Onimai: Fetish, Transgenderism And How They Are Inseparable.
Onimai is a story of an adult man getting the chance to relive his life as a girl from middle school onward. The thing is, she still has all the memories and experience that being a 20 something year old shut in erotic gamer would give you, and is constantly aware of the mental gap between her and her new friends. The catch? Aside from small things like knowing about media from before her time, that mental gap is entirely fabricated. From the moment Mahiro wakes up one morning as a middle school girl, she is wholly and truly a middle school girl. She shares the mannerisms, the speech, the interests, everything about her is that of a girl her age.
"This is such a wonderful premise, its such a shame it had to be ruined by fan service and fetish." Is something you will hear a lot about this series. I don't agree. Onimai could never possibly be what it is without The Author's Barely Disguised Fetish blessing the story at every turn. To be transgender is to tear yourself apart from the inside. To slowly pick yourself out atom by atom and discover who you really are. Maybe some don't want to admit it, but your fetishes are the exact same, and essential to discovering who you are.
When I was a toddler I wanted to be a girl. I didn't know what "being transgender" was. I kept it to myself. I wish I didn't.
When I was a toddler we had a leapfrog tablet. If you're around my age you probably know the type. My brothers had things like Neopets, and I don't remember what else, but i had a Disney princess game. Granted, I was too young to remember even playing it, but I do remember I loved it. When we visited family friends i would dress up as princesses with the girls. I would dream about being a mermaid, about getting to wear a girls one piece swimsuit at the water park. Then one day, I stopped.
I think around that time was when it really set in for me that I was a "boy". I tried to shift my interests away, I liked power rangers instead, I watched my brothers play video games, I got a "Dude Diary" at my elementary school's book fair. It never fully left me, though. I once thought pink was the "manliest" color, because only a real man could be unashamed about liking it. In second grade I became secretly obsessed with tinker bell. I remember only eating strawberry Pop-tarts because it had her and her friends' colors. In middle school I got addicted to Sailor Moon and My Little Pony. They were my "guilty pleasures"
In middle school I was ashamed of myself for watching porn. I hated myself, so I cut into my thighs with a swiss army knife to remind myself of how disgusting I thought I was. I tried to open up about it to my friend group at the time, but only one even heard my cry for help. It didn't go well, and we had a big fight. I repressed myself sexually and emotionally for a long time afterwards.
I realized I was trans in my sophomore year of high school. I started transitioning medically just before my senior year. Early for many, yes. It could never have been early enough for me. I will never get all those years spent fooling myself into thinking I was someone I'm not back. I will never again be the person I was when I dressed up as princesses and dreamed of swimsuits. I've changed too much. Maybe my mind and my body grew up, but in my heart I'm still still stuck as that 2nd grader only eating strawberry pop tarts because she secretly wanted to be a fairy. In my heart I'm still in 7th grade, digging as deep into my thigh as my 12 year old arms could push a tiny little swiss army knife. I grew up, but I was left behind.
When I was around 15 I downloaded twitter, and found myself in the furry community. I got to try out a new name, a new gender, with no scrutiny. I made friends who helped me finally come to terms with myself sexually. I met my first girlfriend, who's been with me after all these years. I got groomed, as any 15 year old in the furry community is going to be. It wasn't until me and my girlfriend distanced ourselves from that space that we started to truly explore who we were. We became dependent on each other, and if one of us would get into something the other would soon follow. We got into knife-play, into blood-play, into incest role-play. Eventually, unconsciously, we stopped seeing ourselves as adults in these scenarios. We were kids. A big sister giddily helping her little sister learn what it is to be a girl, and to be loved by one. I didn't think I had a reason for these seemingly random kinks until recently, but when I finally wrote it all out I think it's pretty clear why.
In my heart I am an 11 year old girl. I'm trying to understand who I am. I'm trying to grow up, to catch up with the me that left me behind. I need help from a maternal figure, a big sister who will always be with me and coddle me and keep me safe. Maybe the things she does with me are immoral but she loves me, and I need that. I'm finally reclaiming the person I was back then, even if just in pieces. Sure, it's all laced in kink and fetish and I see myself as a loli and identify with lolicon art. If it wasn't I never would have gotten anywhere. There would be no outlet to explore what I missed. It's why I identify with Mahiro. It's why I could never see Onimai's fetish content as anything other than essential.
Maybe my story is too specific to me. Maybe it's not something any other trans girl can relate to. I think it is though. To be trans is to discover yourself is to discover your kinks is to discover yourself is to be trans. There is no such thing as a "problematic" kink. I can be a loli and look at loli art and appreciate the way Mahiro is fetishized because that's what I want to be. It helps me come to terms with who I am, and was, and will be. There's nothing wrong with me, or with Nekotoufu or anyone who enjoys anything about this series. Maybe after all I've said you still don't like it, but that's okay. I do, and I know I'm not the only one.
...please look up the slang word "nonse" (with an 's'), and consider whether "nonses" might make a bit more sense than "nonces" in the context of a list whose other items are "hardened gamblers", "addicts", and "sociopaths".
y'know, "hardened gamblers, addicts, sociopaths, fools" at a race, rather than "hardened gamblers, addicts, sociopaths, pedophiles".
According to a friend he might have said "nancies". Which would be better, but would also be the literal transmisogynistic slur that nonce comes from. So not great actually!
hi, i was the one who sourced the video in question, it's the teensyville video off no rolls barred; this was a callback bit from earlier in the video, where they had been specifically speaking about lewis carroll, using the term 'nonce'. there is no misunderstanding here; sam reich did, in fact, say that it is quite ironic for a man in heavy makeup to jest about nonces. it is unbelievable for so many people to try to bend over backwards to make excuses for such blatant transmisogyny
it's also particularly upsetting when put into further context!!!! the blood on the clocktower community (which is the game being played in the video) has been heavily praised by transfems in the community for the number of transfems who are prominent players. off the top of my head i can name at least 10 transfems on the botc channel's rotating cast, a far higher percentage than its tme trans roster (and i believe equivalent or close to their cisfem roster, but i don't have an exact count bc they don't keep a documented roster for their streams) not to mention other major channels in the space that feature several very notable transfems. ime its regularly noted how safe of a community has been fostered for transfem viewers and players.
i must, obligitarily, note: a higher amount of transfem cast members (or the presence of them, period) does not necessarily mean a completely safe environment for transfems, either viewers or cast members alike. but at the very least, it demonstrates a marked effort to platform and support trans women as valued community members. an effort which, notably, dropout tv has not bothered to make. nrb in specific, the channel this happened on, is one of the botc community channels striving to make this effort, with one of the key and beloved members in their botc series being mara joy (who is a trans woman, noted not to tokenize her in specific but to highlight her)!!
so, to lay it out more specifically, sam reich made this joke on a platform that is expected to be a safe space for transfem viewers. he was a guest star on a show which has far less social pull than dropout tv, was one of the only white cishet guys in the room, and took advantage of that. i cannot stress this enough: sam reich went to a community that has a general expectation of being a safe place for transfems, as a guest, likely for the purposes of promoting his latest kickstarter, and he used that platform to make a "joke" about transfems being pedophiles.
it was also directed towards a gay man, who, like… well, we all saw the clip, it's my opinion that he looks pretty genuinely uncomfortable for a moment before trying to hide it by playing it up for the camera. tbh i find it disappointing that said joke ended up in the final edit at all! but the fact that sam felt so comfortable dropping that kind of quip given the setting and the current overall climate is so frustrating and gross.
i don't know. i don't fucking know!! it's an uncomfortable joke in a vacuum and worse with context on all fronts.
It's like. you don't get your own childhood. not "didn't get the childhood you wanted," it's "didn't get a childhood that was yours." and you're supposed to be normal about it. and people tell you Oh you didn't miss much it was bad and awful for xyz reasons you really don't Actually want to be raised as a girl. well, what if I was a girl anyway and everyone acted like I wasn't. called me a name that wasn't mine. told me I was a person I wasn't until I believed it and clung to that fake person until I saw it was cutting into my hands. it wasn't mine. that child wasn't me; wasn't allowed to be me; wasn't even allowed to know there was a me. what if, on a very real level, my childhood was not mine? what if I wanted a childhood where I was actually seen, even if it hurts? and I'm supposed to be normal about it
Obviously fighting with a pedo fetish blog is not a good use of my time but it’s funny how posts like this either indicate that “men” refers only to cisgender men or that transgender men need to detransition. Normally I would not argue with someone who makes posts geared towards sex and not towards intellectual discussions but she tries to do both so I think it’s fair game
Oh my goddddd where are you cunts coming from who cares you're right it was a joke before but not anymore because you were annoying assholes i'm gonna start killing for real
This is the type of shit that makes mascs feel uwelcome in queer spaces. Fuck you for perpetuating it. If you want to kill someone, start with yourself.
Amnesty International backing down (hiding its report) when threatened with JKR's lawsuits just shows how weak the liberal human rights framework really is. It never seems to flinch when governments criticize it, but the moment an influential Westerner pushes back, it suddenly loses its nerve.
i actually think it's cool when a non-binary character isn't treated as a character who just spawned into the world completely and perfectly ungendered. a lot of you just fucking hate transfem enbies i think
fun fact: the most common word to express something being Not Good in the english language is the word "bad". This word is sourced from the word bæddel, which is a transmisogynistic slur dating back hundreds of years. Its all transmisogyny!!! All of it!!!!! Its transmisogyny all the way down!!! the most concise and common word to express something being negative in the English language is derived from a transmisogynistic slur. what the fucking fuck. how am i not supposed to lose my mind over how fucking pervasive hatred for trans women is and has always been.
please read this even if you're not indian. especially if you're not indian.
you've seen the jokes. india is "dirty", indians are "everywhere", why don't they fix their own country. ok. let me tell you why, and what's happening right now while nobody's watching.
first, the history you skipped: britain ruled india for two centuries and drained it. economist utsa patnaik's research estimates around $45 trillion in today's money was taken. the india that got independence in 1947 was one of the poorest countries on earth. every "why is india like this" question starts there. you don't get to profit off a robbery and then mock the crime scene.
now, what's happening RIGHT NOW:
in may the question paper for NEET leaked. that's the national medical entrance exam. over 2.2 million students took it. cancelled. years of studying, families' savings poured into coaching, gone overnight because someone sold the paper. students died by suicide after. these were kids who wanted to be doctors.
and out of that came a protest movement. a gen z group called the cockroach janta party, started by a 30 year old named abhijeet dipke, got 22 million instagram followers within DAYS. they've been doing a sit-in at jantar mantar in delhi demanding education minister dharmendra pradhan resign.
and then there's sonam wangchuk. if you've watched 3 idiots, he's the real engineer the character was based on. built solar schools in ladakh. invented ice stupas so himalayan villages have water. spent his whole life on education. he's 59 and he's been on hunger strike for 17+ days now. reporters went to see him this week and he was too weak to talk. and the troll armies are calling him "anti national" and "foreign funded". a man starving himself for other people's children. that's the thing here, anyone who asks a question is suddenly a traitor.
it's not one incident, it's everywhere you look:
• infrastructure worth thousands of crores failing within months of the ribbon cutting. tunnels collapsing in regions where heavy rain is a guarantee, not a surprise.
• youth unemployment near 10% for ages 15 to 29, 13.6% in cities. in a country of 1.42 billion where more than half the population is young.
• only about the top 3% of indians earn above 10 lakh a year. meanwhile billionaire wealth keeps ballooning and the headlines celebrate it.
• manipur burned for over two years. an ethnic conflict, tens of thousands displaced, and the prime minister barely said the word manipur while it happened.
• journalists raided. critics' houses bulldozed. activists sitting in jail for years without trial under laws like UAPA. our press freedom ranking has cratered.
• even the petrol is a fight now, ethanol blending pushed through while drivers complain about their engines and get no straight answers.
and through all of it, the PM, who came to power on religious polarisation (americans, sound familiar?), travels abroad for photo ops and has not held one single open press conference in over a decade. not one.
what i'm asking:
if you're not indian: share this. our media mostly won't cover any of it because the big outlets are owned by the same billionaires the government serves. the only reason wangchuk's fast is getting any coverage is people refusing to look away.
if you ARE indian: speak up even if you're comfortable. especially if you're comfortable. join the protests. add to this, correct me, translate it. staying quiet is a choice when nothing in this post touches your life.
india is not "dirty". india was robbed, and it's being robbed again, from the inside this time. but it's also the country where a 59 year old will starve for strangers' kids and 22 million young people will rally behind a party literally named after cockroaches, because cockroaches survive everything.
we can still save her. but only loudly.
reblog. share. don't scroll past.
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