My Dearest,
In life, we are faced with challenges. Some people’s challenges look a little easier than others as at the end, they may reap some sort of great reward for their endurance in getting past that setback. We are not “other people” because in our lives it seems like we have nothing but challenges.
Many people always say to me, “It just doesn’t seem fair that you two have so many problems.” I don’t see them as problems, I see it as life. Yet, sometimes I admit I think about all the good you and I have radiated out into the world and the things we’ve done never expecting anything in return and think, “Where is our reward for all our hard work?”
Over the years, I’ve lost friends over the most petty and mundane things and I’ve had loved ones die, we’ve been broke, we’ve been okay, we’ve traveled, we’ve come home again, we’ve been more broke, and then broke again. But I’ve realized something. I don’t need to wait for a reward at the end of each struggle because it’s not necessary.
You are my reward. I already have it and am lucky enough to have spent the last 14 years of my life waking up to my reward every day.
Not many people can say that or have what we have given all that we’ve faced through those years. Our bond is solid. We know the truth in our situation and that truth is whatever we have or don’t have doesn’t matter because we have each other.
When I met you, from day one, I knew that you would be in my life forever. I knew I loved you after you first spoke. You were humble and honest and most importantly, you had humor.
All these years later, I find myself to be one of the richest people in the world despite the fact that we are broke. It’s not the money that makes me rich, it’s your love and your friendship that does. I am blessed every single day of my life to have you in it.
As heartbroken as I am about how sick I’ve been and all that I’ve put us through with the stress, I’m still grateful.
I am grateful for every day when I wake up to find a love note from you, even if you’ve just gone to run an errand.
I am grateful you make the coffee.
I am grateful for all the nights I’ve not slept well because the pain keeps me awake to find you sleeping next to me on the floor because you just want to be close to me.
I am grateful you’ve been with me for every single doctor’s appointment, tests, scans, procedures, x-rays, hospital stays, and emergency room visits, and all the drama & stress of insurance, payment plans, and medication refills without complaint.
I am grateful your job for the last two years allows you to be home with me. Yes, even though you are “in my way” and “in my space”.
I am grateful for your sense of humor and your kindness.
I am grateful for your unconditional love and never ending support.
I am grateful you do all the things for me that I have been unable to do, like cooking, laundry and cleaning. Even though you don’t do it all quite the way I would.
I’m grateful you are with me on this path. It’s so cliché’, but I wouldn’t be who I am today without you by my side. Your patience, your enduring strength, your kindness, your unconditional love, and your whacky sense of humor have provided me with courage, strength, and the tenacity I need to get through each day of the hardest parts of my life.
And although I am scared as hell, I am grateful for this surgery tomorrow and for the doctors who are dedicated to helping me/us achieve a better quality of life.
I am grateful in every way possible and I could never truly express to you all the ways you have been a blessing in my life.
While Monday’s surgery brings a mad case of nerves, I have nothing but positive thoughts about it because just like the surgeries before this, I know you will be right there by my side through all of it knowing you will never give up on me.
I love you with all of me,
Kristina