“[P]lans to give you hope and a future.”

Hubert (He/Him) - Québécois Lapsed Catholic 🖋️Sideblog to journal my faith journey. 🏳️‍⚧️I love you queer, especially trans, Catholics ▫️Pfp by @lapsed-lys 🔹Banner edit from Danielle Langlois (Wikimedia - Iris Versicolore) 🙏Quote is Jeremiah 29:11

[lapsed-lys]

"Why is this normalized" I don't know I talked to people today and they were fine.

[sparrowposting]

I had smthn to say about sense of alienation

as a kid I thought it was the "I'm not like the other girls" (and okay partially it WAS that) but as an adult I think it's more of a sense of alienation because of just. Deeply different priorities/worldviews and a lot of that is coming from socio-economic class. Not in a 'i want that way', but in a 'you and I have deeply different opinions on what the essentials are and what lifestyle creep is and what is a legitimate thing to spend money on'

This isn't a moral indictment, I'm not talking about evil billionaires. I'm talking like. Middle class. Upper middle class. I had dinner with uni friends. One is buying a house with her soon to be husband. The talk of starter homes and heritage designations and so many extra rooms. It baffles me? Sure there is a base sense of jealousy. But my tiny overpriced apartment already puts me way ahead of most of the world, technically my salary puts me ahead of the median in CANADA, let alone globally. I already am too lucky, have too much. My idea of lifestyle creep is thrifting clothes I like and getting cheap takeout once a week.

And I just?I'm not even claiming this is a moral failing. I love my uni friends. They are lovely people. There's just this deep sense of alienation. Of completely not understanding. And it wasn't present as students, perhaps because the student lifestyle lends itself to similar goals. But as adults with growing careers? I'm just.

I can't just turn off the part of my brain that urges me to save and be frugal, out of necessity as a child in a lower class home, and out of responsibility now. But even being very frugal I know I'm so much wealthier than many? And I can't stop remembering that? I don't think I could conscience spending money on things that seem a necessity to the upper middle class? I don't blame anyone, bc of how they were raised, and it's not like evil unethical wealth, these are just ppl in high paying professions. But it's just. I fundamentally don't understand it? I feel shame enough for my own small frivolities, I am trying and hoping to be more charitable with my time and finances where possible. Why should I have luxuries when so many go without? And I'm not living a life of radical solidarity, not by any means.

Idk where I was going with this. It's just. I left dinner feeling adrift, accidentally made a DIFFERENT friend feel bad, and now it's just. Idk. Where do we go from here?

Idk man its Easter that's gotta mean something. Some form of hopeless hope. Despite it all. But mostly I am lost and afraid and deeply alienated from the world I love. Not in a shitty "we are not of the world" way, but in a, we ARE of the world way. We ARE creatures of flesh and spirit. And I don't think it's supposed to be like this. I think we're supposed to care more. And maybe the caring of all the people on the bottom means nothing unless the people on the top change. But. I still cannot stop caring, though it doesn't do much. I can't NOT be aware of it.

[lapsed-lys]

This is extremely relatable, as a fellow Canadian.

Last December, my two best friends and I had dinner over his apartment. There was a sudden blackout, we ate cheap takeout and had to use our cellphones to have light. We were giggling and having fun nonetheless. It was one of the best nights I've ever lived.

Coming back home and telling about my evening the next morning, my mother was appaled. Why the blackout? Couldn't my friend pay his bill? Why couldn't we have good food? Why were we so cold we had to wear our coats?

Both my parents grew up poor, but they never grew up to be poor adults like my friends and I are. And that's not anything bad at all, good God no, it's more indicative of the following generations and how much we're struggling. A studio (1 room + a bathroom) in my childhood city in the countryside is 1400$ CAD. That's how much my parents are paying their home monthly.

It's alienating, absolutely. My mother doesn't understand why I can only thrift and am so adament on reusing stuff and recycling as a need. Neither do my other friends who got lucky in the job roulette and apartment lottery.

It sucks all around, it's isolating just how much your worldview changes from so much financial stress over the years.

[lesorciercanadien]

A drive along the coasts of Cape Breton, in Main-de-Dieu, Louisbourg, and Sydney. Various graveyards, with time-worn statues, and an abandoned church. The first photo of Christ has the Fortress of Louisbourg in the background.

Spending Holy Saturday exploring these lonely, holy places really brought me joy!

[lapsed-lys]

Being in a house with cishet people rejecting my queerness and being in an apartment full of queer people openly hating my faith and heritage is surely a way to experience the Holy Week.

[lapsed-lys]

Seeing "Make America Christian Again" tags is so funny. Like... did we already forget colonization or...

[lapsed-lys]

I don't think I'm made for preaching my words never show my thoughts right :/

[lapsed-lys]

March 17th 2025 - Entry #047

I drew this image of Saint Kateri almost exactly a year ago (March 28th 2024). I drew it on my notepad's app in the bus as I was going home, terrified of moving back into my parents' home. [ID in alt]

I was heartbroken, with my last belongings fitting in my backpack. I was crying because I had to quit college and renounce my freedom of living in an apartment by being under my mother's care again.

Today, almost exactly a year later, I'm crying for seemingly opposite reasons. I found an apartment, I'm already paying it, but... I'm moving in very slowly. Bits here and there, whatever fits in my backpack and whatever I can bring on the bus. I visit the apartment whenever I get a break from work that allows me for hours of public transports. My family is unwilling to help me and my friends are too busy to help.

I feel very sympathethic to Saint Kateri. I imagine this is similar to what she went through, fleeing her own village without support from her family because God called her elsewhere. I hurt just from moving cities, I can't imagine what she went through moving to an entirely different culture.

Someday... someday I'll be able to make a pilgrimage to her territory (which I'm thankfully already pretty close to, between her territory and Sainte Marguerite Bourgeoys') and I'll be able to pray to her, and thank her for being my hope and role model in these really harsh times of moving out by oneself.

[lapsed-lys]

March 10th 2025 - Entry #046

I know what God wants for me. I just don't know how He wants me to get there. It feels like endless suffering to try and try and try again countless times to go where He sees me fit.

(Life vent below, mention of suicide helplines)

I work as a computer tech right now after giving up Graphic Design studies a year ago. I just got accepted in a Visual Arts certificate (1 year program) to go back to school, first as a mean to leave my awful job, but also because God directs me towards the arts and being a bridge between people and arts.

I have an appartment for the studies. I have my schedule. I'm SO ready to jump start the studious life again after failing a first time in Graphic Design. And yet I'm stuck in this forsaken job for half a year until I can start all this in August.

I wake up, snooze for an hour, go to my job, get belittled, dream of finally moving-in the new apartment, go to sleep, repeat. I dob't know how long I can still do this everyday until August when I already have tabs open on my phone of suicide helplines. I don't know how much I can still wake up and dread the wait until August.

I wish I could leave my job like my sister keeps telling me to do, I even have the money to not work and only study for the duration of my certificate.

But for now I look at my salary and I keep thinking that the more I pile up, the better I'll be able to focus comfortably on my studies. The better I'll be able to be back on my feet.

But at what cost if I have suicide helplines open first thing in the morning? Would Jesus call me a coward if I were to just... leave everything behind and move into the new apartment, even if I do nothing until August?

I know what God wants for me, I just don't know how to wait for everything to fall in place.

[lapsed-lys]

March 10th 2025 - Entry #045

Earlier today, I almost got late to meeting with my sister for an apartment visit. I wanted to visit a church, but they were closing for the day, so I asked for more info out of a stranger and we ended up talking for a whole hour.

You were so nice Norma <3 and I still giggle when I think about when you called me an angel.

[mortalityplays]

earnestly I think the spread of the paradigm that someone is either abuser or abused, either privileged or oppressed, either exploiter or exploited, and that this is a mathematically calculable measure of ideological purity, has done more to damage basic capacity for left wing organising than just about anything else in the modern era bar active surveillance and union busting

[magnuficentwo]

Make more characters be your nationality. Now

[magnuficentwo]

"But op what if I'm american/british lol!" Idc about you then sorry. Everything has already been about you and your culture since forever. What I need is for ppl out there to know that YOU 🫵 Should make that character from your culture. It will never be embarassing. Make your blorbo have your nationality, especially if you don't get to see it in media often. It's free and no one will be able to stop you

[lapsed-lys]

I love how people are okay with Canadian characters if they're Natives but the moment I see French Canadian mentionned everyone spits on them in the comments.

Thanks y'all /s

[lapsed-lys]

To those who can't attend Ash Wednesday today: I feel you. I'm disabled and public transports aren't great here, I don't have any churches nearby that are open to trans people, my faith is seen as horrific by my surroundings…

It sucks. It really sucks. God sees we're trying. And I bet Jesus weeps that we can't live and express our faiths as much as we'd hope to do.

[emptydragonseverywhere]

On November 7, 2024, Denmark used a racist, culturally biased "parenting competency" test to remove a 2 hour old baby, Zammi, from her loving indigenous Greenlandic Inuit mother, Keira, because her native language, which uses minute facial expressions to communicate, will not be able to "[prepare] the child for the social expectations and codes that are necessary to navigate in Danish society." This test had been recommended not to be used at the federal level before this happened but certain municipalities, including the one this happened in, chose to continue to use it regardless. Not only is this blatantly racist but also violates multiple declarations and conventions that Denmark has signed that protect the rights of indigenous people.

Please sign this petition to help Keira to get her baby back.

Bring a little girl inuk greenlander ZAMMI BACK HOME

Can you spare a minute to help this campaign?

[emptydragonseverywhere]

Hey, it's really important for Keira to get 50,000 signatures on this petition before her court date in early April 2025. Please sign if you haven't already to help a mother and a people stand up to colonialism and for indigenous rights.

[lapsed-lys]

ᐅᕙᓂ ᓇᖏᖅᓯᕗᒍᑦ ᐱᔪᓐᓇᐅᑎᑦ ᐃᓄᐃᑦ!

[lapsed-lys]

March 2nd 2025 - Entry #044

8 events to feel at home

Yesterday, I had an ✨adventure✨ in Montreal. God showed me how much I need to move back there, from the countryside where my parents live, through so many interactions with strangers that made me feel at home.

Bus help

A stranger approached me for help getting bus tickets, since everything is in French. I helped them through my English with a thick accent and they thanked me a huge amount.

Chat with strangers #1

The bus came 2h later due to the snowstorm, so in the first half hour I chatted with strangers. They were all so nice!

Prayer request

The remaining waiting time, wheb everyone left to take the train instead, I was left alone waiting for the bus. Somehow, the wait in the cold didn't feel too long when I started doing my Rosary and singing by myself.

Walk past churches

Arriving at my destination in Montreal, I walk past dozens of Christian churches and I can't help but wish to be able to visit each of them. I miss the one I'd frequent between my classes so much.

Chat with strangers #2

Going back in the subway after my appointment, a homeless person was sitting by themselves. Everyone would avoid them by changing wagon. I sat near them until another stranger later on sat in front of them where the handicap seats were. I changed seats to follow the stranger's steps, and so we did the whole train ride together chatting here and there. The homeless person had the sweetest voice I'd ever heard.

Drugstore help

Went to the drugstore and some self-service cashier machines went down. I let a stranger who was impatient go before me when one freed itself and they thanked me continuously.

Praying candles

The bus came late again due to the snowstorm, so I walked around and ended up in a sketchy shop that had a small Catholic trinket section. They sold praying candles with some of the whitest depictions of Christ I've ever seen. I couldn't help but take one of Saint Francis of Assisi and... Saint Judas! I was overjoyed to sed a Judas praying candle.

Chat with stranger #3

While the bus came late, I chatted with a stranger, she was a really beautiful lady. She was weirdly convinced I was a girl, but she had such lovely stories of her hometown in the countryside that I didn't mind.

[faithshaped]

i neeeeed more european queer christian people to follow my dash is so empty during daytime

[leftistcatholic-deactivated2025]

Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you.” - Matthew 21:31

I was thinking of this verse today and how theologians and scholars quarrel over different doctrines and get into heated debates over dogmas and theology.

Meanwhile I am seeing sex workers, people struggling with addiction, the homeless, The poor, the migrants, and I think to myself…that’s it. That’s the Church.

God doesn’t care about your knowledge of the Bible and Church History. He cares about you. He wants you to have faith like a child. If you never know or figure out what Nestorianism is or who Arius was, or what the Fourth Ecumenical Council was about, it won’t make a difference. Because at the end of our lives, we are not judged by our knowledge, but by our love.

And I truly believe if you have faith as a child, you will enter heaven ahead of the theologian who thinks he has to know it all.

Be simple. God honors simple.

[theancientfootsteps-deactivated]

can we talk about how difficult prayer sometimes is in a language that distinguishes between a formal and informal second person pronoun. because like. if I'm praying to God in a general sense, it's easy, I use the formal pronoun, which is also generally the standard. but sometimes it feels far too distant and impersonal when I'm focusing on Jesus specifically. but switching to the informal feels so strange because the formal is always used in church, and then I worry I'm not being respectful. but at the same time, sometimes I feel closer to Him using the informal pronoun. sigh

[lapsed-lys]

French 🤝 Dutch

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH WHICH PRONOUNS????