my brain seems unable to focus on anything but daydreaming about bard!geralt & witcher!jaskier. so i seem to have written a short fic? whoops. bath scene PG shenannigans.
Geralt is a dramatic, socially awkward bard. Jaskier is fun and fashionable witcher who loves attention.
-
Jaskier was in his element, waving a pint in the air and sloshing it all over himself while a crowd of villagers listened to him enthusiastically tell stories of his witcher exploits.
The door of the tavern slowly opened, and the crowd turned to see a depressed looking bard stomp inside, peering over at them.
Jaskier turned to take him in and threw back his head and laughed. Geralt still had bits of decorative flowers trapped in his hair, and on his clothes. Once Jaskier got up close he could a heavy scent of perfume, the lingering smell of sizzling fat from roast poultry, and something else …
“How was the festival, Geralt?”
Geralt grumbled and pulled a stray ribbon off his clothes. “A knight vomited at my feet on the second night of banqueting. There were no baths and I had to keep playing for two more nights. I need a drink.” He stomped off to the bar and Jaskier skipped after him.
Upstairs in their room, Jaskier had taken off his witcher armour while Geralt, out of his stinking festival clothes, stepped into the steaming wooden tub. Jaskier sat down beside the tub, propping his head up on his palm and gazing raptly at the bard’s glowering face.
The young, bubbly musician is sweet, kind-hearted and charming. Eskel also finds him very smart and funny, to Geralt's slight annoyance.
But the most amusing thing is the way Geralt tries to pretend he isn't fond of the man. Eskel still doesn't understand the connection between them, but he's sure there's something going on.
His suspicions are confirmed one night, when they're camping out in the forest. Eskel is lying awake on his bedroll when he hears shuffling sounds and Jaskier's voice, coming from the darkness.
"Geralt?" The bard speaks quietly, thinking that the other Witchers can't hear him. "Geralt, are you awake?".
Eskel hears Geralt shifting on his bedroll, grunting quietly. "I am now".
The bard's laugh is light and short. "I'm sorry, love. I couldn't fall asleep". Since when does Jaskier call Geralt "love"?. "So I thought... Maybe we could... The others are asleep".
"You want to sleep together?" Geralt asked him. There was no mocking tone in his voice.
"Maybe, just hold each other for a bit? I can drag my bedroll over here. We can cuddle and then drift off, each one on his own bedroll".
Cuddle?
"Okay." Eskel heard his older brother say. "C'mere". A few more shuffling sounds, a quiet laugh and then Geralt's gruff voice again-
"I missed you".
Eskel blinked.
"I missed you, too, dear".
He heard Geralt sigh. "I'm sorry... For all of this. I promise I will tell them, just give me a little more tim-".
"Shush, dear. Stop apologizing. It's okay. We've got all the time in the world. I don't want to force you into anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Even though I'm a 100% sure your brothers will be okay with this. But still. Do it when you ready".
Damn, Eskel loved that bard. The younger Witcher smiled to himself as he heard Geralt chuckling.
"Thank you, Jask. I promise I'll tell them once we reach Kaer Morhen. You deserve bette-".
"Shut up".
There was a moment of silence. And then-
Oh.
Those were definitely kissing sounds. Eskel closed his eyes again, trying to go back to sleep.
A button popping, fabric ripping. A quiet curse and then a moan-
Eskel slipped quietly out of his bedroll, deciding it was a good time to go and take a piss in the woods.
***
The next morning, while they were on the road, everything seemed normal.
Eskel couldn't help but to watch Geralt and Jaskier closely. The two were walking a few feet ahead of them. Jaskier was talking about something enthusiastically, gesturing wildly with his hands. Geralt was being quiet as usual, staring ahead and mumbling something in response from time to time.
Although Eskel was busy talking with Lambert, the next scene didn't escape his eyes.
Geralt probably made a sarcastic remark, cause Jaskier was now gasping and swatting at his arm. Geralt shoulders were shaking in quiet laughter, as he bumped lightly into Jaskier. For a brief moment, Geralt intertwined their pinkies together, staying like that for another moment, before letting go.
Although Eskel couldn't see Jaskier's face, he knew the bard was smiling.
Eskel almost jumped in his place when Geralt turned his head to look at him. They stared at each other for a second, before Geralt gave Eskel a faint half-smile and turned back to ther road. Eskel smiled, too.
"What are you smiling at?" Lambert asked Eskel, frowning in confusion.
Eskel sighed. "You wouldn't get a hint even it hit you in the face".
"Fuck off. Bet it took you time to realize that pretty boy and songbird over there are sleeping together".
There are people in the notes saying this isn’t a gassing and it’s “just” a disinfectan0 being sprayed on surfaces to avoid covid, and people are “just” having allergic reactions to it
That post explains better what this chemical is and what is going on.
“The guards are spraying this disinfectant in retaliation for the report [that revealed the deplorable health conditions in detention centers]. To be clear - HDQ is an industrial-strength disinfectant, which according to the manufacturer is “harmful if inhaled” and “causes severe skin burns and serious eye damage.” The guards are spraying it on everything every 15-30 minutes, according to sources, and immigrants in the center have already experienced severe symptoms including blisters, rashes, bleeding, fainting, breathing difficulties, headaches, stomach pain, and nausea. “
It’s not just allergic reactions. That’s a severe misunderstanding of what disinfectants do and a refusal to acknowledge how serious this is and WHY people are freaking out.
No, they’re not literally being gassed in the grandiose (gore-iose?) way you’d think of - being shoved into an iron chamber like animals that then is filled with gas that melts their skin… But they are still being forced to into small areas with harmful fumes and surfaces covered in chemicals that are made to eat living matter.
If you had to be in a room for days and weeks with bleach or peroxide all over everything, you don’t need to be allergic to start having severe reactions. Cleaning chemicals say to use protective gear and ventilate the area for a REASON.
I work as a university custodian. This is the chemical we’re using to sanitize surfaces we’ve cleaned due to coronavirus. We’re not supposed to spray it directly on any surfaces. We spray it onto a cloth and then wipe surfaces with it. It’s supposed to dry before people come into contact with those surfaces. Once it dries on water fountains it’s rinsed off (I don’t know if it actually does anything to rinse it off when it’s already dried but that’s the procedure - we have to let it dry to make sure it’s had enough time to kill virus particles). That’s in university buildings with extra ventilation that are sanitized twice a day. This is horrifying.
If you're still taking request - your arranged marriage Au made me think of Jaskier as maybe someone cursed and in a tower, maybe everyone thinks the prince in a tower is guarded by a terrible dragon but the prince IS the dragon, and Geralt investigates?
“The notice had he/him pronouns, so probably not exactly,” Yennefer said, looking at her nails. “And you need the money. Do you want the contract or not?”
Geralt picked it up from the table and smoothed the parchement.
“There’s really very little information here, they say he’s guarded by a dragon?”
“Mmmhmm,” Yennefer said, brushing at a chip in her nail polish that was probably imaginary.
“There’s no dragons out here, the terrains wrong, we’d know anyway.”
“Mmh, intriguing, right? Bet you wanna take that contract now.” Yen hadn’t looked up from her nails.
“Yen, what do you know?” He lashes cast odd shadows across her face in the torchlight.
“Nothing I’m telling you,” she said. Then she summoned a portal and disappeared with a swish of skirts.
Damn. He really was out of money though.
The tower wasn’t imposing or ominous. It wasn’t made of black stone or crooked, no random lightning storms or smoke, it wasn’t even that tall.
“Go away,” the voice came from a throat like a blast furnace and Geralt was staring into the slitted eyes of a mid sized (still big enough to eat him, just in more than one bite) dragon.
“Hello,” he said. “What’s a sky dragon doing in a place like this.” It was his special ‘talking to horses or big animals’ voice.
“Not a sky dragon,” the sky dragon grumbled.
“Yes you are, and what’s weird is that you should be up on some chilly cliff, not in a forest.”
“I’m a dragon, not any special kind. The eat you all up and burn your armor kind.” There was a pout in the voice now.
Geralt scratched one of the snout scales.
“Sure,” he said. The dragon huffed, blue-silver smoke rings curling from the nostrils. No eating occurred.
“I imagine I’m not very good eating,” Geralt said. Most witchers would probably at least give a dragon indigestion. “I also imagine you know something very important about the prince in the tower.”
The dragon, despite having eyes the size of soup bowls, did not meet Geralt’s gaze.
“He’s not even a very important prince, I don’t know why you’re interested.”
“I’d quite like to know why he’s imprisoned in a tower,” Geralt said, although a mental picture was forming. “And why I have a contract to kill both him and the dragon guarding it.”
The dragon pulled back sharply and hissed. A blade thin line of fire, blue and so hot it nearly seared off an eyebrow, missed Geralt by inches.
“Monster hunter,” the dragon said, shifting up on it’s haunches like it was getting ready to pounce. It wasn’t. He could see it in the muscles, they weren’t bunched right. The dragon didn’t want to hurt him, and the eyes just looked sad and kind of resigned.
“Yes,” Geralt admitted, holding up his hands, both currently sword free. “But I don’t want to kill him...or you. Monster hunter, not prince hunter.”
“Dragons are monsters,” the dragon said.
“Only to stupid people,” Geralt replied. “And sheep,” he added as an afterthought. “I want to meet this prince of yours.”
“NONE MAY ENTER,” the dragon said. “NOW LEAVE BEFORE I BURST YOUR EARDRUMS WITH A ROAR”
“You can’t, that’s only earth dragons, they’re all curled up under a mountain somewhere, and they’re certainly never blue.”
“The dragon looked nonplussed. “I’LL SPIT ACID IN YOUR FACE.”
“Swamp dragons,” Geralt said. “Green or yellow and a little smaller.”
“I’LL...”
“You were raised by humans,” Geralt interuppted.
“No?”
“Yes you were, otherwise you’d know more. Did the prince raise you? I won’t harm him you know, I only wan’t to talk.”
“NONE MAY ENTER.”
“Yes, you’ve said, but I won’t take him away. I just want to know why people want him dead.” Here Geralt looked the dragon right in the blue eyes, close enough to se the silver flecks in the iris. “Maybe I can help him, help you both.”
The dragon looked away. “Come back at sunset.”
Geralt did.
He yelled out for the dragon but it wansn’t there.
“I’m climbing the tower,” he called out. “Don’t flame me, you invited me.” And he clambered up the tower. Coming back down he’d be thankful for the rope he’d brought, because the stones were slick and smooth. He sat on the small windowsill and swung his legs into a room.
It wasn’t a very nice room. It was definitely a prison. small bed, one candle, uneven table and wobbly stool. A young man was sitting on the floor, cradling a lute.
“Are you the prince?” Geralt asked. He hadn’t seen a picture and although he felt silly making sure, he’d feel sillier if he got it wrong.
“Yes, are you the dragon slayer?”
“Witcher,” Geralt said. “And I did’t slay your dragon.”
“He’s not my dragon, he’s my fearsome jailer, keeping me inside this tower.”
“No,” Geralt said. “I doubt it. Show me your eyes.”
“No,” said the prince, not looking up.
“I’ll bet they’re a very pretty shade of blue,” Geralt said. “With silver.”
Blue and silver eyes met gold.
“You knew,” said the prince, swiping dirty, brown hair from his brow.
“You act odd, for a dragon, prince...” he sought the memory. “Julian.”
“Friends call me Jaskier,” said Jaskier. “Although I don’t have many. Just a little bit of dragon blood in the line, barely more than a drop, really, but I just so happen to get all of it. Anyway, I thought all dragons could look human.”
“They can,” Geralt said. “But they’re raised by other dragons, so they don’t act the same. Why are you inprisoned? And why was I sent to kill you.”
Jaskier sighed. “It’s not good, is it, to have a dragon for a son, even if he is your third son and won’t inherit. Father locked me up and had a mage cast a spell. As a dragon I can roam a little, but I can’t climb down the tower as a human, and I’m only human at night, some mishap with the runes as I understand. True love’s kiss breaks the mage’s spell.”
Geralt scoffed. “That pansy stuff never works.”
“It’s just what I was told,” said the prince, shrugging. “Somehow my father got the idea that true loves kiss will also make me no longer a dragon.”
“Not how that works,” Geralt said.
“No,” Jaskier agreed. “But he keeps sending heroes after me hoping they’ll kiss me.”
“The contract said I was to kill both of you.”
“Yes, well, that would also take care of the problem, wouldn’t it?”
“The problem being you?” Geralt said.
“The problem, generally speaking, being me.”
“We’ll break the spell,” Geralt said, although it wouldn’t be that easy.
“And then what? I can’t fight, I’ve no useful skills and nowhere to go. According to you I don’t even make a very good dragon.”
The young man slumped down. “But I’ve been so lonely,” he said. “You know I’ve been here five years? Just me and my lute, I think I’m going mad. You could even be a figment of my imagination.”
“Right,” Geralt said. “Getting you out first, dealing with other problems later.”
“Where am I going to find true love’s kiss?” asked Jaskier. “Do I kiss you?”
“You could try?” Geralt said. He really wouldn’t mind. The prince was whiny and a little dirty but very good looking. “But I was thinking more like, finding the runes and wiping them out.”
“You can just do that?” Jaskier leap to his feet. “They’re right up there,” he pointed among the cieling beams. “I can’t reach them on my own but the two of us...”
Geralt was already lifting the princling onto his shoulders. He didn’t weigh a lot.
“Just a little forward,” Jaskier said, accidentally kneeing Geralt in the chin.
“Hmmm,” he said, to avoid cursing, and shifted forward.
“Thery’re coming off! The runes are wiping away!”
He was loud but Geralt couldn’t blame him, five years was a long time. Although not compared to a dragon’s lifespan.
“They’re gone, I’m free!”
Geralt let the boy down from his shoulders and got a surprisingly tight hug and a very pleasant, extremely enthusiastic kiss.
“Just...you know, covering all my bases,” said the blushing prince. He really was cute.
Geralt carried him down the tower. Delighted, Jaskier turned into a dragon, then back to a human, then a smaller dragon, house cat sized, and perched on Geralt’s shoulder.
“Where are we going now? And what’s your name? Will I meet other witchers? Don’t forget to bring my lute?”
It would probably get old very quickly, Geralt thought. But the company was kind of nice, if a little scaly.
I believe in free education, one that’s available to everyone; no matter their race, gender, age, wealth, etc… This masterpost was created for every knowledge hungry individual out there. I hope it will serve you well. Enjoy!
FREE ONLINE COURSES (here are listed websites that provide huge variety of courses)
Alison
Coursera
FutureLearn
open2study
Khan Academy
edX
P2P U
Academic Earth
iversity
Stanford Online
MIT Open Courseware
Open Yale Courses
BBC Learning
OpenLearn
Carnegie Mellon University OLI
University of Reddit
Saylor
IDEAS, INSPIRATION & NEWS (websites which deliver educational content meant to entertain you and stimulate your brain)
TED
FORA
Big Think
99u
BBC Future
Seriously Amazing
How Stuff Works
Discovery News
National Geographic
Science News
Popular Science
IFLScience
YouTube Edu
NewScientist
DIY & HOW-TO’S (Don’t know how to do that? Want to learn how to do it yourself? Here are some great websites.)
wikiHow
Wonder How To
instructables
eHow
Howcast
MAKE
Do it yourself
FREE TEXTBOOKS & E-BOOKS
OpenStax CNX
Open Textbooks
Bookboon
Textbook Revolution
E-books Directory
FullBooks
Books Should Be Free
Classic Reader
Read Print
Project Gutenberg
AudioBooks For Free
LibriVox
Poem Hunter
Bartleby
MIT Classics
Many Books
Open Textbooks BCcampus
Open Textbook Library
WikiBooks
SCIENTIFIC ARTICLES & JOURNALS
Directory of Open Access Journals
Scitable
PLOS
Wiley Open Access
Springer Open
Oxford Open
Elsevier Open Access
ArXiv
Open Access Library
LEARN:
1. LANGUAGES
Duolingo
BBC Languages
Learn A Language
101languages
Memrise
Livemocha
Foreign Services Institute
My Languages
Surface Languages
Lingualia
OmniGlot
OpenCulture’s Language links
2. COMPUTER SCIENCE & PROGRAMMING
Codecademy
Programmr
GA Dash
CodeHS
w3schools
Code Avengers
Codelearn
The Code Player
Code School
Code.org
Programming Motherf*?$%#
Bento
Bucky’s room
WiBit
Learn Code the Hard Way
Mozilla Developer Network
Microsoft Virtual Academy
3. YOGA & MEDITATION
Learning Yoga
Learn Meditation
Yome
Free Meditation
Online Meditation
Do Yoga With Me
Yoga Learning Center
4. PHOTOGRAPHY & FILMMAKING
Exposure Guide
The Bastards Book of Photography
Cambridge in Color
Best Photo Lessons
Photography Course
Production Now
nyvs
Learn About Film
Film School Online
5. DRAWING & PAINTING
Enliighten
Ctrl+Paint
ArtGraphica
Google Cultural Institute
Drawspace
DragoArt
WetCanvas
6. INSTRUMENTS & MUSIC THEORY
Music Theory
Teoria
Music Theory Videos
Furmanczyk Academy of Music
Dave Conservatoire
Petrucci Music Library
Justin Guitar
Guitar Lessons
Piano Lessons
Zebra Keys
Play Bass Now
7. OTHER UNCATEGORIZED SKILLS
Investopedia
The Chess Website
Chesscademy
Chess.com
Spreeder
ReadSpeeder
First Aid for Free
First Aid Web
NHS Choices
Wolfram Demonstrations Project
Please feel free to add more learning focused websites.
*There are a lot more learning websites out there, but I picked the ones that are, as far as I’m aware, completely free and in my opinion the best/ most useful.
turkey and azerbaijan are attacking armenia right now, and it's 1915 all over again because the world is distracted and people are too busy wondering if they're gonna live or die, and who gives a shit about my country anyway? my mum told me to tell my friends and explain to them what's happening and that we are the victims in this war because azerbaijan is spreading lies and people are believing their lies and i told her, what good is that going to do? do you think anyone's going to come to our aid? is russia going to help us? is america? is england? erdogan said they will finish what their ancestors started, and he means genocide. he means ethnic cleansing. he means to massacre every last one of us. and in doing so admitted to the very same thing turkey has spent 105 years denying. i don't know who to tell and what good telling people will do because we're a small, insignificant country, and we have nothing to offer to the people in power, the handful who rule the world. so i sit here with my pain and i feel helpless. i know there's twitter threads and links to petitions and people being urged to contact their senators, and sorry if im being pessimistic, but azerbaijan has been attacking us for the last 22 years, and though we defend ourselves, we can't do anything to stop them. they've violated ceasefires (and geneva conventions) multiple times. i don't think they'll rest until every last one of us is dead.
we just want peace. we just want to live peacefully. we're not asking for a lot here.
Watching this happen I've been so scared there is going to be another genocide and nobody would notice. My whole life I've hated how forgettable armenian people seem to be to the world. Protect armenian people or rot, please don't turn a blind eye to us again. And same as above, reblog or unfollow.
here are some cold hard facts for those interested:
1. after losing the war in 1994, the az government spent the next nearly 30 years on a) dehumanizing armenians, b) blaming armenians and losing the war for the terrible socioeconomic state of the people in this oil-rich country while president and his family steal all of the money their oil produces, c) pushing armenophobic propaganda on the population since kindergarten age, d) oppressing and humiliating the other ethnic minorities living on its territories, e) regularly violating the ceasefire of 1994 whenever the internal situation get tense and the ppl get angry, f) selectively sending the youths of said ethnic minorities to the bloodiest parts of the frontline whenever said ceasefire violations happen, g) suppressing free speech, arresting journalists, harassing and threatening those who dare to voice their discontent, etc.
2. in early 1920s, josef stalin, in order to appease the new turkish "republic" and its leader ataturk, with the hopes of using turkey as the base for spreading the communist revolution further into asia, passed artsakh (also known as nagorno karabagh) with its 95% ethnic armenian population onto the new created turkic azerbaijan republic (a country that did not exist before 1918, that's what newly created means), despite the opposition from the people of the region in question and the republic of armenia.
3. during the 70 or so years that artsakh was part of the azerbaijan republic as an autonomous region, the gov of azerbaijan did everything they could to a) suppress the development of the region, b) change the demographic of the region by moving turkic population to artsakh
4. in 1980s, the people of artsakh, utilizing their rights stipulated in the soviet constitution, petitioned both moscow and baku to be allowed to reunite with armenia. as a response to this, the azerbaijan government started large-scale repressions against the organizers and activists of the reunification movement. arrests on made up charges, threats and violence followed (more info on all that in the link provided below)
5. the people of artsakh then held a referendum as was their right under soviet constitution, and more than 90% of it's population voted in favor of seceding from the azerbaijan republic. the response to this were the anti-armenian pogroms in baku and sumgait ( https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1990-01-18-mn-305-story.html)
Alexander Gulanerian heard the mob pounding down the hall seconds before his door was broken down and they stormed in, brandishing knives, b
6. all this grew into the first artsakh war, which azerbaijan lost, as mentioned in point 1.
to sum it up: artsakh was never a part of the independent azerbaijan republic, during it's brief 70-year forced az control its indigenous armenian people were oppressed via various government policies, the people of artsakh deserve to live a free and happy life in their homeland, free of threats and fear of annihilation that is sure to happen if azerbaijan takes control of the region
to them, it's just a territory and they want that territory without the people.
for further reading, check out this comprehensive timeline of the artsakh history up to 2017( when it was written)
For centuries the sacred khachkars of Djulfa stood tall along the banks of the River Aras — hulking and ornately carved 16th-century headsto
while you are at it, read up on the armenian genocide and keep in mind that turkey, specifically for this war, moved syrian jihadists to azerbaijan to fight against armenia and artsakh. read up on the kind of internationally banned ammunition azerbaijan has been using against the civilians in artsakh capital, and then maybe make your judgement.
oh, and if anyone tries to frame this as an islam vs christianity thing, send them to hell, regardless of the side they claim to support, bc this isn't it.
spreading awareness is HUGE because azeris are spreading lies (mainly on twitter bc apparently thats the only social media they're allowed to use atm? i haven't verified this but it checks out with the dictator in powet lol) and it's really really really important for us to counter their lies with FACTS. like there's far few of us and we don't have any bots lmao so it's really hard to get people to listen to us.
cardi b apparently made a post about it, talking about how there's a genocide going on in armenia, and azeris started harassing her so she sort of backtracked and said something like "i didn't know there was two sides to this" and like it's not the only person they've done this to!
this video on twitter actually explains their tactics (the girl in the video is basically translating azeri post) how they target people who speak out in support of armenia and make them rescind their support.
so yeah. it's important for us to fight against the misinformation. and i think i have no respect for any armenian person who chooses to not engage because the internet is our battlefield. this is where we fight because it's the least we can do. (note i said armenian person, because i don't think its fair to ask this of people who don't have a personal stake in this war).
forgive me for more inuyasha but its basically the witcher in a demon-haunted japan + ROMANCE *inuyasha spoilers*
kagome is so fucking powerful here. this show is like if jaskier was given the full protagonist treatment that he DESERVES. i love my dark avenging goddesses of rage, kikyo and yennefer, but something about when the character with the least strength, fighting skills, special knowledge, etc, fully leans into their compassion, openness, and it becomes this miraculous super power that none of the damaged, brooding, overtly powerful characters expect and are so powerless in the face of and really deeply deeply needed.
i guess because kagome is a woman and inuyasha is a man (ahem, half-demon dog boy?) the romance can be more than subtext? le sigh.
I don’t know how far into Inuyasha you are but eventually Kagome actually spells it out. That her strength lies in that very kindness (compassion) toward people and that element is important in loving Inuyasha through all of that.
I just finished ep 52! Haha I actually had to take a break from watching bc the romantic tension without any sign of hope leading up to this episode was too much! I looked up in wiki when they end up together for real (I know spoiling for myself but I just couldn't cope) and its so faaaaaar so I'm glad to hear it develops their relationship more throughout despite that! And that kagome owns her powers! And doesn't just keep them from each other forever and toy with my poor heart...
#THIS IS MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING JUST THE BEEF#YOU COULD TELL THE POOR CHEF WAS JUST FUCKING#DISGUSTED#WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS#WHAT THE F U C K IS THIS#WHO THE FUCK ORDERS A#A /NONE/ PIZZA?? JUST BEEF ON THE LEFT???#FUCK IT#F U CK IT#JUST COOK THE FUCKING DOUGH#HERE LET ME THROW THIS FUCKING HANDFUL OF OBLONG BEEF CHUNKS AT YOUR NONE FUCKING PIZZA#FUCK YOU#FUCK YOU AND ALL YOU STAND FOR#LEFT FUCKING BEEF (via askscientistcarlos)
tumblr people love this. reddit people love this. 4chan scum loves this. there is just something intrinsically hilarious about none pizza with left beef. bless
as we can clearly see geralt gets snappy or distant with jaskier everytime jaskier is going on and on about the women he's been with, the women he wants to be with, the men who want to kill him for the women he's been with ...
this is the face of a man pushed past all reasonable limits for patience and restraint by his sexy & oblivious friend, while jaskier is just -
geralt: ALKJDJLADSLKJDFSJLDASM
geralt: am i a joke to you
jaskier: TRA LA LA ANYWAY SEXY LADIESSSSSS
the amount of frustration and aggravation geralt is experiencing is palpable. for just going to a banquet? when he could just walk away? it's implicit that he's agreed to do this for jaskier, so why is he so glarey? (*asks innocently*) geralt doesn't seem like someone who does something he doesn't want to do, but he acts like something he's agreed to do has him practically coming apart with rage! whatever could the reason be??
jaskier: *hand on shoulder*
geralt: *screams internally*
is it any wonder then, after i presume is years of this bullshit for geralt, that he finally breaks down and says:
geralt is like UGH. finally. maybe that came out a little harsh but i don't know how else to say it. you don't stop talking about sex with all these women but then the way you put your hand on my fucking arm while i'm fucking naked in a bath -
that geralt face is either "WHAT the FUCK" or is so confused and trying to work how jaskier could even be trying to justify that -
NO. NO I DO NOT LET STRANGERS RUB CHAMOMILE ONTO MY LOVELY BOTTOM JASKIER. AND I DON'T LET MY PLATONIC PALS DO IT EITHER.
DO YOU GET IT
DO YOU FUCKING GET IT
I don't think he gets it.
-
And finally, let's just take a moment to enjoy how pliant Geralt is for Jaskier, he just nimbly lifts his cups out of Geralt's hand and Geralt, super strong, mutant powered Geralt, is just like DAMN foiled again.
stay tuned for next episode: could jaskier's obsession with bedding women be over compensation for HIS secret pining??????
please accept this humble geraskier bath scene analysis:
do you ever notice that most of the time in the episodes 2-5 that geralt acts grumpy with jaskier, its when jaskier is going OOOOOON about beautiful ladies and maidens he wants to see or has been with??
that feel when your beautiful, slutty friend goes on and on about all the women they've slept with/are going to sleep with and you're just sitting in your bath trying not to be so so gay for them (speaking from experience, i remember i would come back from showering in my uni dorm to find my best friend lying in my bed and she'd demand to cuddle me while i was in just a towel and talk about her boyfriend while i was just like "... this is ... fine ...")
(did you mean exasperated af face, jaskier?)
i mean, in the djinn episode, where geralt goes from 0 to grumpy snowman 100 in the first minute, how does jaskier announce his presence after supposedly not seeing geralt for months or years?
back to episode 4, when geralt had just come from fighting the selkiemore, while he doesn't *look* to happy (ahaha geralt <3) he doesn't seem to have any problem standing around while jaskier prances around him and rambles away
can we agree that he is definitely staring here?
and he doesn't really seem to be going anywhere while jaskier is chattering at him at the bar ...
to me that face says: oh, a cornucopia of earlthy delights, y'say? *interested hmm*
he seems content in his quiet, crotchety way to clean selkiemore guts off his hands and sword while listening to jaskier... UNTIL:
that feel when your beautiful, slutty friend keeps doing their best to put you into situations for you to pick up women, just like them, when you have no interest in doing that and they just seem to have NO CLUE and you just adljadlsfjasldjdfsj
put every ounce of your self into acting like you totally don't care at all
but then you still do whatever they ask because fuck
ok i can only put 10 images in a post, so stay tuned for further bath time analysis of geralt and jaskier as gay, closeted, in love with each other, but hiding it, because they're idiots.
sometimes my cat will come and lie on my arms or hands when i'm in my bed when she wants attention, but will give me these angry meows if i try to touch her or if i try to lift my hand, she will hold it down with her paws and give me a wtf meow, or when she's trying to get comfortable and settle down for a nap she'll just be YELLING crankily while she kneads the soft blanket.
and i just imagine geralt would be like that ... jaskier would be lying in their bed writing notes for songs and geralt would come and lie down on top of his arms glaring at him grumpily to maintain his Tough Guy(tm) image and if jaskier tries to move his hands to touch him he snaps at him to stop that.
geralt: *curled around jaskier with his head on top of jaskier's hands*
my friend just asked me for fashion advice and i sent her 3 links to “things women love to wear that men hate” articles. i hope i’ve done my service well.
for the lesbians out there who don’t want men hitting on them but still want to attract girls, here are things women like that men hate. almost all of these are featured on multiple articles.
^^^^ yes those were all in the articles too thanks for the addition! (and for those who don’t know “retro” bikinis basically refers to high-waisted ones 👌)
when my cat reaches up to dig her claws into my arm chair and then gets her claws stuck and then just makes the rest of her body go limp to put all her weight against it and the claw still doesn’t come out and then she emits this horrible sad cry while she just hangs there limply, i know i am the geralt in the relationship.
i imagine jaskier would run flippantly into precarious situations and geralt would observe this and be like *raised eyebrows* “ok ... but don’t come crying to me ...” and then everytime jaskier gets into trouble and does the trembly panicked meow geralt throws everything to the side and comes sprinting over to jaskier and picks him up by his armpits to free his little paws and then cradles jaskier to him and scolds him gently “why did you do that!! do you know what it does to me when you make that sound!! please never make that sound again!! i love you so much!!” and jaskier rolls his eyes and lets himself be held for a little bit and then is like “ok, geralt, put my down now...” (and then goes to scratch the chair again)
