La Femme Des Roses

she floods her feelings here.

[lafemmedesrosa]

My Kryptonite

I still remember the first time I shook your hand. Your smile—that smile—grabbed hold of my eyes and didn’t let go. It reached places in me I didn’t even know existed. A smile I never imagined would be my kryptonite— the one thing that could weaken me without even trying.

I loved you in silence. Quietly. Wishing the sound of it would never become audible, because saying it out loud would make it too real, too dangerous.

Never in a million years did I expect that, years later, you would be the one to reach out first. And when you did, I fell—deep, then deeper still. Head over heart into something I wasn’t built to survive.

I wasn’t ready for the consequences. But I opened myself wide— no walls, no shields— so you could use me to silence your loneliness. Even if I was nothing more than someone who filled the space beside you when it got too empty.

And I swallowed it all. Smiling. Even when it hurt— hurt in ways I can’t put into words.

That night, I came to you. You kissed me— harder than I ever fell for you.

Your touch, your skin against mine, your lips brushing mine— it was something that killed me from the inside out.

But I swear to God, it was the most beautiful death I’ve ever known.

[lafemmedesrosa]

Bali ; Chapter 2

The Glimpse Of Us.

Do you remember the first time we met? It was a year ago — two strangers, two wandering souls that somehow aligned in the middle of a randomly planned beach club night. We almost didn’t make it that day. It was my last day in Bali, and life was already pulling us in different directions.

But somehow… we stayed. Somehow, we turned a fleeting meeting into a journey that stretched across twelve months. What a coincidence, huh?

Or maybe it wasn’t.

Because this time, Bali felt different. Like the universe was rooting for us in every quiet way it could — in the sunshine that never hid, in the little strokes of luck that seemed to lean in our favor, in all the small, invisible threads that stitched our days together.

We made it to Chapter 2. A continuation we never promised, but one that bloomed anyway.

And yet, maybe this is also the final chapter. Maybe this time, we walk back to our separate lives. Maybe this is the last time our eyes catch the same sunset.

Still, if that’s the case — I hope that whenever you hear the word Bali, whenever the sun kisses your skin just right, whenever the wind hums softly and the waves speak in rhythms only we would understand, you’ll remember a sliver of us.

The sunsets, the sea, and everything that lived in the space between — that little space where I found you.

And maybe, just maybe, you’ll smile at the memory of two strangers who met by accident and stayed just long enough to write a story the tide could never erase.

[lafemmedesrosa]

Bali, Chapter One : Blue Sky and Orange Sun

It's strange, isn't it? How we can live worlds apart, yet find ourselves together, if only for a short while, does it make you wonder about fate? or maybe just coincidence?

We were two souls, momentarily aligned, as close and as far away as the sky and the sea at the horizon, and as the blue of Bali sky merged with the orange of the setting sun, it was so much like us. You were painted after the color of the sun, orange, as a representation of your soul, warmth and cheerful, while I, perhaps a bit colder, stood as the silence blue of the evening sky.

-- a videograph of you, chasing the star.

I took you on a beach walk, where the shore became our pathway and the sea was our endless companion

"I like how quiet it is here," I murmured, breaking the serene stillness that enveloped us.

"Me too," you replied, your smile a beacon of reassurance among the silence. "Just us, the sound of the waves, and the wind."

"And the sound of you," I added, my words carrying a weight I couldn't fully articulate, before falling silent once more, lost in the churning sea of my own thoughts.

And as the sun dipped beneath the horizon, we were leaving behind nothing but fading footprints and big question marks. 

We might indeed go back for being a total strangers, in our separate corners of the world, but deep in my chest,

a bittersweet wish formed ;

I wished for you a beautiful sunsets ahead, where the sky would paint itself in glorious oranges to match the warmth of your soul. And with each sunset, may you find a warm conversation—perhaps a gentle echo of our time together—that makes you pause, smile, and feel the quiet connection we shared.

For the best experience, listen to the suggested song (Oceans & Engines by NIKI) while reading this piece to enhance the mood and deepen your connection with the story.

Oceans & Engines

NIKI · Song · 2022

[lafemmedesrosa]

Biar seorang perempuan dikutuki nasibnya, biar kepahitan dilimpahkan kepadanya sebab jahatnya takdir yang dipilihkan perempuan itu atas mu, biar dihina-hina perempuan itu, karena sungguh, itu patut disandingkan dengan namanya

Tapi, sayang, hati perempuan adalah sedalam-dalamnya samudera rahasia, seperti nama mu yang masih lantang dalam rasa dan doanya, namun selalu sunyi dalam ucapannya.

Katamu perpisahan bukan hal yang paling sakit, katamu berjalan diatas kepura-puraan adalah yang paling sakit.

Tapi pilu mana yang lebih mengoyak nadi?

Daripada tangis yang terderai karenanya dan kenyataan sebab harus sama sama merayakan perpisahan?

Jangan menangis, sayangku

Dukamu itu hukumanku yang paling pilu

[lafemmedesrosa]

sini tuan, puan kisahkan pilu yang sejak permulaan sudah ditetapkan sebagai hal yang harus dirayakan oleh para pemainnya. bagaimanapun mereka ingin saling menyatukan keinginan, sebab batas adalah niscaya sedang duka mustahil untuk diingkarkan bagi mereka.

maka duduklah puan dibawah keterbatasan itu, menghitung panjangnya usia mendekap harap bahwa kelak pada epilog, mereka akan saling membagi hanya perasaan suka saja, berdua saja, sebab inginnya hanya ada puan dan tuan.

oleh sebab itu tuan, sampaikan pada puan berapa lama lagi usia yang harus dibunuh supaya arah ragamu hanya menuju puan? atau selama ini si puan diajarkan menyangkal pahit kenyataan? oleh sebab tuan paham betul bagaimana meniadakan batas dan puan paham betul bagaimana membangun paham atas ini semua, tapi bisakah? tapi mampukah?

tuan, pinta puan supaya berdua saja, memerdekakan perasaan dan perjalanan. cukup sepasang saja, tuan, untuk saling membahagiakan.

[lafemmedesrosa]

nanti mungkin, kalau masa ku sudah selesai di Ansena, aku bakal nulis hal terimakasih, begini kira-kira ;

"terimakasih, ya, Ansena, dari sekian banyak peristiwa yang ada, yang paling aku suka adalah ketika aku ketemu sama mas Ableh, manusia yang paling ingin aku sejajari langkahnya, yang paling ingin aku rayakan keadaannya di dunia, aku suka dia, semoga semesta merestui!"

[lafemmedesrosa]

untuk, E

waktu itu, kita  dipertemukan saat kita masih sama-sama punya luka kita masing-masing, lalu tanpa sadar luka dan rasa kita bagi bersama.

aku melihat lukamu sebegitu besarnya, dukamu sebegitu sakitnya.

darimu, aku jadi tahu bagaimana membalut luka, aku membalutmu lebih dahulu supaya kamu lekas pulih, dan benar, kamu pulih, lebih bahagia dari yang aku bayangkan

kamu bisa bersorai lagi, kamu bisa melangkah lagi, kamu lalu berlari, pergi.

aku membalut sendirian lukaku dibelakang sini,

yang kemarin belum pulih betul, E!

kamu gores lagi pedihnya sampai mengoyak nadi.

[lafemmedesrosa]

ketika ditanya mengenai perasaan yang menujumu,

maka luasnya tidak seperti alam semesta,

tidak pula dalamnya seperti laut samudera

luasnya hanya setangkup tangan berdoa,

dalamnya hanya sekhusyuk sanubari meminta,

tapi dia jujur dan benar,

tapi dia cukup berdebar,

aku mencukupkan diriku untukmu,

maka dia cukup untuk mencintaimu

serta cukup untuk mencintaiku.

meski duka ku sanding dalam dada,

selalu doa tak pernah runtuh dari panjatnya

kamu, yang selalu yang menjadi semoga

[lafemmedesrosa]

23 April

seperlima abad yang lalu, semesta menyambutmu dengan sorak sorai dan tangis menderai, kamu lahir, lalu tumbuh menjadi kebanggaan ayah ibumu serta adik perempuanmu. Kini bertambah satu perempuan yang memilihmu menjadi kebanggaannya; Aku.

Hari ini semesta memperingati hari besarmu itu, digenapkannya usiamu. Riuh doa menyertaimu, dikirimnya doa itu ke tempat tertinggi supaya semesta mengamini. Di rindang pohon doaku, adalah namamu tidak pernah gugur sedahan pun.

Selamat Ulang Tahun, W!

Semoga kamu semakin dewasa dan membahagiakan banyak orang disekitar, Aku sayang❤️

[lafemmedesrosa]

bab 1 ;

nanti,

kalau layarmu sudah membentang,

ingat aku sebagai labuhmu pulang.