Hoshi’s Yap

I’ll mostly talk about the stories and characters I love and some other random thoughts.

[koyomism]

Intro!

Name: Just call me Hoshi since I don’t like my actual name

Pronouns: She/Her

I relate most to Ruby Hoshino/Ai Hoshino (Oshi No Ko) and Nadeko Sengoku (Monogatari)

I’m also new to tumblr so I might do some stuff incorrectly so forgive me!

My absolute faves are Oshi No Ko, the Monogatari series, and the Persona series! I also really love Hibike Euphonium, Evangelion, Pokemon, Oregairu, and a big fan of the yuri genre.

Music artists: Uchuu Nekoko, Panchiko, Parannoul, Atlus sound team, Nujabes, Flawed Mangoes, Yoasobi, Radiohead

I post a lot on TikTok and like to do analyses for my favorite series (something I’m trying to do more of)

DNI: Anyone with any kind of bigotry, common sense really.

[koyomism]

Something interesting I wanted to add on to my last analysis is yet another way the ONK ending makes complete sense.

Previously I was saying how Aqua’s relentless search for revenge was the thing blinding him from his true purpose of watching over Ruby, and so in the end when Aqua gets his revenge, even though it was for the sake of Ruby’s future, he was so blinded by his goal that he didn’t even consider any other way to handle Hikaru or the affect his sacrifice would have on Ruby, so he once again completely failed to fully protect her due to his own inability to move on and then inadvertently drove her into the depths of despair once again, far beyond what she previously experienced.

Yet it is this tragedy that pushes Ruby to her resolution.

She completely lost Aqua/Gorou once again, yet finally, she learned to live without them. She used her lies and performance as a way to inspire hope in others; and for the first time, she didn’t allow her sadness to incapacitate her and crush her dreams.

The message here is that life will always bring you sadness and crush you at every turn. People around you will act selfishly even with good intentions and bring you pain. Yet it displays the beauty of endurance, choosing to live despite how painful life can and will be and being a light for others and pursuing what fulfills you regardless of your own sadness.

[koyomism]

“Ruby is barely relevant in the first arcs of Oshi No Ko!”

This criticism stems from a complete misunderstanding of how Oshi No Ko presents itself. Ruby was always the main character. Aqua’s pursuit of revenge was never at any point supposed to be the driving force of the story. The entire revenge plot was Aqua projecting his guilt and inability to move on from his past onto his new life to such an extent that he was completely blinded to his true purpose; to protect and watch over Ruby.

The story being told largely from Aqua’s perspective is the narrative itself correcting his misunderstanding. We watch him lose himself to the pursuit of revenge and descend further and further in this downward spiral development—meanwhile Ruby is making all of these big moves such as reviving B-Komachi and finally living her previously lost dream of being an idol. It is intended to represent the life Aqua should have had passing before his eyes while he continuously fell down the wrong path.

Of course, Aqua is a center focus too. He has his main arc in Tokyo blade fleshing out his PTSD, dynamic with Akane, and various other aspects of his character. This plus the reality dating show arc are the only arcs in the entire series where Ruby is not a driving force. The reality dating show is 12 chapters and Tokyo Blade is 26 chapters, out of the 166 chapters making up Oshi No Ko. Does Aqua get MORE attention in the earlier arcs? Sure. But that does not mean you can just ignore how prominent Ruby is too and act like she does nothing.

Now, why was Aqua the main focus in the beginning? Well that’s because Aqua’s character is the driving force to set the stage for Ruby, quite literally. His actions create a lot of the conflict that Ruby’s character faces and I’ll go over them now. So to begin with we’ll go right back to their previous lives as Gorou and Sarina. Sarina was completely alone in the hospital and was mostly abandoned by her family until she discovered Ai and met Gorou, skipping over the massive part Ai has to do with this, Gorou became one of the two pillars for Ruby’s existence, the thing holding her up from complete despair. Even in her new life, a massive part of her desire to be an idol (outside of wanting to return Ai’s love) is the hope that she could meet her second pillar again. She lost one pillar when Ai died, and so spent years with the single ray hope in her life being the chance to reunite with Gorou, completely oblivious to the fact he was also dead. Meanwhile the remnants of Gorou within Aqua were descending into obsessive rage and madness, and having this documented and seen first hand by the viewer allows them to see the hopelessness of Ruby’s search and adds further to the tragedy of it, while also providing huge build up to Ruby’s mental collapse.

When Ruby discovers Gorou’s body, it completely breaks her. Within minutes of expressing to Akane how deeply she wished to be with Gorou again, she was looking at his corpse. Just like that—her pillar, her sole reason to keep going—was gone. And who orchestrated this? Aqua himself. Upon revisiting the rural town the old hospital was in, Aqua wanted to confirm if the line between him and Gorou Amamiya was truly gone, which he thought he would learn if he saw the body, so he tricked Akane into searching for it using her intelligence. However even had Aqua not done this, Tsukiyomi (the one responsible for reincarnating them) steals Ruby’s keychain as a crow to lure her and Akane to the cave where his corpse was. The point here is that this event would have occurred whether Aqua orchestrated it to or not. This entire situation happened while Aqua was trying to give up revenge and live a normal life, and now his negligence of Ruby was becoming more apparent. Even in trying to give up revenge, he was still so focused on it subconsciously that he once again failed to protect Ruby.

Aqua’s focus on revenge makes him fail in the true purpose given to him repeatedly and becomes the catalyst for Ruby’s mental collapse and why she falls into the same descent he does. And it is after this point that Ruby becomes the complete focus of the story, so had we not experienced Aqua’s downward spiral first, we would have never had the catalyst for Ruby’s spiral and her eventual positive development. This is how Aqua sets the stage for Ruby. The final point here is that both the twins were put on the same destructive path of revenge yet only Ruby crawled out of it.

That is the very purpose of the conclusion. Aqua’s story ended the way it did because he ultimately couldn’t bring himself to let go, accept the love given to him, and live his own life as Aqua Hoshino instead of carrying the burdens of Gorou Amamiya. In the end he did get his revenge, but because he got it, he had to suffer the punishment of choosing the wrong path.

Ruby however is rewarded for pushing through a trauma she previously couldn’t endure when faced with it earlier in the story and gets to continue fulfilling her dream and inspiring others because of it, and finally return to love Ai gave to her by spreading it to millions of fans.

[onk-confessions]

Kana’s self-esteem is entirely conditional, and she is chronically incapable of generating it from within. Kana is a prodigy, a talented actress, and has a career, but none of that actually fulfills her. She needs an external anchor to give her value.

For Kana, that anchor is entirely Aqua. Kana’s motivation for almost everything—including becoming an idol, a job she initially didn't even want—revolves around wanting Aqua to look at her, praise her, or acknowledge her. The tragedy and frustration of her character is that her entire world shrinks down to the whims of one emotionally detached guy.

Kana is frequently framed by the narrative and the fandom as the "pitiful girl" who constantly gets the short end of the stick. She’s the "suffering genius," the girl left behind. But when you look at her actual choices, there’s a pattern of thoughtlessness driven by her own emotional needs.

When Kana is feeling insecure or neglected by Aqua, she becomes volatile. She will actively tank her own professional boundaries or make reckless decisions like meeting with a shady director in private because her desire for professional validation/comfort outweighs logic.

Kana frequently overlooks the genuine, stable support system around her like Ruby or Mem-cho because she is too consumed by her own perceived victimhood and her obsession with Aqua. Her focus is inherently inward-facing.

She constantly laments how weak, unlovable, and helpless she is. Yet, she possesses a massive ego and a stubborn streak. When she wants to assert herself, she can be incredibly loud and harsh. Her "weakness" is selective; it exists right up until her desperate need for affection or spotlight takes over, at which point she justifies actions that hurt the collective dynamic of her group.

Aqua and Kana have a similar toxic symbiosis. Aqua is manipulative, calculating, and thrives on controlling situations and playing a savior/protector role. Kana’s absolute vulnerability and her willingness to tie her entire self-worth to him makes her the perfect target for that dynamic. He knows exactly how to pull her strings because her desperation for his approval is entirely transparent.

Her character is written to evoke a soft, "please protect me" sympathy from the audience, but when you strip away the tragic backstories and look at the ledger of their actual behavior, you find a person who is profoundly self-centered, whose principles crumble the moment their romantic validation is at stake, and who ultimately prioritize their own emotional security over the loyalty, respect, and well-being of the women who actually care about them.

Submitted by Anonymous

[koyomism]

This is pretty easily the greatest YouTube video I have ever seen.

I watched it like a month ago right after reading the manga it references “Inside Mari” and just… wow. Cannot recommend the manga and video enough!

I appreciate Inside Mari so much for helping me come to terms with the parts of myself I’d been too ashamed to acknowledge, both the female and male parts of myself that I viewed as disgusting/not being worthy of. Even just in general, this manga has the greatest depiction of an identity crisis that I have ever seen and found so much resonance within it and similarities to my own experiences.

[koyomism]

This panel hit really hard for me because I myself have in many instances acted the exact same way as Ai here. I constantly seek out deep relationships and attachment but then as soon as I start getting the genuine emotional intimacy I claim to desire, I pull away.

I have on multiple occasions told exes while we were still dating that we’re likely to break up so to not take me too seriously, did I actually want or think that? No.

I always did it when I noticed them attempting to get closer to me and deepen our relationship, and that scared me. In my personal life I do anything to be as emotionally evasive as possible and run away from intimacy, but then I get annoyed when I’m misunderstood or idealized, yet I only show my most idealized self in most instances.

Another contradiction? I’m utterly terrified of hurting someone else. I have multiple times cut off friends because I don’t trust myself to not cause them harm. I’ve ghosted my current friend group on many occasions with this reasoning. I want genuine connection and understanding yet run away from it whenever it’s within reach, I so desperately do anything to not hurt anyone, but then I always end up doing the wrong thing. If something bothers me I’ll lie straight to their faces and say it’s fine

TL;DR: I’m a massive nuisance to be friends with or date.

[donewithlifeitself]

Guys im thinking about it again….about hanekawa and nadeko and theyre narrative parallels….more especifically im thinking about how theyre masks are opposite to one another…while hanekawas whole deal is that she wants to be as perfect as a protagonist of a super hero novel and hates herself because of her inability to fullfill this role perfectly nadekos whole deal is that she wants to be invisible, she thinks of herself as a caracter with no story and hates the lack of agency in her life but its this mentality of being a background caracter in her own story that makes her unable to change her lifestyle…she doesnt have agency and that fact prohibits her of creating that agency. So while i still think theyre very similar the roles they want to play are opposite and so is the motive of then playing then. Nadeko resents other people and dont want to be a part of theyre story so she just erase herself while hanekawa searchs for love from other thinking that is only natural that people love a good protagonist!i also love how theyre showing how both the protagonist and the background caracter ways of living are wrong because in the end youre not a caracter!!!you are youre own person and thinking you should fit a role in a story takes away nuance im youre life!!you should more then anything be yourself and change not because of another narrative or because you need to fit a role but because you want to change!!you should prioritize the real you and not a role you feel you have to play!!

Anyways theyre amazing caracter im very normal about(im not, thats a lie)

[koyomism]

I thought I could also use page to spill some of my non-art related thoughts so here’s something I’ve been thinking about recently.

I believe the main crux of my social anxiety is the fear of being misunderstood and misunderstanding others. When you try to convey feelings through words, hardly any of it actually carries through, and to fill in those gaps others will make their own interpretations of what you’re trying to say based on their own perception, and their interpretations are rarely on point because how many of you could confidently say you can effectively comprehend another’s thoughts and feelings? With these constant misinterpretations, true feelings are diluted and lost in translations constantly. Especially for a neurodivergent person like myself, who has an even harder time understanding others and being understood in turn, these gaps that I described are all that much wider for someone like me, and when you’re never been understood and are unable to understand anyone else, what else can you feel but crippling loneliness? These misunderstandings lead to people being hurt, not being able to say the right thing can make someone not want to talk to you anymore, connection will constantly evade you because connecting two minds wired completely differently is like trying to plug something in with the wrong cable. All I feel when interacting with others are the assaults of my own singularity.

The reason I value individuality so highly is because I believe that if I can cement myself as an individual and become an individualistic person, then maybe I could be so bright that it’s impossible to not see me, and my individuality could be the purest expression of my feelings that bridges the gap between myself and others that words are insufficient to cross.

Another thing I’ve been thinking about is love, what is love? An extremely cliche question. If you’d asked me even just a few weeks ago if I love/have loved anyone, I would have said yes; but then in a discussion someone was talking about their personal definition of love, and there was something about it that I disagreed with, they believe love is mutual understanding, and I pointed out that I don’t think you need to fully understand someone in order to love them. But that had me thinking, if I disagree with that interpretation, then what do I believe love is? As I went to try and articulate my own take on it, I quickly realized I was completely stumped, and a feeling of emptiness came over me.

When I thought of my experiences with love, all I can recall feeling was just an intense affection towards a specific person, but that was the only way I could define it. I was attached to them, I wanted to be around them, I was sad when they left. But is that love? I don’t think so, I think what we had was more so just mutual reliance and the relationship was ultimately quite toxic and destructive because of that. Then then I considered if have I ever felt anything stronger than that for another person? And once again I was at a loss to think of an example. It was occurring to me that I don’t believe I have loved anyone, at least, I’ve never felt anything that I would personally define as love. Just strong affection.

I don’t really have a resolution for this yet as it’s something pretty recent that I’ve only just realized for myself, but I think it ties in to what I was previously saying about not being able to convey feelings. I think the thing preventing me from love is that I’ve never had a strong enough connection with another person to the point the feelings we shared could be translated well enough between us to develop into love.

[koyomism]

I find it really frustrating when people have no consideration for other’s experiences with art.

Like making fun of someone’s favorite series and trying to shame them for liking it, when that work could have literally saved their life.

When I see this happen, I usually assume that the person shaming has no genuine passion for art and has never actually had an intimate experience with it for themselves and only care for indulging whatever makes them look most intelligent, otherwise they would have more understanding for other’s experiences.

Either that or they just lack consideration and empathy. Either way it’s extremely weird behavior and I find it frustrating whenever I see it.

[koyomism]

In chapter 22 of Oshi No Ko Ruby gets her first job as an idol doing the YouTube collab, and to her own expense, does the harder job of working out for an hour in a mask when she had the easier option of doing a staged “wake up visit” for a video. I believe Ruby at this point has a fear of lying, she knew Ai was a liar, and she knew she was killed because of her lies. Ai saved Ruby in her past life as Sarina, and Ruby wanted to give back to Ai by continuing her legacy after her death, but also she wanted to be the light that Ai was for her. Idols are what allowed Sarina to push through daily life with cancer, Ai’s fake smile is the very thing that gave Sarina the strength to fake a smile herself even when she was in pain. She’s always wanted to give other people that gift that was given to her. Because Ruby at this point was still naive to world, she believed the thing we’re all taught, lies are bad. This was especially reinforced to her after knowing Ai’s death was caused by her being caught in lies. She still has the view of it being possible for idols to be genuine, but then the series itself shows us AND Ruby the dehumanization idols go through, that the very definition of an idol is being perfect, pure, something that is inhumanly righteous to inspire the masses. Only when Ruby experiences this dehumanization first hand does she discover the beauty that can be found within lies, and that is how the message of Oshi No Ko is presented THROUGH Ruby. She goes through the very same journey as the viewer, starting off with bad experiences with lies, believing them to be an evil thing, and only through the events of the story are both the viewer and Ruby shown a different perspective.

I’d also like to point out Akane’s role in this arc, undoubtedly the most important character here. Akane is a method actress who uses psychological profiling to immerse herself in her roles completely, and this to her is like armor. She’s more comfortable being filmed while acting because it’s not HER being recorded, it’s the character she’s playing. In the reality dating show, she’s thrown into the deep end for the first time without a character to play, and she’s a deeply insecure teenage girl, so being recorded as herself for the first time is incredibly intimidating and her insecurities shine through in her chronic fear of not being good enough and not matching up the other cast members..The online scrutiny pushes this forward by broadcasting people’s opinions of her, something that before the internet was usually hidden, Akane’s insecurities were now being given substance and validation because she SAW what everyone thought of her in the rawest form, and this also further ties in to showing the dehumanization of public figures, nobody writing about how “boring” she would have given a second thought to the fact she’s a real person, a teenager, trying her best. They just saw her as a character on tv for them to pick apart and critique as they saw fit, even though they don’t really know her at all. After the slapping incident, this only escalated to the point of making Akane suicidal. After her attempt was stopped, how she bounced back was returning to her roots and playing a character, LYING to audience about who she was to protect herself. She, like Ai, like Sarina, found comfort and protection in lies. The lies she told on the dating show improved her mental health significantly and were a massive factor to her overall recovery from her suicide attempt.

Yet another instance of Akasaka continuously pushing forward the beauty that be found in lies. This philosophy is shown throughout so many lenses during Oshi No Ko.

I’d also like to think this another way Akane and Kana parallel each other.

Kana was a child actor who valued acting skill more than anything, as one would expect of an actor, but the reality was far harsher. Kana was shown at a young age the business side of the entertainment industry, that the lights and glamor were nothing more than attention grabbers to bring in profit. She herself was seen as nothing but a commodity for profit, even by her own mother. She felt pressured into giving in to this falsehood behind her dreams, and she did. I like to think that the reason she was so harsh to Akane as kids was because she was in her own way trying to protect her, she saw herself in Akane. A young girl who had genuine dreams of being a star, just waiting to be torn apart by the adults around her. Kana did not want her to suffer the same fate she did, so she lashed out at her and laid the reality of their shared dreams to her. Intending to scare her off. Now that she’s older, Kana has been used up and taken advantage of for all that the industry perceived her to be worth, thus because her acting was the only thing she attributed he worth to, she felt her own worth had diminished as well. Yet despite giving in to lies as a child, the fact she was now considered washed up gave her freedom. She was now no longer tied to that constant pressure of adult’s expectation, she was free from the lies. Yet she sought them regardless because now matter how much it hurt her, she deep down loved performing more than anything. She suppressed herself to accommodate for others, but her true desire was always to shine brighter than anyone in her own way.

I believe Kana represents the balance between lies and truth. She’s willing to go along with staged things for the sake of the performance, because it’s what she loves, but she doesn’t inherently fake herself or go out of her way to lie like other characters. Because she does have SOME self-confidence, at least much more than someone like Akane or Ruby, she has another faith in her innate self to be genuine, and allows the messier parts of herself to come through at times because she sees the charm in her own humanity, she sees no reason to present herself as perfect, though she does evidently suffer because of this at multiple points and it causes her to be taken advantage of and manipulated. The core thing here is the fact she had freedom from the lies of the industry, and during the time where she couldn’t get work, it allowed her to develop her individuality and become comfortable with herself. That is what separates her from other characters, and for both better and worse, allows her to be herself while also living with lies.

[koyomism]

Part of what makes the Tokyo Blade arc in Oshi No Ko so beautiful to me is the fact it is an arc encompassing the creation of art. It shows all diffrent aspects, the writers, the actors, the production, all the feeling and passion that goes into it and the conflicts that form as a result. You can really see where Akasaka poured in his own feelings and experiences to this arc and it makes it all the more compelling.

It also does this while balancing Aqua’s PTSD arc, heavily expanding him and Akane’s relationship, resolving Kana’s main conflict and her rivalry with Akane, and using the concept of acting as an outlet to portray all of this. It’s honestly just genius from start to finish.

[koyomism]

Aqua and Akane’s relationship is another example of the series trying to convey how lies are love and can become truths, in a very literal sense I might add. Their relationship starts purely for work purposes, but once Aqua believes he is free of his revenge, he stops seeing Akane as a tool and begins to see her for who she truly is, someone he wishes to love. He starts doing everything he can to be a good, genuine boyfriend to her, even though he’s still battling against his own feelings on his identity, if it’s really okay to let go of his revenge, and what he wants to do with his future. What he does know for sure is that he wants Akane to be in that future regardless of what path he ultimately takes. Their fake relationship became the thing grounding Aqua to his identity and reassured him it was okay to live a normal life, Akane’s devotion to him giving him to the opportunity to experience actual love. Though things don’t work out that way, this is what their dynamic was leading towards before everything hit the fan.

(This whole interpretation is another reason I’m very against shipping him with Kana)

People often bring up Akane’s monologue about Aqua being attracted to Kana, but I feel this is very clearly just Akane’s insecurity and inferiority complex (especially in regards to Kana) shining through. I still have yet to see any example of Aqua’s own character hinting at seeing Kana that way, at most he saw her as a potential second option when he wanted to distance himself from Akane, but I cannot see a universe where he would pick Kana over Akane, the only one who actually understood him and spent the entire story doing everything in her power to save him, the force that came the closest the completely freeing him from his guilt and revenge.

If you interpret Kana and Aqua’s “romance” as anything other than one sided admiration from Kana, then I honestly think you misread their dynamic

Kana fell in love with Aqua because he was the first person to “beat” her in acting, and thus she developed a strong sense of admiration for him in the same sense that she would a rival.

Kana’s feelings are notoriously unreliable too. She falls in love with anybody who sees her for who she is and “saves” her, like how she started developing feelings for who she thought was Peiyon just because he gave her advice and helped her out. Kana is an extremely insecure person who’s secret wish is to have someone to rely on, so anyone who fills that role for her becomes a romantic option. She didn’t love Aqua for who he is, she couldn’t possibly because she never came to truly understand him. She was in love with how he treated her and the fact he was someone who would always come through for her.

Her attraction to him was very clearly just another way she was clinging to her past and refusing to move on. Being with Aqua would have meant continuously holding on to that part of her history, and it was also just validate her feelings that she needed a savior and someone to protect her. If anything, losing Aqua was the best thing that could have happened for her growth overall ||, because it meant she HAD to stand on her own two feet and she could no longer count on him to save her at every opportunity, she couldn’t cling to the idea of him or meeting him again like she did previously, || she had to accept he was gone and couldn’t save her anymore, and has to learn to save herself.

[koyomism]

Citrus is founded in it’s characters being chained to roles in various ways.

You have Mei who ties her worth to taking over and managing the school her father abandoned, seeing it as the only way to save her families legacy—something she alone can bear. She sacrifices her own individuality to fulfill what other’s wishes for her are. Harumi does the same, hiding the individualistic side of herself from her strict older sister to to avoid getting in trouble, distinctly referring to herself as “a gyaru in disguise”. She’s not quite as sacrifice as Mei, but still suppresses certain aspects of herself and only lets her true self shine when not under the pressure of her sister or the school.

Then you have Yuzu, an outspoken, brash gyaru. An Individual to her core—someone completely unable to be contained by the boundaries of the school. She’s disliked vastly and threatened expulsion repeatedly, yet regardless she pushes through idealistically. She blazes her own trail.

I believe this ties into the gyaru subculture, unmistakably a massive part of Citrus’s identity as a series. The gyaru movement began because Japanese girls felt so much pressure from social norms, rules, and expectations that this was a form of rebellion. A complete flip of what was typically expected of a Japanese girl’s appearance and attitude, it is a vulgar, in your face form of self-expression—one that takes the will of someone completely willing to face judgment and disdain head on, and as seems to be a recurring line in Citrus, blaze their own trail.

This is also shown in how the series breaks two other social norms inherently: one in being a lesbian story, the other is how the main couple Yuzu and Mei are forced into the roles of being step-sisters despite having feelings for each other almost as soon as they meet. This concept is incredibly uncomfortable to some, but that is entirely the point. Their relationship is something that only needs to be understood by them, and the path they take is their own, regardless of labels or social norms.

[koyomism]

I’ve been listening to Test Me (the song in Oshi No Ko’s season 3 opening) more recently and analyzing the lyrics more thoroughly and according to the artist CHANMINA the main emotion intended to be conveyed through this song is resentment.

I think the song boils down to an expression Ruby’s lonliness and her hatred for the world that takes everything from her. In her last life she lost her youth to her illness and her parents started neglecting her to run away from their own grief.

Ruby feels that every time she gets a wish granted it is instantly stripped from her and she me ultimately left with nothing again. She had cancer and was set to die at 12, and wished for nothing more than to be an idol so she could return the love given to her by Ai and inspire others in the same way, she was then reincarnated as Ai’s child, with a healthy body, good looks, and (even though she didn’t know it) was reunited with Gorou. Then Ai was taken from her, and when she found Gorou’s body she felt she lost him too, her two pillars, her reasons to keep living were now gone. In a life where she felt she had everything, she lost everything all over again, she’s in a constant cycle of happiness and grief, and this emotional roller coaster continuously eats at her mental state, and discovering Gorou’s body was the final straw that sent her into a collapse.

She started to blame her own existence, if everything always crumbles around her, it must be her fault right? Plus she did so many terrible things in her anger such as lying and using people, she’s a disgrace to Ai’s name, a failure as an idol, even in her past life she brought nothing but misery by being the lonely kid with cancer, even her parents didn’t have it in them to care for her, she became so scared of growing attached to anyone because all they did was leave her when she’s most vulnerable. She isn’t a master liar like Ai, she isn’t super smart like Aqua, all she can do is struggle to be something special and try to make others happy and find her own happiness, but she’s so rotten, sad, and angry at the world that she wants to die herself, join Ai and Gorou, stop hopelessly struggling and getting used. She’s just so sick of being alone. That is Ruby’s resentment.