Writers are Liars

Aquarius Pisces Cusp. 23. Trans Queer Af

[a-bra-ca-fuck-you]

[viperslang]

[niktipolos]

Irish women living outside of Ireland returning to vote for determining right to abortion/reproductive health/pro-choice.

Photo credit : Alastair Moore (via viperslang)

[imsoofuckingsad-deactivated2018]

make me a playlist

I want to hear your heart

[canadianstuck]

One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

[ournameisfun]

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

[sammysausage]

When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”

She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”

He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”

Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”

[windyvalleyzone]

ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid

[jxhn-mulaney]

i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”

[welcometoyouredoom]

[whosawhatawutchamacallit]

When someone asks what I’m smiling at on my phone

[caffeinated-suggestions]

Concept: sleepy kisses in the dark, smiling against your lips.

[there-is-still-some-liquor-left]

hamlet’s dad: son you need to avenge me

hamlet: oh ABSOLUTELY

hamlet for the next four and a half acts:

[deryliya]

[vijara]

sunset in istanbul, turkey

[miraxmind]

yazdan kalma bir gökyüzü var, seninle dolu.

28.05.2018

[reuseablemenow-deactivated20200]

thanos looks like shiny wailmer you just don’t want to admit it

[suspicious-robot]

Wailmer doesn’t deserve this shade

[reuseablemenow-deactivated20200]

what did you say

[petepepsi]

doctor strange: the infinity stones are extremely powerful artifacts that when combined can give its wielded ultimate power

peter parker: oh so like the chaos emeralds?

tony stark: please shut the fuck up

[megaman2]

[chaoswolf1982]

Am I wrong, or does this panel, by having him immediately understand the reference, kindamaybesorta suggest Doom is a gamer?

[excellent-monster-girl-ideas]

I mean, where d'ya think he got the name from?

[yitan]

Dr. Doom is a huge Dork for games and sci-fi

[victorious]

[robpilled]

alien comic

[spookyoubliette]

[gay-au-deactivated20140626]

“mickey i am fed up wit your bullshit devil magic”

[planetofjunk]

These shorts really are the best thing to have happened to Mickey’s character in ages.

[sourcedumal]

May all of you have your bills paid on time and have money left over to spend on you

[gnarlygnat]

one time at a wax museum i thought one of the tour guides was a wax person cuz they were just standing there not moving so i go up to them like “who the fuck is this supposed to be” then they just looked at me and laughed

[valtsv]

power move: saying “that’s treason” every time someone does something that mildly inconveniences you