Acknowledgement and Apology
Hello, this is probably the only post you’re going to see on this blog for a long while, but if you’re here and looking around there is a good chance that you’ve seen the call out post.
As much as I would wish that this would all go away, I know it won’t, and trying to avoid my problems have only dug me into a deeper hole.
I’ve had a lot of time to just think and focus on what happened, and as much as my initial response was to nitpick certain things and and try to defend tiny details, It’s not my place to do so. I’m not the victim and shouldn’t be focused on myself, and instead should be reflecting on how I hurt others.
I knowingly exposed a minor to NSFW content that was often extreme in nature and as a grown adult, is something I did knowing full well the consequences and should have known better. There is nothing I can do to undo the damage that I’ve done, and I have no intention of contacting “P” or anyone else I’ve hurt. The only thing I can do is take steps to avoid any more repeat behavior.
I am currently seeking therapy to try to deal with my problems and until I have worked through them I am avoiding any contact with minors and staying out of active communities until I’ve worked through some of these problems, including disbanding Rainbow Rising.
For context, I personally am a CSA survivor and I don’t think I’ve ever properly had counseling to address that, so my coping mechanisms are.... not ideal. I am hoping that therapy can help me cope better.
I also have been attempting to deal with a history of being emotionally manipulative and thought I was improving.... but have realized that I probably need professional help with that too because now... I don’t think that I’ve improved at all.
I am not a MAP, and have no attraction to minors or underage characters and all the characters that I write as are adults, I don’t actively seek out minors as friends, 99% of my friends are adults around my age.
None of this excuses my actions, but I’d rather let everyone know I’m trying to seek help and improve rather than risk hurting people in the future, unlike another infamous ex-fr user Tox who actively produces inc*st and underage p*rn, posting it to public spaces, and openly talked about it like he’s doing absolutely nothing wrong.
I see where I’ve done wrong and won’t defend myself. I just want to get help. I’m done avoiding my problems.
I hope therapy can help, but seeking help is only the first step, and to everyone I’ve hurt....
