It’s so cold here. I feel a heaviness in my heart, a mysterious sensation, and I had it checked but the doctor said I was okay; I know myself. I don’t really talk about it like I want your pity. I’m just really tired. I’m like a cloud that keeps on raining but never gives life to a desert. I’m a ship that keeps sailing but never reaches the land. My lips keep on calling but no one reaches back. And I don’t want to blame others. I’m well aware that we all have our own issues. We all have our own problems. A shadow to deal with.
It’s me.
It’s always me.
I should be more open, more friendly, more out there.
It just doesn’t come. I wrote affirmations on my wall. And some helped me and I thank them, but somethings just never work even if we plan them.
And my mom is on my back again. Telling me to let it go. “ Go study like the rest of them.” She even picked my college. A full and glittery package waiting to be opened. And I hate myself because I just can’t take it. I can’t take the idea of leaving this path. This path of “sin”.
There’s so much in my mind and It’s all blocked. I have to unlock it. I want to. I’m stuck. But I will get out.
