Alicent Hightower is so “St Bernard” by Lincoln and i’ve been holding that in since season 1. I must write about it but cannot handle anymore HOTD angst at the moment.
Someone said her and gwayne are just sad, gay, and catholic and i second that.
Armin carries himself into every situation with the assumption that he is the most useless one in the room. That everyone knows more, is more prepared, can handle the things thrown at them. His anxiety has mounted over time, adding to the already tumultuous pile of worries in his mind. The more responsibility is thrust his way the more he feels himself slipping, his outward appearance fortifies as people expect more and more from him, his mind, his body, his titan powers. But inside he strains to retain his sense of self, feeling like an imposter surrounded by professionals. Every decision he makes, the ones he’s not sure of because he doesn’t believe in himself, leads to more anxiety because of the consequences or the consequences he fears will happen. Armin ruminates on these scenarios, leaving the troubling hours that he should be sleeping through to be an endless spiral of death and destruction at his hands. And when he does sleep it is common for him to have low grade stress nightmares about his decisions.
He is so critical of himself that he ends up making moral judgements that he would not hold anyone else to. Especially not his friends. Remember when he killed someone for the first time and hated himself for it? He believed he was evil, corrupt, and deserving of punishment. But would he believe Eren or Mikasa deserve to be punished? That they are evil for defending themselves and each other? Absolutely not. That is because Armin sees the best in others but the worst in himself. That is one thing that always blinds him, he creates an image of the people around him, puts them on a pedestal. Himself always below everyone else. It gets to a point where he then struggles to see fault in peoples actions, his loved ones know better than him, a mistake of theirs or a morally grey act becomes justifiable. It is harder for him to accept bad things happening because he expects those he loves to act well. It is something he has worked on over the years, especially after Reiner and birth control’s betrayal, but not enough for him to be fully enlightened when it’s Eren’s turn.
After Eren dies and Armin is commander, he finds more meaning in life. He was never meant to be a soldier, his gifted mind should have never been used for killing. He is able to use his power and influence to construct the new world with peace, to see the destruction and rebuild with the intent of creating better lives. His soldiers aren’t trained to live in fear against titans or hate Marleyans. But to defend what they love and uplift what they can. He knows what it is like to be small, to be vulnerable, waiting for the benevolence of others to save you. He also knows what it means not to receive that help, to be left to save yourself. He wishes that every person has the comfort he lost, and he does what he can to ensure that comes true. He wants his legacy to not be defined by being the colossal titan, by causing the deaths of thousands, but by helping to make the world a better place. Though theres must trust left to be rebuilt, and personal healing that must happen to accomplish it.
I think that if he had a partner during the war, it would be a double edged sword. Peace could be brought to him by kind words, a hand to hold, and a body which didn’t leave him in the night. They would be something real and tangible, something good that he could believe is for him. And something he could give himself too. But he would also expereince extreme guilt towards his partner. At the end of the day partnership helps, but he still has issues that cannot be fixed by others. After he tried to kill himself he would probably hate himself even more for the fact that he almost left someone he loved alone in war. He views himself as a selfish small person for it (omg I need to hug him and give him hot chocolate).
On the note of his attempt, i really think he is way more suicidal than is expressed. He enters into dangerous situations all the time with the knowledge that he probably wont survive, knowing that he is the weakest among his peers, the one that people look at expecting not to see him return outside a body bag. Until he becomes a titan, Armin acts with the full knowledge of his mortal body, he tries to kill himself in bartholomews fire, he wont protect himself when titans come forward, he doesn't fight, flight, or freeze, only accepts death - albeit with some hesitations. When he does become a tian he knows now that most things cant kill him, so he waits. He also doesnt want to be remembered as someone who gave up, it would solidify his worst feeling about himself, as a weak coward. So he only tries in opportunities where people wouldn’t know, sacrificing himself, saving others, or in the line of duty. I wouldn’t be surprised if he attempted again in some way after the war is over, living with the guilt of all he’s caused and with everything that happened with Eren.
Talking about his actual feelings would open such a big can of worms and Armin would simply explode like a boiling pot with a lid on. Instead one of the ways he calms down and healthily lets out some steam is if he gets the chance to info-dump (innocent nerd-min truther here). He reads so much to take his mind off things, and most of the books available (especially post war aka post censorship) are non-fiction, so his mind is just full of interesting facts and he will think of his own theories to compensate for lack of research. If given the chance or if someone shows interest in what he thinks about something he will absolutely talk about it for hours with so much passion that it’s endearing to watch. By the end he will get embarrassed like he’s wasted everyone’s time and start second guessing the validity of his ideas, it is crucial that those feeling are put to rest by the people around him. I think a special side project for him as commander is to establish a global book trade where research and knowledge is shared across countries. He probably would even encourage libraries be built as a post-war reunification and development effort.
Armin loves children and will happily babysit for his friends when they have kids. But he is also slightly scared of them. He thinks they will just spontaneously die or something. He would definitely read books on children’s health before agreeing to be around them. Basically becoming an expert on babies. He’s so afraid of shaken baby syndrome though, he would bounce one then get so worried he did permanent damage.
reposting cus I uploaded this before I realized my settings made me invisible. oh well. anyways been thinking a lot about Armin recently. surely that doesn't mean anything
how it feels when you're reading a fic and a character you love is mischaracterized so horrendously to the point where it's not even them but everyone in the comments love it
unironically I think this might be my favourite dragon design in anything ever like this thing looks like it's a part of nature not someone's prize horse/nuclear weapon
Posting Akiangel angst during pride month should actually be punishable by death. I need tiktok editors and fic writers to lock in and get happy right now!
When you put it on me you relieve my stress | Natalie Scatorccio x gn!reader
Synopsis: the first night you find the cabin you have trouble sleeping. Good thing your girlfriend Natalie snuck some contraband that can help you.
Cw/themes: gn!reader, no use of y/n, no mentions of anatomy, dr*g use (weed), fluff, Pre-established relationship, no smut just making out, blasphemy?
Notes: reader is the sleepy kinda high. Ps, if it seems like I don’t know how to roll it’s because I go electric so please forgive me.
Just something small while I work on something bigger…
Wc: 1.2k
The wooden floors groaned as you rolled onto your side, sliding your arm up under your head. The window parallel to your huddled form plunging you into dialog with expanse of woods lurking just outside the cabin doors.
Your watch read 3:10 AM, its golden hands twisting terribly slow as you contemplated the situation you were in. Without sleep you would surely be a mess in the morning. But as it stood the floor offered the least bit of rest, neither did your wandering mind. You shifted onto your back, the wood beneath you announcing the movement, cutting through the ambient noise of the wind blowing past the cabins exterior.
“Jesus christ are you starting a band over there?” You didn’t need to raise your head to know who was asking. Natalies voice carried its own special edgy cadence. The kind that couldn’t make you angry, not like some of the others. It almost made things seem small, in a reassuring (or somewhat agitating) way.
“Mmmh thinking about it,” you teased back, voice teetering between rasp and whisper.
You continued, this time more sincere, “Did I wake you up?”
You lolled your head to the side to look at her. She laid less than an arms reach away and carried the same desperately tired look on her face that you assumed you must have as well. Except where your eyes stung with the pain of having been open too long, hers seemed to be drudging sleep away, pinching open and closed in a way to keep herself awake.
She stared towards the ceiling while composing her response,
“no, I… keep waking myself up I guess.”
You couldn’t do anything more than keep your eyes on her while you tried to piece together whatever it was that could mean.
After an unbearably confusing beat of silence, Nat rolled her head towards you, “what if I said I had something that could help us? Something that usually puts you to sleep?”
A smile crept onto your face.
“You’re fucking kidding me right?” Your voice raising to full volume at the amusement, threatening to wake up the others who had made it to sleep. Or alerting those who were awake and who were likely to question you in the morning if they knew what was happening.
“SHHHHHsshhhh” Nat’s hand flew to your mouth, her body rolling to the side with it. She smiled through the laughter while she shushed you, until she stood up and wandered to her bag. After rummaging for a minute she pulled out a small baggy, once tucked between some papers in her school folder, no doubt a quick hiding place for when she removed it from her luggage, concealing it from the other scavenging girls.
She shoved the thin plastic into her pocket, while using her head to gesturer towards you, beckoning you forward. As you sat up, your body felt the relief of the absence of hard wood flooring. You grabbed an extra sweater as you walked towards the door, grabbing Nat’s hand and giggling as she pulled you quietly outside, being careful not to alert the others of your departure.
The two of you put a couple of paces between yourselves and the cabin before raising your volume.
“Do you even know what would’ve happened if this was caught on you at the airport?” you probed, knocking your elbow into her arm.
“Right… because the presence of a little bit of pot is the worst thing that has ever happened to an airplane. Come to think of it, maybe Laura Lee was right. Maybe I brought the plane down with my weed.”
“I can think of a few other things that God might smite us for,” your voice was teasing as you slipped your hand down, out of your pocket and into Nat’s, lacing your cold fingers between hers.
Now that the trees enveloped you enough that no outside eyes could see, you leaned yourself into her side as she moved to mirror you. You settled on a fallen log, not too far from the cabin. The forest canopy was thin enough for moonlight to pour through the trees and onto your faces, illuminating your movements.
You watched as Nat made quick work of rolling the joint, her hands and tongue moving a little too fast. The end result was a slightly lumpy and messy roll, but it didn’t have to be pretty to get the job done. She lit the protruding end and brought the other to her lips, inhaling deeply while slowly closing her eyes before handing it to you.
Muscle memory look over as your lips wrapped around the nub at the end. Body relaxing as the smoke carved through your throat, before stopping so as to prevent the burning cough that you would have nothing to sooth with.
As you exhaled, Natalie reached a hand up to your cheek, the pad of her thumb and knuckle of her pointed finger soothed over your skin, pressing just enough to lightly massage the tissue. Then travelling to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear.
Silently while turning your head to face her, you took another small drag before handing the joint back over to her,
“Greedy,” she murmured while raising her free hand to her lips. The small joint burned smaller rather quickly, but the words to defend yourself wouldn’t come out as the hand that Nat kept on you cupped your jaw and steadied your head to keep facing her.
She leaned in slowly, cradling your head up to open your mouth as she hovered her lips on yours, bumping but not closing in. She exhaled the smoke from her mouth into yours, plumes of it escaped and billowed out into the night air. Only then did she attached her lips onto yours, attempting to trap what little smoke was left in your warm mouths.
You stayed like that for a minute, slowly and tiredly pulling each other in by your lips. The joint kept burning, but the weight of it teetered between Nat’s fingers, forgotten.
Your head began to grow more heavy, slowly making contact with Nat’s forehead. Once, then twice, before Nat broke the kiss, taking her head between both hands to steady your wobble. The sleep that she had promised you was taking over. She took one last inhale before putting out the pitiful butt in the side of the log and stuffing it far into the ground that it couldn't be noticed.
“I said I could help you couldn't I,” she teased, lips pressed into your hairline. Nat felt the anxiety that had been waking her up had been relieved as well, now that the drug began working it’s way through her. She then managed to coax you up, arm around your back, clinging to your hip and walked the two of you back to the cabin.
The sound of your footsteps was slightly louder upon your return, and the two of you fell asleep closer than you had intended when you first chose your sleeping spots 5 hours earlier.
The next morning:
Laura Lee asked what “that weird smell is”. Queue everyone looking at Nat, “We’re in the middle of the fucking woods there has to be skunks around.”
easy to forget but book jon snow is great actually. he gets so drunk he cries in his first chapter. he's 16 years old and laser focused on loan negotiation. he keeps getting promoted against his will. he's the chosen fantasy protagonist with the worst genre awareness ever. he implements pro immigration social reforms. he has a giant albino pet wolf. he cuts a guy's head off. he thinks he invented cunnilingus. he's been dead for 15 years.
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izzy806
stormborns
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dailybridgerton
