22✿She/Her✿🇦🇺 ✿Kevjean first ✿Multishipper otherwise ✿18+ I occasionally post slightly NSFW stuff but nothing too explicit!! . . . ✿Feel free to engage!! I am utterly abysmal at making the first move ;-;
Kevjean being soft post canon just really gets me like I loooooooove when they’re forced back together on the same team and need to relearn each other and especially love Kevin trying to keep a respectable distance bc “Jean hates me but I want to make him comfortable so I’ll give him space” and Jean being like “cmere bastard how could I ever hate you and mean it” and then they smooch
ok I slept like 3 hours last night so this will not be as coherent as I hoped but the quickest version is this:
there's an anchor arc in TBC that has to be solid, as I've hinged every other part of the story on it, but the further we got into the book the more fragile it became.
Tashie & I went back and forth for 2+ weeks trying to make it work. turns out a clean fix was impossible, and the only thing to do was tear the entire arc out and start over.
I have faith I can get it right this time, but I don't have faith I can rewrite & revise (and edit everything else around it) in time for a November deadline. Sorry, my lovies, but thank you for all your kind words & for sticking with me anyway <3
I really like the idea of Jean and Neil speaking only French when they have sex, because Neil genuinely doesn’t give a damn what language he uses to moan about how good he feels. so switching to French comes naturally to him, not for himself, but because it makes things softer, warmer, more intimate for Jean. there’s something deeply tender about Jean having his first truly sincere sexual experience in the language that has always carried comfort within it. and Neil, who usually treats language like nothing more than a tool for survival, chooses French because he knows it feels like home to Jean.
Your post about Bee gave me the most horrible idea, and I wanted to share it with you!
Imagine if Jean eventually felt comfortable enough with Betsy to bring up the Proust reports...
That is all. Enjoy!
Hi!!!
My response is going to be under the Read More because we are discussing rape, so if that is a difficult topic for anyone, do not feel obligated to continue reading.
You say horrible idea, and I say BRILLIANT idea! This is the exact messiness I’m getting at when I mention the potential problematic scenarios of having numerous traumatized people - with overlapping trauma - all receiving treatment from the same therapist.
To be fair to Jean, he does deserve to talk about his own experiences regarding what Proust did to Andrew (the fact that Riko made him read out the reports of every horrible thing Proust did to Andrew as Riko gloated & took obvious sadistic pleasure in Andrew being raped, similar to how Riko took sadistic pleasure in Jean be raped - I’m also not sure if Nora still intends to include the video tapes she once referenced in the EC, or if she’s toned it down to only being written reports) because frankly Jean as a rape victim, having to read out graphic descriptions of another person being raped and tortured, would be traumatic for Jean. Especially because of how powerless Jean would have felt both in regard to not being able to do anything for Andrew, or for himself, but also the fact that he KNEW why Neil came to Evermore - to protect Andrew - and Jean, while being forced to torture Neil & watch Neil be tortured - would know that Neil's sacrifice was for nothing, but not be able to tell Neil that as well.
Jean has such an interesting way of thinking about Neil & Andrew in the his novels that is so different from how he thinks about other characters, and I think some of that is because of this history between the three of them.
It is something Jean might need to process with his therapist in order to cope with it (and would deserve to do so safely).
And Betsy would have to engage with helping Jean process his own feelings in regard to Proust assaulting Andrew, while having a personal and professional relationship with Andrew. As Jean’s therapist, she cannot shut the conversation down. Nor can she share what Jean told her (without Jean’s permission) with Andrew. Nor can Betsy pretend to be emotionally detached from Andrew when she hears Jean speak about what Proust did to him - we can see how attached Betsy is to Andrew during her Bonus Perspective chapter when she refers to him as her, “most precious charge,” and rushes to him as quickly as possible. However, she would not be able to do that if Jean doesn’t allow her to tell Andrew what he tells her.
If Jean doesn’t give Betsy permission to share her knowledge with Andrew, then Betsy would have to pretend that she doesn’t know while interacting with Andrew. However, despite pretending to his face that she doesn’t know, Betsy cannot force amnesia upon herself every time she interacts with Andrew. Not only would she have knowledge about what Proust did to Andrew, but also all the information Proust gathered about Andrew’s other sexually abusive foster homes & all of Andrew’s triggers regarding the word ‘please’, being tickled, being strangled, being called a ‘whore’, etc.,. And she would know that Andrew isn’t sharing that information with her. And Betsy could only speculate on why Andrew isn’t sharing that information with her: because he doesn’t trust her fully yet, because he’s too traumatized to talk about it - whatever the reason, she wouldn't know.
She also wouldn’t have Andrew's own perspective on anything, only Jean’s account - and Jean’s information would come from Proust, who is the rapist. Not from Andrew, the person who was assaulted.
And Betsy would have to grapple with the fact that she chose Easthaven. That she drove him there. And that Easthaven only added to the institutional abuse Andrew has experienced throughout his life from the foster care system, to the criminal justice system, and now the mental health system. Obviously, Betsy couldn't have known there would be a sadistic doctor at Easthaven willing to take bribes to rape his patients. Andrew needed to be taken off his medication for his own well-being.
Moreover, she might also find out about Neil getting tortured on Andrew’s behalf and that would be another thing Betsy couldn’t address. Neil’s willingness to get hurt on Andrew’s behalf, how Andrew’s feels about that, what it means for their relationship (does Betsy even know that Andrew considers Neil the “something he’s building his life around” because as a therapist Betsy would also have to address the, uh, flaws of making your romantic partner the reason You Aren’t Suicidal).
And if Betsy slipped up at all, Andrew would know that someone out there knows his darkest secrets & is close enough to Betsy to tell her. Andrew is clever, even Betsy trying to subtly press for more information regarding Andrew and his trauma surrounding CSA/SA, or trying out treatment plans that emphasize CSA recovery/SA recovery would be a red flag for him. And he’d be wondering where Betsy got her information from considering even Neil, who knows the most about Andrew’s trauma, doesn’t know as much as Jean was forced to learn from Riko.
And considering everyone knows everyone in regard to who Betsy is treating, it wouldn’t be hard for Andrew to narrow down his options (and then begin violently interrogating THOSE people. This would make Andrew incredibly paranoid & violent considering we know how possessive he is in general and particularly over his secrets). Andrew would grow to distrust even more people - definitely Betsy, which would put a stop to Andrew receiving any therapy & might even throw a wrench in Andrew & Aaron working on bettering their relationship. Andrew didn't have much of a relationship with the Trojans, but he definitely wouldn't be trusting any of them, especially those closest to Jean in case Jean told them, as well. He might even be paranoid about Kevin b/c of how close Kevin is with Jean & what Jean could have told him or even Riko could have told him.
Neil is lucky that he already admitted to knowing about Proust to Andrew, so he'd be saved from Andrew's paranoia, but also Andrew probably wouldn't want Neil interacting with Jean at all b/c of what Jean could tell Neil about Andrew (Neil I think would agree to stop associating with Jean for Andrew. Kevin would not, throwing a wrench into their friendship). Considering Neil also has a LOT of his own paranoia, I feel as if Andrew/Neil could very easily enable one another to be more paranoid/distrust outsiders [hey, here's how Andrew/Neil can become even MORE codependent].
Andrew, I believe, would view Betsy holding this information from him or refusing to divulge where she got this information from to be a personal betrayal. He wouldn’t care if Betsy has a professional obligation to Jean, he would be too appalled at Betsy knowing all of this about him (Betsy, who Andrew didn’t even want to tell that he was gay/in a relationship with Neil to. Who Andrew never admitted his CSA to in the first place & Betsy only found out post-Thanksgiving alongside everyone else) as well as Betsy trying to hide the information from Andrew - Andrew who detests liars, who hated Neil lying to him/hiding shit from him when Neil didn’t even know him, hated Kevin hiding shit from him - especially considering Nora said that Neil sharing Andrew’s secrets & belittling them would be the only thing Neil could do that would cause Andrew to lose faith in him.
I don’t think Jean giving Betsy permission to share what he said with Andrew (like how Kevin gave Betsy permission to share what he said with Jean) would help matters. Andrew would not only be furious with Jean for knowing this information in the first place - even if it wasn’t Jean’s intent to ever know & he is extremely uncomfortable WITH knowing - it wouldn’t make a difference to Andrew. Andrew is okay invading other people’s privacy but as soon as someone does anything like that to him he is absolutely furious (Andrew’s locked door isn’t other people’s locked doors, etc.,). And he would be even more furious that Jean “blabbed” what he would view as his personal information to BETSY - who is meant to be Andrews.
He would resent Jean for ruining his relationship with Betsy (he may not distrust Betsy as much as if Betsy had kept the information hidden, but I think he would definitely feel uncomfortable around her, especially if she tried to push him into talking about Proust/anything else she had learned - Andrew, too, wouldn't be able to forget Betsy suddenly knowing all of his secrets without Andrew ever having said a word about them) while also resenting Jean for knowing literally all of his weaknesses. How he reacts when he’s called A.J., how to get him to say say please, every humiliating and terrible thing Proust did to him & not to mention everything Riko dug up about his previous foster homes.
I don’t think he would trust Jean to keep this information to himself - because Jean had already told one person, how can Andrew stop him from telling more people? - nor is his relationship close enough for Andrew to even want Jean to know. This isn’t everyone knowing about Drake - who Andrew also didn't want anyone to know about - or what little he told Neil about why he hates the word please from when he was 7, or why he hates the word misunderstanding & Luther. This is everything. All torn open for Jean to know & possibly use against him (not that Jean would, but Andrew doesn't know Jean - doesn't trust him).
This is also why I’ve said before that I don’t think Andrew/Jean works in Canon romantically or even as friends. Jean cannot be Andrew’s friend & know all these secrets about Andrew. As practically strangers - connected by people they know - Jean doesn’t have to share this information with Andrew.
And Jean can also absolutely never tell Andrew what he knows. Andrew’s reaction would be furious & potentially violent - I’ve said before but I genuinely think a part of Andrew would consider murdering Jean to stop him from knowing & to stop him from being able to tell people - and if they WERE on the cusp of becoming friends, Jean’s sharing this information (which he would have to b/c you cannot be friends with someone while secretly knowing all their darkest secrets and trauma) would completely destroy that friendship from ever developing any further.
I cannot see Andrew ever wanting to see Jean or be around him or potentially even hear about him because it would just be a reminder of the information someone out in the world knows literally everything about what happened to Andrew that Andrew did not want ANYONE to know about. He didn’t want NEIL to know about Proust, and Neil doesn’t even know the details & Andrew tried to silence him immediately. And Andrew by that point was already attached to Neil. Who the fuck is Jean to Andrew in comparison?
Not to mention Andrew already having to suffer through Aaron's trial - like this all would really be far too much.
I think Nora made the right choice having Jean be too uncomfortable to want to interact with Andrew. I also thought it was really good on her part to NOT have Andrew & Jean bond over both being rape survivors, b/c I notice Fanon sometimes does that, and I’ve always found that if written poorly/not handled well it can come across as thinking all rape survivors are of some kind of Hive Mind who are going to have the same thoughts, opinions, reactions, and be besties just b/c they’re rape survivors, ignoring all other aspects of their personalities & how they’ve responded to their trauma.
Andrew, for example, would think Jean going out of his way to save Zane after Zane betrayed him and let him be raped to be pathetic on Jean’s end & Andrew would not be kind about that being his opinion on the matter. The way Andrew copes with his rapes & the shame he feels regarding being raped would NOT be beneficial to Jean, they would not be able to hold each other up, at all, the way Andrew can hold up Neil & Neil’s trauma.
Kevin kisses Jean for the first time and Jean is stuck between being so caught off guard and being mesmerised by the fact and feeling that is Kevin Day kissing him.
When Kevin parts from him, Jean is staring back at Kevin with a mix of disbelief but also something deeper.
Jean's eyes are dazed and almost seem absent so Kevin gently cradles Jean's face between his hands to slowly bring him back to the present before pressing another soft kiss to Jean's lips.
forever in disbelief about the constant misinterpretation of the line "it will be easier if he remains heterosexual". because, well, yeah?? everything would be easier for queer people if they were heterosexual?? because society will tear you to shreds for your sexuality and that is a fact, sadly. but also remember what riko did to jean in front of kevin? remember where and who kevin grew up with? he knows first hand the violence that might come from being queer and he doesn't want that for neil. neil who's gonna be in the spotlight all his life- which kevin has been living in for years. you call kevin homophobic, the same kevin who's obsessed with jeremy knox, who went to andrew minyard for protection, who spends his whole time with nicky hemmick. who only warned jean because he knew what riko would do to him. because he had figured out jean liked men and his first instinct was to try to protect him. piss off and leave my queen alone
As a kid I used to turn my stuffed animals away when I went to sleep because I felt like they were watching me and would come to life and beat me with sticks if I accidentally kicked them off the bed (which was often)
Nobody eye-fucks like Kevjean when watching each other playing their exy matches and it definitely makes everyone else within their vicinity extremely uncomfortable
kevjean is bitch4bitch and when they go pro their chirps on the court at each other are absolutely LETHAL. Personally made to piss the other one off.
Kevin knows how to push Jean's buttons, and The Trojan "Have a winning Day" Style would be murder on Kevin when he's already wound up. They CANNOT wear hot mics while playing together, their careers would be ruined.
Five mins later they're cracking up on the sideline sniping at another teammate / player on the field. Fans have no idea if they're rivals or best friends.
They leave it all on the court, fuck in the showers, and are home and in bed by 9 PM...where they then shit talk anyone who knows them.
Kerejean version of this is the exact same just imagine Jeremy in the middle giggling and blushing going "Guys stopppppp that's so meannnnn" and kicking his feet.
