tangles, knots, mindless thoughts

a collection of late night musings, old quotes, and amateur art.

[stay-close]

Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.

— Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum

[knotsof-thoughts]

My future haunts me

[knotsof-thoughts]

The sleeves of all my sweaters are full of salt from drying all my tears.

[laurens-german]

I have a dream, a song to sing. To help me cope with anything.

MAMMA MIA! (2008) dir. Phyllida Lloyd

[quotemadness]

“As far as I could see, life demanded skills I didn’t have.”

— Susanna Kaysen

[knotsof-thoughts]

Sometimes I wish I would be diagnosed with some disease so that I would know that there is something wrong with me and that I’m not just going crazy.

Then I would know that these feelings that something is wrong would be justified.

[eli-zab3th]

*scrolling through tumblr without my glasses* yes i love dark academia

[knotsof-thoughts]

~ fall 2020 vibes ~

[knotsof-thoughts]

Do you ever have those days where you feel like you're floating 2 inches from your body and nothing is really real and you react 2 seconds later when talking to people and just want to sleep and wake up from this dream that is life?

[knotsof-thoughts]

Trump 2020: Make the liberals cry again.

This was a bumper sticker I saw the other day. Like it’s not even just “make America great again” anymore. Not just about the desire to thrive... it has become the desire to oppress, the desire to make the others cry again. 

I remember the 2016 election. And I’ll be honest, I cried. 

I was studying abroad in Hungary at the time and I wasn’t very into politics. So I missed the cutoff to apply for an absentee ballot and was unable to vote. All I knew was that Trump seemed to be an oppressive force against groups of people I identify/ally myself with.

The day of the election, all of the study abroad Americans went to a Hungarian pub that was throwing an election party complete with people dressed as Hillary and Trump. At the time, I didn’t even consider Trump winning to be a possibility. 

We partied and left. At that time in the night Trump was leading, but I didn’t think too much of it. A lot of results had yet to come in. I went to bed not too worried.

I woke up to the sound of my roommate’s whisper of disbelief, “Trump won... Guys... Trump won.” Lying in my bed I felt the tears start rolling down my cheeks, tears of disbelief and fear. 

That week was really tough. Our program had scheduled that week to go visit Auschwitz and coincided with a deep dive into studying the atrocities of holocaust. I couldn’t help but begin fearing that this president would let such things happen in our country. 

Honestly, I was very afraid. Not only of our president but of the people who voted for him. I couldn’t believe that people would stand by him, agree with him, or think like him. I was afraid of the America I would return to.

These four years have not become what I feared most. But there has definitely been a rise in social tensions between groups, a higher disregard for people who are worse off, and a rise in selfishness as a whole. 

I’ve learned my lesson. I will do everything to vote this year and to make sure that there is no Trump 2020. 

[divinecynicism]

“If you are alone you belong entirely to yourself. If you are accompanied by even one companion you belong only half to yourself or even less in proportion to the thoughtlessness of his conduct and if you have more than one companion you will fall more deeply into the same plight.” - Leonardo da Vinci

[smilecapsules-deactivated202106]

MOVIES WATCHED IN 2020 → PRIDE & PREJUDICE (2005) dir. Joe Wright

[knotsof-thoughts]

When I saw this on Netflix last night there was no hesitation when I clicked and watched it. 

[knotsof-thoughts]

Is it selfish to want to let friendships fade away into nothingness? 

Am I lying to myself when I say they wouldn’t care anyway? 

Can I just keep to myself and live on alone? 

After all, the only time I am lonely is when I am reminded of them and how far we now are from each other. 

But if I cut that long, long string, I would never have to think of them again. 

Would I never be lonely again?

[danidraws]

Black kids matter ❤️

[knotsof-thoughts]

<3

[knotsof-thoughts]

Apartments are strange places.

You’re in a building full of strangers (since it is very rare that neighbors in apartment buildings will introduce themselves to each other). But there is a sense of a familiarity that is developed, and it’s almost unnoticed. It sometimes comes from brief passings in the hallway, holding the outer door open for a neighbor weighed down by groceries, or recognizing a certain car always parked in the parking lot. Sometimes this becomes a sort of anonymous familiarity, fostered through muffled sounds coming through the walls and floorboards, conversations heard across open windows and down balconies, and in scents of different foods wafting through the outer hallways. 

Without knowing you’ll begin to say, “Ah, the lady upstairs is exercising again...” or “That kid is getting better with his piano practice!” Sometimes exclaiming, “Come look! The eskimo shiba puppy is on a walk outside!” Or noticing, “Aw, the downstairs apartment is empty again. I wonder where that family went.”

Sometimes, you won’t realize it until you’re in your apartment feeling kind of lonely, kind of down, utterly alone. But then you hear a loud sneeze from one of your neighbors and hear another shout “BLESS YOU!” That you realize that you’re not alone. That just as your neighbors have an impact on you, you too have an impact on them. And even though this might not be what you think of when you traditionally think of community, it is one nevertheless. 

[colormecosmic]

Keep fighting and keep learning. ✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿 | Resources

[coldely-deactivated20210320]

[knotsof-thoughts]

My pastor recently did a sermon series on the 10 Commandments. 

He said that for everything that began with “you shall not” it’s not just telling us what we can’t do but rather telling us to do the opposite. 

When he got to “you shall not murder” he outlined the fact that it is not simply about not killing another but rather seeking the best life for all around you. More than not killing, we should be striving to enrich the lives of everyone we come in contact with, of everyone in our community, city, state, country, WORLD. It is realizing the inherent VALUE of every human life. 

This means fighting for justice and equity for all people.  

We are guilty of breaking this commandment and the consequences are showing. George Floyd was murdered this Monday, but the people of color in our country have been suffering long before. 

This isn’t just outrage over this murder. It is outrage that has been boiling from actions of injustice and inequity that happen daily. It is from a whole group of people who’s lives continue to be devalued and murdered. 

BLACK LIVES MATTER.

Take a second and ingest that. Pray about it. Read up on it. Talk to people about it. Then do something about it.