okay but... this goes far beyond just speaking over other women.
that normalization of fear... it’s literally laying down the groundwork for TERF ideology, reinforcing stereotypes that disproportionately affects men that are part of minorities, and going right against previous feminist ideas
the idea that there is absolutely no way for women to be safe around men is very new, and this concept of... lack of “redemption” if I dare say so, of way to teach men otherwise and so on, wasn’t part of feminism until extremely recently
if anything, there was feminists out there outright saying that, the next generation of men we’d have would be amazing, “because they would be raised by mothers who wouldn’t shun them away from making healthy bonds and wouldn’t lock them up into the unhealthy standards of male pride and obsession with not showing weakness and showing agressivity instead, and wouldn’t be taught to find self-fulfillment in bigotry but in genuine personal development”. especially since, mothers have been found to be the ones inforcing male standards of success on their sons most, way more than fathers. you break that tiny part of sexism, and you’re off to a very good start to destroying the rest of it.
but due to the introduction of this shitty panic where the instant someone is male, that means they’re brainless or cooking unhealthy shit into their head, there’s been disasters. where we could have had sons that’d trust their mothers, trust other women, themselves, and bond healthily with other men as well, we instead got none of that because their mothers turned into these weary pieces of shit looking out for every shitty behaviour they can pick up on, shunning them and using them as pretty much a living confirmation for their beliefs, all while completely ignoring why they could act like shit- things like the waves of people grooming young teens to like alt-right ideas. (may you have more luck than me finding it again, but someone explained very well how the bigoted jokes of vloggers and the like can make boys who ignorantly reproduce them get shunned, while being told at the same time that if people don’t like these jokes they’re snowflakes, and how this helped push many in the crab bucket) these things have been largely been ignored due to how the focus shifted away from “why the bad behaviour” and into “the bad behaviour is here, be scared !”
another shift this brought forth is starting to see empathy/sympathy/compassion as inherent, rather than a taught skill that requires a lot of work, and on top of being an ableist idea, yyyyyeah we’re fucking up a lot of people here. basically, we were starting to understand that a lot of men struggled with that stuff due to being taught to go against that sort of stuff bc male conditions for success, weakness and blah, and that this heavily pushed them to find self-fulfillment in “superiority” to others (read : bigotry) and that it didn’t even work, hence : men who are miserable and more and more bigoted as their misery makes shitty ideas more and more attractive no matter how awful or failing to bring them fulfillment they are. but then... we turned around and abandoned that because sadly, making bad people seem like they’re intentionally evil, sadistic and crap, is always more appealing than putting genuine work into admitting that they’re human and might not know any better or believe shit due to personal issues, and we may or may not have overdone the whole deal about “abusers’ tactics” and started applying that shit everywhere.
so yeah, attacking the root of the problem was based on teaching to men self-fulfillment that was based in genuine togetherness, which did mean lessons in empathy if needed, but then we decided that empathy and its loot couldn’t be taught and so inherent, and that ironically, for something “inherent”, that a lack of it was a fault. So yeah, no longer seen as something to work on, meaning no recognition of the many steps and effort that takes. (see : backlash from tumblr on the shrimp raising guy post for ex, bc people found it wise to bitch about “can have empathy towards shrimps but not women” instead of identifying the process ongoing here of, yes, learning how to do so for ex.)
there’s other ideas like, “women aren’t rehabilitation centers for men” and “emotional labor” that are good ! but that turned into “if you don’t know any better no matter the reason you’re evil ” and that is especially a shitty move towards the fact that researching these topics is hard, it might not be in a language/worded in a way you understand and so on, and that... yeah we still gotta do that work of explanation at some point. and men also are usually taught to ask about a person’s pov through what is often seen as challenge, something that is perceived as assholeness and hard to distinguish from dishonest arguments for many. but that’s something that can be unlearnt, and similarly we can help a bit with that on our side.
now, for the really shitty part. how does that tie into other minorities taking the blunt of it ?
well, when studies show that men of colour are perceived on average as more agressive and dangerous than white men, who exactly is gonna suffer from that fear most exactly ? what about disabled men, that are already seen as walking dangers and as people to restrain, control and lock up ? can you see how easy it is to buy the whole “trans women are invaders of women’s spaces” spiel when you believe no men can be safe too ? how easy it is to start seeing trans men as “traitors” ?
so yeah. that shit, that turned into TERF stuff, might not be “hating men”, but it sure as hell still has pretty fucked up consequences, which range from feeding more young men into alt-right recruitment, to intensifying already present discrimination due to how disproportionately affected by toxic masculinity stereotypes many men of minorities are.
it’s like... the worst thing that happened to feminism was the reduction of “awful things happen due to sexism poisnoning people’s brains, who does what is incredibly varied and ties a lot with self-fulfillment esp since the core of sexism is about success and what is considered as ideal behaviour for men and women“ into “men bad, women victims”, and turning away from “educating men (and women !) and holding them responsible if needed” into “calling men abusers and shaming them”. seriously, don’t fall for this “that fear is normal” crap.
but, overall... I get it. I get it that these mindsets emerged because many people are sick of not even being able to vent or call out behaviour without being called a misandrist, or to be asked to see the people that personally hurt them as “human”, “not necessarily knowing any better” and so on, and how women are often asked to wipe men’s ass and baby them into everything. but that fear, it’s still... not normal. it’s not normal to see someone’s trauma and go “oh it’s normal to feel this way”. you’re fucking them up. you’re letting them fuck others up too. and you’re setting them up to be prayed on by movements who rely on that fear to spread their pestillent ideology. don’t do that to people. don’t push them towards something that’ll just make them never heal and stay paranoid until they’re harming others with it.
-I strongly believe it is possible to acknowledge issues with rape, harassment and the like, and the fear some women hold, without encouraging this kind of mindset where all men are “beyond salvation”. it is possible to address safety issues without having to showcase them as absolute, or as something that cannot be changed, and especially not showcast the fear born from such concerns as a normal thing to have rather than a consequence of trauma that has to be dealt with in order to form good relationships.
-i also believe it is possible to alknowledge the garbage many men do and hold them responsible, while not shoving under the carpet their suffering too, especially when that suffering is a heavy factor in why they don’t act right for shit or have shitty beliefs. it’s pretty much... basic rehabilitative justice.
-seriously... living in fear is not good. (living in fear is also how this oppression lasted for so long and still is ongoing, too. fear does not do well with rationality.) anyone who knows stuff about neuroscience can explain how awful stress is for your body. it stops you from seeing other people as human too. it’s just... a mess, and I wouldn’t fight to make it seem normal or like a shared sentiment.
-on the topic of rape, harassment and the like... this idea that this sort of stuff happens in public, with strangers and so on, and that you should be/it’s normal to be scared... is doing a real disservice to literally everyone. because it is outright *false*. most cases of rape happen in domestic settings. and bonus for the fact that this shit lowkey ties with xenophobia/racism, through i’m sure someone else can explain better than me on this topic.
