[mlarayoukai-archive]

You show a cat something and they're like sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff ooooh I understand now. Don't care

[zenwannabe]

a dude came into the library stoned out of his mind and was like, “do I need a library card to look at books?” And I said, “to take books home, yes. To look at them, no” and he looked so relieved. bro was staring at a fish encyclopedia for like an hour and then just left.

[kosmogrl]

[chokopoppo]

The worst thing in the entire world is when you’re sweeping a big pile of dirt into a dustpan and it leaves that little coke line of grit behind. No matter how you position your pan or your broom and no matter how many times you sweep over it your outcome cannot change. As immovable as fate. I hate it so

[cock-holliday]

People who switch pronouns in songs to no-homo the situation are so funny. The idea literally never even occurred to me as a kid. Couldn’t be me. I am a woman scorned. I am a man who had his heart broken. I am a guy who hates his hometown. I’m a country boy, I’m a city girl. I’m a slut. I’m addicted to cocaine. It’s a song, man.

[gauntletqueen]

HEARTBREAKING: Poor girl has to get out of the soft warm bed even though she is so so so so comfy

[gauntletqueen]

HEARTWARMING: Since it is night, girl finally gets to crawl back underneath the covers and be so so so so comfy

[gauntletqueen]

HEARTWRENCHING: Morning has come again, poor girl suspects she might be stuck in a Sisyphean curse

[jdragsky]

[pointnclick]

i want to be a vampire so bad. it would open up a whole new world of procrastination. puts off finishing a novel for 100 years. i don’t do the dishes for 20. oh wait i don’t have dishes because i suck blood. another fucking win

[dragongirltitties]

girl help they are making me do my job at work

[frankiecorleone]

x

[sistertaxon]

having used tumblr as a teenager is a vaccination against using tiktok today

[fidelcostco]

oh so when banana slugs effectively shut down until conditions are livable, it's fine, but when I do it, I have a "problem" 🙄 god forbid women do anything

[nocontextgoodplace]

[tauforged]

why does my caladium act like she is starving for light. hang on

[tauforged]

every day i ahve to reposition the damn lamp cuz she’s dead set on sticking her first leaf Right The Fuck In There and i don’t want her to burn. but every day i come home from work and she has closed the distance anyway. bestie PLEASE cooperate with me

[tauforged]

i finally caved and moved her to the windowsill but this has clearly not satisfied her because she still presses that leaf RIGHT up against the glass

[tauforged]

apparently instead of actually growing new leaves in order to increase her light intake she’s decided that these are PERFECT conditions to flower in

BABYGIRL YOU HAVE ONE LEAF PLEASE

[jackalopeonline]

[galileoace]

Oh no.

[werewolf-transgenderism]

everybody look at this fucking frog!!!!!!!

[cryptotheism]

It is our duty to spiritualize the periodic table

[pantestudines]

Carbon, the bridge, that which can be anything, the bond maker, the peace bringer, it of substance and warmth and strength and body

Oxygen, the destroyer, it who breaks and it who breaks and it who burns, the spark of the entropy that is life

Hydrogen, the pure, the begining, it who made all else, the one point kept, the capper of carbons ends, the ignition of oxygens fire

[cryptotheism]

You. You get me.