out Ashabi can be facing absolutely gross and unwarranted hate while at the same time is being rightfully critiqued for shutting down conversations about the centralization of American and English-speaking aces.
Those can co-exist and be discussed at the same time.
Thanks if you took the time to read all this. If I may be selfish and talk about myself for a moment, I truly am trying to learn more about the community and perspectives and as I said earlier, I want to help this community by raising up voices that are not getting attention. When asking poc I know about how to approach situations like these, the overwhelming opinion I’ve received is to highlight their voices and share their opinions. Just because I paraphrase things doesn’t mean i am trying to speak over them. That’s why I include links. Tumblr is not my main platform but I try to directly share other people’s posts more on Instagram and bluesky. I’m not asking for praise or anything for doing the bare minimum. But I’m not gonna sit back and have my words twisted or taken out of context to make me sound like someone I’m not.