Paratus

Insta: b.laic, carpe died Aries Rising Cancer Sun

[l3lueboi]

Im back

[bitchycode]

January was a tough year but we made it

[the-fandom-crossroads]

i don't think people understand the irony of the date on this post. yes it's jan 31st and it's a mood so every jan 31st we reblog it. but guys. . . this was made in Jan 2020. By the first week of February covid numbers were finally starting to come out of china, by mid Feb Italy was shutting down and by the end of Feb half the world was entering their covid lockdowns. OP Jan may have be tough but you had a big storm coming

[l3lueboi]

Yeah I never want to see them again, the feelings of fuck you, I hate you

[l3lueboi]

I deleted the photo album I made, I stopped sharing my location unfollowed them on all my socials, last thing I can do if block their number

[l3lueboi]

Also I’m never giving u back ur pandero lol I’m just gonna find another Capoeira gym

[l3lueboi]

Not only do i hole u find someone who makes u happy i hope u find peace

[l3lueboi]

When I was younger maybe actually three years ago at 22 I didn’t realize how much work it took to be positive. Or maybe not positivity but to be mentally healthy, I learned CBT therapy, stress and anxiety management but it was all slow to sync in. I might be slow to feel, or slow to understand, and slow to see what’s in front of me

[l3lueboi]

Like I literally can’t wait for these thoughts to die, because I know the person I’m talking about doesn’t exist anymore

[l3lueboi]

What type of person says, I’m asking for space or ending our relationship because if we stay together I’ll end up abusing you like… wtf…

[l3lueboi]

What’s worse is that i fell for the manipulation I always do from now on I’m not putting in anymore effort I’m done

[l3lueboi]

The worst feeling is when a hug doesn’t feel the same from someone, when it feels limp

[l3lueboi]

Im so crazy ex girlfriend coded

[mustve-forgotten]

20-something girlies we need to start leaving the house to meet people who make us feel like people

[l3lueboi]

I don’t understand how someone actively tries to avoid me they don’t watch my story, but like my insta posts…

[l3lueboi]

Ill forget about it i just need time I’ll delete these posts but I didn’t realize feelings and thoughts like this would still bubble up from time to time

[l3lueboi]

If u don’t speak or feel burning passion when you love, are you even enjoying the human experience. It’s literally the best part the emotional turmoil that feels so strong you can’t believe your body could do this to you. When you feel pain without physical injury. It’s such a excruciating pain but if u step out of it for a moment. Theres slight admiration about it

[l3lueboi]

I just wish I left before they did, like age does not bestow emotional maturity. “Oh your the most emotionally mature person I’ve met”

“Oh if we stayed together I’d end up abusing you”

“If I hurt you now it will be easier than if I hurt you later”

“You gave me those flowers for yourself not for me”

What would you do if you were me stuck with the hurt you caused me and my dedication to my craft? When I can’t leave you because ure an arbiter of knowledge.

“Silence…”

When I asked you if you looked at the photo album and you said

“No it would hurt to much”

When you said your more than a fetish. When you said I’d like you no matter what I looked like. When you said our bacteria like each other. When you said I have the best sleep with you around. When you introduced me to your friends.

When you said you weren’t throwing me away but I was already in the trash.

What i hate most of all if that you treated me like I was nothing.

Im tired of being the one who gets hurt. I’m tired of being the one who chases.

Is it awful if I say your chosen name is trash. Sounds stupid as fuck, and you sound fucking ridiculous half the time.

Am I made I don’t get more time with you or that I wasted my time with you. I can’t wait to give u ur instrument back.

I don’t want to leave Capoeria Regional I love the discipline and the structure. I love the creativity and freedom. I love the physicality of it. But all this dojo reminds me of is bad memories.