Yuuto couldnât help but giggle at the otherâs rather cold attitude towards him; it wasnât all too shocking, really. Heâd be more surprised if the other actually went for any of these nicknames and it was merely the boyâs personality to be a little bit cocky and a little less serious about things. Perhaps it was also a coping-mechanism after the shock that still lingered in his body. Heâd be lying if he said he was fine, and surely he would lie about it! If anything, the boy had moved from smoke to smother⊠either way, it was bad, really. If he had the choice between going home to an abusive father, to be sold by criminals for whatever theyâd intended to sell him or to stick with one of the kidnappers and try to test the waters, there were so many things that he had to consider to make the right choice â- and none of which seemed morally supportable. So, heâd just go with the flow, wherever the wind was taking him. That included being bubbly around the stranger and talking more than he was thinking in order to get over the trauma he experienced. While some people just became eerily quiet, Shinkai appeared to be the person to be unable to stop talking in order to make himself stop thinking for once.
When he was asked by the other, he cracked a weak smile towards him; slowly but steadily the fatigue was visible on his face and despite his imminent urge to seem all cheerful and happy-go-lucky in order to raise his own mood, he only had this much energy left, really. And now that he was (more or less) out of the danger zone, he felt his body sink a little and just having the urge to get a good nightâs sleep. âMhm⊠if I had rathered that⊠well⊠to be honest⊠I canât tell you what I had picked if I had a choice.â Looking down onto his legs, his hands moved to pull on his frilly skirt, holding so tightly onto the hem that his knuckled turned white. âLetâs just say, if you had kicked me out onto the street, I wouldnât have run back home, heheâŠâ Thatâs as much as heâd reveal with a rather off-putting kind of laughter at the end of his phrase, avoiding to look at the other while he was watching anything in the distance, almost mindlessly as if he was so engrossed by his thoughts that he was barely even âthereâ. Sure, physically, but thatâs about it. Mentally he had been in a different surrounding entirely, and the glassy look of his ruby hues would make it evident even more so.
Nonetheless, he was listening. He gave a short nod upon the otherâs explanation. âI see.â He replied lamely, though dragging out the syllables at the end all cutely, as if it was asked of him to still be able and speak in an effeminate manner despite all the things he had been through so far. Surely, nothing compared to the poor women that were transported to god-knows-where with god-knows-what kind of fate. A deep sigh emitted from his lips then, âIt would be really cool to be a girl.â It was as if something was not right inside his head â some gears were working against him. It was as if his entire body was telling him âYouâre a boy, youâre a boy, YOUâRE A BOY!!!â, practically screaming inside his head, while his brain kept telling him âSomethingâs not right, this body is not right, this genitalia is not rightâ â- even in such a kidnapping scenario, he wouldâve rather survived if he had boobs and a vagina, it was sad. There was something soft inside of him that he couldnât understand, something that was in contradiction to the rough edges of his body, the lack of curves that he wanted so badly. It was as if your favourite colour was blue, and you were trapped in fire-red world, burning away at your skin while you yearned for the cooling and calm breeze to carry you away.
âEh?â Turning to look at the taller, he tended his head left and right as if he was thinking whether or not he was nervous; surely, he had to admit that he was on edge. He was in a house with someone who loved to collect weapons, someone who was working together with some kind of organisation that was kidnapping women, somewhere in the outskirts of wherever-the-hell he was⊠not to mention that the shock was still reaching to the marrow of his bones, and as much as he loved to act tougher than he was, he couldnât lie to himself upon the fact that rustling in the grass and sudden noises made him jump like a frightened animal. âI⊠donât know what youâre talking about, Yuki-chan. Iâve never been nervous.â Smiling at the other, he tried â again â to put up a facade in hopes that he would not be underestimated by his counterpart, however, the moment he walked over the floor and there was the smallest creaking sound, he turned his head and looked for the source of it as if it meant that he was under attack immediately. It embarrassed him, really. But who could blame him after the past hours, right?
He shook his head though, âNo, I wouldnât trust them. But I donât really get it why you put up with this if you have to take such precautions in order to feel safe. No money in the world would be worth that kind of life⊠donât you think?â Perhaps it was a little bratty to try and decide for the other whatâs wrong and whatâs right, but Yuuto never really tried to be humble. And so, if he was pushing his luck to the point that the other would kill him â so what? Surely, heâd be frightened and wouldnât want it to happen like that. But sometimes, one couldnât be in charge of their own life⊠and fate had to decide. Besides, it seemed like Kuroda had quite the humour in him to take the otherâs bubbly nature already without getting (too) annoyed. âPapers?â Rolling his eyes upwards and to the side as he was thinking about these words â surely, Shinkai wouldnât be surprised at all. The world was a wicked place, but if these people were easily recognisable by fellow âcolleaguesâ then theyâd surely live a more dangerous life than others. And at what cost? It was ridiculous.
While his counterpart was heading towards the kitchen, he merely looked up once he was spoken to, thus moving away from the guns quickly to not anger the man. âUntraceables, like in the FBI movies?â Yuuto then asked in his sheer curiosity, chuckling lightly. âI donât wanna touch them, theyâre not mine and I donât want to be rudeâŠâ He lifted his hands defensively to show that they were nowhere near the otherâs beloved guns, instead he wanted to rest his legs as he stretched them out on the couch, lifting his arm to look at his bruised wrist; it didnât even hurt anymore, and frankly, he was a little more pain-resistent than others, but he still could only wonder: why? Maybe tonight was not the night to poke more holes into the manâs stomach with all of his questions, but one way or another, he wanted to know â- âWhy did you save me?â. For all Yukinari cared, Yuuto surely would not have been the only one who crossdressed and ended up with a bullet to the head after people found out, right? As much as the other wanted to go with the âI donât pity youâ route, it was a mystery to him why he went through the trouble of saving him. It wouldâve been easier to just let him get caught and then killed on the spot. The amount of stress that went through the moment that they were in his car and rushing out of the hide-out was insane â- so, why was he taking it upon himself? Remorse? Guilt? Did Yuuto remind him of someone close to him? Someone he had lost? There were questions over questions, and all he could do was look at the man from afar and wonder. At least for now.
âI can cook. I mean⊠I could cook⊠not sure if Iâm going to be able to do much now⊠heheâŠâ Sitting up then, he stood up and felt just how heavy and shaky his legs were â it was as if the whole scenario only sunk in now and thus he also became less talkative and more solemn. Peeking around shyly, he wasnât sure which way the bathroom was⊠but he also did not want to bother the other any more â though, snooping around surely was the wrong approach, too. The whole style of this house was more Western than Japanese, therefore he couldnât even take a guess upon familiar architecture and thus finding his way around. With quiet steps, he moved around the hallway and slowly opened a door to a room, only finding the restroom instead. âMaybe tomorrow I can cook something for both of us in order to return the favourâŠâ He said while he was turning his head left and right to find the room he was looking for, surely, he knew that the man insisted on the whole ordeal only being a random act, but still, it was in Yuutoâs nature to be a thankful person once he was given the chance to act upon it.
the way that the boy babbled on & on whether because it was his usual personality or because he was nervous, it perfectly contrasted yukinariâs quiet nature. he wasnât the type to be completely mute, but he also wasnât the type to talk when there wasnât much reason to. after a bit of time he would open up, but as of right now . . . their relationship was kind of awkward and unusual. there wasnât many people that could say they were currently under the care of an armed criminal. either way, the tension in the air should diffuse with time & trust. he wouldnât be shocked if yuuto was still a bit wary about him. even though he saved him, who was to say that he was any better than those he would have been sold to. either the other was still nervous & not saying a thing about it, or he was simply that naĂŻve. despite the eventful day, he was secretly happy that the other was able to be light - hearted & joke around him. it made him feel as if he wasnât as much of a villain as he truly was. after all, one good deed didnât make him the hero.
as soon as he asked, kuroda regret bringing up the subject. yuuto was really not in a situation where he was able to choose his own fate -- if anything, he was the one that opened up opportunities for the boy. otherwise, he would be stuffed into the back of a truck with a hundred sum other girls & shipped off to be bartered & traded. that would have really been a dead end for him. regardless, he didnât expect any thanks for what he did. just because he showed one mere moment of weakness, that didnât mean that he still wasnât as dangerous & cruel as the other men that worked alongside him. the biggest difference was that outside of work he wasnât concerned with causing trouble for other people, he was motivated by money not fear. âdonât stress over it, you didnât have a choice anyways.â his words sounded cold, but he didnât want the other to dive too far into bad memories. kuroda may not have been the most comforting person, but he also would give freedom. the crossdressing thing didnât bother him in the slightest -- heâd seen people that were much worse. a boy wearing feminine clothing wasnât doing any harm to others. it was just an hunch, but he could guess that yuutoâs father didnât like it very much. if his father was japanese, he was probably even more - so upset by it. most fathers tended to be more traditional with things -- which meant that boys were meant to act chivalrous & manly.Â
when yuuto said that it would be cool to be a girl, it wasnât something that kuroda was surprised by, just something that he didnât know how to reply to. people didnât have that kind of control over their own bodies -- not unless they were loaded with money. even then, there was still many complications . . . he wasnât too well versed in that kind of thing, but anyone could assume that it wasnât the easiest of transitions. âi donât think it matters that much.â staring directly into the otherâs scarlet hues, he paused for a moment. âyou look like a girl anyways.â he knew that being a girl and looking like one were two different things, but he did have an advantage against other boys that crossdress. some had much more masculine features, while yuuto had soft features, plump lips, & large eyes. it wasnât that he was checking him out, these were things that he could notice simply from seeing him. despite his attempt to be ( in a way ) kind, he was quick to change the subject out of fear that he was dancing around an incredibly rough subject for him. being tactful when talking about touchy subjects was not something he was good at -- though, that may have added to the effect of a compliment from someone who always told things as he saw them.
it was pretty adorable the way the other was completely trying to hide something that was very obvious. of course yukinari noticed all of the twitchy movements & breaths of relief that he gave whenever he realized it was just the floor creaking or an animal in the bushes. even if in some sadistic way he found this all very enjoyable, he was attempting to make yuuto comfortable. they wouldnât get anywhere if he was scared -- both of surroundings & him. when he caught the boy turning around to check behind him, he gave a faint smile. âno one will get in here, so stop being so nervous. you look as frightened as that rabbit outside.â it was entertaining to watch the other explore whatever he could see without getting too far away from kuroda. heâd never had anyone else in his house before, so he could imagine that there was somethings that werenât exactly normal to anyone that came from a non - illegal household.Â
it didnât surprise him that yuuto was the righteous type -- most were. they thought that earning money fairly, legally was the only way that people should. but what was it worth? a measly minimum wage? kuroda could make in one job what an average worker made in a year. while it seemed like it wasnât worth the stress, there was just some people that could put up with that. kuroda wasnât the most friendly person. in school he was often the kid to have outbursts, throwing desks & chairs at other kids . . . even getting in a bunch of fights with upperclassmen. from the start, he knew that this was something that he was meant for. his inner rage wouldnât be useful in a ceo or cashier job, if anything it would get him fired. though, that wasnât something he had to explain to yuuto. âweâre just different kinds of people. some people are made for this.â he wouldnât have been shocked if the other couldnât understand this. there wasnât many others that could comprehend why kuroda did the things he did -- except for his coworkers. thatâs where their mutual understanding came into play; they worked well together because all of them were in the same misunderstood boat.Â
kuroda looked at yuuto blankly when he compared the weapons to fbi movies. it was such a childish & pure thing, perhaps the other didnât fully grasp that this wasnât a movie, it was real life. âyea, something like that.â -- more like in the mafia movies, but he didnât need to raise that point. âdonât get me wrong, you can touch things . . . just not those. got it?â his intention wasnât to make the other feel as if he was unwelcome to treat the place like it was his own home, he was just trying to protect him from ending up in actual prison. unfortunately, if that happened, yukinari would have to leave him for himself -- coming into contact with the police was too risky for him. it was relieving when he didnât bother to push the matter of why he saved yuuto out of everyone else. he still wasnât at that level of understanding himself. it was true, there wasnât anything exceptionally out of the ordinary -- theyâd had crossdressers before, but most of them got caught after being shipped off rather than before. only because the men didnât usually converse with their captives. kuroda had crossed a line with that kind of move.Â
âiâm not going to force you to do it.â he said, watching as the other explored the hallway. should he give him directions or just let the boy wander off on his own? it may have been best to give him some space, he didnât want to give the impression that he was still a captive. there were some things that he couldnât allow the other to do, but as long as he was either in the bounds of kurodaâs property or in his sight, they would be fine. he would at least want to give it some time before he let yuuto off on his own in case there would be a missing persons ad placed out for him. even if he insisted that no one would do so, yukinari didnât think that it would hurt to be careful. he wasnât worried about yuuto necessarily ( maybe a bit ), he also feared the boyâs tracks leading right back to him. it was risky enough to allow the other to know his name & face, but he doubted that the poor rabbit of a boy would go off and try to turn him in. there would certainly be consequences with an action as bold as that. not to mention, yukinari did save him.
