The Good, The Bad, & The Good Omens Series Finale
⚠️ Spoiler Warning for GO3 ⚠️
It's been just over a week since the premiere and I still can't stop thinking about Good Omens 3. Normally, that'd be considered a good thing! But, unfortunately, my hyperfixation is not fueled by a sense of satisfaction and awe.
In fact, I'm pretty damn disappointed.
I was SO incredibly excited for the finale to come out. Like the rest of the fandom, I waited patiently and eagerly, with bated breath, only to feel absolutely betrayed by the time credits rolled.
We didn't ask for much. All we wanted was for our beloved ineffable husbands to resolve their troubles and find happiness in each other. How did things go so horribly wrong?
The more I think about it, the more frustrated I become. It's like a parasite of inadequacy, growing and eating away at me from within.
So, for that reason, I've decided to write this general review of the Good Omens finale and speak my mind. Hopefully doing so will keep the mind gremlins at bay, and maybe even help other fans get some closure as well.
The Amazing Plot's Stupendous Disappearing Act
There was, at one point, the semblance of a good plot. I mean, it made sense — since Armageddon didn't work out with the Antichrist, then the next best idea would be to start it with the Second Coming of Jesus. And of course since Jesus was a benevolent person, Aziraphale believed he could use the Second Coming in a way that would prevent Armageddon instead of starting it. Then, losing Jesus would once again bring him and Crowley back together to find the Messiah and save the world.
But that's honestly where any morsel of a coherent plot basically stops. Congrats, guys, you made it a whole two minutes in.
What we're left with is another 88 minutes or so of half-assed nonsense that would make a college improv group look talented.
Sure, I was prepared for the pacing to feel a little rushed ever since they announced that what was supposed to be 6 episodes got reduced to a 90 min special. We all were. Yet it still seemed to go so fast that you could barely process what was going on.
At this point, I wonder if that was on purpose. Like a magician directing your attention to one place so that you don't notice what he's doing somewhere else, it feels like the ridiculous pacing was meant to distract you from all of the plot holes, pointless subplot, and wicked character assassinations.
Let's start with the fact that Crowley's miracle powers had to be erased for any of the plot to even be possible. If the writers had any amount of creativity in their bodies, they probably could have come up with a worthwhile reason for why that might have happened so that the plot could move forward. But, instead, we get a weak "Hell cut me off" excuse with no context.
Like. What? What am I supposed to do with that? That doesn't even follow how Angels and Demons work in this world.
The story has barely started and years of worldbuilding and lore are already up in smoke.
If I wanted this level of bad fanfiction writing I'd go to Wattpad.
But. Hey! We've got Jesus, and he's genuinely one of the best modern renditions I've ever seen. A shining pillar of hope and light among the devastating heartbreak ahead.
The Second Coming Came & Went — & Nothing of Value was Gained
What should have been — in fact, what the intro set up to be — the plot of the entire movie gets trash-compacted into a pointless subplot with no payoff. Our sweet baby Jesus goes off into the world to find purpose, makes some The Full Monty references, hands out cheap pizza in Soho, then vaporizes.
I don't... What was the point of all this?? Nothing about Jesus' Second Coming impacted the rest of the story in any way. If the story was already pressed for time, why the hell did they shoehorn a dead-end subplot in?!
Did they think their lovable Jesus portrayal would absolve them of their sins?
If that was their game, why murder him in front of us?!
Whoever shelved the Second Coming storyline in favor of Micheal having a nervous breakdown and wantonly destroying all existence deserves The Full Monty shoved up their ass.
Character Assassinations That Would Make Ancient Greeks Proud
KUDOS TO THE CAST AND CREW!!!
God, they're really what pulled this disaster all together and made it at least somewhat watchable. If it wasn't for David Tennant, Michael Sheen, and everyone else on the cast and crew everything would have been a complete loss.
At least when you're watching Michael and David, with their perfect mannerisms and micro-expressions, the characters still feel like Crowley and Aziraphale when you're watching them. However, if you actually take a moment to process what's going on, or reflect on the movie after the fact, it's pretty obvious that the writing team dipped everyone in a bucket of bleach.
I stopped enjoying myself after Aziraphale saved the Bentley. That was really about the only point in the movie where it felt like classic Good Omens — demonfailure Crowley manages to lose his precious Bentley in a game of Monopoly of all things, which he was forced into, and naughty-angel Aziraphale saved THEIR car by pseudo-cheating in fuckin crosswords.
Absolutely brilliant. Genuine ineffable shenanigans.
Everything else about them in the entire 90 minutes (that wasn't directly related to David and Michael's acting) felt like the writing team was given a vague description of their characters from a media illiterate child.
Aziraphale, Mr. "Do something or else I... I'll never talk to you again", hasn't spoken to or checked on Crowley in all of 3 years?! Not once did he check on Maggie, or Nina, or anyone else in Soho nor the entirety of humanity? He even took Muriel away from his beloved bookshop?!
None of this sounds anything like Aziraphale! He loves humanity. He loves Crowley.
Not to mention the two of them were always so close they could guess what the other was thinking. You mean to tell me Aziraphale considers the Bentley their car, but he was shocked to learn Crowley was caring for the bookshop?
Absurd. Not my Aziraphale. This is an angel who could only go along with Heaven as far as he could, and this goes way beyond that.
Then there's Crowley. My beloved Crowley... Some of the worst sins were dealt to him.
Firstly, I simply can't believe he'd let his beloved plant whither. He didn't even let that happen in S2, when he was also living in his car.
But what really pisses me off is the way they actively demeaned him. Crowley is a no-holds-barred, unapologetically true to himself, punk demon who takes risks and uses his own imagination to spite creation. He doesn't stand for anyone talking shit about his angel and he understands that sacrificing oneself for the greater good isn't the answer.
Yet, GO3 writes him like a neutered dog. He has no bite, no spark! Crowley simply stands there and allows God to belittle Aziraphale to his face. He even decides that sacrificing himself, and Aziraphale, and the future they so desperately fought for is somehow the right thing to do!
In a way it almost feels like the story is deliberately trying to punish Crowley for being himself. Despite how hard he's fought all of his life to be himself, to have a life with Aziraphale, he's rewarded with his own demise shoddily painted as a happy ending.
It's also worth mentioning the complete character assassination of God Herself.
I'm not a Christian, but I did always appreciate that Terry and Neil's depiction of God was an ambiguous, incomprehensible, yet presumably benevolent being. She didn't always make sense, sometimes even appearing cruel, but the narrative always implied that She had people's best interest at heart. The best depiction of "God works in mysterious ways" I've seen — an ineffable Creator, weirdly obsessed with whales, who always approved of Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship as if they understood love better than anyone.
But GO3 doesn't have a single shred of that God. Instead, she's a downright entitled bitch. She criticizes Aziraphale for who he is, spitefully teases Crowley for asking questions, and generally acts like the universe is nothing more than a toy box for Her. She even treats Aziraphale and Crowley's love and pain as if it was nothing but entertainment to Her.
This is not the God we see in the book/S1 or S2, and there's absolutely no reason for it.
Emotionally Edged to a Ruined Climax
I'm not even joking with this title, that's literally what the entire GO3 movie is. There are so many things I would have been willing to overlook if we at least got the ending we all hoped for.
Instead we got a Corporate Cockblock™
Despite the glass ceiling shattered by S2, the movie had some of the most shallow queer representation I've ever seen. Their love was sanitized and minimized, expressed only in crumbs when we (and they) deserved a full course meal. The sweet little finger kiss wasn't even scripted! It was Michael and David's gift to us, and to the series, in a scene which would have otherwise shown no romantic expression despite the characters staring down their demise.
Let's all face it — nothing about the ending made sense, and it had everything to do with corporatization.
Say what you will about Neil Gaiman, you're entirely valid to do so, but when Amazon removed the artist and replaced them with a team of corporate approved writers we were doomed. Of course they didn't care about the characters being written properly. Of course they didn't care about the plot making sense. And of course the message of the series' conclusion was a thinly veiled "fuck you" to anyone who ever loved Good Omens.
Because that's what Amazon wanted. They wanted to demonize everything Good Omens represented, and they wanted to punish the fans for begging them to produce a finale.
How could it be any other way?
The message of the finale completely betrayed the message of the book and previous two seasons. Where the series taught self-expression, love transcending boundaries, and the hope for freedom against oppression, the hogwashed finale instead taught that God shouldn't exist and the only way to fight oppression is by giving up on the world and starting over.
Terry never would have wanted this, and I'm certain it's not what Neil wanted either. They loved this series as much as the fans did, and they always heavily believed in its themes of freedom and love.
There were a thousand different ways the ending could have been written better. Aziraphale and Crowley could have written the world back into existence with a new Book of Life. Jesus could have saved Michael and taught Heaven and Hell not to fight. Our ineffable husbands could have even simply asked God to put everything back the way it had been.
ANY of those endings would be better than what we were given!
Instead we're fed some garbage sculpture of a climax, poorly bound together with duct tape, bits of string, and a banana peel.
Since when was Free Will an issue in this series? Since when did Crowley care more about humanity than he did about his future with Aziraphale? Since when was Aziraphale so spineless?!
Good Omens always maintained that the biggest issue in the world was angels and demons acting according to obligation instead of with agency. Humanity's Free Will was never an issue, but rather the Free Will of angels and demons! That would have been an easy thing to fix if their writing team actually gave a damn.
Yet somehow what we end up with is our beloved ineffables vaporized before our very eyes, erasing all sense of meaning in anything that ever happened before that moment. Then Amazon thinks they can make it all better by giving us sanitized stand-ins with wedding rings and a little flirting.
My disgust is immeasurable and my day is ruined. Fuck you, Amazon.
Despite Everything, It Has Its Moments
While I stand by the fact that this finale is a betrayal and disappointment, there are at least a couple things about it that are worth admiring.
For example, the aforementioned subplot of the Bentley. It really did feel like a classic Good Omens storyline and I'm glad we have it. It genuinely brought me joy despite everything else that happened in the movie. There's also, of course, Jesus' character. Absolutely charming, brilliant actor, love the concept of his friendship with "The Fish". It had so much more potential than ever got to see the light of day.
I also enjoyed the idea that Crowley's scarf was a gift from Aziraphale way back during the war. That was genuinely sweet.
There were a handful of good jokes and lines present, and even some great concepts that could have become so much more.
The problem is these little morsels of quality content are completely wasted in the hands of subpar writers. Even the beautiful ending scene in the pub, and the entire concept of Antony & Asa meeting and getting married with a cottage in the South Downs would have been heartwarming and cherished if it wasn't for the terrible execution of it all.
None of those things made any of the bad stuff, nor the night I gave up to watch this movie, feel worth it.
Considering the love that was put into the series, that really is a damn shame.
My fellow Good Omens fans, stay strong out there.
Don't feel bad for liking GO3
Don't feel bad for hating GO3
Instead, feel bad that a beautiful thing so beloved by all of us fell victim to corporate greed and petty ideology.
All we can do now to fix it is continue to love the good parts of the series, and create the best fan content we can imagine 💜
